Trying to stick to the shadows and hoping Riley didn’t suddenly leap out of a bush with lumps of camouflage hanging off him, Faith led Buffy towards the hospital. The last thing she needed was some kid of a soldier with bits of twig in his hair making life difficult. It was bad enough that she’d stumbled right into Buffy; it was imperative that she stayed away from everybody else.

So far on the way she’d managed to tell Buffy how she got there and how things worked – kind of. Only able to explain the parts she understood herself, Faith just hoped that Buffy would accept her explanation. So far it seemed like she was, but Buffy still needed to see for herself that the Faith of her own time was still safely tucked up in a hospital bed.

“So am I gonna remember this when you go back to your time?” Buffy asked.

“You or my Buffy?” Faith asked, fighting back a blush when Buffy raised her eyebrow. “Wait, I didn’t mean you’re mine I just. . .yunno, from my time.”

“I get it,” Buffy said with a smirk.

She’d never seen Faith flustered at all and it was kind of cute. Very in fact. Hell, she didn’t even mind admitting it to herself; this Faith just seemed to make admitting it easier. Buffy wasn’t sure why that was, but her life had never been simple. Unusualness and complications were normal to her.

“You should forget it, then the timeline goes back to normal,” Faith answered, feeling unusually nervous around Buffy. “Not sure what happens if you remember, though I’m guessing you’ll just kinda have both memories, but one’ll be a lot stronger than the other. Like your original memory has a shadow that looks a little different.”

“Wow, Faith,” Buffy said, impressed. “That’s almost poetic.”

“Hey, I’m just passing on info I got from Will.”

Buffy smiled and nodded at Faith, happy that Willow was ahead in time somewhere, safe and. . .apparently extremely powerful.

“How is she?” Buffy asked, glancing over at Faith as they made slow progress to the far end of campus grounds.

“Pretty sure I can’t tell you stuff about the future, B,” Faith pointed out. “That’d probably mean you won’t forget this, and it’ll screw us all.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Buffy said with a smile, sliding her hands into her denim jacket as she found herself walking closer to Faith than was probably necessary. “Can’t say I’m not tempted to ask you more, though.”

“Don’t blame ya,” Faith acknowledged. “I’d be doing the same; wanting to ask if I was still as hot and stuff.”

Buffy chuckled and rolled her eyes at Faith. Clearly she was still hot.

“So,” Buffy began, glancing sideways at the other girl, unable to help herself asking the question now that Faith had put it in her head, “am I just as cute three years from now?”

Faith’s eyebrows shot into her hairline as Buffy smiled her way. No way did she just ask that. No way could Faith answer it without being completely honest. She knew she shouldn’t answer at all, but then. . .what harm could that little question really do?

With a grin Faith laughed at Buffy and stopped walking, taking a good look at Buffy and grinning at the faint blush her perusal caused. Allowing her eyes to travel the full length of Buffy’s body she leered in approval.

“Oh yeah, just as cute,” Faith replied, dropping her voice so it was even lower and huskier than normal – indulging herself a little in old habits. “Hell, three years from now you’re even cuter. Hot in fact.”

Buffy blushed and looked away from Faith’s eyes, finding her shoes fascinating as she tried to feel flattered and not embarrassed. Faith had always been quick to make sexual innuendos and do her best to make Buffy feel uncomfortable, but she’d never been sure if it was all just a joke. Buffy still didn’t know if Faith meant it for real, but for once she accepted that she wanted it to be for real. She wanted Faith to find her attractive, in the non-straight sense. In a way that meant it was ok to think of Faith in the same way.

The small revelation made Buffy feel light-headed, but she tried to hide it. She didn’t want Faith feeling all smug, though she doubted there was really any point trying to conceal whatever attraction towards her she had. This Faith would probably see through any façade Buffy threw up anyway.

“Well you definitely improved with age too. You’re like. . .uber-hot now,” Buffy said shyly, looking away quickly and starting to walk once again towards the far gate before Faith could say anything back.

