A Princess and Her Pee - Page Two
Back to Brain TurdsPage One
Well, ok. Let’s recap. I used to achieve a sort of false happiness by watching other people suffer, but those people are no longer suffering either because they went to Disney World or they’re taking Prozac now or both, so then I became sad. And I don’t want to be sad anymore, but I don’t have help from my parents because they’re too cheap to get me to Disney World or to get me a good psychologist. Or even a quack psychologist because I think they just don’t believe in psychology. So I set out on a sort of quest to make myself happy. The reason I did something so queer sounding as “setting out on a quest” is that by that time I was sick of doing homework. And I had been reading a lot of Medieval crap, which may have contributed to my queerness at that point in my life. I sat down because I like sitting and thought about what had made me happy and that’s when I realized that I used to compare myself, etc. I also realized the Medieval crap was sort of messing up my brain.
It being around New Years and everyone else was making resolutions, I decided to as well. I decided to act exactly like the Happy People. Can’t pass them up in the valedictorian equivalent of HQ, I decided to join them. Funny how it worked out so well; the Happy drunk People were making resolutions and I did the same. The Happy People watched MTV, I watched MTV. Oh, and I quit reading Medieval crap, not because the Happy People don’t read it (although they actually do not) but because I don’t really like Medieval crap and that’s why I’m calling it Medieval “crap”. Duh.
Happiness thus falsely achieved, I can’t say I was worse off than before. Besides, because my HQ fluctuates with everyone else’s, I don’t have anything to worry about. The way I figure, if everyone’s HQ goes down too low, the government will probably pass out Prozac. Or better yet, they’ll give us all free passes into Disney World. Because I really, really want to go to Disney World. It just looks like so much fun.
And in case you care, I’ve never had my urine tested. But I’m sure plenty of princesses have because they’re the kind of people that have regular exams every year. Can’t say if they’re lucky or what.
Another conversation with myself:
“Why do you think that?”
“I’ll stop talking or sharing (and perhaps thinking; it’s difficult to tell when you’ve stopped thinking) whatever it was I was saying.”
“I hate that. Those idiots. They could be stopping a really brilliant thought. You really can’t be sure if the thought is brilliant or not until it has come all the way out.”
"Yeah, but you know what? My thoughts are like my babies. I don’t want anyone to not like them, or not enjoy them. People should love my thoughts.”
"They would if the thoughts were brilliant, but how can you tell they are brilliant unless you can think them all out? If idiots try to stop you, I guess they don’t deserve your brilliant thoughts.”
“Haa! Exactly!”
“I’d never admit this to anyone else, but I think I really am affected by what other people think.”
