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"Join the club." ~Sure I didn't make it up, but I use it so often.
"Hai, most people tend to see as a side effect of having eyes." ~I see.....I should hope I do.
"You can get used to it, but you should never have to settle for it. What goes around comes around, good things happen to good people." ~These are just my random philosophical rantings, go ahead, don't listen to me, but then where will you be? Huh? Answer me!
"Well that's what I'm here for. I just seem to have a talent for making others feel good." ~Yup, that's me, the eternal nice guy, I'm too damned nice for my own good!
"Just keep up the effort and be patient, and someday you'll be like the rest of us. Wait, most people are weird, nevermind." ~No point trying to be normal, you're weird, I'm weird, we're ALL weird, get used to it. Is it wrong to be bored by normal, sane people?
"Hmm, we're playing Accounting class 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Of course the subject of lesbian menage a trois is going to come up." ~Lets just say we can get a little off topic in accounting class......
"How dare you apply logic to this situation? *Glares at person who applies logic* " ~*Glares at all who apply logic, although its technically extreme hypocrysy on his part.*
"Ok, does anyone have any ideas that ARE NOT bad rap songs from the early 90's?" ~It was a political campaign for history, don't ask...but vote IT!
*To Tina* "Tough shit sis, you're beautiful, get used to it." ~Sis doesn't think she's beautiful, but she's wrong......
"If curiosity killed the cat........it's slaughtering the cow." ~One of my more used nicknames is "Magic Cow" and all the versions thereof. (MC, Magic Goten Cow, Tor-kun, Mr. Magical Moocow, etc.)
"Whoa, it's just like Back to the Future, only backwards through a mountain, and Goku isn't a car." ~In reference to a small portion of the battle betwen Goku and Freeza.
"Go team us!" ~Standard celebratory/motivational cheer.
"I'm not camping, I'm moving selectively." ~Half-Life Happenings. Camping is staying in one place and shooting people as they come into sight like a cheap, unskilled little bastard.
"My job interview went pretty well, in my humble opinion, so I thought I'd celebrate by blowing people's heads off for 2 hours." ~Ah, Half-Life is the most cleansing, adrenaline boost enforcing, blow people's heads off game I've ever seen. Now if Dobroshinsky would just stop killing me........damn that Scwerl.......
"No! Don't listen to logic! Listen to Rob!" ~Rob is always right on sports bets when his own money isn't on the line. You make a sports bet, come to me first. If Mike Patel had listened to me, he'd be up $50 right now.......
"Pigcat!" ~Don't ask, Tina made a weird noise, some strange...mutated....hyrbid of a pig and a cat. Don't ask, or better yet...ask her!
"So in other words, you're trying to say: 'Keep this a way better secret than I did.' " ~People trust me, that's not a mistake.
"If she was gonna poison you.....she'd have done it in a much more elaborate and killing...death....way." ~Dave Szymr (sp?) thought Tina was trying to poison him with the sucker I eventually ended up eating.
"Damn you people for being so funny and giving me so much new material. Cripes, I'm gonna get carpel-tunnel syndrome from updating the website." ~I had 9.5+ pages of new material to add. It took me a damn long time....like 5 frickin' hours or something......
"Anything you SAY, DO, SEE, HEAR, THINK or FEEL CAN and WILL be quoted against you in a court of Rob." ~My warning for my friends, usually means I just took down a new quote, and haven't warned that person yet.
"Hmm........I've run out of things to say..... Oh wait, here's one. GABADUBABADUBABADUBAGUBABDUBA!" ~I can get a little crazy sometimes, but a little screaming of gibberish always makes Lori laugh. She's worth looking stupid for. 8) PS: I have only recently discovered that this line seems to work on every female, they think it's funny and/or cute. To me it's just gibberish, but can't argue with what works.
"Would you kindly stop SUCKING MY ARM?" ~This was a strange one, for some odd reason Tina wanted to give me a hickey on my arm to make up for never giving me one when we were going out......very strange.......then again, Tina's strange....
" *to Eva* You know, you don't have to give us that 'OH DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!' stare." ~Mike and I asked Eva to work with us, that particular stare was her response.
"You shall refer to me as 'The Ass of Custard the Dragon'." ~I was actually the legs, but it's pretty much the same thing.
"You may call me 'Anna Louisa Franchesca Bobesca....The Third'." ~Now that's what my ASM (assistant stage manager) Ashley calls me.....when she's not busy calling me prop-boy, laughing her ass off at my antics, or ordering me to do heavy lifting like I'm a dog.
"Just having a positive attitude you know......like 'The Little Engine That Could'...." ~It's true, ever so true......
