One Day I'll Find You

Chapter Four

College classes became a good distraction for a few hours for Buffy the next day. She threw herself into her studies, hoping to dull her brain and concentrate her thoughts on something other than her suddenly complicated love life. It worked up to a point, but she couldn’t fool herself into believing she was free from Tru’s - and Faith’s - pull. Thankfully she’d been able to avoid Riley as he scoured the building looking for her, which greatly reduced the prospect of making her want to run to the nearest den of vampires to let them suck her dry.

Buffy wasn’t looking forward to the conversation she knew they had to have. There was no escaping the fact it had to happen, no matter how much she ducked around corridor corners when she saw him heading her way.

“Are you trying to knock me over?” Willow asked as Buffy quickly stepped behind her.

“If it’ll cause a good distraction for my getaway then yes,” Buffy replied, bobbing out of view of Riley as he descended some nearby stairs.

Willow shook her head and turned towards Buffy. “You’re going to have to face him sometime, Buffy. It’s only fair.”

“I know, I know,” Buffy mumbled, looking suitably guilty. “I’ll go after him.” Buffy handed Willow her small stack of books, causing her to almost tumble over again. “Wish me luck.”

Willow wished her luck as Buffy quickened her pace down the hallway to follow Riley. She tried to think of what to say, all kinds of explanations popping up in her mind. She couldn’t think of anything appropriate. They’d been through quite a bit together, and that definitely counted for something. It wasn’t like she just wanted to erase him from her life.

“Riley,” she called, getting his attention.

He spun round, smiling instantly as he saw her. “I was trying to find you everywhere. Must have just kept missing you.”

“Probably,” Buffy said quietly. “I’m done for the day though so. . .wanna get a coffee?”

He nodded and they left the college campus and headed for the nearest coffee bar. Buffy would normally hook her arm through Riley’s but it wasn’t something she wanted to do now, not wishing to encourage him or lead him on. It made for an uneasy and mostly silent walk. Buffy had no doubt he must have realised something was wrong, but he didn’t ask.

When they got their coffee and sat down he finally tried to make some contact with her, sliding into the seat beside Buffy at the booth they’d chosen. It effectively meant she was trapped by him, but that’s how they’d normally sit together so it wasn’t out of place; it just felt too close. Buffy wanted him further away before letting him down, but asking him to move probably wasn’t a good way to start the conversation.

“So, did you get your assignments done?” he asked, placing his arm over the back of the booth behind Buffy’s shoulders.

She felt like recoiling but held stiff. “Um, yeah. . .pretty much,” she replied, sipping at her hot drink.

“Cool, maybe we can go out later then,” Riley suggested. His hand drifted to Buffy’s shoulder and he gave it a little squeeze. “I’ve kinda missed you, Buffy.”

Buffy turned more towards him, effectively shrugging off his hand without making it too obvious. She hadn’t missed him.

“Later? I have. . .a thing,” she said, muttering into her coffee cup.

“A thing?” he asked.

“Yeah, I um. . .don’t think I can come.” Buffy almost rolled her eyes at herself, hating that she couldn’t just get the words out and tell him they were through.

“I hadn’t suggested a place to go yet,” he said, his brow furrowing as he studied her. “I’m getting the feeling you’re avoiding me, or trying to blow me off.”

Buffy almost choked on her coffee. “No, no blowing of any description,” she made clear. “In fact, that’s kinda the problem.”


“Yeah.” Buffy paused, chewing on her bottom lip as she studied the tabletop for help. No help appeared amongst the crumbs and coffee stains. “The thing is, I don’t. . .I can’t. . .”

There was no easy way to tell him she’d had enough. That he just wasn’t ringing her bell anymore. That she couldn’t stop thinking about a girl with long dark hair, two in fact. That there was no getting away from the fact his dingaling didn’t make her feel the squishy feelings that it should. She’d had an epiphany, finally accepted something that had always been there, tentatively embraced the fact she wanted to try the thing she’d always been scared of. Buffy didn’t think she was gay, but she knew there were other ways to describe the fact she now also liked the ladies and wasn’t running from it anymore. She couldn’t tell Riley that, though. No guy wants to hear that his girlfriend is suddenly jonsing for another girl.

“You can’t?” he asked, trying to catch her eye. “You can’t what, Buffy?”

Buffy took a deep breath and looked at Riley. “Do this,” she answered. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, shrugging as if he didn’t understand. “What do you mean? You can’t come out with me? You can’t get out of slaying? You can’t drink coffee? Or. . .”

“It’s the or,” she confirmed before he could continue. “It’s all about the or.”

