Memory In Mind

Chapter Three

Faith lay on the bed in silent shock at how easily Buffy had turned the tables on her. Faith was the one who was meant to be impetuous. The sexual predator. Right now though she was feeling more like an innocent schoolgirl left to tidy up the pieces of her broken chastity.

In amongst the startling changes of their relationship, Faith knew she had to keep her feet on the ground. She had learned a long time ago to expect the unexpected, and the way Buffy was acting was definitely unexpected.

“Shit. . .Buffy,” Faith said to herself, clearing her head. She jumped up off the bed and ran to the door.

She couldn’t see Buffy nearby, she was nowhere in sight. The road not yet busy with traffic or people, she had mostly a clear view of the street.

“Buffy!” she called out, knowing there would be no answer.

Without hesitating, not thinking about the fact she wasn’t exactly dressed, and was shoeless, Faith left the room, closing the door behind her. She looked left and right, then went with her instincts. Faith set off down the steps, jogging round the building to the right, ignoring any surreptitious glances her way. She knew she just had to find Buffy.

There was no doubt in her mind that Buffy hadn’t meant to hurt her, she had just got carried away on the wave of desire that they both had been sharing. Faith knew too well that she was usually the perpetrator of that particular crime.

She glanced down an alley to her right, and was sure she had seen a glimmer of golden hair. Not in the least bit bothered about how she must have looked, or about her bare feet, Faith took off towards her goal, jumping over discarded bottles and rotting rubbish.

As she rounded the corner of the filthy trash carpeted alley at speed, Faith bumped straight into something. Something smaller than her, and blonde. Something that was now falling forward at the force of the impact.

Faith reached out to grab the stumbling girl, catching her in her strong hands. “Fuck, B. Sorry.” Faith slowed her breathing, allowing her lungs to catch up with the sudden rush for air.

Not giving Buffy the opportunity to bolt again, Faith wrapped her arms around her, pulling Buffy’s back up against her.

“Jesus, Buffy, don’t run off like that again.” She couldn’t help but wonder at what might have happened if she hadn’t found the other slayer so quickly.

Buffy didn’t know her way around. She didn’t know who, or what she was. The magnitude of all that could have become of the small girl hit Faith with such a force, she had to back up into the nearby wall.

She could have lost her, found her dead in some sleazy back alley with her throat ripped out. Buffy could have injured herself. Got herself arrested because she didn’t know her own strength. She could have just left, thinking Faith didn’t want her, never finding out how much she was loved and adored by her.

Pulling Buffy with her, Faith rested against the cold stone of the building they were behind. The sun and heat of the morning had not yet arrived at the sullen spot. She willed her mind to calm down, and to focus.

Neither girl spoke. Buffy, leaning slightly into Faith, just stood with her hands by her sides in defeat, salty tears slowly reddening her eyes. The normally animated taller slayer let out a deep breath, forcing back the feeling of dread at the thought of losing her companion.

Tentatively, after a minute or so, Buffy turned around in Faith’s, and buried herself into her embrace, looking to all the world like a lost soul in need of comfort. In a way, she was that very thing. They both were when it came right down to it.

“I’m so sorry, Faith, I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know what came over me. Am I usually like that?” Buffy sobbed.

Faith ran a hand through Buffy’s silky locks, encouraging the other girl to look up into her eyes. “I dunno know if you are normally like that, B. I mean, when it comes to sex. We’ve never been in that position before, although I really doubt you are somehow. And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” Faith reassured.

She kissed Buffy lovingly on the forehead, wanting her to know she didn’t think any less of her.

“Anyway, in other circumstances it woulda been kinda nice, you getting all. . .aggressive with me. Nobody’s ever been able to dominate me like that before, B. It was kind of a turn on,” Faith admitted smiling lasciviously down at Buffy, unable to stop the thoughts of Buffy taking control of her during a really hot encounter.

She had always been the one on top in any given sexual situation. Her obvious superior strength and aggressive nature not allowing her to be anything else. The reversal of roles was new and not entirely unwanted, especially with Buffy. She realised now that she secretly desired Buffy to take charge, and to take her in hand. The thought alone made her hot, and definitely horny.

