It was the day Faith awoke from her coma. The day a series of events unfolded that had repercussions beyond what anybody could have imagined. It was the day that those events were to be altered.

Faith paced her motel room, back and forth, like a woman possessed. She knew she had to stay indoors, out of sight. There was no way in hell she could risk being seen by her former self. Her self of the past. She had to wait it out and hope everything went as clockwork. Right about now, her past self was leaving the hospital. She’d soon discover that Buffy was no longer with the vampire she’d stabbed her for. She’d soon discover what it truly meant to be forgotten about. To be left to rot.

She’d soon be so full of rage she’d do anything to hurt Buffy.

Faith wished she could go now, find her old self and tell her not to do the stupid things she was about to do, but she had to stop herself every time she put her hand on the door handle. Everything had to stay the same, the only difference being that Faith wouldn’t swap bodies with Buffy. Still, it was worrying wondering what would happen next. Would Faith run? Would she try to hurt Buffy another way?

According to Willow things would play out pretty much the same, except this time Faith would be captured by the Council and not Buffy in Faith’s body. And it would be Faith who had to break out of their clutches, eventually getting on that train to LA that had taken her to Angel’s doorstep. It seemed like there were a lot of risks with this mission, but Faith had been assured that nothing awry would happen. Just one change. Just one thing erased.

There were still butterflies in Faith’s belly, however, and she felt a little sick. What if somehow Buffy got hurt? What if somehow she’d screwed up?

Pulling out the orb safely stashed away in her bag, Faith held it in her strong hands. It just looked like any old bit of glass, but this was what would send her home. All she had to do was smash it. She wondered how long she’d stay in the past if she were never to smash it. It sounded like a fairly appealing idea if things went south and she was left with the prospect of having to go back to her own time with bad news.

But she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t leave them fighting the First alone. She couldn’t leave Buffy to fight the First without her, no matter how difficult their relationship was.

Nervously picking things up and putting them down, twisting the real body-swap device around in her hands, packing her bag, emptying it, re-packing it, Faith accepted that she just wasn’t going to settle. She’d have to go nuts on her own, inside, until she got word that Buffy had fought with Faith and that it was time for her to leave.

She hated sitting around, though, and she hated sitting there thinking about how good it had been to finally get along with Buffy - at least the Buffy from this time. It had been so good and they’d both accepted how they felt, but none of those memories would remain for ‘her Buffy’ back in her own time. They’d be back at square one, though Faith would have the added knowledge that Buffy had always been attracted to her.

Knowing she had to take that information back with her but never divulge it, never let on that she knew, made Faith feel even more antsy. How was she going to look Buffy in the eye? She didn’t know if she could carry on as normal with Buffy after what had been said here, and after what they’d done. She couldn’t forget that kiss, though she was aware that when she got back home. . .it would be as if it had never happened for Buffy.

“I should never have come here,” Faith mumbled to herself.

Both her head and her heart hurt now and there was no cure.

Sitting by the phone and waiting for it to ring, to find out if things were going as planned, Faith closed her eyes and tried not to think. This was just a mission. She owed the world this, and her heart was of no consequence.

* * *

Buffy chewed at her fingernails. She wanted to hide. She wanted to intercept Faith before she got there, but she knew she couldn’t. Faith from the future had told her to be at home by a certain time so here she was, waiting. She’d already had one run-in with Faith at the college, the day after she’d come out of her coma. It had hurt so much to see Faith so angry, in so much pain. Seeing her like that made it all the more impressive that Faith of the future had changed so much, and that she’d been able to come back without that same desperate need for revenge.

There was no doubt that Buffy felt Faith deep in her heart now. Both versions of her: the angry Faith, and the Faith that she’d been lucky enough to meet ahead of time.

How she was going to continue with her life knowing what she did, she didn’t know. Faith had told her that - over time - she wouldn’t remember the little visit from the future and everything that had happened between them, but she didn’t want to forget. No matter how hard it would be to carry that knowledge around with her, she didn’t want to forget any of it.

Moving her mother’s furniture to the edges of the room, Buffy made sure there was space in the house to fight without wrecking everything. She was sure that little changes like sending her mother out of the house and re-arranging the furniture wouldn’t make too much of a difference. They would still fight, and the Council, according to what she’d been told, would eventually pick Faith up. Buffy wasn’t going to divert the timeline much more than preserving her mother’s brand new dining room table, so she tried to relax.

If relax actually meant hop around like a cat trapped in a box.

This feeling was awful but there was no way to avoid it. Any minute now Faith would arrive, and she’d try to switch bodies with Buffy. Ugly words would be exchanged. Fists would pound and blood would no doubt flow. Buffy didn’t want any of it to happen. But she sat and she waited; the ache in her heart almost unbearable.

