One Day I'll Find You

Chapter Five

Buffy threw her bag over her shoulder and sauntered through the grounds of UC Sunnydale. The weather was hot, the sun bright, and people were enjoying their lunches and downtime spending time outside. She scanned the large expanse of grass before her for Willow, spotting her past the benches and the general clutter of students, near the back by a large tree. Willow’s skin wasn’t a fan of too much sun so she was shading herself under its leaves, book in one hand and sandwich in the other.

“Hey, Will,” Buffy said cheerily as she approached. “No Tara today?”

Willow smiled up at Buffy as she set her book down, making a space for her on the little blanket she had laid out. Willow always seemed to be prepared for lunches on the lawn.

“She’s still in class,” she replied, looking a little down about it.

“That’s a shame; it’s such a nice day.” Buffy sat down on the blanket, crossing her legs and snatching a sandwich from Willow’s lunchbox.

Willow nodded, not commenting on Buffy’s thievery. “It’s a wonder Riley isn’t here, looking around for you,” she said. “Or did you do the bad deed?”

“There was no bad deed doing, or ever will be again with him,” Buffy pointed out, pausing before realising what Willow had actually meant. “Or if you meant the bad deed as in the not so nice deed, then yes. . .it was done. We’re no longer together.”

“How did he take it?” Willow asked.

“Not so good. He went all Neanderthal and started being mean, broke a table and generally made me want to kick his ass,” Buffy answered.

“That doesn’t sound like a good break up,” Willow said between bites of her sandwich.

“Are they ever?” Buffy sighed and rested back against the tree, watching as the few people closest to them got up to go. “It’s done though, and now I can move on to have freaky dreams like the one I had last night.”

“Freaky how?” Willow enquired.

Buffy didn’t know if it was a good idea to share how warped her mind could be, but she decided that if she left out the details it would do her some good to get a second opinion. She needed to bounce her thoughts off somebody, and Willow was her best choice.

“Freaky as in I was with Tru,” she told her.

Willow threw the crust of her sandwich back into the box and brushed the crumbs from her lap. “With Tru as in ‘with’ Tru?”

“Yep, there was definitely ‘with’ going on. Naked with,” Buffy confirmed.

“And that freaked you out?” Willow asked.

Buffy ran a hand through her hair, making sure nobody was around or nearby enough to hear. She was still just getting used to the whole being-attracted-to-girls thing so she didn’t want anybody overhearing and blabbing about it just yet. She hoped to avoid the judgements for as long as she could.

“Not so much freaked out by that - or her - no,” she responded. “In fact. . .it was kinda nice.” Buffy blushed a little, remembering the intimate feel of the dream. “Although, I don’t know how I knew we could do that together, or. . .yunno, if it’s even doable.”

Buffy blushed some more as Willow raised an enquiring eyebrow. “I probably don’t wanna know, what with you being my best - practically sister-like – friend, but what exactly were you doing?”

Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. “Well, I was on top of Tru, between her legs, and there was definite grinding and. . .”

“Ok, I get the picture,” Willow interrupted, clearly flustered and getting embarrassed as she raised her hands in the universal stop-before-you-go-too-far sign. “And that’s definitely doable.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile. It had felt nice being like that with Tru, so knowing it wasn’t just something she’d made up, and was something they could actually do, made her feel a little excited.

“It was definitely nice,” Buffy continued, “but then that’s where it gets weird.”

“Go on,” Willow prompted, resting her elbows on her knees as she listened.

“I was into Tru and the sweaty nakedness, and she was all moaning and. . .” she stopped as Willow’s expression clearly stated she didn’t need to hear more of that. “Ok, you get the picture I know. And just as it was getting to the best part. . .Faith turns up.”

“Yikes!” Willow exclaimed.

“That’s what I thought, at first,” Buffy told her. “But then. . .she kinda got involved.”

Willow’s eyes went wide. “That sounds like Xander’s favourite daydream.”

“I dunno about that, I mean. . .he’s not exactly a fan of Faith now,” Buffy pointed out.