Riley rubbed at his forehead, shifting his weight so he was facing Buffy, his big frame imposing on her space.

“Buffy, I’m trying to understand here. . .could you make it a little clearer?” he asked.

Buffy closed her eyes and held her breath for a moment, desperately looking for words that wouldn’t hurt.

“Wait. . .maybe I don’t wanna hear the clearer version,” Riley told her. “I’m getting the feeling it’s not going to be good. Am I right?

Buffy opened her eyes and nodded sadly. “I’m sorry.”

“Wow, ok,” he said, sucking in a big lungful of air like he’d just been kicked in the stomach.

He gripped at the edge of the table with the hand not currently resting on the back of the booth, his knuckles going white as he looked off into the distance, the shine of unshed tears glazing his eyes.

“What changed?” he eventually asked. “I mean, I know things were a little strained a while ago, but we’ve been good lately. At least I thought we were.”

“We were,” Buffy agreed, feeling like a complete bitch for hurting him, but unable to fight the fact it just wasn’t what she wanted anymore. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Buffy felt like hitting herself in the head for using such an obvious line once again on him. There seemed to be no getting around the fact she was going to hurt him, no matter how much she didn’t want to.

“Did you seriously just say that?” Riley laughed so loud the few costumers sat at the other side of the diner looked their way. He wasn’t laughing long, however. “That’s pretty insulting, Buffy. If you’re going to dump me do it right.”

He was getting angry; the tears replaced by a cold hard stare.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, and it is me and not you,” Buffy explained. “I’ve changed and I can’t just go back to how things were.”

“Maybe I’ve changed too,” he told her, his grip still tight on the table as he leaned towards her. “Of course, you wouldn’t have noticed. You never do these days.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked him, getting a little angry now herself.

“I guess it doesn’t matter now,” he responded, his chest rising and falling fast as if he was out of breath. “All the time we’ve been together I’ve never really known you, but I wanted to. I was willing to follow you anywhere. I went against everything I’d ever trusted for you, and this is how you repay me?”

The table cracked under his grip, a small fracture easing its way outwards. He didn’t let go, moving closer to Buffy and causing her to have to back up against the wall at the side of the booth.

“I never asked you to do anything,” Buffy pointed out, trying to keep her voice low even if he wasn’t doing the same.

“No, you just expected it; like you expect everybody to follow you. To fall in line. To be one of your scoobies,” he said, his face getting red as his hurt and anger collided. “Hell, you even get the vampires eating out of your hand, amongst other things,” he spat.

“Ok, stop,” Buffy said, raising her voice to his level. “I’m done with this conversation. I tried to break it to you nicely because I really don’t want to lose you as a friend, but I’m not staying here to listen to this.”

“Of course not. Stupid of me to ever think you’d actually listen, Buffy. That wouldn’t be your way, and we can’t have that.” Riley let go of the table and looked towards the large crack he’d caused. “Things change, like you said, but you’re still expecting me to roll over and play good doggie.”

“I’m not expecting anything; this conversation is over,” Buffy said firmly. “We’re over. Now let me out, I have things to do.”

Buffy tried to stand so she could move past him, but it was impossible in the small space he was giving her.

“I said we’re done, so let me out,” she repeated, looking him right in the eyes.

He didn’t move, his jaw clenching as his eyes darted between hers and the small space between them. He looked like he could do something stupid anytime soon; his brow beginning to shine as a droplet of sweat rolled down his temple. It reminded Buffy of the time he’d started getting withdrawal symptoms from the drugs that had been pumped into him by the Initiative. He hadn’t had contact with them for quite some time as far as Buffy knew, but he just didn’t look right. It almost scared her to see him like that again.

“Riley, I’m only going to say this once more, now move before I move you,” she told him in a threatening tone.

“We all change, Buffy,” he said, his eyes piercing and stern. “One day you’ll actually see I’m a good match for you; that we can be perfect together. I’ll be around, Buffy.”

Riley stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans and looking around as people glanced up at him. He was breathing hard, his muscles twitching and his demeanour imposing. Buffy felt worried for him as much as hurt by his words. She didn’t follow him as he strode off, however. It was best to let him go and cool down. She’d just given his ego a huge dent, and there was nothing she could do to put it right. She couldn’t lie and tell him they’d be ok, or that she wanted to struggle through for him and forget about Tru, and Faith. There was no doing that this time. She’d pushed Faith out of her mind for Angel, but it wasn’t an option now. There was no way she’d ever go searching for anything with Faith, but she couldn’t deny her attraction anymore, no matter how strange it was to feel that way about a girl who’d spent a lot of time fighting her.