“Come on, let’s get back, girlfriend,” Faith suggested.

Buffy gently touched Faith’s face, studying her striking features. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?” Faith asked, allowing Buffy to leave her palm cupping her cheek, enjoying the delicate touch more than she ever would have cared to admit before.

“For coming after me.”

Faith reached up and lightly stroked Buffy’s raised arm with her fingertips. “I never should have let you run off in the first place.” Without thinking, Faith punctuated her words by kissing Buffy lightly on the lips.

Buffy cautiously kissed back. The soiled starkness of the dark alley disappearing in the emotion of their caress. But then once more, what began as just a gentle gesture of tenderness, began to develop quickly into something much more heated, and needy.

Faith pulled the smaller girl towards her, into her body, sucking on the tasty tongue offered to her. Then slowly she began drifting her luscious lips across Buffy’s face and jaw, only just stopping herself as she was about to make her way to her neck.

“Buffy, you gotta stop kissing me like that. You’re too fucking good at it, and it’s getting me all worked up,” Faith said, lust thickening her accent.

Buffy pouted mischievously at Faith.

“You’re not going to make this easy are ya?” Faith sighed.

“Nope. I want you,” Buffy stated honestly.

Faith could tell. Unfortunately, Faith reminded herself she had recently found her misplaced morals.

She couldn’t help but laugh at how insane things had become in such a short time. Although being a slayer prepared you for all things weird, the way her friendship with Buffy had screamed ahead into “fuck me now, I want you” territory was just plain bizarre.

“I’ve always loved the way you laugh, Faith. It’s so sexy,” Buffy cooed.

“You’re crazy, ya know that?” Faith pushed herself off the wall behind her, beaming at how happy Buffy could make her feel. Then she realised something. “Wait a minute, you always loved it? As in you remember?” Faith asked, suddenly realising what Buffy had said.

Buffy frowned, seemingly searching the contents of her head. “I. . .I don’t know. I think I just kinda felt it, more than actually remembered.”

Faith stroked a gentle thumb across Buffy’s cheek. “Yeah? That’s good, well, better than nothing. Let’s motervate so we can go see Giles about it.” Faith moved to recapture Buffy’s hand in hers, to lead her back to the motel room.

“Wait, Faith you don’t have any shoes on.” Buffy’s face was full of concern, as she looked down at Faith’s now very dirty feet. Lifting her gaze, she continued. “And you’re still in your. . .very short, revealing nightwear.”

Faith raised her eyebrows at Buffy’s distracted observation. “Well, chica, I didn’t exactly have much time to get all dressed up for ya. You took off pretty fast.” She chuckled, not wanting Buffy to think she was really bothered about her state of undress. Mainly because she wasn’t, as she was just so glad that Buffy was safe.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Buffy said, halting their departure. “I kinda bumped into a guy when I left, and he almost flew from the force when I pushed him out of the way.” Buffy pouted as she tried to explain.

Faith burst out laughing, just the image of some poor guy going flying due to a tiny little thing like Buffy. He must have been devastated.

“Hey, it’s not funny. I’m kinda confused, because I know that’s weird.” Buffy pouted even more.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, B. That’s just too funny. Oh man, poor guy,” Faith giggled.

Buffy was far from pouting now, scowling instead at Faith as she continued to laugh.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I promise we’ll talk to Giles about it. There’s something you’re probably gonna need to know.” Faith didn’t really want to get into the whole slayer-thing standing barefoot in a filthy backstreet.

“Ok,” Buffy nodded with her pout firmly back in place.

Faith grinned at it and took Buffy’s hand in hers, heading back to her small room. But then Buffy tugged her back.

“Wait, your feet,” exclaimed Buffy.

Faith took a deep breath, really wanting to just get back inside. “Buffy, can we just get the fuck outta here? I’m beginning to feel a little silly.” She waved her hands down her athletic form, indicating her state of attire.