“That’s true,” Willow agreed. “So. . .without telling me too much and sending me to an early grave, what happened?”

“I kept telling her I didn’t want her there, but she was all typical-Faith and being all full of herself, and then suddenly I was full of her and. . .”

Buffy paused, feeling herself getting wet with the memory of the dream. It had been damn sexy, even if it had also been completely strange. She’d tried to keep it out of her mind all day so she didn’t have to keep running to the nearest bathroom to relieve the tension it caused inside her. Maybe telling Willow hadn’t been her greatest idea.

Willow sat with her mouth hanging open. “You had sex with them both at once?”

“Yeah,” Buffy replied sheepishly. “But it wasn’t like it was my fault. It just happened. She said I’d brought her there but I’m pretty sure I hadn’t.”

“Was it a slayer-dream?” Willow asked.

“No,” Buffy replied, “they're a lot more confusing, not that this dream wasn't. It was just different confusing.”

“At least Faith wasn't really there then, I mean. . .in the slayer-dream sense,” Willow said. “Unless you wanted her there with you and Tru.”

Buffy scrunched up her brow, thinking about how awkward it would be if it had been a slayer dream; one in which Faith would have woken fully aware of both Tru and her interest in them both. As hot as it had been in its own perverted way, she was still glad it had just been a regular dream.

“No, I didn't want her there,” Buffy said with a determined nod. “I need to keep Faith out of my mind, and most definitely out of my bed.”

“Who's keeping who out of what bed now?” Came a confused query from behind the tree.

“Xander!” Buffy practically shrieked, shaking her head at Willow, her eyes bulging and trying to make it clear she didn't want Xander knowing. “We were just talking about. . .girly stuff.”

“Well, I'm practically one of the girls, feel free to share,” he said cheerily as he flopped down onto the blanket.

“It was nothing important,” Willow said confidently.

“I broke up with Riley,” Buffy admitted at the same time.

Xander furrowed his brow and looked between Buffy and Willow, his eyebrow raising. “So breaking up with Riley wasn't important?” he asked.

Buffy let out a long breath, trying to think of a way to explain things without giving away too much. It's not that she didn't trust that Xander wouldn't react badly to her liking girls, it was the fact it was Faith - and her very twin-like sister Tru - that was giving her cause for concern.

“Not unimportant just. . .no point in getting down about it. It's just over,” Buffy told him.

Xander nodded and picked up the crust from Willow's sandwich, chewing on it heartily. “Thought you guys were good together. I mean, he was no Angel – all dark and handsome with the broody obsession thing going on – but you two always seemed ok,” he said, little crumbs of crust dropping from his mouth to his lap.

“It was ok. . .and that's just it,” Buffy explained. “There was no wow-factor. And I'm really trying to ignore your Angel comment; his brooding was sexy, for a while.”

“Sure it was,” Xander said with a soft smile. “His brooding was definitely of wow-factor extremes.”

Buffy playfully slapped Xander on his arm, causing him to wince and pout.

“So, is this about Angel or is there a new hottie in town I haven't seen yet?” Xander asked. “Not that I normally go around calling guys hotties but I'm trying to fit in. . .as one of 'the girls'.”

Willow chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“No new hottie,” Buffy replied.

She tried not to think of Faith, and of Tru, but the word hottie kept spinning around in her mind. They were both definitely hot. They were both definitely the reason she'd had to dump Riley. Lying didn't sit well with her, but neither did upsetting one of her best friends, and she knew for sure that Xander wouldn't understand why she couldn't stop the way she felt about Faith.

“And it's not about Angel,” Buffy continued. “So not about him.”

“Good to know,” Xander said. “You need a nice – alive - guy in your life. . .that also has the whole wow thing going on obviously.”

Buffy smiled and glanced away. She wasn't thinking about guys, she wanted something else. Something different.

“We'll see,” Buffy mumbled, turning back to her friends.

She wished she could tell Xander, but for now it was better to keep it under wraps. The fewer people that knew about it, the less she would feel inclined to freak out.