* * *

The shrill ring of the telephone made Faith jump; she’d been beside it for almost an hour but the sound had still managed to surprise her. Picking up the receiver, she said hello and waited for Buffy to speak.

“It’s done,” Buffy said, her voice tight.

“Everything went ok?” Faith asked, the pounding in her chest making it almost difficult to hear.

“She tried to use the device and nothing happened, then she hit me and ran.”

The sadness in Buffy’s tone was hard to miss. She sounded so sullen, so discouraged.

“Good,” Faith said.

It was unfortunate that Buffy was upset, but there’d been no other way and Faith couldn’t beat herself up over it, even if it did twist at her stomach and make her want to hit things.

“The spell Willow needs to do with the Scythe should work now,” Faith continued, almost to herself. “And you should forget this ever. . .”

“What if I don’t want to forget?” Buffy asked.

“You don’t have a choice,” Faith answered. “In a week or two things’ll be normal for you again.”

“I don’t want them to be.”

Faith could hear that Buffy was trying not to cry and it made her grip the phone a little tighter, staving off her own volatile emotions.

“They have to be,” Faith reminded, trying not to think about the hell ahead for Buffy; losing her mother, losing her life, coming back changed, hurting, broken. Faith wished she could protect Buffy from all of those things, from everything, but she couldn’t. “We don’t wanna piss Willow off,” she added with a forlorn chuckle. “She’s all kindsa hooked into the magic mojo in my time; she’d have us runnin’ around as little monkeys or something if we screw everything up just because we. . .”

She couldn’t finish speaking, her throat closing up as she glanced over at the orb she would be smashing to pieces very soon.

“Because we care about each other?” Buffy guessed correctly, finishing Faith’s sentence. “Because we do, don’t we; even through all the crap we did to each other. Even when I’m horrible to you in the future, I just know I still care, and that you do too. Maybe that’s why everything always hurt so much.”

Swallowing hard, Faith wanted to avoid agreeing, but she couldn’t. Maybe it would do her some good to get it out. Buffy would forget about it anyway, with no lasting side effects. This Buffy’s memory of the conversation would be gone in a week, maybe two, maybe less.

“Yeah,” Faith responded, the thick burr to her voice that much deeper with the enormity of what she was about to say. “I’ll always care. Always love you.”

She wasn’t sure Buffy had heard her at first because she’d said it so quietly, and because Buffy didn’t respond. Listening closely, Faith soon discovered that Buffy was crying softly.

“I’m sorry,” Faith said, holding a hand to her head and wishing she could take back the words. “I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I’m glad you did,” Buffy said, sniffling down the phone. “I know you say I won’t remember, but I think I needed to hear that.”

There was a pause and Faith was reluctant to say anymore, because all that was really left to say was goodbye.

Clearing her throat, Buffy broke the silence before it became too awkward.

“I know I should let you go without saying anything, because unlike me you’ll actually remember this, but. . .I just. . .” Buffy took a breath before continuing. “I. . .”

“You don’t have to say anything, B,” Faith interrupted, sensing Buffy’s struggle.

She’d never expect Buffy to say the words she’d longed to hear. Faith hadn’t meant to put Buffy on the spot, and she didn’t want to be placated for the sake of it; she could already feel that Buffy cared and that was enough. It may not have been love for Buffy, but at least it wasn’t nothing at all.

“Faith, I. . .” Again Buffy stalled, her voice cracking.

Taking a breath and sitting straighter, Faith decided they had to move on. They could have sat there forever wanting to feel, to explain, but finding themselves stuck for words. It was too late for any of that. Faith had said what she’d always wanted to say to Buffy and she could go back home feeling a little lighter, a little better about the difficult relationship they’d always had. Dragging things out now was only going to be painful.

“Buffy, I have to go,” Faith told her, hardening herself. Putting up her walls ready to face what was ahead. Ready to face the Buffy that was waiting for her return. “I’ve done what I needed to do and I have to get back. If the Council start snooping. . .”

“I know,” Buffy acknowledged quietly. “It’s too dangerous for you to stay now.”

She didn’t want Faith to go just yet but she understood that the longer she was there the longer the timeline was at risk. If only they had just a little more time so she could go to Faith’s motel room. So she could look in her eyes and tell her all the things she wanted to say. All the things she should have said before Finch, after Finch, when what they already had was still possible to save.

Maybe one day.

“I hope everything turns out ok,” Buffy said, trying to be strong.

“Me too,” Faith admitted.

Unsure what else to say and finding no excuse to stay other than just to be with this Buffy, Faith decided now was the time to go. If she didn’t go now, she’d never be able to.

“I’ll see you around, B,” she said, controlling her voice as best she could so that Buffy would never guess she would give anything just to stay there with her.

“Goodbye, Faith.”