Buffy made her way back to the campus slowly, trying to work out where her life was headed. Things had seemed so much simpler just a few days ago, but now she had new choices, new possibilities; a whole new world to discover. It was like she was seeing everything differently. Seeing the world through new eyes. Every pretty girl she passed made her think about what she’d always wanted. Buffy wasn’t blinkering herself anymore; finally able to allow herself the indulgence of being attracted to girls. It was surprisingly liberating. Buffy felt unconstrained by her own need to fit in and be normal now that she’d thrown the shackles off.

Closing the door to her dorm Buffy scanned the room for any stray possessions belonging to Riley. She realized almost right away that there was nothing of his there. She hadn’t been the kind of girlfriend to keep tee shirts or sweatshirts laying around, wanting to have the smell of her man close by for her to reach out and grab. That kind of thing hadn’t appealed to her, at least not where Riley was concerned. There was nothing for her to pack up and leave outside for him to come and get. He was gone.

It didn’t make her feel quite as happy as she thought it would now she’d done the deed, but she did feel a sense of relief. At least now she could move forwards unhindered. Maybe Riley would calm down and they could at least salvage some kind of friendship from the break-up. Buffy decided she’d like that. He’d mostly been a good man. . .he just wasn’t the one for her.

As Buffy flitted about her room, tidying, doing laundry and readying herself for the night’s patrol, she found herself thinking more and more about Tru. She couldn’t stop thinking about their date, especially the kiss at the end. It’d knocked her socks off. She’d never felt so immersed in just a kiss. Just the memory of it had her tingling in all kinds of places that made her smile. It made her hot; it made her know she wanted Tru, and that the fact she was Faith’s twin sister wasn’t going to dissuade her from pursuing her. There was no getting her out of her mind.

It stayed that way most of the night as Buffy patrolled, taking her frustrations out on the local vampire population. She asked one newly risen vampire if it was wrong of her to want the sister of a girl who’d tried to kill her, but he didn’t have an answer. He’d just shrugged before she turned him to dust. It seemed nobody had the answer but her. Willow kept telling her to do what made her happy, what felt right. . .but Buffy wasn’t certain what felt right.

It felt good thinking about her, about kissing her again, but it also felt kind of strange. Almost as if she was fooling herself into thinking she didn’t want Faith. Maybe that was what it was: a way for her to have Faith without the drama. Without the baggage and the hurt and all the anger that came with Faith. She wasn’t sure if she cared. All that really mattered was what made her happy, as Willow kept telling her. If it happened to be Tru, then Buffy couldn’t stop herself from wanting to walk that way.

She’d done enough sacrificing for the greater good. All she’d ever tried to do was the right thing, but it didn’t always work out that way. Her mess of a friendship with Faith was testament to that. This time she was going to go with her gut feeling, and that was all kinds of swamped with butterflies when she thought about getting closer to Tru.

There had been no choice but to break up with Riley and look ahead. His verbal attack on her had surprised Buffy, and his physical reaction was worrying, but there was nothing she could do about it now. If he needed help she would be there for him, but she couldn’t be the girlfriend he needed. Not now.

When she got back to her room she was satisfied that she wasn’t going to keep stepping backwards, and that her only option was to find out what it felt like to give in to what she wanted. If that meant embarking on the scariness of being with another girl, then Buffy was prepared to face it, and any backlash her friends might give her for it being Tru she chose to do it with. Willow was being fairly cool about it, but she knew Xander would have more of a problem. Any reminder of Faith would get him feeling uneasy, so getting into something with Tru was bound to make him question Buffy’s sanity, and possibly more.

She didn’t want to think about upsetting him, or anybody for that matter. Telling her mother would be out of the question, at least for the time being. She had no idea what she would even say.

“Oh hi, Mom, nice dress. . .by the way, I’m gay and fucking Faith’s identical twin.”

Buffy winced as she said the words aloud, but also felt one of those tingles drift through her when she stumbled on the thought of fucking. The kissing had been full of wow so she could only imagine what the rest would be like. It’s not like she hadn’t had fleeting thoughts about it when Faith had showed up. She’d quashed those thoughts, but they’d spawned a few naughty dreams that always got Buffy hot and bothered. She’d never given in to the temptation of dwelling on them however, always running to her boyfriends to confirm her ‘straightness’. There was nowhere to run this time. She didn’t want to run.

