Relations were strained in the Chaplin household last night, as husband Paul and wife Bonnie mulled over how to resolve the disastrous clash of personalities, which occurred when their best friends met for the first time the previous week.

Paul told the Poke how a dinner party at their house in Manhattan last weekend, was supposed to be their big opportunity to introduce his best friend – tough journalist Greg ‘Mac’ MacKenzie – to hers – sophisticated attorney Lisa Montgomery. “We knew they were pretty different characters, but we thought hey, they say opposites attract. Its not like we were totally trying to set them up, but we just thought it wouldn’t hurt to introduce them – maybe we could end up a little fourseome – boy was I wrong!”

Despite a cordial start to the evening, the two took an instant dislike to one another, clashing when the conversation turned to sex. Bonnie picks up the story: “Lisa was saying that she thought sex was always better in a committed relationship, but Mac more or less bit her head off, telling her she didn’t know what she was talking about, and that real passion could only be found with a new person. She came back at him pretty strong, saying that he probably wouldn’t know, as she couldn’t imagine he’d ever been in a committed relationship. Well, he didn’t take that too kindly, and told her that she probably wouldn’t know, as she had probably never experienced real passion. After that it all went downhill.”

Bonnie and Paul tried to engineer a reconciliation by organising trips with their respective buddies to a local art galley and ‘accidentally’ bumping into one another. “Big mistake” says Paul. “Again, they started out making an effort to be civil, even though there was a pretty palpable tension between them.”

Bonnie went on: “It all came to a head when they were both looking at the same sculpture. She thought that it was about love, and how soulmates will always find one another, whatever the obstacles. He thought that it was about sex, and that her love talk was a load of old baloney. Pretty soon they were just standing toe-to-toe in the middle of the gallery trading insults like ‘You unfeeling, sex-obsessed moron!’ and ‘You spoilt, head-in-the-clouds, princess’. It ended up with Lisa telling Mac that if she never saw his face again it would be too soon, and him saying that that suited him just fine. They then both shouted ‘FINE!’ at each other at exactly the same time, turned on their heels and walked out. It was a pretty ugly scene – so embarrassing.”

As things stand, Paul and Bonnie cannot see any way their friends can possibly get along in the future. “Lisa told me that Mac could be pretty handsome, if he didn’t have his head so far up his ass.” said Bonnie yesterday. “Weird” said Paul, “Mac said almost exactly the same thing – something about her being good looking and all, but too high maintenance. I guess it just isn’t meant to be. In fact, if I had to bet on one certain thing in the future, it would be that those two will never see eye-to-eye.”

Bonnie agrees: “Right. I cannot possibly envisage any scenario whereby they might somehow learn even to like one another, let alone become lovers. Yes indeed, I’m afraid that those two will never be anything more than ‘the best of enemies’!”