Buffy nodded, biting her lower lip slightly. Faith shook her head at how adorable she looked and bent down, kissing her softly before they set off again. They walked confidently past the curious passers by, hand in hand.

Faith wasn’t particularly bothered about what people thought of her, or what they wanted to think about the fact she was wearing next to nothing. She was past caring. It did surprise her how Buffy also didn’t seem to care about the way they were being stared at. But then again, she had to remind herself that Buffy was far from acting normally at all. Right now, Buffy didn’t know what normal for her was.

* * *

The chosen two got back to the room, and surprisingly for the neighbourhood nothing had been stolen. Faith hadn’t locked the door, and was thankful she didn’t really have anything of value to steal anyway. The only thing of worth she had, had already been stolen by Buffy. Her heart. Although Faith would never likely call her heart something of worth. Buffy’s on the other hand, was priceless to her.

But she didn’t have that, and doubted she ever would. It was Angel’s. Always would be as far as she could tell, no matter what Buffy said to her in her present condition.

They hurriedly got ready to make their way to the Magic Box, trying their best not to touch too much, or look at each other for too long. Or do anything that would lead them to end up on the bed naked, legs spread, with creamy girl juices dripping off each other’s lips.

As much as Faith wanted it, she wouldn’t let it get as far as it had earlier again. But the thought of Buffy’s hot, dripping. . .she wiped the thought from her head as quickly as she could.

“You set to go, girlfriend?” Faith stood by the door in her trademark leather pants, and a tight white sleeveless tee shirt.

“Yep,” Buffy chirped and smiled serenely at Faith, strutting out the Motel door onto the street, like she had been doing it for as long as she could remember.

Faith swatted Buffy’s firm backside as she exited the room, then went to lift her jacket from the nearby beaten up chair, looking around the small apartment that was now littered with Buffy’s clothes and filled with her scent.

The thought of her and Buffy living together one day crossed Faith’s mind, and she smiled warily. It was a happy thought, tinged with sadness at knowing it would never be. Faith’s faltered with the reality of how her love would never be returned by Buffy.

She lowered her head, chastising herself for being so hands on with Buffy in the last 24 hours. She realised she was a low down dirty dog for even thinking about taking things to the next level right now with her. She hated herself for always just being about sex.

“I’m such a fucking worthless bitch,” she mumbled to herself. She could feel her heart sinking, her eyes clouding over the way they did when her defences stepped in to take over.

She knew she had to stop being so smoochy with Buffy. Stop feeling happy at the recent turn of events. Stop any thought whatsoever, about her and the cute assed girl ever being more than just friends. She had to at least try.

“Are you coming, Faith? Or waiting for a written invitation?” Buffy jibed, proving she hadn’t lost her sarcastic streak along with her memory.

Quietly Faith replied, “Yeah, be right with ya, princess.” Squaring her shoulders, and slipping on her impervious bad-girl mask, Faith confidently strode out behind Buffy.

Not looking once at the happy girl almost bouncing along beside her, Faith lead the way silently to the magic shop to find some answers, or just create some more questions.

Buffy hadn’t appeared to notice Faith’s dark mood. She was too busy studying shop windows, people, anything she laid her eyes on. Her up-tempo disposition wasn’t rubbing off on Faith. In fact it was making her feel worse.

Buffy was normally far from this happy on a usual day. She had too many troubles. Too much of the weight of the world on her shoulders, literally. And she was still missing Angel. It just made it clearer to Faith that she couldn’t just go on acting like this whole scenario was a good thing. Fair enough, she would prefer Buffy to be this cheerful all the time. To want her all the time. But right then and there, just before they entered the magic shop, she knew. . .she could never make Buffy this happy in normal circumstances. Buffy would never admit to wanting to be with her. It wasn’t meant to be, and it never would be.

It was just another push in the direction of her feeling of worthlessness. Another slap around the face for daring to look beyond the hopeless, and into the realm of make-believe happy endings.

“Fuck this,” Faith muttered.

She watched Buffy enter the shop then turned to run, just like Buffy had done earlier. The only difference being, she wasn’t running from what she’d done, she was running from what could never be done.



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