“So, are we gonna head out tonight on the prowl for hot young men? I'm thinking the Bronze. It's been a while,” Xander exclaimed.

“I'm getting a little concerned about your fascination with boys, but no, not for me. . .I have studying to do tonight,” Buffy responded.

“I agree with Buffy,” Willow added. “I think we need to have a little talk about your interest in being one of the girls, Xander. I'm not sure I'd like to see you in heels and a dress.”

“Disturbing,” Buffy agreed.

“Hey, I'll have you know I look pretty in a dress,” Xander grumbled. “Not that I've. . .yunno, it's just that Anya likes to play. . .”

Buffy raised her eyebrows and Willow's eyes went wide.

“Ok, I'm done talking now,” Xander mumbled. “I gotta get back to work.”

He stood, brushing crumbs from his pants as they said their goodbyes.

“Sometimes I worry about him,” Willow commented as they watched Xander scurry away.

“I'm sure it's fine, and normal,” Buffy said, trying to convince herself. “And the less I know about what he gets up to with Anya the better.”


The two girls smiled together and shared a little laugh as they packed away Willow's blanket and began making their way back inside.

“So, we're not telling Xander then?” Willow asked as they entered the building.

“For now,” Buffy replied. “I don't think he'd be too happy with me being gooey eyed over Faith. What with her taking his virginity, kicking him out, then trying to kill him. Pretty sure that kinda thing upsets guys.”

Willow nodded in agreement.

“Besides, I really don't want to hear the tale of how Faith got him in to bed again. The first six times were enough,” Buffy grumbled.

“Jealous?” Willow asked. A sly smile pulling at her lips.

“Maybe a little,” Buffy admitted coyly. “Though not of the strangling. I'm not that kinky.”

“Glad to hear it,” Willow said cheerily. “I'm all for alternative lifestyles but I think I'd be a little worried if fighting with Faith turned you on.”

Buffy felt herself getting hot and forced herself not to blush. It wasn't her fault if she did actually get a little turned on when she fought with Faith. It was just one of those things she couldn't stop; like being into her in the first place.

They fell into silence as more students gathered around them heading to their classes.

The cool air flowing through the college corridors eased over Buffy's skin, making her feel fresher and ready for the next cycle of studying. If she concentrated really hard she could push out lascivious thoughts about Tru and Faith just enough to actually learn something. At least she hoped that would be the case. So far it was proving more difficult than she'd hoped.

She was glad Riley hadn't popped up to mark his manly territory again, hoping not to see him or speak to him until they'd both cooled down. Though she couldn't blame him for being upset, there was something about his reaction that worried her. Still, she couldn't dwell on it. She'd been honest with him - up to a point - and that had to be better than leading him on. Buffy hoped he'd be able to see that one day so they could be friends.

Making friends out of her exes seemed to be a difficult task, however.

After boiling her brain for several hours in the dusty lecture halls that seemed to deter learning rather than encourage it, Buffy fell backwards onto her bed. She kicked off her shoes and stretched out, the soft breeze coming through the open window blowing over her just enough to cool her.

The day had only gotten hotter, and her thoughts had followed suit. Far from being able to push aside her new desires, she couldn't help but get caught up in them. Now she'd allowed herself to think about sex with Tru, and therefore Faith, she couldn't stop. Every time she tried to focus on something else it only brought her right back to thinking about nakedness with either girl. How she'd managed to turn thinking about shoes into having sex with Tru in the back of a shoe store she'd never know. . .but that's how her brain was working. It just wouldn't let it drop.

Buffy wondered if maybe a night out at the Bronze would be a good idea after all, but there was too much potential there for remembering dancing close to Faith. Thoughts of dancing were good, but it only served to confuse her and make her feel bad for then wanting to call Tru.

“I'm a bad, bad person,” Buffy said to herself as she rolled off the bed and started changing her clothes.