Faith let Buffy walk ahead just a little as she absorbed what she’d just said. Buffy had actually complimented her. There had been no sarcasm or nasty undertone; it had just been a straight-forward compliment. It made Faith smile. She knew it shouldn’t have, or that it was silly to feel even remotely happy that Buffy had said anything, but she couldn’t help herself. She’d always sought out acceptance from Buffy; acceptance and interest.

Giving her head a shake as she wondered about what Buffy’s compliment actually meant, Faith caught up with her, deciding against pushing the subject. She didn’t want to cause any tension between them as they were doing well at avoiding it so far; though Buffy was clearly still somewhat on edge at least they weren’t fighting. Things were going pretty smoothly and Faith didn’t want to say anything to mess that up. She’d just file away Buffy’s comment somewhere in her mind to take out and smile at later, or whenever she needed to feel closer to Buffy, and closer to what she’d always wanted with her.

As they approached the far rim of the campus grounds they arrived at a large scorch mark in the grass. It’s where Faith had emerged once Willow had done her witch-y thing.

Buffy looked at Faith and then the burned grass, raising her eyebrow.

“That was you I’m guessing,” Buffy said, pointing at the ground before them.

“Yup,” Faith said with a nod. “My bag should be around here too. Had to throw it when that damn demon came at me.”

“Bag?” Buffy questioned, walking onto the charred grass and listening to how it crackled under her feet. “How were you able to bring a bag? In fact, why didn’t you get here all. . .yunno, naked?”

She turned to Faith and instantly imagined her naked, which made her blush and quickly turn away again.

Faith saw the blush and the way Buffy had practically leered at her, but chose not to mention it. She stored it away with all the other little clues in her head.

“You’re thinking of The Terminator, B,” Faith pointed out. “Do I look like Arnold to you?”

Buffy looked at Faith again; taking in the slender hips, the boobs that were just right, the legs that looked strong and firm. Despite the fact Faith had kind of a butch edge to her she was definitely no Arnold look-alike. Buffy shook her head no and smiled. She didn’t trust herself not to say something really obvious right now, so it was best if she just showed her appreciation through her eyes.

With a small chuckle Faith moved towards a thick bush, reaching in and pulling out a duffle bag. She threw it over her shoulder and gave Buffy a nod to follow her to the gate. The more time they spent wandering around outside the more chance there was of other people seeing Faith, and she needed to avoid any more mistakes.

“You seem kinda unfazed about the whole time travel thing,” Faith commented as they continued.

“Oh, I’m fazed,” Buffy reassured. “But when you live on a Hellmouth and slay demons for a living the other weird stuff ends up seeming just as normal.”

They both smiled in agreement and Buffy decided she really liked seeing Faith smile. It wasn’t as sardonic a smile as the Faith she knew, or as bordering on the verge of a grin. It was natural and beautiful.

Buffy tried not to stare too long, and gave herself a mental note to stop being so blatant. She didn’t know what had gotten into her. She wasn’t even single so really shouldn’t have been seeing these new things about Faith that she’d missed before, let alone looking for them.

“Come on, cutie,” Faith prompted, giving Buffy a wink she knew would make her do that adorable little flirty smile she liked. “Don’t wanna get caught out in the open by anybody else.”

Buffy did indeed smile but then looked away as if she’d been caught out - which she had. This trip was so far much more eventful and surprising than Faith had planned for. Not that she could really have planned anything, not knowing exactly how things would pan out. This time travel stuff was out of her realm of understanding, and though she was trying to keep a low profile it had so far proved completely unsuccessful.

There was no point in beating herself up about it. Some things were just out of her control.

After walking a while side by side it wasn’t long before they were heading down the quiet corridor that led to Faith’s room. She could remember exactly where it was, and as they drew closer they chatted less and less. It started to feel somewhat awkward knowing that the Faith of this time was currently lying in a coma in one of the dark rooms, having been put there by Buffy.

It felt like the corridor went on forever, getting darker and emptier as they moved along it. Clearly not many visitors came down here and Buffy shuddered at a sudden gust of cold air from a high window. She felt so guilty and wondered how Faith could stand walking beside her after she’d driven a knife into her gut. If Faith had done the same to her, Buffy doubted she’d feel as safe in her company. She’d be far more cautious, cruel and bitchy. Faith hadn’t said anything about being stabbed; she hadn’t said anything mean or acted as if she hated her. There seemed to be no underlying animosity for her and Buffy couldn’t quite understand it.

