One Day I'll Find You

Chapter Eleven

Buffy turned her face away from Faith’s hand, taking a breath that sucked the warm air into her lungs and made her dizzy with thought. She couldn’t believe Faith knew. She couldn’t believe Faith wasn’t more angry about the fact she hadn’t found out she had a sister in a better way. It seemed Faith was fixated on one thing, and that was being with her. Buffy didn’t want that. She wasn’t going to crumble for Faith.

“Faith, I’m not doing this,” Buffy declared, staring into Faith’s eyes as Faith lowered her hand. “This is sick and twisted. And yes, I know it’s my doing. I know it’s me that’s sick and twisted, and I did wrong. I know I should have. . .”

Her last words came out mumbled as Faith surged forwards, lips locking on Buffy’s before she could shrink back.

Faith’s lips were soft, insistent and instantly addictive. Buffy lifted her hands and placed them on Faith’s shoulders, meaning to push her away, but hesitating as Faith moved over her mouth. She really didn’t want to kiss back. She really didn’t want to give in, but years of longing beat at the inside of her skull. For a brief few seconds Buffy pressed her lips back against Faith’s. For what seemed like an eternity she kissed her. She actually kissed Faith. There was actually kissing, with little sparks of gold flashing before her eyes and the whole pounding heart thing, shortness of breath and general goodness.

But the goodness couldn’t last. Buffy knew it couldn’t last.

She ignored the slight flick of Faith’s tongue against her top lip – also ignoring the twist of desire it sparked – and pulled back. She pushed Faith away at the same time to make sure she got the message. Faith pushed back against Buffy’s hands, but Buffy couldn’t let this happen.

Even though her whole body had reacted to just one small kiss, she couldn’t give in. Too much was at stake, not least her own sanity.

“Come on, B,” Faith practically whined. “No way can you tell me you don’t wanna keep doing that.”

“I don’t,” Buffy lied. “I’m with somebody, and as messed up as it probably is, that still means something to me.”

Faith shook her head, her dark eyes claiming Buffy’s in a way that made her itch inside. It would be so easy to just give in and tell Faith she was right – that it was Faith she wanted. It would be easy, but it wouldn’t last. They would drive each other crazy, they would fight, they would regret ever trying. Buffy knew she had to stay strong. If they got together now it would be for the wrong reason, at the wrong time. It would only turn sour and spoil any hope of them being something beyond enemies.

They had to build trust for a start. They had to mend the hurt they’d caused each other. That couldn’t be done by just forgetting everything and rushing into something neither of them were prepared for. It would take time, not sex.

“I can see it in your eyes, B.” Faith edged closer again, making Buffy’s breaths shudder from her body. “I can taste it. You want me.”

She leaned forward, a hand sliding up the outside of Buffy’s thigh. Buffy was certain she’d moved back again, but it was obvious her mind was playing tricks on her as Faith’s tongue teasingly slid across her lower lip then flicked once again at her upper lip. Buffy trembled – so close to taking that tongue into her mouth. So close to Faith she could feel her body heat and immerse her senses in her alluring scent.

She felt like swooning into Faith’s awaiting arms. There was a screaming match inside her brain, one side begging her to take what she’d always wanted, the other willing her to do what was best for her in the long run. She had to protect her heart. But when she had Faith trailing her fingers along her thigh and her mouth so close, it was hard to concentrate on anything but the throbbing between her legs.

“Faith,” Buffy sighed, barely a sound at all.

Before she could distract Faith again, Faith was kissing her, more forceful, more charged with the ever present desire between them.

Buffy trembled from her head to her feet, tingles scratching down her spine as Faith’s tongue parted her lips and swept Buffy’s up to duel with it. Buffy couldn’t help but respond once again; she breathed into Faith’s mouth, kissing her as deep as she was being kissed. Her hands gripped onto Faith’s shoulders, fingers digging as they tasted and twisted their tongues in a desperate hope to sate some of the yearning inside.

It would never be sated so easily, and it would never just stay at kissing if Buffy allowed it to continue - she was just finding it very hard to stop.

As Faith sucked on her lower lip and then did the flick-y thing with her tongue on her upper that made Buffy’s stomach flip upside down, she promised herself she’d pull away soon. She convinced herself it was possible. She rattled at her memories and forced them to remind her why she couldn’t be doing this.

“Ok, stop,” Buffy said as she finally managed to pull away, breathing harder than she wanted.

“I’ll stop when you stop kissing me back, Blondie,” Faith drawled, keeping her face, and more importantly her mouth close to Buffy’s.

“That’s not fair,” Buffy sighed, closing her eyes so she wouldn’t keep looking down at Faith’s lips and wishing they were on her.

“Fair?” Faith asked with a huff. “You don’t get to talk about fair right now.”

Buffy bit her tongue – wanting to chew it right off for allowing it into Faith’s mouth in the first place – and held her temper in check. Faith was well within her rights to be mad at Buffy right now.