Smiling to herself as she slipped into bed, Buffy started feeling good about the way Tru was making her feel. She hoped Tru felt the same otherwise all the agonizing would be over nothing; not that she’d ever just sweep it under the carpet now and pretend like she hadn’t accepted something important about herself. She still felt the need to find out if Tru even wanted to take things further despite the obvious interest she’d shown. There was no point in thinking about what was in store if there was no possibility of even getting to that point with Tru.

Rolling to her side Buffy plucked her cell phone from her nightstand. She brought up a box to start a new text message and paused, not knowing what to say. Hello would probably be a good start she decided. She typed it in shorthand and tried to think about how she was going to turn her new desire into sensible words. There wasn’t room for much so she’d have to make it clear what she was feeling without being overwhelming or weird. She certainly didn’t want to scare Tru off.

She decided on “Hey, sexy. Was just thinking about you. Do you want to meet up again soon? I’d like to maybe try that kissing thing out again.” She typed it all in shorthand, hoping Tru would be able to decipher it. Reading it back it sounded kind of lame, and the two kisses at the end looked almost too cheesy, but she didn’t have a clue what else to do or say. She wanted to show interest, but not in a stalker-like way. Dating girls was new; Buffy didn’t know the rules yet.

Pressing send she thought maybe calling her sexy was a bit forward, but she could always claim it was just because it was true. Tru most definitely was sexy, and sweet, and in the naughty regions of Buffy’s brain she was also very fuckable.

Buffy lingered on the idea of it, playing with it in her mind. . .imagining the touches, the soft skin all naked and heated, new tastes, sounds and sensations. Yeah, she was definitely looking forward to dipping her toe in to that particular pool. It made her nervous just thinking about it, but it also made her smile to herself.

A chirp came from her phone and she picked it up and hit open to view the new message she’d just received. It was Tru. Buffy noted the same amount of kisses at the end of the message before reading what it said.

“I was thinking about you too and would definitely like to meet again. Maybe this weekend? The kissing part sounds really good. I’ll look forward to it.”

It was also in shorthand, but Buffy was able to work out exactly what it said. It made her smile and look forward to the weekend and all the possibilities of more. She’d have to come up with some excuse to go to LA, but she was sure she could swing it. Tru was thinking about her, and that gave the tingles extra tingly bits. She was about to send a message back but realised she probably shouldn’t appear as overeager, after all she’d already told Tru she was thinking about her and wanted to meet her. She decided to leave it until tomorrow and took one more look at the message before placing her phone back beside the bed.

Buffy was asleep in no time, her body relaxed and her mind giving her a little peace as it stopped trying to analyze every little detail of her life. Sometime before morning - and the loud buzzing of her alarm - she slipped into a dream that took her just a little by surprise.

In her dream she was in a large bed, sheets in disarray around her, and she wasn’t alone.

“Buffy, don’t stop,” Tru said, panting, her fingernails scratching at Buffy’s back.

Buffy tried to catch her breath as she opened her eyes to see Tru underneath her, her face flushed and glistening as Buffy lay between her legs. She took a second to just enjoy the sensation of Tru being tight against her, so soft and perfect, her legs holding Buffy firm, their breasts pressed together. Buffy was hot and damp, her body slick with sweat, the moisture between her legs spilling over Tru in the naked and intimate embrace. She could feel how wet Tru was for her as she moved, sliding against her as she held herself over her.

She felt like she was on fire, currents of energy running through her as if she was a live wire sparking, crackling, ready to release its power. Buffy leaned down and kissed Tru passionately, sweeping her tongue into her mouth as she moved faster and harder against her, sure about what she was doing. Tru moaned and held tighter, bucking up into Buffy so her pussy was spread for her and slipping over Buffy’s just enough to have them both gasping with pleasure as they tried to kiss and breathe at the same time.

“Oh God,” Buffy sighed as she felt herself being swept along, on the brink of her oncoming orgasm.

Kissing over Tru’s face and neck, Buffy concentrated on moving in just the right way to get Tru coming for her. Her concentration was soon stolen by the feel of another hand sweeping over her back. Instinctively she looked to her left, and wasn’t as surprised as she should have been as Faith lay grinning at her, resting on her side next to Buffy and Tru.

Faith’s fingers travelled down Buffy’s back as she continued to move against Tru, who seemed oblivious to the new addition.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy finally asked Faith, as Tru writhed underneath her.

Faith smiled and looked Buffy up and down. “You brought me here, B. I’m guessing the reason’s pretty obvious.”

Buffy shuddered as her clit slid over Tru’s, easing them both closer to the edge of no return. She closed her eyes and hoped Faith would be gone when she opened them, but she was still there, her dark eyes piercing Buffy’s as she lounged beside them in her black leather pants and tight tank top.