Whatever had happened after Faith had woken from her coma then ran to LA, her time in prison and then taking a chance to go and help Buffy, had obviously changed her. She wasn’t the girl Buffy knew – reckless, full of anger and bitterness - she was a woman and not a girl. A woman Buffy could finally identify with and not instantly feel anxious around. Of course she still felt a little nervous around Faith for reasons she’d always tried to deny, but she felt much more comfortable with this Faith. She felt like they could be friends, and maybe, just maybe more than that.

The idea certainly didn’t terrify Buffy in the way it always had. It felt ok to like Faith. This Faith.

“I think this is it,” Faith said as they reached some of the last rooms ahead of them.

She stopped outside one of them, turning to Buffy and waiting for her to open the door. Faith really wasn’t keen on seeing herself lying there, hooked up to machines, pale and immobile. She knew she was meant to make sure her past self still occupied the bed – in case an anomaly in the timeline had caused her to rise early – but she was still anxious about it. As much as she’d tried to put the past behind her it was still there inside; every pain, every shame and every memory haunting her. Some days it was easier than others to suppress but she would never be free of her mistakes and the hurt they had caused her.

“After you,” Faith said as Buffy hesitated.

“Wait,” Buffy said as she stalled, grasping the door handle, “what happens if you meet yourself from another time? Isn’t that supposed to be bad? I mean, won’t the world implode or something?”

Faith gave Buffy a puzzled look.

“Pretty sure you’re thinking of a movie again, or something else. Willow said it would be fine, ‘sides. . .I have to check I’m still in there.”

Buffy nodded slowly and pushed at the door. She held her breath, unsure about what she was going to see. In the eight months that Faith had been in the hospital Buffy hadn’t visited. In eight months she’d avoided thinking about Faith. She’d even avoided walking past the hospital at all. Her heart felt like it was going too fast, her clothes suddenly felt too heavy and her head was too warm. Almost stumbling over the threshold of the door, Buffy wanted to turn and run. Run from what she’d done.

But she couldn’t run, and as she stepped forward to see the Faith she knew lying slightly propped up in the bed before her. . .Buffy took a shaky breath and lifted a hand to her mouth. She felt sick. Faith was so pale and looked so fragile.

A soft hand on Buffy’s lower back encouraged her further forward, and reminded her of who she was with and why. Again she wondered how Faith could stand to be anywhere near her. How could she have forgiven her for this?

“I’m sorry,” Buffy mumbled as they approached the bed.

“I know,” were Faith’s only words.

She lowered her hand from Buffy’s back, looked around at the stark room, then down to the machines her past self was attached to. Feeling strangely detached and less unnerved at actually seeing herself lying there, Faith moved closer to pull the blanket up a little way. At Buffy’s slightly puzzled look Faith shrugged.

“I looked cold,” she said.

They gazed at each other sadly and Faith tried to think of something to say. But there was nothing. Like the room had sucked out all their energy, both girls just stood and stared; at each other, at the floor, at the lifeless form of the girl in the bed.

After what seemed like a small eternity they both spoke, talking over each other.

“We should probably go,” Faith said.

“I should have come sooner,” Buffy said at the same time.

There were a hundred different ways Faith could respond to that, but she wasn’t there to start a fight. She wasn’t there to drag up old arguments or re-open old wounds. This was about healing one of those wounds, not about creating more.

“You did what you had to,” Faith said, not elaborating on whether she was talking about Buffy visiting her, or Buffy stabbing her in the first place.

Buffy didn’t question her and Faith felt confident that they could keep things from blowing up as long as they both agreed not to push. There was no need to make this any more difficult than it had to be.

“So now you’ve seen me. . .or yunno, her,” Faith began, pointing her thumb towards the bed, “how about we get outta here? That time travelling thing made me all kindsa hungry.”