Sliding her hands down from Faith’s shoulders, Buffy took a deep breath and with some difficulty stood up from the bench. She couldn’t be so close to Faith. It was obviously just too much for her libido to handle. Too much for her conscience.

“So you’re gonna keep seeing her?” Faith asked as Buffy stood aimlessly by the bench Faith now sat in the middle of alone.

Her voice was marred with a mix of resentment and underlying hurt and it stung at Buffy in a way she didn’t like. She wasn’t used to being the bad one. She wasn’t used to being in the position to be judged, especially by Faith. There was no way to answer her truthfully and not be judged, however, so she had to swallow her pride.

Turning to face Faith, Buffy wrapped her arms around herself defensively; crossing them over her chest in defiance of Faith’s interrogating stare.

“Yes,” Buffy finally replied uneasily. “She’s. . .she’s. . .”

Buffy could think of a thousand things to say, but every one of them would be like slapping Faith in the face, and she felt she’d done that enough already with the fact she hadn’t told her about Tru in the first place.

“She’s not me,” Faith finished for her.

“No, she’s not.”

Buffy held Faith’s gaze with her own. She tried to ignore the fact Faith was looking the picture of confidence as she sat with her arms spread out either side of her across the back of the bench, knees apart and legs stretched partially out, almost in invitation.

“I admit it’s pretty shitty, Faith. I admit I fucked up. Hell, I even admit that I did. . .do want you. But we’re not good together. We can’t get past the fighting. . .”

“Ya haven’t even tried, B,” Faith pointed out with a slight smirk.

Buffy shook her head and angrily replied, “Well ya haven’t exactly given me much reason to try, Faith.”

They fell silent for a moment, just looking at each other; eyes full of longing barely hidden beneath the bitterness. Bad memories still scolding.

“So this is your way of getting back at me?” Faith finally asked.

“No,” Buffy answered truthfully. “It just happened. I couldn’t stop it.”

Faith looked away, seemingly composing herself, or maybe just choosing which words to use to make Buffy feel even worse about herself than she already did. It wouldn’t take much – she already felt pretty awful for being so selfish and not sharing with Faith that she had family she didn’t know about. Close family.

Before Faith could say anything she tried to make up for what she’d failed to share.

“She’s nice. Tru I mean,” Buffy stated, feeling Faith’s eyes bore into her as she turned to her once more.

“Yeah, I’ll bet. Nice enough for you to screw. Nice enough for you to fuck me over for.”

Buffy almost couldn’t stand the deep hurt that danced inside Faith’s eyes through the barriers. She wanted to turn and run. Run from her mistakes. The only problem being. . .it was Tru she wanted to run to.

“Faith, stop it,” Buffy implored. “As much as I know I did the wrong thing, it’s too late to change. And no matter what you think. . .I didn’t do it to hurt you.”

“Wait a minute, Twinkie,” Faith cut in, a puzzled look on her face. “I’m not hurt.” She stood up and strode the very short distance it took to get to Buffy. “I just think you should stop fooling yourself. It’s me you wanna fuck, not her.”

She sounded so convincing Buffy had to fight not just to agree right then and there. But she wasn’t right. It wasn’t just about who she wanted to fuck.

Buffy sighed and dropped her arms, feeling tired of the conversation. Tired already of feeling guilty, even though she’d all but pushed that aside in pursuit of what she wanted. Faith must have mistaken the reaction for some kind of green light. She stepped closer and pulled Buffy into her body; kissing her hard.

Mumbling, Buffy tried to pull away quicker this time, but Faith held her firmly around the waist and forced the kiss. She tried to push her tongue in to Buffy’s mouth, grinning as a bunch of passing guys wolf whistled from behind Buffy.

She didn’t want this. As much as she was still attracted to Faith, and as much as she couldn’t deny what she made her feel. . .this was not cool. Putting some strength behind her push, Buffy shrugged Faith off, frowning crossly at her as she stumbled backwards.

“Seriously, Faith. . .stop it,” Buffy warned.

Buffy’s fists were clenched and Faith didn’t miss the fact. Faith stood her ground for a few seconds but then conceded, throwing her hands in the air and shaking her head.

“Yunno what, B?” she asked. “You’ll figure it out on your own.” She pointed at Buffy and then herself as she spoke. “You want me, and I’m right here for ya. When you’re done with the version of me that could never truly understand who you are, and that doesn’t get you as hot. . .then you’ll be right there at my door.”

Faith looked Buffy up and down one more time before turning to leave. Buffy was grateful she’d left as she had nothing to say. She didn’t know if she could dispute Faith’s argument because. . .well, she just didn’t know. She had no clue what she was doing. Buffy just wanted to be happy. She wanted things to be good for her, uncomplicated, neat and tidy and not messy and crazy. Faith made everything messy, and definitely crazy. She always had.

It took Buffy a few minutes to shake herself free of the daze Faith had left her in. So much had happened all at once and Buffy didn’t know which way to turn. She couldn’t deny that Faith had given her something to think about, but she did like Tru. Buffy couldn’t just walk away from Tru just because Faith was offering hot and horny sex. Who knew what would follow the sex? Probably more sex, but after that. . .she doubted Faith would want to be all relationship-y.