It was getting late already, the sun beginning to slip out of view. She'd spent more time studying in the library that evening than she thought she had all year and she didn't feel any better for it. Her stomach rumbling reminded her that she needed to eat before slaying or even entertaining the idea of going out.

Grabbing a TV dinner from the fridge, Buffy shoved it into her little microwave and pressed the on button, pulling on some comfier pants and a tee shirt she wouldn't mind getting vamp dust all over. She pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail and took her hasty dinner out of the microwave once it pinged.

“Yuck!” she grumbled, but carried on eating the offensive meal anyway.

It wasn't luxurious living by anybody's standards, but at least she didn't have Dawn under her feet or her mother fussing over her. It was nice being alone. It was even nicer knowing Riley wasn't going to come plodding up the hall for some night time exercise that she'd lost interest in several weeks ago. It hadn't been his fault, things had just been destined to fall apart no matter how hard she'd tried to keep them together.

Once she'd eaten Buffy made her way out into the oncoming night, her thoughts clearer than they'd been all day. Now was the time for slaying, not for horny thoughts about hot girls she'd like to. . .

“Hey, slayer.”

Buffy paused as she made her way along the now deserted college campus paths.

“Ugh!” she grunted. “Don't you have anything better to do other than follow me around, Spike?”

“Wasn't following you,” Spike mumbled as he threw a half smoked cigarette to the floor, moving closer to Buffy as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Just thought you might like some company.”

He shoved his hands into his coat pockets as he loitered in the shadows.

Buffy rolled her eyes before glaring at him. “Why the hell would you even begin to think I'd want you around me, or even need company?”

“Heard on the grapevine you and your soldier-boy split up,” Spike said, his nonchalant expression doing nothing to hide his keen eyes as they travelled over her.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Buffy told him, pulling a face that clearly showed her disgust. “And exactly where in your vineyard did you hear that?”

“It's a grapevine, love, not a. . .never mind,” he huffed. “I just heard about it. Wondered if you were, yunno. . .alright.”

Raising an eyebrow, Buffy studied the vampire before her. He was harmless now – mostly - but she didn't trust him. He'd helped them, but she hadn't liked it. Still, she needed to know how he of all people knew about her split with Riley. It wasn't as if she'd shouted it from the rooftops.

“So, who told you?” Buffy asked firmly, stepping closer to him.

“Came from a friend of a frie. . .”

“Cut the bullshit and just tell me. I'm not planning to spend my night stood here talking to you, I have better things to do, and actual real vampires to slay,” she gibed. “Either you know and you tell me, or you don't know and I beat it out of you.”

Spike backed away, his long coat flapping a little in the soft wind.

“No need to get tetchy,” he said with a pout. “Some demon in Willy's let it slip. Said Riley had told him.”

“Willy's?” Buffy asked, wondering why Riley was chatting to the local demon population, and why her love life was suddenly the talk of the underground.

Spike nodded, fidgeting with his packet of cigarettes as he took another one out to smoke.

“That's weird,” Buffy remarked, glancing away from Spike as she tried to remember if Riley had any friends who were a little less than human.

“Yeah, and like I said. . .thought you could use some company. With the slaying stuff,” Spike muttered, interrupting her thoughts. “So, where we off? Graveyard? The old warehouse district? I hear there's some vamps using an old building to. . .”

“I can't make this any clearer, Spike,” Buffy began, her voice low and menacing. “I don't need you with me.”

She turned her back on him and began making her way further down the path towards the main street. Spike's boots clunked on the ground behind her, following closely.

“Didn't you hear me? Got too much bleach seeping into your brain?” Buffy asked, twisting back around to glare at him. “Don't follow me.”

Spike grinned a little and took a long drag on his cigarette. “Sure thing, love. Just so happens I might be going the same way as you, though.”

As she headed off again his footsteps continued behind her.

Buffy blew out an exasperated sigh and did her best to ignore him. She had enough to deal with without wasting her energy arguing with Spike.

He stayed with her as she slayed, helping out but mostly just getting in the way.

