!HELP ME!
I'm toxic and contaminated, get near me and you'll die
I'm poison and corrosive, stay away and maybe you'll live
Everything i touch will eventually wither away to nothing
I need some hlep, god i need something
I can't seem to figure out why all that I touch must die
I kill everything without intentions of hurting anything
Even if they became burdensome I could never hurt them
But they still all wither away and die
That's why I often am contemplating suicide
All this pain and hurting deep inside me
Is slowly but surely driving me crazy
I sure as hell can't break the curse that binds me
To this life of misery and hateful feelings
So if you figure it out, please come and find me
If you figure it out, please come and !HELP ME!
Hurricane of life
Swirling, spinning, spiraling out of control
The storm that surrounds seems surreal
And i am caught eternally here
Caught in the eye of "The Hurricane of Life"
Is this the deaad center of it, or the epicenter?
The problems are captured, but i am trapped still
The tranquility of it all lies safely inside with me
While everything else clouds around out in the dangerous winds
Is this a sign of inner peace in it all?
Or is it a sign somethings missing to make me whole?
Will the vital peice find it's way through?
Or will it plow it's own way in to find me?
Through the hurting, pain and trauma that haunts me
Through the hurricane of life that swirls constantly
A Brother's Apologies
Your apologies mean nothing to me
Because to me they are completley insincere
You act as if you regret what you've done
But you just regret that i have won
From the begining I let you feel powerful
But the I took the power again from you
You call it being stabbed in the back
But all this shit is the fault of you
All becuase of the respect for me you lack
I don't accept your apology, and i don't apologize
Because i am right in everybody else's eyes
I was right and you were wrong in this
So all i have left to say is: SO LONG!
The Best
So many people surrounding me
Wanting me, decieving me, grieving me
I'm feeling lost wtih the decision
That has to be made on this night
Question is will my choice be right
Which of the paths should I take
Every way seems just a mistake
And there's way too much shit at stake
I'm feeling lost and helpless
Broken down and completley defenseless
And I don't have a clue how to fix this
I'm lost and don't know what to do
All I want is to be with you
Things seem so screwed up
When will the pain be enough
I wasn't built to be this tough
To take all of life's pointless shit
So should I slit my wrists
As everyone insists I should do
Or try to be the best for you
Depression
Suffering and somthering in this cloud
It's depression in the form of a shroud
It covers me up and I just can't take it
Not another trip I just won't be able to make it
I'll never survive another one of these
I don't care what everyone else sees
It's not so easy to just be free
And I'm not just make a scene
Theres nothing to be done to intervene
I don't intend to set of this chain of events
But to you none of this makes any sense
Because youve never experienced any of this
It's all fake is what you constantly insist
Try for once living my life as I do
Then you'll see why I am am dreaming,
Dreaming of the knife instead of you
Slashing my wirsts and never being missed
Nightmares
The nightmare i used to live in
Seems to be coming back again
I managed to escape it once before
But in my face slams every door
That will lead me safely outta this hell
And closing around me is a shell
Where darkness moves and light is dead
Now my whole world seems so red
I'm constantly hurting because of all that i've bled
And to escape all of this torment
I'll have to wake the beast that lies dormant
Deep in my spirit past my conscience thoughts
Beyond the place we send unwanted memories to rot
I'll have to search formy long lost soul
To once again make myself completly whole
Late in September
The waves crashing gently upon us
As the wind suddenly gusts
It catches your shimmering hair
And it dances wildly across your skin
I'm in extasy just to be there with you
And this lust I have for you is nothing new
The sky begins to burn yellow as the sun sets
This is as beautiful as it ever gets
Nothing could pry this memory away from me
I'll dream of it forever and through eternity
As the glowing sky begins it's dreaded dim
The stars begin to shine brighter than you've ever seen them
I can see the reflection of a twinkle in your eyes
As if inside you is where it lies, waiting to shine
I'm glad this memory is yours and mine
To keep deep inside of our hearts
Even if we should ever grow apart
I'll always be able to look back and remember
That beautiful day late in september
Find Me
Burning these flames that plague me
Scorching every part of my body
As the oxygen is stolen away from
To fuel this fire that entraps me
The pain is driving me crazy
Even if someone was there to help me
It would be no use because I can't see them
Even if someone were there calling me