With a sad smile Buffy turned her eyes away from the ashen, exanimate version of Faith in bed, to the much more conscious and vibrant version currently striding back towards the open door. She seemed like she was in a hurry to leave and Buffy couldn’t blame her. She doubted she’d want to hang around a past version of herself looking all washed out and pitiful for long either.

“Everything makes you hungry, Faith,” Buffy jibed, following Faith to the door.

She gave one last look towards the bed, her heart feeling heavy as she watched Faith’s chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. Faith’s eyes were closed but there was movement there. There was hurt etched into her features and Buffy felt such an overwhelming pang of guilt she didn’t know what to do with it. It sat in the pit of her stomach, reminding her of how close she could come to tipping over the edge herself. Neither of them were infallible or perfect, and they were much more alike than Buffy had ever cared to admit before.

“I’ll get you a burger – my treat,” Buffy said to the version of Faith she know knew for sure came from three years in the future.

After closing the door behind her they made their way back down the corridor, surprisingly free of any lingering awkwardness.

“Make it two burgers and some fries and I’ll totally overlook your no visiting policy,” Faith said with a wink.

It was joke but Buffy still felt bad. There was no excuse for not even checking on Faith once since graduation. It wasn’t as if it had always been bad between them after all, but it had been easier just to pretend that Faith didn’t exist any longer. Easier at the time anyway.

“It’s a deal,” Buffy said sadly, “but I am sorry - for not coming. . .”

Faith stopped and turned to Buffy, placing a hand on her shoulder and dipping her head so Buffy had no choice but to look into her eyes. She didn’t want Buffy being like this. Not only did it just seem totally wrong, but she knew it would also just make things that much harder for the girl when it came to her having to fight with coma-Faith when she woke up.

“B, you have to stop doing that,” Faith implored.

“But I feel so bad about. . .”

“We both feel bad about stuff,” Faith interrupted, not wanting to wallow with Buffy in their mistakes. “Let’s just get something to eat, find me a place to stay and figure out how the hell to put at least one of those things right. Then I can get back home where you treat me like you should and I don’t have to. . .”

Buffy waited expectantly for Faith to finish, but Faith couldn’t finish; she had been about to blurt out that she wouldn’t have to feel everything she’d ever felt for Buffy all over again. It was better if Buffy didn’t hear that; it would just complicate things even more, and Faith could tell that things were already getting complicated enough. She couldn’t mistake Buffy’s flirty smiles and shy glances for anything but attraction this time. Pretending she could ignore that fact and just get on with the job was the best way to go.

“You don’t have to what?” Buffy finally asked when it became obvious Faith wasn’t going to continue.

Faith just shrugged and set off walking again, her duffle bag held over her shoulder and her other hand in her pocket. There was no way they could have That conversation. The conversation that definitely came with capitalization.

“Ok, I get the hint,” Buffy muttered as they left the building by a side entrance, keeping away from any possible crowds. “For now.”

With a chuckle at Buffy’s stubbornness Faith shook her head. Some things never changed.

Before long they’d picked up food and were walking towards the room Faith had just rented – at a much better class of motel than she’d previously afforded. The place was on the better side of town and away from anywhere the Faith currently still bedridden would visit. It had been a good choice, and Faith had Buffy to thank for pointing it out. She’d never looked beyond what she could just about afford last time so hadn’t known the place even existed. That meant that she had never known it was there all along so it was a perfect place to hide out. She wouldn’t be bumping into herself – as long as she kept her wits about her.

Faith swung the door open and threw her bag down onto a large chair that sat at one end of the room. The place was typical of most motels but it looked pretty clean. The bed was neatly made and she could see that the bathroom looked decent with just a glance towards the open door. It was better than most places she’d stayed.

“You gonna stay and eat?” Faith asked, hoping Buffy would.

“Thanks,” Buffy replied with an easy smile and a nod.

She placed the bags of food down on a small table in front of the bed and proceeded to empty them. Burgers and fries were not her usual idea of a good snack so late but she was hungry and Faith’s enthusiasm for food was infectious. In fact everything about her was pretty infectious, or maybe addictive. Buffy had always tried not to get addicted to Faith and how she could make her feel – alive, different, and sexy – but avoiding it had only made things worse. It had only managed to push them over the edge to become enemies.