She doubted Faith really knew what she wanted herself. Offering herself to Buffy was probably just another way to screw with her – Buffy still didn’t trust Faith or her motives. Not that she trusted her own all that much more right now.

Taking a slow walk home via the many cemeteries that littered the Sunnydale area, Buffy tried to figure out exactly what it was she truly wanted. One minute it would be so clear, then the next she’d be back at square one. She got to thinking she was probably better off alone; at least then nobody but her would be hurt, or get mad.

Deep in her own pickle, Buffy lumbered into her room at the dormitory, not even bothering to turn on the lights as she kicked off her shoes, left a trail of clothes behind her and fell into bed. She’d dusted a few vamps on the way home and didn’t feel like going out again to patrol. Sunnydale would have to survive a night without her for once; she was beat, gloomy, and still burning inside from the kissing.

She tried not to think about the kissing, but that was damned near impossible. Attempting to muffle her thoughts with her pillow clasped tight over her head just wasn’t working. All she could think about were Faith’s lips. She could practically feel them on her own; hot and sensual kisses that she would have been eager to continue under other circumstances. In fact, Buffy doubted that even her worries about trusting Faith would have been enough alone to keep her from going further.

Buffy had stopped because of Tru. Because she didn’t want to cheat. Didn’t want to ruin something that might – or definitely would - be better than what she could hope for with Faith.

“No more Faith,” Buffy muttered to herself as she let the darkness wrap around her.

There could be no more Faith when she wanted Tru.

By lunchtime the next day Buffy was tired of all the thoughts in her head. She couldn’t concentrate on anything else and it led to a headache she wanted to beat out of her own skull. She’d successfully managed to avoid Willow all morning, not knowing quite what to say to her about the fact Faith had prized far too much info from her. It wouldn’t be fair to take her bad mood out on Willow, though snarling at her wasn’t out of the question – hence the fact she was keeping her distance.

She didn’t much feel like being in college either so Buffy had made her way to Giles’ shop to take some of her frustration out in the small gym in the basement. She was cautious entering at first in case Faith was there. Luckily she wasn’t, and Giles didn’t ask why Buffy had the sudden urge to beat up inanimate objects. He was happy she was training and that’s all that mattered to him.

After slipping in to some comfortable pants and a small tee shirt, Buffy warmed up. She stretched her body and her mind, making both forget about how Faith had made her feel. She had always been able to immerse herself in the physical side of training. Even though sometimes she’d whine to Giles about wasting her time down in a gloomy basement, she enjoyed learning to control the power within her.

Giving a final stretch to her back, she centred herself, both literally in the middle of the basement, and metaphorically as she found her inner peace – or what was left of it at least.

She ran through a few set moves, lunging and twisting with practised ease. Her mind switched into auto mode – nothing but the movements, planning the next step, the next part of the dance. Of course she preferred using her skills against an actual opponent, but there was something about closing your eyes and just letting the body flow. And she knew she flowed well.

This was who she was. This was her calling in action; moving fast, breaking the air with her fists, floor groaning as she jumped and sprang. She knew exactly where she was in the room. She knew her surroundings; every weapon she could reach for, every place she could utilise in a fight. Buffy didn’t need to look to be sure of what she felt all around.

“Impressive,” came a voice from the stairs, accompanied by the sound of clapping.

Buffy opened her eyes, whipping her head around to look towards the stairs, almost tumbling onto her ass as she lost balance. She waved her arms around to regain composure and glared at the girl smirking her way.

“Not so impressive,” Faith added with a chuckle.

Buffy glared and finally caught herself from falling, resting her hands on her hips.

“What do you want?” Buffy asked harshly.

She wasn’t being friendly and she knew it, but friendly wasn’t what she felt. It was probably terribly mean, but Buffy didn’t care. Though she knew she was far from the finger of blame this time, she wanted to duck and weave past its accusing pointing. If there was any way to make Faith seem more like the one in the wrong, she’d damn well make sure to do it.

“No need to get snappy, B,” Faith drawled as she made her way down the last few steps, heading closer to Buffy than she was going to be comfortable with. “Giles thought’d be a good idea for us to train together.”

Buffy’s eyes went wide.

“He though it. . .he thought. . .” She was a little lost for words. Shaking herself free from the unflattering case of stutters she continued, “He seriously thought – after everything we’ve done to each other – that it would be a good idea for us to start hitting each other? Alone?”

Faith shrugged and idly fingered a sharp axe as it lay next to a wide array of weapons on the cluttered counted top.

“Well it’s not like I’m gonna come down here and slice you up is it, B?” Faith asked, raising an eyebrow at Buffy.

