The ''Late Night News Break'' takes place after Conan decides to help their veiwers so they wouldn't have to change the channel

(camera cuts to Joel Goddard, a respectable looking news anchor at a desk)

Joel Goddard:Good Evening, This just in: A coal miner in Wilmington, Deleware, was run over by a van full of monkeys. The driver, a transexual pastry chef, was already wanted by the police for cannibalism, defacing the shroud of Turin, and hurling batteries at Vanessa Redgrave. After a three hour chase, the police finally apprehended the chef and then freed the monkeys, who were legally drunk, illegaily married, and rubbing copies of John Grissham's ''The Rainmaker'' on their flapping genitalia. Back to you Conan.

Conan O'Brian and Andy Richter both sit in their chairs, dumbstruck.

Conan:Wait a minute, wait a minute, are you sure about that story?

Joel:Absolutely, the news is my hooker and the truth is my pimp.

Conan:Thats a nice saying Joel, but what about big, national news? Whats going on in the White House?

Joel:A little white house was destroyed on the outskirts of London. The house was knocked down by an Ogre, who wore bright yellow tap shoes, and sprayed cranberry sauce from his nipples. The old woman inside the house sedated the ogre with a heavy metal power ballad, cut off his head with a mellonballer, and gave birth to a portable boombox, before being kicked in the teeth by a tadpole.

Conan:Joel, where are you getting these storys from?

Joel:The AP sent them over.

Conan:The associated press?

Joel:Not the associated press, the Armadillo Prince (screen next to Joel's head shows a armadillo in popes ensemble and matchind hat)I am his handmaiden Guinivere, and i pay him tribute in thick mashed potatoes. That's right, taters for everyone. (starts trowing mashed potatoes at the camera) Taters, have some taters, love them taters, hail Prince Armadillo!

Conan:We'll take a little break now folks.