West Throws Down Gauntlet to Shipman
ROSE: DR DEATH AIN'T NUTHIN' BUT A PUSSY KILLER

As the full horrific toll of ‘Dr Death’ Harold Shipman’s 30-year reign of terror became apparent today, many serial killers around the country baulked at the suggestion that he is ‘the worst serial killer’ in British history.

From her cell in a high security women’s prison, Rose West, husband to the late Fred and sadistic matriarch of the Cromwell Street ‘House of Horrors’ poured scorn on Shipman and his record as a murderer. Speaking to the Guardian yesterday, West claimed that, “It ain’t about the numbers. 200, 300, whatever. There ain’t ever gonna be nobody as bad as me and Fred, God rest his soul. We was so bad, we was B.A.D. Shipman ain’t no thing. The only kind of killer he is, is a pussy killer!”

Bouncing on her heels, shadow-boxing and raising her fists to acclaim from an imaginary crowd, West added, “Did he kidnap his victims? No. Did he torture his victims? No! Did he subject his victims to a nightmare orgy of sexual humiliation? Did he bollocks! He gave some old ladies some injections, and now he think he bad? Uh-uh pussy-boy. I will always be number one. The champion!!” West then began to make crowd-cheering noises and dedicated her imagined crown as World’s Baddest Psycho-Killer to her late husband and to everybody watching at The Swan.

However, West was not the only notorious killer to enter the debate as to ‘Who is the Baddest?’ ‘Yorkshire Ripper’ Peter Sutcliffe declined to speak to the Gerbilarium, releasing only this short statement.

“While I would like to congratulate Dr Shipman on his superb figures, I would think it self-evident that you do not judge badness on the basis of numbers alone. These were low-quality murders at best, and the good Doctor still has a lot of work to do. There is only one Ripper.”