 Useless Information D-Loads  |
 Ok, AOL sucks but I'm stuck with it. Their punny little thing about having a tiny aim profile was too limiting so I decided that my AIM profile would be this page here. This extensive and long document contains quotes, notes and pictures that are of some relevance in my life. Most are funny, witty or have some sort of hidden or obvious meaning. Hell, they may have a combination of any of those things in them. I did try to give credit to whom it is due. There are some instances where it was impossible so I just have people like "guy" or "girl" or "[insert random integer > 0]". Also note that the contents of this page are rated "T for Teen" due to some sexual situations as well as a few four letter words that aren't normally spoken in formal english. One more thing to clarify. Certain individuals have asked who is who in this profile. Here is an itty bitty list of the insignificant percentage of the world's population that I interact with on a regular basis.
Oh! *insert old chinese man's voice* ONE MORE THING! *end old chinese man's voice* As noted, there are references to games and whatnot below. Here's a list of what you can expect (not that anyone will pay any attention to any of this....).
Question: I see ads that say "Upgrade to a FLATSCREEN LCD!!!!", Why? What else is there besides a flat LCD screen? Bubble screen? Hot nude chick screen? Of course it's FLAT!!!! Do you expect it to be round or something? If a bus station is where a bus stops then whats a workstation? Rap is an acronym: Retards Attempting Poetry Xero: "What was it like?" Everything is like: Bling *dramatic pause* Bling Who let the retards out? It's 12:02 AM damnit! It's too early for them to be out! "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." "I love that freight train sound that deadlines make when they smack you in the face..." dot^3 "OCR's are like elevator music on steroids." "How many things there are that I do not want!" "In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language." "I got the idea for the mouse while attending a talk at a computer conference. The speaker was so boring that I started daydreaming and hit upon the idea." Sara: I wanna ride inside the dragon... Procrastinators of the world UNITE... tomorrow The problem with television is that the people must sit and keep their eyes glued to a screen: The average American family hasn't time for it. Therefore the showmen are convinced that ... television will never be a serious competitor of [radio] broadcasting You know when you are in a college dorm when you step out of a room and into the hall and watch people go by. First comes a guy from the shower - wrapped in a towel - with two hot chics following him - ALSO in towels. What's more interesting about this is they were twins and the towels were too small so it split in the front a little... =D Friend: (reading warning on microwave meal) Caution: Product will be hot... Well no crap... Hot? After I just microwaved it? You don't say... Don't you just LOVE that light-weight metal clunking sound a hardrive makes when it dies? Windows - 32-bit extensions and graphical shell to a 16-bit patch for an 8-bit operating system originally written for use on 4-bit microprocessors by a 2-bit company that can't handle 1 bit of competition. it's just a "feature" that m$ put in for your annoyance Hmmm... My sister talks alot... How much? Well, the amount of energy she uses to talk on her cellphone for say 3 months would heat a pot of coffee for an entire month... *two people bump into each other* DJ: Ummm... So, how many hit points do you have left? The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
resutoranotabemashita. Is there such a thing as a "quiet pink picture"? Stay away from me you lazy-eyed psycho! Unless you really ignore stuff, you realize that the human body is fuckin nasty and then you think of what you can do with those body parts and what can go where and things go here and there that didn't look like they fit but then wow! Just think about it! Then realize why I don't like porn! Jason: Hey! I dropped one! Give me a cookie woman!! Please? Girl: Who do you do-- Error dialogue box found on a friend's computer: Wow! She's like naked! *long pause* That's cool! Do you know what's worse than giving a 90 minute presentation? Sitting through someone else's 90 minute presentation. Louie: Hey! This mountain climbing ain't so bad! Estimated time remaining: 9,458 years... ...the results will be undefined and very probably not what you want. Travis: Ok, I'm gonna go out on a limb here-- Travis: So, Mel, you are going to play DND with us tomorrow aren't you? Travis: I'm the shit.... Take a wiff.... You ain't gonna do anything! Dj: Turn on the AC! There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't. Drew: ....What are you? A ninja? Travis: This is going to be highly inefficient.... BUT I DON'T CARE!!!! Ya know, sometimes hot and spicy foods are great! But, other times those foods make you burn when you poop.... At the research department nothing works and everyone knows why. At the development department everything works and nobody knows why. Where I'm from, those departments are combined. So, at the research and development department nothing works and nobody knows why. John: I have one question for you! Have you ever tried riding a bike with no seat? I took my seat off my bike during freshman year because nobody would steal a bike with no seat. So I am standing on the pedals then I sneezed. You can't just hold on to one handle bar and sneeze. I did and my bike became a polt-a-Perkins. Nobody look at me, I need to go put on a bra. HI! I'M PFAFF'S NOSE!! 1: I wanna colour my lamp black. kat: i'm bored "i'm a stone. You cannot move me." I find it fun to steal quotes from other people's profiles! Life's dirty. Life's unclean you know. It's birth, it's sex, it's the intestinal tract. One big squishy, unsanitary mess. It never gets any cleaner either. You know, dust to dust, worms crawl in, worms crawl out, right? Even though we know that, we still walk the walk, we still live the life. We're like a bunch of little kids. Little kids, you know, we jump in this big old pond of mud and we're slapping it all over our face, rubbing our hair all down our backs and we're making these glorious, gooey, mud pies. That's us. CynicalKitty86: A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring it in and the seniors don't take much away, so it just sort of accumulates. Profanity is the one language that all programmers understand
What did that famous actor say? Where are my pants?
