“See Devyn...,” Nick started. “I don’t know how to tell you this but...” he paused and shook his head. “No, no...that sounds stupid...God what do I say?” Nick ran a hand through his hair and continued to think of another way to tell Devyn that he had feelings for her. With only the mirror as his companion, Nick had been trying to think up a speech for almost an hour without any luck.
Meanwhile, Devyn was in the kitchen with Eric at her side, drinking coffee and planning her class schedule for the next year. Well aware that her time for slacking off in classes like Spanish Lit and Art History were over, Devyn began to focus more on the Pre-Medical aspect of college. Next year she would be knocking herself out in Organtic Chemistry and Corpse Anatomy. She let out a short sigh and then closed the Course Discription book. “You need a refill?” she asked to Eric who was busy pouring over his notes for a huge test he had the following day in his Biology class.
Eric looked up and her and shook his head. “If I have anymore, I won’t be able to sleep for a week. Thanks though.”
“No problem,” Devyn said as she hung her arms around Eric’s shoulders and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She then went into the kitchen to pour herself another cup of coffee. She stood in front of the stove for a second staring at the pot of burned pasta...the aftermath and an almost ironic symbol of the events which had occured hours before.
Seconds later, Mike walked through the door. He looked completely exhausted. “Hey there,” Devyn exclaimed, her back still turned towards him. When she finally turned around, she noticed Mike’s drooping eyes and continuous yawning. “I take it that you didn’t sleep much...”
“Oh, no,” Mike said, almost humourously. “I slept enough...then I had to take a four hour test...on a Saturday. And now, I have to study for my Econ test for Monday...” He groaned.
“Then you need this more than I do,” Devyn said, pushing her cup of coffee into Mike’s hands. “It’s French Roast...your favorite.”
“You don’t have to tempt me Dev,” Mike said, gatefully taking the coffee and sitting down at the table. “Hey Eric.”
Eric furrowed his eyebrows and gave Mike a sympathetic half smile. “Mike...get some
sleep...” “Big Econ test...” Mike sighed. “I would if I could...”
“How big?” Devyn asked, her head stuck in the tiny refrigerator as she pushed things around in search of the cream for Mike’s coffee.
“Basically my semester grade...and it’s not even a midterm or a final or anything...”
Eric nodded in understanding and then turned his attention back to his books. “Well, I’ll keep ya awake,” he offered. “Cause I’ll be here for forever studying the 10,000 functions of the liver...”
“Thanks man, I’m gonna need it.”
An eerie, unplanned quiet fell upon the group as Nick walked into the room. “Hey Devyn,” he started. “Can I talk to you?”
Devyn nodded and followed Nick to his room ignoring the worried glances from Eric. She was determinded to handle this herself. Once behind closed doors, Devyn felt her jaw tighten. “Listen Nick,” she said as an introduction. “If you’re going to say anything in the same way as to what was said earlier, I am leaving right now...”
Nick pressed his finger to her lips. “Devyn I’m sorry.” Feeling extremely uncomfortable, Devyn shifted her feet so that she was positioned at a more comfortable distance from Nick. “I messed up today and I’m sorry. See, well...I do that a lot...I guess it’s kind of a defense mechanism really...” Nick trailed off into silence.
Devyn picked up the pieces of the shattered conversation. “Nick...what do you mean? What defense mechanism?”
“Well...” Nick’s throat seemed to be closing in around the words he wanted to say. “I allow myself to treat people horribly so that they won’t miss me too much when I’m gone...on tours and stuff...and I did that to you...only I’m not afraid you’ll miss me...” Nick paused for a long moment. “I’m afraid you won’t miss me.” The silence became so penitrating that both Devyn and Nick shivered. “Um...” Nick started again. “You and I got off on the wrong foot from the very first second we met...then it was huge waves of confusion and now, it’s normal...we’ve flatlined Devyn and...and I like the fact that we’ve flatlined but...ah...I’m always trying to go back to the waves we once had...when...”
