My dad was one of the people that abused me. I had so many feelings about him. I hated him, I loved him. I was very afraid of him. I wanted to be close to him. Yes, I hated when he was around me. It took me years of therapy with Elaine to help me with my confused feelings I was angry with him for causing me such incredible pain! I was angry at the fact that my husband and I had to pay for therapy. Now I thank God I did get help. I use to write angry letters to my dad telling him how much pain he caused me. In many of the letters I told him off. I even cursed at him but none of these were mailed.

Then one day I got the courage to confront him face to face. It happened to be Christmas Eve, 1988. We had opened gifts (I had bought everyone teddy bears that year). We were at my home. My sister Rita and her family were here too. We were all visiting. All of a sudden, I said, "Dad I remember what you did to me, as a child." He said, "Victoria." Before he could say anymore, I said, "Rita remembers to don't you Rita?" She said "Yes I do." I was so proud of my sister at that moment! If ever I needed her it was at this moment! I had protected her all my life so he wouldn't abuse her. My dad said, "I am sorry." It did not feel like he really meant it. My mother said, "You have had two glasses of wine, that is why you are bringing it up now." I said, "Yes I did, but that I needed to tell them I remembered, and that Grandpa did it to me to!" When did he do that to you my dad asked? I told them he watched me once. I remember that you took Rita with you, my grandmother was not around. I keep thinking she might have been in the hospital but I really didn't know. I told them I was not trying to cause problems. I just wanted you to know that I was getting help because of it. My Mother said, "Victoria don't you ever bring this up again!" I could tell that I made them very uncomfortable and they wanted to leave!

The next day was Christmas we all went to my sister Rita's house for dinner. My mother was lying on the couch; I asked what is wrong? She said, "I don't feel good!" I could feel her anger towards me! After dinner we played games and we all talked. Mom never left the couch not even when we were leaving. I went up to my mother and said, "Bye Mom we are leaving now." I kissed her on her cheek and I whispered that I would be okay, I had a therapist, Elaine that was really helping me!" With that she told me goodbye.

They took off the next day to Wyoming where they lived. I called the next day to see how she was doing. Dad told me that she was the same but she was coughing. I asked him if she had a temperature and was she eating? He said, "She ate a little soup but I don't know if she has a temperature, because she is upstairs." I told him he needed to check on her because she was diabetic. She could go into a coma. She could be taking to much insulin for the food she was eating. He told me he would check on her. I told him she might need to see the Doctor. He informed me that they were having a blizzard, some of the roads were closed. I told him to call the ambulance if he had to. He said, "As soon as it cleared up Aunt Hope was coming to help." I called the next day and Aunt Hope was there, she was upstairs with Mom.

She ended up in the hospital. I called and talked to her. She told me not to call any more; I could feel her anger towards me. The she added, "It's hard to reach the phone." We later found out she told the doctor to let her go home. She told him my dad's insurance would not pay for her stay. (We were very surprised that she said this because this was not the truth.) The doctor did release her.

She ended up in the hospital again. She tried to go to the bathroom on her own. The nurses found her on the floor. The doctor felt she had a small heart attack or stroke. Before we knew it she was in Intensive Care on life support. Rita and I went to Wyoming to be with her. When I go to the room she is awake. She is looking at me with her big eyes, as if to say, "Victoria why am I on this, we talked about this!" (She never wanted to be on life support.) I felt so bad it was awful to see her this way! I talked to my dad and told him that if she had another Heart Attack they would try to save her again. He was very surprised; he went to the nurse's desk to ask if this was true. They said, "Yes, this was their policy." He told her he needed to talk to the doctor, right away! The doctor came we said, "That if she had another Heart Attack, we wanted them to let her go!" Rita, our daughters and myself stayed for one week. She seemed to be getting worse to me! I told Rita, she did not have to believe me but I felt she was going to die. She told me she believed me, she thought so too!

I told my mom we were going back home so I could work Monday. I told her I would be back real late Friday, about 10-11 P.M. I said, " Goodbye I will see you soon." Rita was not going till Saturday morning. I got there Friday very late, I went to see her in ICU. I said, "Mom like I promised I am here and I love you. " She was unconscious. I held her had, kissed her cheek. I stood there for awhile. I could feel her spirit leave to go with the Lord. Her spirit was no longer there. I listened to the life support machine breathing for her. I thought to myself this machine would breathe for her as long as it is hooked up, or until the nurse realizes that she is gone. All I said to the nurse was goodnight. I figured she would realize soon enough.

We went to Uncle Albert and Aunt Rosemarie house. My dad was staying with them. When I walked in he asked me if I had gone to see mom. I said, "Yes." He asked, "How is she doing." I told him that Mom has left us. He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "She has gone with the Lord, I know they will be calling you, to let you know." No one said anything else. The phone rang at 3 A.M. I answered it was the hospital. They asked for my dad. I went and got him out of bed, she had died.