Not sure whether Faith was expecting an honest answer or not, she narrowed her eyes and kept her mouth closed. She doubted Faith would try anything like that but she had to be careful. For all she knew, last night could have been a trick. Faith could have just been trying to convince her that she was into her to get inside her head - her life - and then screw things up for her once more. Given their history it wasn’t a far fetched notion, but something about that didn’t feel right.

Buffy could see that Faith wanted her – it was now clear in her eyes. Faith was looking at her differently. Or maybe Buffy had only just realised exactly the way Faith looked at her – had always looked at her.

“So, what you down here for anyways? Thought you were the student type these days,” Faith continued as Buffy reached for her towel and brushed it over her arms.

“I am,” Buffy confirmed brashly, feeling edgy.

She didn’t want to look Faith in the eye. Didn’t want to notice that her ass looked really good in the jeans she had on.

“I just needed to blow off some steam.”

Faith walked a little closer to Buffy, every step drawing her green eyes to the sway of her hips. Faith was like a hypnotist’s pocket watch, tricking Buffy into a daze she didn’t want to fall into. And she couldn’t be caught looking. Not in the way she was.

She turned away from Faith, made her way over to the punching bag and threw an aimless punch at it. Her mind was now totally off the idea of training, and back onto Faith. She should have been smarter and trained elsewhere, or maybe buried her head in a book someplace where nobody could find her and taunt her with their sexiness.

“You can blow it off on me if ya want,” Faith suggested, following close behind Buffy.

Furrowing her brow at Faith, Buffy span around. She was growing hot and irritable.

“I told you last night, I’m not interested,” Buffy exclaimed.

“Hey, back off, Tiger. I just meant with the training.”

Faith smirked at Buffy and she knew that’s not what she’d really meant; Buffy wasn’t stupid, though she was beginning to think she was crazy at least. But as much as she wanted to rush up the stairs away from Faith, her legs didn’t seem to want to carry her that way. As much as she scowled at Faith, the rest of her body wanted to sidle up beside her and find Faith’s curves with her own.

She had to stay away.

“I can train on my own,” Buffy assured.

“There’s a lot of things you can do on your own, but yunno. . .sometimes it’s more satisfying doing it with somebody else,” Faith said slowly, her grin mocking Buffy as much as enticing her.

Buffy could feel herself tipping into angry, expecting many more innuendos. Sure, she was mainly angry at herself for causing the situation in the first place, but she was definitely pissed at Faith for pushing her. She knew things would only get worse. This was just the beginning.

“There are things I do with other people, Faith,” Buffy responded scathingly. “I won’t be doing them with you.”

She turned away from Faith once more and took a more convincing swing at the punch-bag. It rattled on the chain as it tried to get away but it was soon met with another thwack as she blasted it with her other fist. Her body was buzzing, and she needed control. Buffy needed her focus back.

Unfortunately Faith didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and Buffy didn’t seem to be asking her to go anywhere. She said nothing as Faith took the heavy punch-bag in her hands and held it firm for Buffy as she swung at it repeatedly.

Eventually her eyes flicked to Faith’s as her knuckles pounded the bag. Green swam into deep, dark brown, engulfing Buffy with all that she’d wanted. Teasing her with all that she’d ran scared from in the past. Tempting her with the promise of heated kisses that she wouldn’t pull away from. How was she meant to keep her head when it was full of Faith? Faith’s eyes, Faith’s firm hands on the bag, Faith’s sleek hair as it whispered over her shoulders. Faith’s small hips, strong legs, breasts encased in a tight black tee shirt under the dark, denim jacket that made her look just as cool as she portrayed herself to be.

Buffy couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take being in the same room as Faith. She wanted her. There was no denying it. She wanted her hot and hard and. . .

“You trying to fuck me with your eyes, B?” Faith asked, her voice husky and dripping with desire. “’Cause it’s working.”

Buffy shook her head to clear it and dropped her hands by her sides. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and thought of Tru. She thought of her right up until Faith was pressed against her; one hand on her hip, the other holding her face, lips on her lips.

She moaned without meaning to as her mouth responded naturally; kissing Faith back with as much need as Faith was kissing her. Their tongues instantly sought each other out, slick and warm as they searched for more intimacy. It felt right. It felt good, and Buffy felt like a thousand butterflies were taking flight in her stomach.

Sliding her arms around Faith she held on, fearful of floating right up to the roof. As corny as it was, that’s how she felt. Every hair was standing on end as they kissed. Every sigh and dangerous little whimper confirming what they both knew. They started fighting for breath, not wanting to break apart, hands grasping at clothes as seconds ticked into minutes that stole more and more of Buffy’s determination.

But they couldn’t do what they were doing. As much as Buffy wanted to continue, she couldn’t fight down her pride and self-righteousness.

“Ugh! You’re driving me crazy, Faith,” Buffy groaned, stepping away from Faith and catching her breath.

Turning away from Faith she held a hand to her forehead, rubbing at her brow. She wanted to rub at her lips to wipe them clean of Faith’s taste and the memory of her. The memory wouldn’t go, however. Buffy knew that much. Now she’d dipped her toe in, her whole body wanted to follow. She wanted to dive into a big, wet pool of Faith, but she couldn’t allow it to happen.