Thankfully he'd kept fairly quiet and she'd been able to keep her irritation levels to a minimum. He'd made it clear he wasn't going to leave her alone, and with no other option – having ruled out just staking him – she'd allowed him to tag along. He hadn't been able to tell her any more about Riley or the demon he was apparently pally with, but he had enough information for her to worry. It seemed like Riley was now spending more time in Willy's than was probably healthy.

There was nothing she could do about it yet; it was too early in their break-up for her to go offering Riley friendly advice. She was concerned for him, but she didn't want to make things worse.

Once she got home to her small dorm room she began to relax a little. Being around Spike always had her feeling on edge. He prickled her slayer sensors, and not in a good way. At least he'd managed to keep her mind off Faith and Tru, though seeing the little red light flashing on her answering machine brought them right back into her thoughts. There was a message from Tru, asking Buffy to call so they could make plans for the weekend.

Buffy smiled as she listened to it twice, enjoying the soft tone of Tru's voice as she spoke. Her voice was a little less low and husky than Faith's, but no less sexy. It was different, but the same enough to have Buffy wishing she could make up her mind about which she preferred. She liked both, for different reasons.

Shrugging off her jacket Buffy checked her watch. It wasn't yet too late to call, or at least she hoped it wasn't. She rang Tru's number and waited for her to answer, playing with the cord on the battered old phone perched by her bed. The dialling tone gave way to a click and a beep before an answering machine message greeted her. She was sad that Tru wasn't answering, but it was fairly late so she couldn't complain too much.

When the machine finished speaking – an automated message rather than Tru herself – Buffy began to leave her message.

“Hi, it's me. . .Buffy,” she said, trying not to sound retarded, even though she always felt it when talking to a machine. “You're probably in bed now so. . .”

“Hi,” Tru said quickly, sounding a little out of breath as she picked up the phone. “Sorry, Buffy, I was in the shower.”

Buffy groaned internally and pushed the heel of her hand against her forehead, trying - and failing – not to think of Tru in the shower. The image lodged itself in place, mocking her and teasing her. She could practically feel the heat from the hot water as it dribbled over Tru's naked body; little droplets easing over her skin, down her back, over the firm curve of her backside.

Post slaying hornies were making their presence felt.

“Buffy?” Tru said, obviously trying to get her attention.

“Huh?” Buffy blinked, the daydream refusing to leave her alone as she tried to focus. “Sorry.”

She shook her head and took a deep breath.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, just. . .you said the word shower and my mind went to a bad place. Actually, a good place, but bad when I'm trying to talk and make actual sense,” Buffy rambled, feeling her pulse quickening as Tru chuckled down the line.

She sat down heavily on her bed and tried to remember that she hardly even knew the girl. Having such thoughts about somebody so soon was a little unnerving, and totally distracting.

“I'm not usually like this, not so soon anyway,” Buffy said with a soft sigh. “You're probably wondering about my sanity.”

“Not at all. . .I think you're kinda cute,” Tru said, a slight chuckle to her voice. “And to be honest I don't normally get to the thinking-about-somebody-none-stop stage so quickly, so we're both probably going a little insane.”

“At least it's not just me.”

“Definitely not,” Tru assured.

Buffy grinned and felt the little butterflies in her stomach start flapping. It seemed like Tru was as in to her as much as she was in to Tru, making her worry a little less about steaming ahead into steamy thoughts.

“So,” Tru began, a soft shuffling sound coming down the line as she moved around, “when you were just thinking of me naked in the shower, were you there?”

Buffy closed her eyes and felt her hand getting sweaty where it was gripping the phone. Tru's voice was rolling over her, and the images in her head weren't going away any time soon.

“Actually I wasn't. . .but I so am now,” Buffy replied, imagining herself stepping into the shower with Tru.

She almost felt like she could reach out and touch Tru; trail her fingers over her bare skin as trickles of water flowed over her. The heat wrapping them up until she was pressed against her, soft and wet. The daring thoughts made her blush, and Buffy bit her lower lip, feeling all kinds of naughty for allowing herself to think about being close to Tru like that.