Letting go a little felt like it would be nice; Buffy was tired of holding it all inside where Faith was concerned.

“Damn that smells good,” Faith said as Buffy unwrapped the burgers and fries.

Buffy set everything out nicely and Faith wasn’t sure quite what was going on between them. They weren’t fighting, which was strange. Buffy hadn’t hit her in the head yet either, and that was definitely strange, and new. Watching Buffy place Faith’s food at one side of the table nearest the chair, Faith could almost forget all the bad things that had happened between them. Almost but not completely. Still, it felt nice, just for a while.

“I really hope you don’t eat this kind of stuff all the time, Faith,” Buffy commented as Faith moved her bag to the floor so she could sit down. “It’s really not good for you.”

Faith chuckled and grabbed her overly greasy burger, taking a big bite and talking despite her full mouth.

“Does it look like it’s been bad for me?” Faith asked before chewing and swallowing.

She used the hand not currently clasped around her burger to point out her fine physique with a sweeping gesture. Buffy’s eyes followed, looking over Faith and not seeing any trace of poor eating habits.

“No,” Buffy replied, “you really do look good. Not that you didn’t always,” she added in a rush. “But now you’re. . .”

Buffy stuttered over her words and looked away, unable to finish without sounding completely smitten and possibly retarded. She’d been doing a lot of blushing, looking away and feeling silly tonight, all because of Faith. Granted, Faith had always managed to instil a sense of unease in her that had more to do with the girl’s looks and charm than her supposed evilness, but this was getting way out of control. She had to at least try to keep from looking too much of a fool.

“You don’t have to stop there,” Faith prompted, knowing she should just drop it but unable to help herself.

Her grin made Buffy’s eyes linger at her lips and Faith licked them slowly for good measure. She had no idea why Buffy was being so open and obvious, and she wasn’t about to question it. It had been a long time since they’d been able to flirt and be comfortable with each other – well, relatively comfortable anyway.

“I probably should stop there,” Buffy responded softly, munching on her fries as she tried not to stare too much at Faith.

She was kneeling on the floor in front of the table, looking up at Faith, and as every second ticked by Buffy realised she wanted Faith that little bit more. Had it always been like that with her? She wasn’t certain; she’d been so good at suppressing it before, but this wasn’t going to be so easily quashed. She liked Faith. She was attracted to her. The wanting her came right along with admitting to that.

Neither of them were now paying their food much attention as they locked eyes, looking deep into each other in a way they’d always shied away from before. Faith felt like all her senses were suddenly honed right to Buffy; all that existed right then in that room was Buffy. The way she looked, the way she smelled, the way she sounded as she spoke.

“I’m getting a little confused,” Buffy said quietly, leaving her food for now as Faith listened attentively, also seemingly too distracted to eat. “No, not confused,” she corrected, “more like. . .as if. . .”

She couldn’t think of the words. There was no way to describe how she was suddenly feeling. But then it wasn’t really so sudden; Faith had always done this to her. Faith had always been difficult to be around for many reasons.

“Tell me, Buffy,” Faith urged gently.

This was dangerous territory but Faith wanted to hear what Buffy had to say. In some ways she needed to hear it. Buffy was open to her right now; without falsity, without defences, without years of bitterness keeping them from letting each other in. Maybe it was the spell that had sent her through time, messing with Faith’s internal workings and her natural state of self preservation. . .but she couldn’t keep her eyes off this Buffy. She couldn’t keep her heart from feeling what it had felt for her before everything had turned sour.

“Are you feeling this?” Buffy asked, stammering slightly as Faith’s brown eyes made her dizzy with their burning intensity. “I mean this. . .easiness.”

Faith smiled at Buffy’s adorable nervousness and nodded.

“I feel it,” she replied.

Buffy smiled and Faith couldn’t help but smile right back at her. Whatever it was it was a good thing, for once.

They couldn’t stop gazing at each other and Faith had the urge to shove the table aside and pull Buffy into her arms. Her lips were begging her to kiss Buffy. She wanted to lift her up and throw her onto the bed so she could know every part of Buffy. Every fantasy she’d ever had about her would pale in comparison to the real thing. Every touch and every taste would be amazing.