“See, I knew you were crazy about me, B,” Faith quipped, getting closer again from behind Buffy.

“Not crazy in that way,” Buffy clarified. “I mean, regular, good old, brain-flaming, crazy.”

She span back around to face Faith, surprised at how close she was to her again. Taking a step back, she glared at Faith; the kind of glare that made the green in her eyes shine, and caused people to step aside to make room for her. But Faith wasn’t stepping anywhere but forward, toward her.

“Gotta be a reason for that,” Faith alleged. “Apart from all the fucked up, bad stuff I did.”

Buffy felt the countertop hit her lower back as she backed into it, eyes fixed on Faith’s as Faith continued forward. She stopped just in front of Buffy, entirely too close for Buffy to feel comfortable. Moving again would only make it look like she was running away – which of course she was trying to do, but she didn’t want to appear like a complete idiot.

“I always thought there was something,” Faith added. “Knew I wasn’t imagining it.”

“Imagining what?” Buffy asked as she placed her hands on the edge of the counter, behind her, giving herself something solid to hold on to as she once again felt the floor slipping away from her because of Faith.

“The way you’d look at me, first time around,” Faith replied.

“I didn’t look at. . .” Buffy sighed, struggling internally with her conscience and her integrity. “Ok, so I may have looked at you like. . .”

“Like you wanted to fuck me but were too scared to ask,” Faith finished for her.

“I wouldn’t go that far. Not then,” Buffy asserted. “Maybe just some groping, making out. . .”


Buffy rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small grin that slipped out. She hated that Faith could so easily sway her. She’d always been easily led by Faith, and it had always landed her in trouble. More trouble than she’d been able to cope with.

Memories came rushing back, warning about being too friendly with Faith, especially given the circumstances.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you back,” Buffy stated, her mind clearing just a little.

“But you did, and you’d do it again,” Faith said confidently.

“Don’t be so sure, Faith.”

Buffy wished she felt as sure as she tried to sound. The truth was less definite.

“You seriously can’t tell me you’re holding out for the second-rate version of me,” Faith stated.

“She’s not second-rate,” Buffy pointed out. At least she was certain of that. Tru wasn’t Faith, but Tru was in no way inferior. “And you seriously can’t tell me you’re not interested in meeting her or getting to know her. Aren’t you at least curious about your sister?” she asked.

Faith raised her eyebrows and scoffed. The question stopped her slowly getting closer, so as uncomfortable as the subject was, Buffy thought it might be a good idea to keep Faith occupied with that rather than with them and their obvious desire to jump each other.

“Buffy, I couldn’t give a crap about her, I told you,” Faith said gruffly. “I don’t need anymore pointless family in my life than I’ve had already.”

“But she’s. . .”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Faith exclaimed, her temper beginning to sizzle at the edges. “I doubt you want her knowing about me either, so I’m doing you a favour.”

Buffy looked past Faith for a moment, a small “Oh!” forming on the tip of her tongue. She didn’t vocalise it, choosing to have a slight panic attack on the inside instead. She hadn’t fully grasped the whole implication of Faith now knowing about Tru. Now that Faith knew about Tru she supposed she’d have to tell Tru about Faith. That was a conversation she had no idea of starting - or middling, or ending. How the hell could she explain Faith?

She couldn’t even begin to think about telling Tru about Faith. Her mind refused to wrap around the possibility, but it pinched at her, poked at her to remind her how messy things already were.

There would be no way of telling her about Faith without wrecking their new relationship, and she didn’t want it wrecked. She was looking forward to getting to know Tru better - a whole lot better – and now there was a possibility that it wouldn’t get any further than Tru wondering what planet Buffy had landed from for not disclosing that she knew her twin sister. Her twin sister that happened to be an ex-convict. That happened to be the girl Buffy had confessed to once falling in love with. That happened to be the girl she’d just been swapping saliva with.

Oh, things were bad. Things were very bad with even bleaker prospects.

“No need to look like someone just told you you’re impregnated with Spike’s ‘lovechild’, B. I’m not gonna spill your little secret to her,” Faith told her.

Buffy just blinked, attempting to keep control of the need to run around tearing her hair out. She had no clue what had just happened to her life, but suddenly. . .she longed for the easier days of pretending to like her boyfriend and feeling awkward yet normal as she tried to fit in to college life. Things surely couldn’t get any worse, that’s for sure. Or could they?

“Spike?” Buffy asked abruptly. “Have you been talking to Spike?”

She really didn’t like that thought. It led to bad images of Spike and Faith and way too much flesh and. . .the jealousy won out over sanity and she felt her blood begin to boil in eagerness to slay something dead with bleach blonde hair.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it talking,” Faith answered.

Buffy tried not to imagine what that meant exactly but she couldn’t help guessing. It made something twang in her chest – probably a muscle from all the tensing as she strengthened her grip on the counter top.