“That's a nice thought,” Tru said quietly, sounding slightly breathless.

Almost shuddering with the knowledge Tru was getting as turned on as she was, Buffy bit her lip a little too hard and had to restrain herself from yelping.

“All kinds of nice. . .and new.”

“New?” Tru asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy answered, hoping she wasn't just about to put Tru off. “I've never - well not really - thought about a girl quite so. . .with the nakedness and the kissing.”

There was a pause in the conversation and Buffy wondered if Tru had ran from the phone to get away. She knew it couldn't be a good thing to have some straight girl suddenly digging you. A straight girl who didn't know the first thing about being a lesbian and all that went with it, especially in the bedroom department. She hoped her little revelation hadn't blown her chances.

“Wow, I didn't know,” Tru said, her voice still soft, her tone sweet and kind. “I wouldn't have asked you out if I'd known. Not that I wouldn't still want to but. . .I don't wanna make your life all complicated.”

“But I'm glad you did,” Buffy reassured. “There's no way I coulda walked away without. . .”

She didn't know what she wanted to say, or what would be appropriate. There was a fine line between really liking somebody and straying into scary-stalker territory. She most definitely didn't want to come off as some kind of loony who picked up girls even though she was straight.

“I get what you mean,” Tru said, making Buffy feel at ease a little. “But if it's too. . .”

“It's not too anything,” Buffy said, interrupting.

There was no way she wanted Tru backing off. She had to reassure her.

“I'm not thinking I like you just out of curiosity,” Buffy confessed. “I'm just obviously not as straight as I thought I was. The imagining you naked - and being naked with you - pretty much clears up the whole doubt about being into girls, or to be more exact. . .being into you. So maybe I'm bi. In fact. . .I think I am. Maybe even more than that because I really just can't stop thinking about how hot it would be to be with you.”

Buffy took a big breath, her head spinning from her little confession. She still wasn't used to saying it out loud, and she'd probably said way too much.

“Yeah, you're definitely way cute. Especially with the whole babbling thing,” Tru said, her grin almost audible over the phone.

“Hey, I'm nervous here, this is. . .”

“New,” Tru finished for her, her smile still evident in the way she spoke.

“But new is good,” Buffy said with a nod.

“Yeah?” Tru asked.

“Oh yeah,” she replied, hearing Tru rustling around on what she imagined to be her bed.

It was getting hard to think past the naughty thoughts, but it was late and they still hadn't agreed on plans for the weekend. Buffy needed to know when she could see Tru again, even though a little voice in the back of her mind kept telling her it was really Faith she should be going to visit. She ignored the voice.

“Before this gets all kinds of even newer for me, maybe we should talk about this weekend,” Buffy prompted, changing the subject.

They made hasty plans for Buffy to travel up by bus for the weekend. It would mean staying over on Saturday night, so Buffy would have to find an excuse to get out of slaying and training. She knew she'd be able to come up with something, so they arranged a time for Tru to meet her. Tru told Buffy she could sleep in her bed and that she'd take the couch when Buffy had swallowed hard at the prospect of staying overnight. It wasn't that she didn't want to be intimate with Tru, it was just that it was too soon. Tru didn't seem to mind at all, making Buffy feel relaxed about staying, and not pressured into going further than she was ready for. It was so clear how different to Faith she really was.

“So I'll see you then, Buffy,” Tru said as they finished up with their plans.

“You most definitely will,” Buffy replied, smiling all big as she felt a little jolt of excitement run through her.

They'd be going on their second date, and that meant more smoochies. It also meant more thinking about Faith, but Buffy hoped spending more time with Tru would make her mind understand that it wasn't Faith, and that she didn't still want Faith. If she concentrated she could almost believe it was possible.

After saying their goodnights Buffy changed and climbed into bed. There would be no sleeping easy with her mind still going in circles, and the prospect of more dreams making her horny, and crazy.

Tomorrow was another day, and in a few more she'd be arriving back in LA, feeling a whole lot better about the place now that she had Tru to visit there.



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