Sammy was always very dedicated to God, it was because of this dedication that Sammy became the judge for all of Israel. When the people of Israel demanded a new king it was up to Sammy as the judge to appoint one. Sammy being stupid enough to be religious obviously was nowhere near smart enough to base his decision on anything even remotely important. Sammy instead looked out over the crowd and immediately saw Sal it seemed as though he was floating above the rest, Sammy thought that this would be a really cool thing for the new king to be able to do so he chose Sal to become the King of Israel. Sammy did not find out until later that Sal was just a good foot taller than everyone else in the country. A little later on at a big ceremonial barbecue that the judge was supposed to cook at Sal took over and burnt the biscuit ending his career as King.

Since the King had just been removed from his position the rival kingdom of Phil decided to attack Israel. Being a bunch of religious morons the Israelites sent Dave a goat herder to face Goliath a giant leading Phil's army. Many people will try to tell you the Dave whipped a rock into Goliath's head instantly killing him, but I know the truth. After getting beamed in the head with a rock Goliath got rightly pissed off and beat Dave senseless while he cried like a little girl. And it's all because Dave came from a long line of goat herders who just happened to be a bunch of bastard fucking queer bate vegetarians.

Rubbish
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