“Faith, he’s dangerous,” Buffy warned. “He might have a chip in his head but he could still. . .and anyway. . .ew! I mean, it’s Spike. Just ew!”

Removing a hand from the counter as she heard it creaking under her grasp, Buffy ran her fingers over her forehead. This situation was a pain. A pain in the head.

“Whatever weird place you just went to. . .believe me, I didn’t. You’re on your own there with your pervy thoughts,” Faith said with a chuckle.

“I wasn’t having pervy thoughts. They weren’t pervy at all,” Buffy argued. “Pervy suggests titillation, and what was in my head was more terrifying than titillating.”

Faith continued to chuckle as she grinned at Buffy.

“You just got jealous at the thought of me with some guy huh,” she suggested.

“Vampire, not guy,” Buffy corrected, avoiding having to confirm her jealousy.

“You’re seriously making that distinction given your history?”

“Angel’s different,” Buffy pointed out firmly.

“Sure,” Faith said sarcastically. “Different ‘cause it was you fucking him and not some crazy bitch like me. You afraid Spike’s gonna get me all stab-happy again?”

She sounded angry now and stepped even closer to Buffy.

“That’s not what I. . .”

“Not sayin’ I’m perfect now, B. But I’m not gonna screw a vamp. And I’m not gonna do any of the shit I did before,” Faith assured. “Anyway, I didn’t even touch Spike. We had a drink, I made fun of him, then he went off and sulked. And you can get off the high horse, ‘cause you’re seeing my twin, B. Means you don’t get to judge me and who I fuck. Also still means you’re into me more than you can ignore anymore, so stop trying to pretend you’re not.”

Before Buffy had a chance to react, or to worry more about what the hell she was going to say to Tru, Faith was in her personal space again. So far into it that Buffy could practically feel Faith’s heart beating against her own chest. It was almost nice, but she couldn’t think about nice when Faith was pushing her in a direction she really didn’t want to go. Ok, so she had to try to convince herself that she didn’t want to go that way, but at least the hope was there.

She had to try. Hard. She had to close her eyes and. . .gasp a small breath as Faith ran her hand up the side of her stomach, fingertips brushing the side of her breast.

“Faith, this really isn’t what I want,” Buffy said, a slight tremble to her voice as Faith’s thumb strayed dangerously close to her already reacting nipple.

“Stop lying to yourself,” Faith pushed, her nose tickling its way up Buffy’s neck as she held herself stiff, still gripping the counter.

Buffy tilted her head to the side, cursing herself as she allowed Faith’s tongue to flick out at her neck. A soft moan threatened to ease its way out of Buffy but she held it in, gritting her teeth as Faith kissed and licked at her throat in a way that was sure to have her slipping into an oblivion of ecstasy.

She wanted to tell her to stop. She wanted to remember it was Tru that was meant to be doing this. But she was having a hard time thinking anything beyond the exquisite tingle emanating from her clit.

Her pussy was growing wet; eager for some attention, especially from Faith. It was impossible to ignore, but there were more important things at stake than she could stand to throw away for the sake of. . .getting what she’d always wanted from Faith.

“Ok, you need to not do that anymore,” Buffy breathed out, pushing against Faith’s shoulder with one hand in a now familiar way.

Faith was still at her neck; her lips nibbling away at Buffy’s sense of restraint. She didn’t budge when Buffy pushed at her. Even though Buffy’s panties were growing damper by the second under the assault of Faith’s mouth, she needed to get back her control.

“Faith, stop,” she finally requested, giving another small shove.

With a gruff groan Faith pulled back just enough to look into Buffy’s eyes. Her own dark eyes were almost black; raiding Buffy’s soul with their penetrating need.

“Come on, B,” Faith said, husky seductiveness coating every syllable. “No point fighting this. We’ve done enough fighting.”

Her lips met Buffy’s with ease, as if that’s where they were always meant to be. As if it was the most natural thing in the world for them to be kissing; opened mouthed, and exploring tongues. And once again Buffy gave in to the kiss, unable to pull back right away from Faith’s soft lips and searing heat as she stripped away Buffy’s objections with every movement of her mouth.

Buffy mumbled across Faith’s lips, “Wait.” But the word got lost as she moaned under Faith’s hand at her breast.

Faith squeezed, and then ran her thumb right over Buffy’s nipple causing them both to kiss harder. Finding the space between them disappearing quickly, Buffy became lost to temptation. She swallowed Faith’s hot breath and tasted the supple tongue as it snaked over and around her own. Buffy didn’t think she’d ever kissed quite so deep before. Maybe there had been boys that had done it clumsily with her, making it feel more like they were trying to pick at her teeth with their tongues, but this was totally different. This felt sexy. It felt good. It felt like what she should be doing with Tru, and not with Faith.

“Jesus, Faith,” Buffy said shakily as she leaned back, hands trying to subtly ease Faith away from her at her hips. “I can’t do this. This is wrong.”