Faith took a deep breath and said goodbye, her hands shaking as she put the phone down on Buffy’s tears. There was no way to make this easier.

She stood, grabbing her bag and taking one last look around. Faith would have crossed her fingers if she believed in that kind of thing, but she didn’t. You made your own luck in this world; she knew that better than most. Her hand held the orb lightly, balancing it on her palm as she did her best to damn the well of emotion threatening to engulf her.

Coming back here at this time, seeing Buffy, finally understanding Buffy and what had been between them. . .it had all been too much. She had to get a grip on this uneasy feeling inside her. When she arrived back there would be no time to sit and dwell, no time to process; they’d be readying themselves for the big fight, and Faith’s head needed to be in the game. What was done was done. What was past was past. It was time to let go of her fear of rejection. Time to let go of her love for Buffy, because in her own time it would never be returned, and she knew that now more than ever.

Buffy may once have been attracted to her, cared for her, but the Buffy she knew had been hurt too much and had been through too much to make more of the tentative trust they now had.

Time to let go.

The orb dropped from Faith’s hand to the floor.

* * *

“Faith,” a soft voice called, breaking through the blinding light that seemed to fill Faith’s head. “Just relax, you’ll feel better in a minute.”

Faith nodded, letting Willow’s voice ease the rising panic inside her. She was hurting everywhere, especially her head, and she couldn’t see past that light.

“You’re back home, and safe,” Giles said from somewhere further away.

“Did it work?” Faith asked, her voice barely a croak as she raised a hand to her head and closed her eyes.

There was a momentary pause and Faith gripped what felt like a blanket beneath her. Surely it must have worked. She couldn’t go through all that again.

“Here,” Willow said softly, “feel for yourself.”

She was handed something heavy, solid, cold against her palms. It was the scythe and it was practically humming in her hands as she gripped it. It definitely felt different, more powerful. The sensations coursing through her, emanating from the formidable weapon, made her dizzy.

Placing it to the side, she breathed a sigh of relief.

“It worked,” Buffy confirmed, unusually reticent. She’d probably been expecting Faith to screw up.

Slowly opening her eyes, Faith looked over to where she guessed Buffy was standing by the window. Though her eyes were still adjusting she could see that Buffy’s arms were folded, and that she looked a little edgy, unsettled even. Deciding not to risk speaking with Buffy just yet Faith turned to Giles as he came closer, standing by the bed next to Willow.

“How long was I gone?” Faith asked, feeling a wave of nausea roll over her.

“Five hours,” Giles replied. “As we expected really.”

Faith nodded. There was a strange tension in the room and she couldn’t place where it was coming from. Maybe they’d all just been worried and anxious and it hadn’t yet cleared after Faith’s return.

Giles adjusted his glasses, thinking of a way to ask Faith how things had gone and what had happened, but not wishing to rush her or appear insensitive. She’d arrived back with a hard landing, falling into a heap on the bedroom floor. They’d picked her up and checked her over, placing her on Buffy’s bed as they waited for her to regain consciousness.

It had taken about ten minutes for her to come round and she looked a little worse for wear. Her skin was pale and her brow warm to the touch. Giles felt guilty for sending her through space and time without fully taking into account any possible side effects. He doubted there would be any, but it was mostly supposition.

He cleared his throat and decided it was best to get the questions over with so that Faith could rest up.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Like I got caught in a stampede at Fenway Park,” she answered, holding her head.

“Nauseous?” he questioned.

“Yeah, and a headache from hell. Been stuck with a headache for a few days though,” she explained. “When I was there, not here.”

“I understand,” Giles said, nodding as he looked down at her.

“I did a little more research,” Willow interjected, smiling at Faith apologetically. “You’ll probably be stuck with a headache for a few more hours.”

“I guess it’s worth it if everything’s how it should be now,” Faith said, trying not to move her head too much.

“Everything seems to be fine,” Giles stated. “We all recall both memories: the memory of you switching bodies with Buffy, and also the memory of it never actually happening. The more prominent memory is the latter one, which means you succeeded.”

“Thank fuck for that,” Faith said with a slight grin.

She felt proud of herself, even though nobody was exactly jumping up and down with joy. Not that that surprised her; none of them really trusted her yet and it was doubtful they’d go out of their way to thank her. She couldn’t blame them really; she deserved their doubt and their bitterness.

“Are you feeling up to a few questions?” Giles asked, pulling up a chair beside the bed.

“Sure,” Faith agreed, though she felt as if she could sleep for a week right now.

With Buffy watching from the other side of the room, Faith decided not to complain and just get things over with so they could get back to planning to take down the First. What did it matter if her head was throbbing and her heart was in a bad state?

“So you switched the devices,” Giles said, obviously guessing that much given the fact that the scythe was now working at full capacity – or whatever it was that Willow needed it to be. “And nobody was any the wiser?”

