Tuesday 11th November, 2003 – Cliché Crackdown, and Excuse For Laziness

Much as I appreciate a good cliché – especially in pop music – enough is enough. It is time for a crackdown - to phase out the current crop of clichés, so that new ones might flourish in their place. Such a programme of change can only be implement with the threat of force. I therefore call on the people of Great Britain to extract harsh mob justice on any popstars caught using any of the below clichés.

- Any reference to “people dyin’”, especially if followed by “children cryin’”.

- Any reference to performing any kind of activity “’till the mornin’ light”.

- If reference must be made to any kind of “sensation”, under no circumstances should it be described as “sweet”. (To describe the female object of a song, as Darius recently did, not just as a “sweet sensation”, but also as a “tease temptation” is clearly beyond the pale. The madness must end.)

More will follow.

Updates may be sparse over the course of the next week or so, for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I am writing an article on racism in the police force for Drum, and it is using a lot of the part of my brain that is normally devoted to the whimsy that fills these pages. I’ll post it here once it has been published.

Obviously, it was largely prompted by the recent BBC documentary ‘The Secret Policeman’, which was notable for the covert camera footage of new police recruits talking proudly and openly of their racist attitudes. At one point, the most disgusting of the oafs on view cut some eyeholes in a pillow-case and stuck it over his head KKK-style, in a moment of you-couldn’t-script-it loathsomeness that must have had the production crew in a state of orgasmic bliss.

So, it was powerful stuff, and a jarring wake-up call to those who would like to believe that the problem of police vanished after the McPherson report. But, I cant help thinking that, by focussing their investigation solely on a handful of reassuringly, telegenically grotesque individuals, the BBC have fallen into the trap of the ‘few bad apples’ brigade who would have you believe, like Tony Blair, that “the vast bulk of police officers are…not in any shape or form racist”. He is right that there are only a tiny minority as excessively and overtly bigoted as those shown on the film – the idea of the police as some kind of uniformed wing of the BNP is bullshit. But, there is a ‘police culture’ that rewards machismo, and allows racist practice – conscious and unconscious, overt and covert – to flourish. The default position of macho, no-bullshit, boys-club posturing stifles dissent and allows those racists who aren’t so freakishly unintelligent as to let themselves to be coaxed into incriminating themselves on BBC cameras, to thrive.

Anyway, I will have to devote some brain-time to this.

Plus, I have – gulp – a job interview tomorrow. After a long, drawn-out disappointment last time I went for a new job, I am loathe to say too much. As last time, I will elaborate on success and completely ignore failure. As a psychologist, I can confidently say that this is the best approach to take to life. Focus on good things. Take anything bad and stuff it into a tiny little ball at the back of your mind. Even if it sometimes feels like the bad stuff is growing and growing, and only getting worse as you ignore it, continue to do so. Rest assured, it will soon go away by itself.*

*There is a possibility that the sublimated unpleasant thoughts may suddenly break through your brittle psychological defences, utterly destroying your mind in the process, and leaving you either a twittering, flinching emotional wreck, or a crazed, cold-eyed destruct-o-con robot who can only find solace through the infliction of pain and suffering on others. If this happens, then you have done the wrong thing, and have only yourself to blame.