Devyn’s stomach began to churn as she began to understand what Nick was saying. She then was able to predict was he was about to say and that scared her even more.
“...when I thought I was falling for you. Now I don’t think Devyn...I know...I like you...a lot.” Nick finished and the silence engulfed them once more. As almost an attempt at redemption, Nick began once last time. “I know the timing is horrible but I just didn’t want to leave without you knowing how much I really do care about you. I’m not expecting anything from you Devyn, I just wanted you to know...”
Devyn cut him off. “And do what with that information Nick?” Her voice staggering and uncertain. “Just let it go...just let you feel this way...just let you...”
Nick stopped her. “Don’t do anything Devyn...just do what’s natural. You and Eric are natural...you and me...we’re like the ocean...huge waves followed by an eerie calm and then the real storm hits...”
Devyn felt stupid. No one had ever poured themselves out for her in all her life and now, the one man, whom millions of girls would kill for, was melting right before her. “How can I just not do anything...?” Devyn said meekly, trying to ignore the fact that Nick basically just told her that he had feelings for her. “...What did you expect to happen when you told me?” Anger touched the corners of Devyn’s words even though she herself was only confused.
Nick was quiet for a long moment. “I...don’t know. I guess that I was hoping for the best but you know...I just wanted you to know...that’s all...no alterior motives.”
“You’re contradicting yourself Nick...you were hoping for the best...but yet, you have no alterior motives? That doesn’t work...”
Nick wanted to tell Devyn the truth but she was already happy with Eric and he wasn’t about to screw that up...that and, he was happy now that they were friends of a sort. “I’m sorry...I guess it didn’t, but it’s true...”
Devyn sighed and looked away. She couldn’t think of anything more to say to Nick except that she didn’t feel the same way anymore. Had this happened three weeks ago, Devyn’s thought process may have been different, but presently, she was happy with Eric and the feelings she once had for Nick were gone.
“So...” Nick started again, desprate for something to say. He found nothing. Instead the silence lingered for what seemed like hours until Nick changed the subject. “You planning for next year.”
“Yeah,” Devyn said, aware of the abruptness of the conversation turn but not caring enough to fight it. Minutes later, Devyn and Nick said their goodbyes and Devyn was back in the kitchen trying to place her attention back on next year’s schedule.
“I choked Bri...I just can’t do it.” Nick was holding the phone with one hand and enveloping his forehead in attempt to ward off a headache with the other.
Brian cleared his throat. “Nick, you told her how you feel right? Then that’s all you can do. She knows...now it’s up to her. And if nothing comes of it, then you just have to let her go.”
“Nothing’s ever going to come of it...she’s happy...with Eric.”
“Then all you can do is be happy for her.” Brian was so matter-of-fact that Nick found himself craving for more to the conversation. When there was nothing, Nick ended his talk with Brian and hung up the phone.
“Oh my God!” Devyn said outloud to herself as she stared down at the Sunday newspaper in front of her, completely ignoring the bowl of Cheerios which sat on the table untouched for almost an hour. The article she had been searching for all morning was screaming at her amid the newsprint. Free Punk Concert! Featuring: The Ataris, 311, Less Than Jake, and more!
“Um...” Nick started loudly as he walked into the kitchen, dressed in his sleeping atire. “What are you freaking out about?”
The interruption caught Devyn off guard and instantly, the same akwardness from the previous night returned. She was determined to push it away. “Nothing...much...there’s just a free concert tonight that I think looks like a blast. The Ataris are gonna be there!” Devyn soon realized that Nick was showing absolutely no interest in what she was saying. “It just looks like fun...and I am not freaking out.”
“So the ‘oh my God’ thing was completely normal...gotcha...” Nick jokingly cleared his throat.
“Shut up,” Devyn laughed.
“Well, I guess it is Sunday so it kinda fits.”
Devyn shot Nick a blank stare. “You did not just say that” Devyn paused and watches as Nick nodded his head. “Thank you Carter, my IQ just dropped.”
