What are you? Do you want a Vietnamese husband? (by Sandy Gannon, teammate extraordinaire)
These are the 5 standard questions that almost every Vietnamese person you meet will ask when they first meet you.
Where are you from?
How old are you?
What is your name?
How long have you been in Vietnam?
Do you have a husband yet? or How many kids to you have?
A few other common ones are:
Why aren?t you married yet?
Do you want a Vietnamese husband? Why not?
How long are you going to stay in Vietnam?
How much is your salary?
Is that enough?
How old are your parents?
Are your parents well?
After spending the weekend in the countryside meeting the family, relatives, neighbors and friends of 4 different students I am sure that I have answered these questions and more a hundred times. Near the end of the weekend my students would just answer on my behalf instead of translating for me directly as they knew the answers by heart.
But my absolute favourite question was put to me on the beach on afternoon. I was surrounded by a crowd of people trying to ask me questions in broken English. Then one young boy called, ?What are you?? Over the laughter of my students I calmly replied that I was a person, and asked him what he was. That incident became the joke of the weekend, and the story was repeated to everyone family and friend that we met.
My students were amazed at the attention that I received from everyone. There was constantly people calling out, ?Hello!? or ?Tay! Tay-wa!? which means ?foreigner? in Vietnamese. I am fairly used to it now as everywhere we go we are stared at, yelled at, pointed at. It is part of life here. But it surprised my students. After a few days of it they started to get tired of all of the attention, and I think they were able to understand a little of what it is like for me.
I traveled to a small town about 40 km north of Vinh called Dien Chau, which is the home of my student, friend and Vietnamese tutor Thuy. I stayed with her family for 2 days. Two other students - a girl and boy, Giang and Vien - also came with us. We spent Friday visiting Thuy?s family, walking around the town, visiting the local market, and the beach. Thuy has a very large extended family and it seemed that every other person in the market or town that we met was related to her in some way. We stopped to chat and drink tea with countless relatives and neighbours.
That evening as we were eating dinner a number of neighbours and relatives came to see this foreigner that they had heard about. A number stayed to visit, others just looked in the window or door, smiled or waved, but were to shy to come in and talk to me. In the evening we went for a walk and met more of Thuy?s relatives and so of course drank more tea, visited, and answered the important 5 questions. It was a really a lot of fun, even it was draining at times. I was able to practice a lot of Vietnamese, and some of my students were surprised at how much I could say and understand.
On Saturday two other girls that live in Dien Chau joined us and we traveled by motorbike to visit Vien?s village. Vien is the poorest student in his class, and he informed me that his family is the poorest in the village. His family are farmers, and his father and brother make wooden ploughs when they aren?t working the fields. Vien warned me numerous times how small and poor his home was, but even so it was hard to believe when I saw his home. His house was smaller then my room here at the university, which I think is pretty small, and 5 people lived there. There was enough space for two small double beds and a few chairs. The walls were falling apart, the mosquito net over the beds had been fixed and darned so many times it looked like a web of stitching. The smell of the pig sty that was attached to the side of the house wafted through the open windows and blended with the scent of the wood shaving from the side of the house where they made the ploughs. The roads consisted of small dirt paths barely wide enough for 2 motorcycles to pass each other.
His family were so happy to meet me and Vien?s classmates. They welcomed us into their home and did everything possible to make us feel at home. While the others stayed and rested Vien took me around the village to introduce to me his relatives and neighbours. I have never seen him so happy or so proud. It was very humbling. I mean who am I? I am just Sandy, nothing special. But I was treated like a visiting queen. There has never been another a foreigner in their village, let alone their home.
We then spent the afternoon exploring some local caves and countryside, including a hill covered in bushes of wildflowers of such hues that I have never seen. Bright orange-yellow, vibrant purples, pale pinks, it was breath-takingly beautiful. We could see many of the local young boys out with their buffalos grazing in the fields. From the top of the hill we could see Vien?s small village, and fields of rice and vegetables. We drove around the countryside stopping periodically so I could take photos or to check out different vegetables that I have never seen growing before. And when I say drove around ? think dirt bike racing, or 4x4 driving on motorbikes. Don?t tell my Mom but I had a ton of fun on the motorbike as we flew along the paths, passing bicycles, buffaloes and the occasional ox cart.
That night we went to Huong?s house back in Dien Chau for dinner. I once again met numerous relatives and neighbours and was treated like royalty. This weekend was probably one of the best times I have had here in Vietnam. I enjoyed spending time with these students so much that I didn?t want to come back to Vinh even though I was totally exhausted. In a way I was disappointed that I didn?t get to spend very much one-on-one time with Thuy or any of the students. But I know that just by the act of visiting with their families, meeting their friends and seeing their hometown I have been able to establish deep foundations for our relationships in the future. I plan to follow up with each of the students that I visited with this weekend. The conversations and questions will come in time. I just need to be patient. Next year I hope to have the opportunity to visit the homes of many more students. To meet their families and friends. To develop a deeper understanding and love for the culture and life of the Vietnamese.
