daze of depression

crawl without destination
daze of depression
wish i could curl in a corner--
fetal position--
and cry 'til i'm sick
but i can't...
not here
not now.
i haven't cried in so long,
tears building up
poisoning me
make me sick
want to vomit life
world spinning out of sight.
(published in "The Roaring Muse", Spring 2001.)

after midnight

I hide my tear-streaked face
From the cold gas station lights
Making my way over fences
Through ditches
To the interstate.
I stumble down the rocky slope
To the perfect boulder seat,
Then all my pain overflows
And rolls over my lips,
Down my chin.
I stare at the city and the lake,
Kaleidoscope through salty eyes
And my life seems insignificant
Compared to the enormity
Of the world.
(published in "The Roaring Muse," Spring 2001.)

exposed

What has become
Of the person I thought I was?
Naked in the fading light,
I cry for you to believe me,
But words die quickly to the silence
As you trust only in time...

drowning and forgotten

Speeding lights
Become ghostly faces--
The fog lifts too quickly
As they swerve to avoid me.
So I retreat to my refuge
In the cold roadside mud
And listen to the night sky
As it drips off naked trees.
Clouds overtake me,
Artificially amber,
As I slip past the horizon
And drown in an absence of time.
Ankle-deep in leaves,
Like flesh, long forgotten,
The birch gleams metallic--
Have, too, the trees abandoned life?
As again I step into reality,
Though still blissfully lost without time,
I follow the yellow lines
Beyond my perception.
I've forgotten where they lead,
If I ever knew at all,
But the sky hass fallen to earth
And nothing is as it was.

Knife

Tears sting like acid,
Bleed down my face,
And make a hollow sound
As they splash on the blade.
I could kill myself in a second,
No more of this pain,
Just a quick hard stab
And I'd be gone.
With one hand
I have the power to end a life,
I pray that God
Forgives all sins...
See a sliver of my face
Reflecting in the blade,
Just one less empty face
To overlook in a crowd.

How Are You?

Not bad.

I've been bad.

Bad would be a dream

Compared to this.

I don't have the energy to be bad

Anymore,

I don't have the energy

To be.

Period.

How am I?

Who am I?

What am I?

Where am I?

When will I be only bad again?

When will I be again?

When?

How?

Who?

How are you?