I wrote to my Dad in April or May (1990) stating we still needed to talk. I told him that in order for both of us to heal we had to talk. I told him mom would not allow it that is why she had to die first. This was God's plan. He never called me or wrote to me. He did tell Rita, my sister that he got a letter from me and that I wanted to talk to him. She told him that he should talk to me. He had a doctor's appointment here in Denver. When he got to my sister's house he called, to ask me if I still wanted to talk. I told him that I did. He told me he would be right over. He never stayed with me; I feel it was because he was uncomfortable around me. The fear I was feeling was unbelievable! Wayne was at work. I knew I had to do this alone!

He got here and I asked him to sit down. I got a Pepsi for him. I was drinking water. I told him, that I felt like I killed my mom when I discussed my abuse by him and grandpa. But I know now that she just did not want to hear about it. I told him in order for us to both heal we needed to talk about it so it would not haunt either of us again. He said, "Maybe I was over sexed." I said, "No dad, I have read many books about it." I also said "Someday if you really want to know I will explain it to you!" "It is more about feeling out of control and you needed to control someone that person was me", I said. Both of us started crying. He said, "I am very sorry!" I looked at him and I knew he meant it! I could feel in my heart. He really meant it this time. I told him that I forgave him. I told him that it was very important that he forgave himself. I told him he had to do this so he could heal too. He told me he knew I did. He asked me if I wanted to know how he knew that I had forgiven him. I really was afraid to ask but I did ask. He said, "You are looking straight into my eyes you never have done this before." You also sit with me when I visit you. Before you were always so busy getting up and doing things. We hugged when he left and it no longer felt nasty or dirty. He had become a true dad. The dad I always longed for.

Now that I think of this he was so right. I was not comfortable sitting with him. I was always up and down. Never looking straight at his eyes.