It would serve no purpose because I can't hear them
Even if someone were near me
It would be useless because I can't feel them
So I live in pain and fear
Until someone manages to find me here
And release me from these flames that sear
So I won't have to drop another single tear
I wait and wait for anyone to appear
And I won't have to suffer yet another year
Trapped inside the hell that binds me
Please someone come to find me
Marriage
You wipe away all of my tears
But nothing can make up for the lost years
When we split apart that day
I thought everything would be okay
I thought that would be the end
I thought I had no heart left to mend
I believed you didn't care any longer
Now I know that I was wrong all along
I loved you fromt he first moment I saw you
And always will until the end of my life
That's why when you come back for me
You get to be my loving wife for everyone to see
I don't care who knows this anymore
Because all of it is all so true
Baby I love you and that's why I wanna marry you
How Could I Do This
How could I do this to my self
I'm left hanging here by a noose
Over a puddle of drying blood
From the slahes that gouge my wrist
And vomit all down the front of my shirt
From all the bleach and pinesol
That I used to chase down all the pills
How many's peoples hearts will it kill
To find me dangling from the attic
How could I do this to everyone
Kill my self in all the ways
That I've dreamt of for all my days
But the most intresting facts of all
Is how far I had to fall
From the attic to hang my self
And the snap my neck made when i did
And the fact I did it all with glass
Instead of a knife or a razor blade
And the most ironic of it all
Is that i did it in every way that
Everyone has always forbade me to do
I'm sorry I did this to you and I love you
Most Beautiful of Days
The first most lovely day on earth
Is when love goes through it's birth
And two meet for the very first time
This memory must never be left behind
The second most beautiful of days
Is when two are wed in holy matramony
And two walk down the isle to say their vows
Forgetting this memory shall never be allowed
The third best day to ever occur in life
Is when you and your beautiful wife
Have made a new life and brought another
Into this world and she becomes a mother
While he becomes a new father and they begin
The long journey of protecting their own
This is yet another memory that will never be alone
Or left in the back of a mind or lost in time
But the most beautiful of all is when i fell for you
Because baby I always have and always will love you
So please join me on this journey described above
And let me experience the most beautiful of
These days with you like I said before I love you
The God Who Isn't There
The god who isn't there
The pain he doesn't have to bear
The shit he doesn't go through
Because he's not anything like you
He sits on his ass and does nothing
Nothing to help the truly sick people
And even though everyone worships
He still doesn't give a fucking shit
This is why I'm not christian
Because your so called god is never there
Not for me, not for you, not for anyone, ever
Always Last
Why am I always at the lower half of importance
Do I really contain such an incompatence
Everything is always coming before me as if I'm not here
Please I'm begging you reveal this mystery my dear
If it's for me or us it comes in last of the places
But if it's for someone else it you must immediately face it
With me and you being an us we should be of top priority
But that's not how it is everything else is in this parody
It's a parody of a blissfully happy life, you as my wife
Me as the love of your existence so tell me what is it
What have I done to be knocked to the bottom of it all
Why have you allowed me to drop and fall so far from it all
Just answer my one single question that burns in my mind
If I'm so kind and loving and deserve the best why am I last?
Red Water
I'm tired of this world
Is what I think as I watch
My blood slowly swirl down the drain
From where I put a .38 through my brain
I'm tired of everyone in it
Is my only other thought as I
Feel the vomit slide down my chest
From the overdose that I choked down
From this long awaited suicide fest
I can't deal with this shit
Or the bull everyone puts me through
What do I do to deserve it
What have I ever done to you
I try to give you the best
And you just give me the worst
You'll now have to clean up my last mess
From my suicidal out burst
And drain away the tub
Where I was tottering but fell
And wash away the reminents of the red water
Love Of My Life
The love of my life
She's so Beautiful
That's why I'm so happy
That she's my wife
Mine to fover hold
Our love shall never grow cold
Although somtimes it dims
It'll always grow back again
I'm so glad I took her from him
Her kisses drive me so crazy
That i wish we could lay here forever
But not because I'm lazy
Because I feel so loving and warm
When our bodies inter-twine
Unfortunately the next two are the last lines
In this poem I wrote for you
So baby, know that I'll always love you
