Dark parking lot. I nonchalantly offer I keep walking to my car, Time after time Why can't you see that I exist, Then the mask takes over,
whenever
whenever i get near you
Valentines
I don't believe in Valentine's
The Ex
You courrupted me,
Untitled
You love me
Cry and Go Seek
Between night and morning,
Wanting You Back
Late-night conversation
Let Me Fall
If you could have seen me crying
Truth
A kiss on my hand, my cheek;
Escape
After years of having to consciously decide who to be
this is my DEPRESSION, my INSANITY, my FAITH, my WORLD...
I walk right to my car,
She turns away from me toward hers,
And you...
You stop between the two of us
Forced to choose
Which way to turn.
But the shoulder I turn to, lean on,
When I feel like I'm going to die
Suddenly becomes cold
As you turn your back to me.
Open a dripping handle
Lock the doors behind me,
Then lay my head on the wheel
And cry.
I have stood in front of you,
Willing to give all that I am to you,
But you always look through me.
See that I love you?
Minutes in eternity melt away
As I mourn another loss of you.
Hiding my tear-streaked cheeks
And purple bruised heart.
Fuck love, I say! Fuck love!
And I leave pain behind
In a dark parking lot.
(published in "Wordsmithing 2000" Vol. 10, No. 1)
i get hurt,
whenever i leave,
i leave in pain.
whenever you can
you make me inferior,
still whenver you let me,
i come back for more.
As a shallow Hallmark holiday,
A cultural tradition
With rules and expectations.
But we broke the rules--
Homemade dinner and rented movie
And for the whole world
I wouldn't have given that up.
I don't believe in arrows
Shot by a fiesty cherub,
Heart-entwining potions,
Or mysterious star-crossed fate.
But I believe that you
Are better than the dream
That any wizard, sourcerer,
Or mythical winged child could create.
(posted on Poetry.com by my boyfriend at the time. awww....)
You selfish, twisting ass.
You molded me
Into your willless pawn.
You took me
With no thought to what I wanted,
You deceived me
Into thinking that you cared.
You threatened me
When I disobeyed your majesty,
And now you hate me
Because I said goodbye.
When I am your comfort
You need me
When I am your strength.
But what when
I need your comfort?
What when
I have grown weak?
Surrounded by sleeping silence,
And bathed in your electronic glow,
I seek security and comfort.
I run to you in the night,
Desperate for your warm arms,
But as you appear in a yellow glow,
I am afraid to ask for what I seek.
I sit on your couch,
As you absently surf tv channels,
Both denying why I'm here,
Both unsure of where to start.
As we lock eyes in agreement,
Mouths and hands are set free,
Touching, tasting, taking
Before you send me away.
Bare feet slap the silent pavement
As I retreat to my lonely room,
Slowly realizing that I'm tired
And that you have nothing that I seek.
Trying to wish away reality,
I feel your arms wrapped around me as I drift to sleep,
But a tear-soaked pillow reminds me that I'm alone.
Hollow ache in my chest,
Making it hard to breathe.
I thought losing you would be the final stab of pain,
But I think of you and miss you with every passing day.
Maybe you would have known
If you could have felt me shaking
Maybe you'd understand
If you could have seen me crying
Maybe you'd have wiped away my tears
But I couldn't take the chance
That maybe you'd let them fall...
Let me fall.
If you could have seen me breaking
Maybe you would have held me
If you could have seen me running
Maybe you would have pulled me back
If you could have seen me breaking
Maybe I'd be whole today
But I couldn't take the chance
That you'd let the pieces fall
Let me fall.
If you could have seen me crying
Maybe you would have known
But I couldn't take the chance
That maybe you'd let me fall.
A look in your eyes like you're lost without me,
Is this love or an excuse to pretend?
With each mention of the girl before me
I am less able to belive that you tell the truth,
Than I am more than something to claim.
But if your hand comforts me,
Your arms make me feel safe,
Then in that moment I don't need truth.
every moment of my life,
you are my escape from expectations.
You melt off my masks
and lay bare the dark corners of my soul.
It is this glorious freedom
that I mistake for love.