Trying to hide the truth of what she really wanted by shying away from looking too long into Faith’s eyes, Buffy shook her head. She repeated the word “no” over and over in her mind. No to wanting Faith. No to being weak. No to being a cheater.

“It’s not wrong to want, B,” Faith baited, lifting her hand to join the other at Buffy’s chest.

Buffy was now being thoroughly groped – her breasts practically swelling in pleasure for Faith’s expert hands - and the flood of arousal between her thighs intensified. She wanted to squeeze her legs together; to find some relief as much as give Faith a hint not to go there. But it seemed that Faith wasn’t good at getting hints as her right hand travelled painfully slowly down Buffy’s stomach towards the top of her sweatpants.

Gazing into Faith’s eyes to try to get her full attention, on something other than her body, Buffy took a shaky breath and tried to get Faith to give her a break. Even just a small one.

“Faith, don’t,” she said, quiet and ineffective, her new mantra around Faith now.

Fingertips slid to Buffy’s waistband, lingering as Faith licked her lips and glanced down between them. She looked like she was going to chew Buffy up and spit her out – in a way that would feel really nice but leave Buffy hating herself.

“You don’t mean that,” Faith insisted, easing her fingers under the waistband as her lips travelled over Buffy’s jaw and back to her neck.

“No, I really. . .”

Buffy sighed as all her past fantasies of this moment came flooding back. Her body certainly knew it wanted Faith. She could barely stand the fluttering in her stomach and the ache between her legs. She wanted to push Faith’s hand lower, into her panties until all she could do was murmur Faith’s name and enjoy the first touch she’d always dreamt about.

“I really. . .can’t do this,” Buffy forced out, finding just enough willpower to use her body weight against Faith to make her back off.

Unfortunately it seemed that Faith was so engrossed in what she was about to do that she obviously didn’t expect the sudden movement. She flailed backwards with Buffy’s push, and grabbed on to Buffy by the waist to steady herself. Buffy was in no frame of mind to react quick enough to stop the inevitable tumble to the floor that followed.

“Fuck,” Faith yelped as she landed on her back with Buffy on top.

They landed on one of the training mats, causing dust to fly out from each side, filling the air. Buffy’s breath shot from her body. Faith wasn’t exactly a soft landing. Though her breasts were soft and squishy - cushioning Buffy’s own chest - the rest of her was all skinniness and firm muscle.

“Ow,” Buffy complained.

“Hey, it was your fault, Twinkie,” Faith accused, not hurrying to move from her position with Buffy straddling her.

“I wasn’t the one being all grope-tastic, Faith,” Buffy pointed out, also failing to move.

“Don’t feel like ya have to keep it that way,” Faith suggested with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows.

Buffy didn’t want to think about touching Faith, but it was almost impossible not to. Faith didn’t need to know that, though.

“That will not be happening,” Buffy asserted.

She hoped she sounded sure, even if she didn’t feel it.

“Yunno, before I mighta believed you,” Faith responded. “But now. . .I know it’s bullshit.”

Faith gave another wiggle of her eyebrows and flipped Buffy over on to her back. A hand quickly found its way back to where it’d been exploring before Buffy had made things a whole lot worse by bringing them crashing to the floor. Buffy tried to protest but all that came out was a small squeak as Faith roughly pushed her hand inside her loose sweatpants. She didn’t go as far as getting inside her panties, but Faith’s fingers landed right over her pussy. Buffy’s whole body jerked in reaction.

“Faith!” she gasped through gritted teeth, a mix of shock and desire, trying her best not to give Faith all the power by just allowing her to do what she wanted.

But even though she needed to protest, and needed to crawl away and run until her lungs were bursting, Buffy didn’t do much more than arch into Faith’s touch.

“Fuck, I can feel how wet you are through your panties, B,” Faith drawled huskily, moving her fingers over Buffy. “Lemme fuck you,” she all but pleaded – hot breath spilling over Buffy’s ear.

Buffy was desperate to keep still so she wouldn’t feel even more of Faith’s fingers as they brushed over her soaked panties across her aching clit, but it was like fighting the toughest demon she’d ever faced. It was like slamming her head over and over into a wall – doing nothing but give her a headache, and possibly knocking out all her sense.

“You can’t, Faith,” Buffy answered with some difficulty. “Giles might. . .”

“He won’t come down, he’s busy,” Faith interrupted.

“I don’t wanna do this. This is. . .”

“You’re soaked, B. You want me to fuck you.”

Buffy couldn’t deny she was wet for Faith. It would be pointless as Faith could feel the evidence for herself, and Buffy was only getting wetter with every teasing pass over her clit through the damp material. It also didn’t help that Faith was between her legs, her cleavage right in front of Buffy, her heat and scent washing over her. It was an unfair advantage that Faith had, and Buffy’s fight was quickly running out of steam.

“Don’t,” she said weakly, closing her eyes and tipping her head back as Faith kissed and nibbled at her neck.