But she couldn’t leap at Buffy. She couldn’t take what she wanted to take. Not now. It didn’t seem that Buffy had the same idea, however. She looked ready to pounce too, and something told Faith that Buffy wouldn’t hold back.

“It feels different with you,” Buffy continued as Faith took a cooling slurp on her coke. “Maybe not different exactly, but. . .harder to ignore.”

Raising an eyebrow, Faith let the words sink in. So Buffy had always had more than just friendly thoughts about her? That seemed to be what Buffy was getting at. Unfortunately this was the wrong time and wrong place to be getting into it at all. Faith didn’t know quite what to say. Here Buffy was being honest with her for once, and she couldn’t do or say what she really wanted to back. She had to tread carefully.

“Buffy. . .” Faith began, pausing to run a hand through her hair and fight back every natural urge in her body, “I gotta stay focused.”

It was the best she could come up with - a feeble excuse that made Buffy look down at her forgotten food, shoulders dropping.

“I’m sorry I said anything,” Buffy said quietly.

She felt silly for bringing it up. Silly for feeling what she was after fighting it for so long. The timing was terrible, but it wasn’t exactly her fault; the Faith she was sat with right now had her mind in a spin. She wasn’t as easy to dismiss and neither was the spark of desire within Buffy that she’d reignited.

“Don’t be sorry just. . .” Faith sighed, rubbing at her brow and trying not to say anything that would make things awkward. She wasn’t even certain what Buffy was talking about – it could have been all in her own head like she’d come to think it was in the past. “What exactly are you saying, Buffy?” she asked, instantly realising she should have left it alone.

The question was out there now – no taking it back.

Buffy once again looked up at Faith from her position at the other side of the small table. She felt her mouth go dry and her heart started thudding loudly in her chest. It was thudding so hard she just knew Faith would hear it.

“I’m not even sure,” Buffy admitted. “I guess I’ve always liked you. . .in the way I’m only supposed to be liking my boyfriend right now,” she reminded herself, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry.”

She put her head in her hands and felt thoroughly awful. She hadn’t meant to allow these feelings through. Up until now Buffy had always managed to keep herself in line, focused, controlled, but it seemed completely impossible to do any of those right now.

“Seriously, B, you have to stop telling me you’re sorry,” Faith stated firmly. Though she was totally bowled over at Buffy’s little confession she couldn’t just sit there and listen to Buffy beat herself up any longer. “If you don’t stop I’m gonna think Will screwed up and sent me to a whole other dimension let alone time.”

Buffy looked up at that.

“You’re not in another dimension, I’m just kinda freaking out over here that’s all,” she told Faith, getting to her feet so she could walk out some of the tension. “I’m not supposed to be feeling this, not after everything you did, and everything I did to you. You’re not supposed to just walk back into my life looking three years older and three years hotter. I can’t stop looking at you. I can’t stop myself from wanting you.”

Faith watched as Buffy paced, and listened as she rambled and raved. Every muscle in her body was telling her to grab Buffy and kiss her hard. She also got to her feet, moving closer to Buffy in the small room. Buffy’s hands were covering her face again and she was clearly wishing she could make it all go away. There was no making it go away once you accepted the inevitable, however. Faith knew that all too well.

She took Buffy’s wrists in her hands and made Buffy uncover her face.

“This isn’t easy for me either,” Faith reminded. “You don’t even remember most of the crap I did ‘cause it hasn’t happened to you yet, but I do. Even after all of that, and after some pretty shitty things you’ve said to me. . .I still can’t help wishing we could just. . .”

“Be together?” Buffy asked gently when Faith failed to continue.

Faith sighed, dropping Buffy’s hands and turning away from her so she could try to collect her thoughts and feelings. Her emotions were all over the place and she was having a hard time understanding why she couldn’t just push it all down like she’d been able to do so many times in the past. Maybe it was the fact she’d just jumped from being with Buffy three years down the line where their relationship was difficult at best, to being with her at a time before she’d done the worst to her and turned Buffy into her victim. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to keep control of her feelings. Maybe time travel really was better left alone.

