Monday 8th December, 2003 – In Praise of the Wilkinson Sword Quatro

For nearly a decade the Gillette Mach 3 razor bestrode the world of men’s depilatory products like some awesome, three-bladed monolith. Produced by a crack team of boffins, who dedicated the best part of their careers to producing the ultimate shaving experience, the Mach 3 shook the very foundations the male toiletries industry.

Realising that the male shaving experience was, at best, unsatisfactory and, at worst, a stain on the conscience of mankind, the tireless Gillette scientists poured themselves into their work, experimenting with hundreds, thousands of different designs, before – in a moment of almost divine inspiration – stumbling upon the concept that would change the way that men shave forever.

Devilishly ingenious, and yet deceptively simple, the key to the Mach 3 lies in the blades. Or, more precisely, the number of blades. “What” asked the Gillette scientists, “is the key to the shaving experience? Answer: the blades. SO, what is the key to improving the quality of the shaving experience? The blades of course!”

Suddenly the solution was staring them in the face – 2 blades shave you close, so what is going to shave you even closer? 3 blades! They would take the traditional razor and throw it back in the public’s grateful faces: but with 50% more shaving power! POW!! SHAVE!!!

Despite the fact that my experience with the Gillette Mach 3 has mostly involved lathering up my face, taking a couple of strokes with the razor, and then waking up in a pool of my own blood an hour later, having removed much of the skin from my neck and face, I was prepared to accept the received wisdom that this was the acme in shaving technology. Truly the best a man can get.

But….it seems that I was wrong. Somehow, Wilkinson Sword have managed to trump their rivals. While the rest of the world was happy to sit back and accept the (seemingly) obvious pre-eminence of the 3-blade design, the Wilkinson Sword team looked at the problem again. And came up with a solution every bit as ingenious as that which led to the development of the Mach 3. What could be better than a razor with 3 blades? Nothing surely!? But NO! Imagine a razor with 4 blades!!! Taking all the awesome power of the Mach 3, but multiplying it to the power of…..133%!! 133% more closeness, 133% more shaviosity. WATCH OUT! AND BANG!

It had been staring us in the face all along, and yet no one had the balls to realise it! And thus, the Wilkinson Sword Quatro is born. Please follow my example, and write to the good people at Wilkinson Sword. Let them know what fucking geniuses they are. For bringing out a razor with 4 blades. Right before Christmas.

We salute you.