Sunday 10th August, 2003 – Anguish

Why has the entire world got it in for me? I hate people who exaggerate their misfortune for the sake of drawing attention to themselves, but I am clearly the unluckiest man IN THE WORLD.

Not only did we fail to win the National Lottery AGAIN this weekend (an ongoing state of affairs that can surely no longer be put down to mere misfortune), but my guestbook has been mysteriously wiped clean of all but two entries. Why? Who do I complain to?

The guestbook is the lifeblood of the blogger – our entire self-esteem, and will to go on making our lives seem like a non-stop carnival of humorous incidents and droll asides, hangs on its precious entries.

Does this mean that I will have to cope without the lukewarm, conditional praise of a single-figure number of complete strangers to sustain my fragile self-image? Please God, say it isn’t so.

I have two choices now. Give up, and fold like a cheap deckchair (I would say if I were a grizzled, Chicago-based private eye), or forge ahead bravely, every body blow making me stronger, more resilient, more massive, more furious (like the Incredible Hulk).

Through my own resolve, and through the power of the futuristic technology of the blessed internet, I will re-claim my precious booty, and re-build the pitiable edifice of self-delusion and misplaced pride that is The Gerbilarium. Watch me.