“I don’t even know anymore, B,” Faith said, her hushed voice making Buffy hold her breath. “For the longest time I knew exactly what I wanted from you, but I knew I’d never get it. Now you’re totally confusing me and I don’t even know what to think.”

Moving towards Faith slowly, Buffy reached out, wanting to touch Faith, wanting to rest her hand on her shoulder or wrap her arms around her from behind. She’d never been in a position with Faith in their relationship before where she felt she could do that. It felt more possible right now – though Buffy was still unsure why – but she didn’t reach that little bit further. Dropping her hand back to her side Buffy carefully chose what she should say next.

She had to be honest, but she knew how difficult this situation was. Buffy hadn’t seen or spoken to Faith in eight months. She’d avoided even thinking about her. And now here she was, large as life and with years more experience and a calmness to her that made Buffy think about the future. Not the future that this Faith had just come from, but her own future.

Ok, so they were the same two futures in essence, but to Buffy it felt like anything was possible right now and she liked that feeling. She liked the feeling of hope inside her where Faith was concerned. She could see forwards for a change, with open eyes, knowing and accepting what had been there all along.

“I think we both want the same thing, Faith,” Buffy said, her voice shaking as she tasted the truth of the words for the first time.

She watched Faith’s back as Faith breathed steadily and slowly, her body showing no sign of tension, though Buffy knew there was definitely tension. There always had been.

“I can’t let this chance slip away from me,” Buffy continued. “In a few days you’re gonna wake up, and that Faith is going to hate me and want to hurt me, and three years from now. . .I’m apparently a complete bitch to you. So right now, while I have the chance I need to tell you. . .”

“Buffy,” Faith interrupted, her voice unsteady as she turned to face the other girl, “don’t. This is the wrong place, and the wrong time. Literally.”

Buffy opened her mouth to continue – every fibre of her being urging her to tell Faith the truth for once – but she held her tongue. Faith’s eyes were practically pleading with her not to speak, not to throw open wide this big can of worms. It was open enough already.

“I just wish. . .I wish we’d. . .”

“I know,” Faith said sadly.

They both wished they’d gotten it right the first time around. That they could lay down their defences and walls, and self righteousness long enough to get each other, and to have each other in the way they should have from the start. It was all too messy now. Too difficult.

The gap between them suddenly felt far too wide and Buffy wanted desperately to move closer. Her whole body needed to be near to Faith, but she had to remember how to quash that feeling. She didn’t want to upset Faith more, and clearly Faith was already upset. Whatever had happened between them - that Buffy hadn’t yet experienced - had obviously left a deep mark on Faith.

“Maybe I should go,” Buffy suggested. “I don’t want this to turn into an awkward argument.”

“Yeah, it’s probably best, B,” Faith agreed. “I need to focus on what I have to do here. As much as I wanna just enjoy this,” she said, indicating them both, “I can’t get distracted.”

“So we’ll just have to ignore whatever this is,” Buffy stated, trying to sound convincing. “Well I’ve done it before so. . .”

But this wasn’t before, this was now, and this Faith wasn’t the old Faith. It sounded simple, easy, possible. . .but they both knew it was going to be none of those things.

Just like always, they were going to be slaves to the way they felt about each other and it was going to have them twisting and struggling, and waiting for when it was the right time to act.

Faith opened the door for Buffy and they tried to avoid looking too long in each other’s eyes. It would only take one look for them to throw caution to the wind.

“I’ll keep you in the loop,” Faith told Buffy. “Once she – I – wake up I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said, subdued and sad that in a day or two she’d be fighting with Faith again once she came out of her coma. “If you need my help at all. . .I’m here for you.”

With a tentative gesture, Buffy gave Faith’s arm a squeeze, doing her best not to linger too long with the touch.

“That means a lot to me, B,” Faith admitted, finally looking into Buffy’s eyes and trying her best not to notice the unshed tears in them.

They both took deep breaths, finding it hard to turn away. Buffy wanted nothing more than to stay, and Faith wanted nothing more than to ask her to stay. But they couldn’t. The risks were too high, and the feelings too strong.