Faith scrunched up her brow a bit, wondering if she should even tell them about bumping into Buffy and warning her about what was happening. Across the room, Buffy gave no indication that she recalled anything, but Faith couldn’t be sure if there was some residual memory there. It was probably best to be honest – up until a point at least.

“Well, that’s the thing,” Faith began. “There was kind of a. . .thing.”

“A thing?” Giles asked, raising an eyebrow.

“When I first got there I stumbled into Buffy.”

Buffy perked up at the mention of her name, which made Faith almost certain that she didn’t remember any of it. Giles glanced over at Buffy but Buffy said nothing, she just shrugged her shoulders.

“Go on,” Giles encouraged, turning back to Faith.

“I tried to keep outta sight but. . .well, the details don’t really matter,” Faith said. “She wasn’t just gonna let me go about my business so I had no choice. I had to tell her what I was doing there, but I tried not to give too much away.”

“And she allowed you to continue your mission once you’d explained your presence?” Giles asked.

“Pretty much,” Faith answered, glancing at Buffy. “I don’t blame her for wondering what the fuck I was doing, but she was cool with it all once I told her how important it was for me to do what I had to.”

“I see,” Giles said, taking off his glasses and swiping at them with a handkerchief. “And you have no recollection of this, Buffy?”

He turned towards Buffy and she seemed to be thinking about her answer, but she eventually shook her head no.

“I don’t. . .I don’t think so,” she replied, not sounding quite one hundred percent sure.

Her eyes met Faith’s, searching them it seemed, but saying nothing more.

“Good,” Giles stated, smiling at them both. “We discussed our memories before you woke and everything else seems in order, so I think we can safely call the mission an unmitigated success.”

He would have more questions for Faith later, and for Buffy, but for now he was happy to let her rest. They would all need their strength for what came next, the slayers especially.

“We should celebrate,” Willow suggested enthusiastically.

“Sure, ‘long as you do it someplace else, and way, way quietly,” Faith grumbled, rubbing at her forehead.

“Sorry,” Willow whispered, wincing a little overdramatically. “You probably need sleep. And painkillers,” she said. “I’ll go get painkillers.”

“Thanks,” Faith said with a weak smile.

She watched as both Willow and Giles got to their feet to leave, noticing that Buffy was lingering, her brow furrowed. She appeared to be a little anxious, but Faith couldn’t guess why. Maybe it was the prospect of what they had ahead of them now; it was finally time for Buffy to rally the troops and lead them in a bid to save the world, again. It wasn’t surprising that she’d be a bit tense. If Buffy remembered anything at all that had happened when Faith had met her in the past, she wasn’t giving any clues about it. Faith supposed that Willow had been completely correct; Buffy had forgotten.

It made Faith’s heart ache that little bit more, but she was used to that around Buffy so she’d deal with it. She’d have to. It didn’t matter that she knew Buffy had wanted more between them when they’d been friends, Buffy herself had no recollection of ever telling Faith the truth about it. . .so it was best left in the past. There was no point agonising over what could never be. Faith would swallow that pain and just be the best slayer Buffy could ever have at her side, be the person she could finally trust. If Buffy allowed her to be.

“If you need anything. . .” Giles began.

“Just sleep,” Faith interrupted drowsily as they all moved to the door, leaving Faith to finally relax.

“Of course,” Giles said with a smile, ushering Willow out and encouraging Buffy to follow.

Buffy wasn’t exactly rushing. She seemed reluctant to leave but she remained quiet, only heading towards the door when Giles gave her a gentle smile. She stopped when it was pushed open from the other side and a head peeked around.

“I made tea for everybody,” Joyce said cheerfully, pushing the door open further, carrying a small tray with cups and cookies.

Nobody moved, their eyes darting from Joyce, to Buffy, to Faith and back. Buffy lifted a hand to her mouth, tears forming in her eyes, but Joyce seemed pretty much oblivious to the fact she should be. . .well, dead.

“It’s good to see you back safe, Faith,” Joyce said with a smile, placing the tray on the bedside cabinet.

It took a moment for her to realise everybody was just staring and she stood still for a moment, about to ask what was going on.

In that split second Faith suddenly realised that she remembered Joyce. Joyce had been there all along, kind of. She remembered her both dying and being alive. Something had obviously happened, and now - as with their memories of the body-switch and the memories of it never having happened - they had both memories of Joyce.

The realisation must have hit Buffy and the others too, as they went from looking confused to looking relived and thankful in a matter of moments.

“Did I come in at the wrong time, dear?” Joyce asked Buffy, her eyebrows disappearing into her hairline.

“No,” Buffy answered, almost a whisper, walking towards her mother as if she was an apparition. “No, you came at just the right time.”