“I didn’t bring you here. I don’t want you here,” Buffy told her, not questioning why Tru wasn’t asking what was happening or who she was talking to.

“That’s not true, Twinkie,” Faith responded. Her hand glided over Buffy’s backside, fingers slipping slowly between her legs. “You know it’s me you want and not her. You don’t want sweet and safe, you want hot and dangerous.”

“Fuck,” Buffy moaned as Faith’s fingers reached her slick pussy.

She couldn’t help but spread her legs further, inviting Faith in as she tried to keep pressed against Tru at the same time.

“It’s always me you wanted,” Faith said huskily into Buffy’s ear, her hot breath causing her to quiver as much as her touch.

Buffy arched against Tru as Faith’s fingers slipped easily inside her pussy from behind, filling her as she gasped. Tru pushed upwards, her body shaking beneath Buffy as she began to come, moaning Buffy’s name into her blonde hair. Buffy once again tried to concentrate on Tru and forget the fact that Faith’s fingers were fucking her deep and sure. It was no use, she was about to come and she couldn’t pull her eyes from Faith’s. She wanted to call out Faith’s name, but Tru’s sighs and pants reminded her who she was meant to be with. So she kept it inside, repeating Faith’s name in her head as she let go and came over Faith’s fingers and Tru’s pussy.

“Oh yeah,” Buffy moaned loudly. “Oh fuck yes.”

She shook hard as Faith kept her fingers pushed inside her.

“You want me, B,” Faith whispered in her ear. “That’ll never change. You want me fucking you, coming for you, hot and wet all over you.”

She ground harder into Tru beneath her, receiving a cry of pleasure as they both tumbled on the crashing waves rolling through them.

“Faith. . .please don’t. . .don’t stop,” Buffy gasped as Faith moved her fingers in and out of her faster, sending Buffy over the edge again.

As she watched Faith’s grin ease deliciously over her face, Buffy felt the corners of the dream blur and fall away. She opened her eyes wide, staring into the darkness as she lay on her back all alone, her sheet sticking to her hot skin as she gripped onto the headboard behind with one hand. Buffy’s body was still charged, her muscles tense, her pussy tightening as she trembled and came without even needing to touch herself.

“Faith,” she sighed into the early morning light as she felt herself release.

As Buffy shuddered to a rest, her panties damp with arousal, she moved her arm to cover her eyes, hiding herself from the empty room as she tried to gather her thoughts and feelings.

She couldn’t quite believe she’d just come so easily, without touching, without anything but thinking of how it felt to have Tru pressed against her and Faith deep inside her.

It wasn’t like she’d never had a sex dream featuring Faith before; it’d happened a few times in the past, but it had never felt so real. And of course this time Tru had been there. She’d been with Tru, and Faith had made sure she wasn’t forgotten about. It was clear she was going to have to work harder to get Faith out of her mind so it didn’t spoil the potential possibilities with Tru. She didn’t want that spoiled.

There was no doubt she’d just come because of Faith, however. It didn’t sit easy with her. Buffy didn’t want to keep wanting Faith when there was no hope there.

“Get a grip,” she said to herself. “She’s gone and you don’t want her. You don’t even like her.”

Her words were shaky, unconvincing. She felt unsteady and unsure. There was no way she could cling to the desire she felt for Faith; that would only lead to being hurt. To being let down and left alone. It wasn’t going to be easy, not now she was sure of how deep her attraction ran, but Buffy knew she had to do her best. If she was to stay sane and still see Tru, she had to push Faith out of her mind. . .and her dreams.

Even though it wasn’t yet time to get up, Buffy pushed her covers back and climbed out of bed. She needed a shower - preferably cold - and a long hard run. She’d beaten back her desire for Faith once before, so she could do it again. It just took focus, and having somebody else to occupy her thoughts always helped. It had helped to have Angel, and it had helped to have Riley for a time. Now she was hoping it would help to have Tru, even though it seemed insane to think being with Tru would do anything but make her more crazy for Faith.

Buffy was willing to try. There was no way she could just walk away from Tru. There was no way she could walk away from that small link to Faith, even if she was determined not to have Tru turn into some kind of replacement. She wouldn’t be a replacement. Buffy wouldn’t let it just be about having a replacement; not when Tru was so much more. . .real, and safe.

She needed that, and no matter what Faith had said to her in her dream, she knew she wanted that. She just had to convince her body of the same, as it was apparently having different ideas.

Focus. That’s all she needed. She would focus on Tru, and convince herself that it wasn’t about Faith.



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