To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday."
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list all the hypocrites present. A prominent space will be alloted at the top of the card for the cardholder to write his own name down first on that list.
Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp Our Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton for those who can!
Hope to see you there!
- Moses stuttered.
-- David's armor didn't fit.
--- John Mark was rejected by Paul.
---- Hosea's wife was a prostitute.
----- Amos' only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.
------ Jacob was a liar.
------- David had an affair.
-------- Solomon was too rich.
--------- Abraham was too old.
---------- David was too young.
----------- Timothy had ulcers.
------------ Peter was afraid of death.
------------- Lazarus was dead.
-------------- John was self-righteous.
--------------- Jesus was too poor.
-------------- Naomi was a widow.
------------- Paul was a murderer. So was Moses.
------------ Jonah ran from God.
----------- Miriam was a gossip.
---------- Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
--------- Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
-------- Elijah was burned out.
------- John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
------ Martha was a worrywart.
----- Mary was lazy.
---- Samson had long hair.
--- Noah got drunk.
-- Did I mention that Moses had a short fuse?
- So did Peter, Paul--well, lots of folks did.
But God doesn't require a job interview. He doesn't hire and fire like most bosses, because He's more our Dad than our boss. He doesn't look at financial gain or loss. He's neither prejudiced nor partial, judging, grudging, sassy, nor brassy, not deaf to our cry, nor blind to our need.
Satan says, "You're not worthy."
Jesus says, "So what? I AM."
Satan looks back and sees our mistakes. God looks back and sees the Cross.
Sure--there are lots of reasons why God shouldn't want us. But if we are in love with Him, if we hunger for Him more than our next breath, He'll use us in spite of who we are, where we've been, or what we look like.
"If I express myself on a subject, I'm trying to run things.
If I'm silent, I'm dumb or have lost interest.
If I'm often at my office (preparing messages or studying), why don't I get out and learn what's going on.
If I'm out when they call, why am I not tending to business, or studying for a message.
If I'm not at home at night, I'm out having a good time.
If I'm home, I'm neglecting important outside contacts and activities.
If I don't agree with persons, I'm bullheaded.
If I do agree, I don't have any ideas of my own.
If I don't do what I'm requested, I'm a very poor pastor or minister.
If I do agree, well, that's what I'm paid for.
If I give someone a short answer, I'm "too big for my britches."
If I attempt to explain the pros and cons of an issue, I'm a know-it-all.
If I'm well dressed, I think I'm a big shot.
If I'm not, I'm a poor representative of my office.
If I'm on the job a short time, I'm inexperienced.
If I've been there a long time, It's time for a change.