She felt all her determination float away as Faith’s fingers slipped under the last barrier. Faith was clearly ignoring Buffy, and as they both sighed in pleasurable appreciation when Faith’s fingertips eased between wet folds, Buffy couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. Buffy didn’t like being ignored. She didn’t like when she wasn’t the one in control. But Faith was fingering her pussy – sliding around and circling her clit. Buffy was no longer in control of anything.

“Oh, fuck,” she moaned, hips rising to meet Faith’s hand.

“Wanted to do this for so long,” Faith confessed, a whisper against Buffy’s throat as she kissed her way back to parted lips.

Buffy was covering Faith’s fingers in sticky arousal as she gripped onto her with a hand at her back, holding Faith close even though she wished she could throw her off. Her body seized all control, banishing her brain from making the decisions.

Another moan escaped her as Faith slipped over and around her clit, faster every time, harder with ever shuddering breath Buffy gave her in response. Rather embarrassingly, it wouldn’t take much more to make her come. And as much as she was starting to feel incredibly disappointed in herself for giving in to temptation, she wanted to touch Faith. She needed to make Faith come with her so it wasn’t just about Faith being in control or taking advantage.

Keeping one hand on Faith’s back, she pushed the other one between them, searching for entrance into Faith’s pants. It wasn’t exactly easy, Faith’s pants were tight so she was forced to struggle with the button and zip, and Faith wasn’t exactly helping as she pressed a little harder against Buffy’s clit. Buffy trembled, close to the edge, accepting hot, open mouthed kisses from Faith as the world began to spin.

“Oh, God,” Buffy panted. “Oh, you should stop.”

Her futile declaration went unheard and her fumbling fingers continued to battle their way into Faith’s jeans, even though she wasn’t exactly sure how to touch another woman, or if she could do it well. She got as far as dipping inside them and feeling the material of Faith’s panties before the relentless assault on her clit took its toll.

“Fuck, you’re good,” Buffy gasped.

She threw her head back and arched into Faith, panting out a series of quiet moans and “ohs”. So close. Just one more. . .

From across the room Buffy’s cell phone rang out loudly. She whipped her head to look towards it as it sat on top of her bag. She knew who it was. . .and it brought reality crashing back down on her.

Looking back at Faith, Buffy gazed into her eyes. Eyes willing her not to move, not to go.

“Let me make you come, B,” Faith implored, fingers swirling faster.

The tension inside Buffy almost reached its peak, but she fought the urge to let go this time. Tru was calling, and not only did Buffy feel bad for making her wait, she also felt absolutely terrible for being in the position she was currently in. A spark of conscience flashed inside her and she violently pulled her hand out of Faith’s pants.

“No, stop, Faith,” Buffy demanded, pushing up at her with her hands. Forcing Faith to move.

“What the fuck, B?” Faith mumbled, clumsily trying to grapple with Buffy to keep her in place. “Don’t answer it.”

Buffy realised she was being slightly insane - first pushing Faith away, then almost coming for her, then back to pushing – but she couldn’t miss the call, and she could no longer shut out the very big part of her brain that was telling her not to cheat on Tru. Especially not with Faith, who was only going to screw her up more than before, even if it was through totally different means.

“I have to,” Buffy insisted.

She tugged on Faith’s arm, pulling her hand from her sweatpants. Faith grunted in disapproval and reluctantly moved to the side so Buffy could get to her feet.

With sticky panties and a throbbing clit, Buffy rushed over to her phone, not giving Faith a second glance.

“It’s Tru huh?” Faith asked, though she seemed to know for sure anyway going by the tone of her voice.

Buffy looked at her guiltily and grabbed her cell. It stopped ringing just before she hit the button to receive the call. Now she felt doubly guilty, and mad at herself for giving in so easily. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed Faith to touch her so intimately. She also couldn’t believe how good such a simple touch had felt. Her body needed – wanted – Faith to finish the job, but she had to ignore the tingling and the desire to come. She needed it to be Tru to do that for her.

She had just made a very big mistake.

“I’m seeing her tomorrow,” Buffy said quietly. “I need to call back.”

Faith dusted down her pants as she finally got to her feet and moved closer to Buffy.

“Even after. . .” Faith nodded her head towards the spot on the floor they’d just been occupying together.

Buffy nodded, but refused to say yes aloud. She also couldn’t look Faith in the eye, feeling ashamed of herself and pissed at Faith for pushing so far so fast. Instead of facing what had just happened, she pressed the speed dial straight to Tru, and lifted the phone to her ear.

Faith was up the steps and out of the door before Tru even answered, the loud crash of the door reverberating around the room as Faith slammed it behind her.

Buffy had indeed just made a very big and very messy mistake. Everything was poised to blow up in her face, and she didn’t have a clue how to avoid it without losing both Tru and Faith.

She didn’t want to lose either. As much as Faith infuriated her. . .she had to admit she wanted her around. And as much as it confused her – given the fact she was clearly still into Faith - she could freely admit that Tru was very much under her skin already, and the two didn’t sit well together.

There would be no quick fix for this problem. Buffy just hoped nobody got hurt - including herself.



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