“Glad I could be of service.”
Devyn let out another short laugh before she returned her attention on the article. “You busy tonight?” she asked as a sort of afterthought.
Nick stopped rumaging through the refridgerator long enough to answer ‘Nope’ before returning back to his search for breakfast. He emerged with three eggs and a block of cheddar cheese. After peering down at Devyn’s untouched and soggy cereal, Nick cleared his throat. “You want an omlet?”
“Nah, I’m fine...” Devyn couldn’t see why she was hesitating so much. “You wanna come with me to the concert?”
Nick was caught dead in his tracks for a moment. Eric was the one that liked punk music...Eric was the one Devyn was with...why was she asking him to go...? “Ah...well...I dunno...I kinda have some...ah, stuff to do before I leave.”
Devyn shot Nick a questioning look, then retreated. “Okay,” she said with some hidden defeat.
Nick picked up on Devyn’s disappointment and was surprised that for once, she wasn’t being sarcastic about it. This was real. “Well, this stuff, it’s kinda...well, it doesn’t really have a time limit...maybe...ah...what time is it starting?”
“Six...” Devyn was puzzled but tried not to allow for Nick to notice.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Nick said as he cracked an egg into the frying pan heating on the stove, his back turned towards Devyn. He wanted to go with Devyn but he knew if he did, his mind would only race the whole night and he would just wish the entire time that things were different. “I always kinda liked 311.”
After that, not much was said between the two of them as Nick finished cooking his omlet and Devyn stirred around the hour old Cheerios. “Things will never be the same,” Devyn thought to herself. In her mind, she was hoping that Nick would agree to the concert because maybe they could rekindle what they once but she realized that this was a hallow hope. “Change is natural...so is this...potentially.”
“You’re kidding me,” Brian laughed. “He opened her Adoption Recovery Report just like that...and then covered for himself by saying that he paid for it? You have to be joking...”
“’Friad not Bri,” AJ smirked from across the board room meeting table. “I’m surprised he lived through the night. That girl...his roommate Devyn...she’s a livewire...seems pretty cool but isn’t afraid in the least to stand up for herself.”
Brian laughed again. “Serves him right. Our little Nicky Boy needs someone like that to keep him in line.”
“Speaking of ‘Nicky Boy,’” came Kevin’s tired voice. “Where the hell is he? It’s not like we inconvienced him any by making the meeting in the City. Damn taxi coulda got him here in 45 minutes.”
“You know him,” AJ covered. “He’ll be here...sometime...”
Almost as if on cue, Nick stumbled through the door and let out a huge sigh. “Sorry I’m...”
Kevin cut him off. “Late? Yeah, what else is new?”
Nick was too off-in-his-own-world to care what Kevin was saying. “So anyway...” he transitioned roughly. “When’s this thing gonna be over. I have to be somewhere at 6.”
Kevin was fuming but didn’t say anything as Howie answered. “Possibly 5...” After checking his watch, he corrected himself. “Well, actually...maybe5:30.”
“Maybe 5:30!?” Nick was obviously flustered. “What the hell could take us 4 hours? We’ve planned tours before...why the hell is this one any differ...?”
“Nick!” Kevin interrupted. “This is your God damn career! You’re going to have to make some sacrafices now and then and if you could do it without fucking complaining just one time, I would die of shock. Now just shut up and sit down so we can all go on with our lives without having to listen to the little tramas that happen in yours.”
Nick’s mouth tightened into a scowl as he took his seat nearest the window. “I seriously don’t even know why I bother anymore,” he mumbled under his breath while the others were quieting down and preparing for that meeting. “This is bullshit...” And then his mind drifted to Devyn and how there was no way that he would be able to enjoy the concert now that he was stuck behind closed doors. The thought that Eric might go afterall only further infuriated him. By the time Nick was leaving the conference room at 5:28, he was about ready to explode.