It is bare-skin-o-clock at o-shade-thirty! John: Serg- I bought a humidifier and a dehumidifier, put them in the same room and let them duke it out
Serg: ....I only say those things to my friends. Mainly because they are the only ones who understand me. Serg: I can spit in 7 different languages. John: I hate statistics.... They make fun of me. Serg: What am I? Retarded? Q: I was listening to a CD in Grip and it sounded horrible! What's up? Rachel: Michael Jackson, is that a boy or a girl? John: There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those who don't. *Serg: If you kill one man, you are a murderer. If you kill 10, you are a monster. If you kill, 100 you are a hero. If you kill 10000, a conquerer! *matter-of-fact voice* As long as we are restating known facts, the world is round. John: Have you ever used Grants* purposely on a box before? Serg: I Grants you your wish! Serg: ...and that's why I stopped. Ok, so I'm in the shower and my mind is wandering.... (ohhh.... dangerous subject....) I notice our window there in the shower. I see that the frost stuff that makes it impossible to see what goes on in the shower has chipped off. I remember the windows in our house leak when water is sprayed at them. Then I remember my PC. It isn't that bad of a machine. The hardware is excellent - like the rest of our house. It is fairly efficient and very durable - again, our house is the same - except one thing: windows. Windows is the reason why my PC crashes constantly - and why our electric bill is so high. Windows has holes to let intruders into my PC and fuck things up - then again, air comes and goes through our house all the time. When it is stormy outside, you stay away from the windows of your house. Yet the internet is storming with viruses and shit that blows right through the world's most popular operating system constantly. You see, the answer to the problem is clear. Windows are bad things. They have new windows out for our house that cost an arm and a leg that will help our electric bill. But I have yet to see a decent operating system with Windows in it's name. PC's have an advantage over a house. Windows can be safely removed and replaced with a cheaper replacement with less problems. This brings up another question - why are there so few Linux users?
John: Your stupidity astounds me.... *while Rachel and I were playing PSO* YAY bugs! Fortune cookies are neat. But they get better if you add the phrase "in bed" after it. Here are two "fortunes" that I recently received from such cookies:
See! It works! Instantly fortune cookies are worth eating again! MadMac256: Why does that name ring a bell? John: Stupid motherboard! *tosses it out the window* Don't you just hate it when the keys on a keyboard suddenly move around underneath your fingers? If your ass is smart, so is the rest of your body See that button? It's right there. It says O-N. On. Push it. See, magic things happen and the computer turns on! You are arguing apples and toyotas!! You can't scare me! I work hard. What part of Meow don't you understand Do not touch, lift, slide, poke, push, pull, or borrow MY STUFF!!!! I can only please ONE person a day and today AIN'T your day (tomorrow ain't lookin' too good either). No problems please, I'm trying to quit. I once knew sanity but it managed to escape. If it can't be fixed, just ask Scotty. Everybody absent from class please stand up. I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now. Oh! Ok, let me clean off MY desk so I can put YOUR junk on it. All my friends have all been taught, You can get by on charm of about FIFTEEN MINUTES. After that you'd better know somethin'. You might wanna brush your teeth, 'cause you've just been fed a load of bull. Student: So, I have t- There is absolutely no excuse for the way I'm about to behave! Being sexy is a hard job, but somebody has to do it! Heredity is an omnibus in which all our ancestors ride and every now and then one of them puts his head out and embarrasses us. My books are water; those of great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water.
Beam me up Scotty, there is no intellegent life down here. First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII--and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure. Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. If everything's under control, then you are going too slow. I found Jesus!!!! He was behind the couch the whole damn time... If someone reports that so-and-so is saying bad things about you, do not reply to them but answer. "Obviously he didn't know my other bad characteristics, otherwise he wouldn't just have mentioned those." Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well. It is hard to commit injustice and escape detection, but to be confident of escaping detection is impossible. Necessity is a bad thing, but there is no necessity to live with necessity. We are born only once, and we cannot be born twice; and one must for all eternity exist no more. You are not in control of tomorrow and yet you delay your [opportunity to] rejoice. Life is ruined by delay and each and every one of us dies without enjoying leisure. He who forgets the good which he previously had, has today become an old man. He is utterly small-minded for whom there are many plausable reasons for committing suicide. [We should] try to make the later stretch of the road more important than the earlier one, as long as we are on the road; and when we get to the end [of the road], [we should] feel a smooth contentment. Misfourtunes must be cured by a sense of gratitude for what has been and the knowledge that what is past cannot be undone. They must free themselves from the prison of general education and politics. Murphy's Law: If I blow your mind, do you promise not to think in my mouth? "The wrath of Cyric shall descend upon you like...like...like some suitable metaphor I'll think of later! Oh yes, fear my coming retort! Uh...goodbye!" A student walks in late on the first day of class... We'll get this thing off the ground eventually. We just need a bit more road. :P The supreme irony of life is that no one gets out of it alive. (im to Drew)
MadMac256 [11:45 AM]: hey
LuvHateLifeDeath [1:39 PM]: omg he lives!!! LuvHateLifeDeath [2:16 PM]: yea, i dig highway driving at 3 AM "It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?" I don't give a flyin' seein' eye dog about it!!
Absolutely NO!!
The college was installing a furnace to heat the library, but they like to refridgerate their books so they keep longer. |
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