“Where is he?” Devyn wondered to herself as she checked the clock on the wall: 5:43. She drapped her jacket over the back of a chair in the kitchen and then went to find the phone. Five minutes later, after digging through a pile of Nick’s papers to uncover the cordless, she was dialing Nick’s cell phone number. There was no answer...
Sighing, she took a seat at the table and begin to doodle on the envelop for the United States Adoption Recovery Program. Her thoughts wondered to the night before...the fight with Nick...how bad she felt about it...and at the same time, how pissed off she still was. “Maybe he still hates me,” she ventured to herself. “Maybe that’s why he’s not here. He didn’t want to go to the stupid concert anyway. Why would he want to?” By 5:52, Devyn knew that she was being stupid waiting around for Nick and so she left for the concert, alone.
“God damnit!” he shouted as he punched the steering wheel of his Durango. Frustratedly he glanced at the clock: 5:52. “Damnit!” Nick swore again, realizimg that he was going to miss the concert with Devyn...the one he’d looked foward to all day. “Is this fate or something?!” The light turned green and Nick sped away.
“I thought you’d never show up!” Eric yelled over the music. “I kinda thought you’d be here.”
“So you’re stalking me again?” Devyn laughed. She paused and gave Eric a kiss. “Well, I’m glad you’re here anyway...I suppose.” They laughed together as Eric threw his arms around her.
The concert took Devyn’s mind away from Nick and she throughly enjoyed herself dancing in Eric’s arms and screaming at the top of her lungs. By the time the last note finished, Devyn was extremely pumped. “That was awesome!” she yelled over the crowd. She smiled. “You hungry?”
“Pancakes?” Eric yelled back. And with that, he and Devyn were making their way to the nearest IHOP.
“Can I have...ah...the Swedish pancakes, a side of hash browns, a bowl of oatmeal....and ah...” Ignoring the raised eyebrow from the waitress, Devyn cleared her throat and continued. “Oh...and, can I have some grapefruit juice?”
“Is that all?” the waitress asked sarcastically. “We do have the Denver omelet on special this week...$2.95.” It was obvious from Fran’s exhausted expression and stained IHOP apron that it had been a long day and all she needed was to carry out more plates of food to yet another couple.
Devyn only smiled understandingly. “No, but thanks though.” When Fran scuffled away, Devyn nodded to Eric, “Big tip.” she stated without the option for question.
“Yeah, no worries, I was planning on it...” he paused for a second. “Hey Dev...”
Shooting Eric a questioning look, Devyn replied. “Yeah?” she asked, a little nervous. Eric’s tone had gone too serious too fast. It was obvious he was about to drift into a subject Devyn wished wouldn’t come up.
Eric wanted to say something about Nick, ask if he had been treating Devyn a little better, but he decided to refrain. He knew that Devyn could take care of herself and if there was ever a time when she needed him, it would be known. Instead he went for the casual, “You are so awesome. I’ve never met any girl brave enough to just eat...and you do it...and well I might add.”
Devyn laughed a bit at the ease of tension. “Eric,” she started, sarcastically opressive. “I am blessed with a high metabolism and so therefore, I abuse it. When I’m 30, I’ll be huge...but until then, I guess I better enjoy this size 3 waist while it lasts.”
The meal was full of good conversation and an equal amount of good food and by the time either Devyn or Eric looked at the nearest clock it was 2:30 AM. “Damnit...” Eric drawled. “I was supposed to get to sleep tonight because I have a monsterous Chem exam tomorrow morning...but oh well...you think we should get back?”
Devyn was shocked. “Oh...hell ya...I can’t believe it’s 2:30...I also can’t believe I was stupid enough to sign up for a 7:30 phsyics class, especially considering the fact that I’m not even going to need it....”
“I guess this is the only good time to be addicted to coffee,” Eric laughed as fought Devyn off to pay the check.
When Devyn arrived home, she found Nick curled up in bed in a deep sleep. "I wish I could understand you," she thought to herself as she turned off the light and went to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Two (not up yet)
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