"Suuuuure.....whenever you have a problem that only a literary genius could solve....you come to ME........" ~Rob's a literary genius, bow down before his superiority.....ok, don't bother, you wouldn't do it anyway....even if he had any authority....
"Would you kindly stop twitching in my general direction?" ~Tina was twitching, it was freaking me out.
"Are you wiping Visine on my shirt?" ~Tina had eyedrops, my shirt was kinda dirty as it was, and I'm her personal doormat, you do the math.
"Jesse....trust me.....Rob knows his drugs." ~LSD stands for Lysergic (something) Diethylamide, I'm pretty sure.
"Ok Natasha, we're done. Now we can discuss the sex lives of our teachers." ~Natasha thought it was absolutely necessary to discuss the sex lives of our teachers. We went along with this cause we were done our work and had nothing else to do.
"Oh yeah, I really like you licking your hand and rubbing your spit all over my face." ~This is Tina's alternative to Evanization.
"Yer sneezin' in my general direction." ~Correction, perhaps this is how one of Tina's boogers landed in my hair.....
"Funny thing happened on the way to the whorehouse last night......." ~Correction, this one came farther outta left field than Tina's "crave tacos" quote. Hmm.....should I now be frightened of myself?
"C'mon, please beat me over the head with a paperback novel." ~Eva was being un-cooperative.....she's frightened of me....yet she won't fight back.....strange.....I must investigate further.....
"It's not our fault we get distracted by shiny things......*turns head elsewhere* ooh, thparkly...." ~This is my new favourite saying......although to preserve it's "cuteness" I have to shorten it to just "ooh, thparkly".
"Oh....dear.....God.....I've....become....Bri..... The voices in my head are singing in japanese." ~That's a Bri thing to do.....and now it's happening to me.....where will the madness end?
"Alright, that's it! This is THE LAST TIME I allow an orgy to go on at my 16th birthday party." ~There was no orgy, it was just funny to keep referring to the 5 of them that way.
"No orgy for you!" ~The Orgy Nazi aka moi
"Stop laughing at my extreme paranoia!" ~Yup, I'm paranoid. Tina is doing her job as part of the female conspiracy quite well.
"Don't make me get down on my hands and knees and beg and cry and whine like a five-year-old little girl because YOU WILL LAUGH!" ~This one always gets a laugh....
"This you is should a eat subliminal more message cheese." ~Separate the messages, subliminal they are.....
"Cough, bisexual, endcough." ~We were discussing Willow's current....status on Buffy.
"Kimber, remind me tomorrow to thwack you over the head with 2 umbrellas and a baby." ~I got him with the two umbrellas, but Michelle was reluctant to give up her first born to thwack Kimber with, oh well.
"The baby, the bandana, and the springy pen will be mine! Mwuahahahahaha!" ~Hmm....I need help.
"What's wrong with interesting? It's an interesting word!" ~Amy told us to never again use the phrase "very interesting" or either of the parts thereof.
"Let's get her! Beat her up and take her hair!" ~I don't even remember what this one was about....
"I notice neither of you have commented on the pen up my nose." ~This one speaks for itself.
"You've developed an unhealthy obsession with my shirt." ~Tina is unhealthily obsessed with my newer uniform sweater, I'm aware that it's soft....but she's taking it one step too far....
*Laughs
a bit* "This is a change. It's strange, but... I don't hate you." ~Lori.
She was my girlfriend for 3 months. Guess she really didn't hate me, eh?
*Smirks*
"You sound like some sort of psychologist." ~Lori.
Yeah, I sound like a shrink, could probably be one if I didn't have so
many mental problems of my own.
"Don't be pregnant........oops,
I mean prejudiced." ~Anthony
"Hey Rob...........SHUDDAP!"
~Adam
"Who had the
guts to go up there? Roooob? No! Back off, get your own sandwhich!" ~Adam
"Oh yeah, U's.
I forgot about my little friend Mr. U." ~Bri,
or, as she might prefer, Adele Queen of Darkness
"Greetings,
all powerful queen of darkness and all that is evil." ~My
standard morning hello to Bri
"Hmm, you're
carrying my oxygen. Even in space you're whipped Rob. *whipcrack sound*
" ~Tina. Damn sis, damn her! I ain't whipped!
I ain't!
"I'd kill for
a pair of legs like Rob's." ~Tina. No, please,
DO NOT ASK
"Our campaign
slogan will be: 'I want a peanut butter and banana sandwhich.' " ~Tina.
That's what I get for making her secretary of the IT!
party.
"Ah, but I
like my flesh!" ~Jesse. Do you really want
to know?
"You only won
because you got the Jharlem pity vote!" ~Melissa.
Pity votes suck, but I won the election. 8)
"Shut up, before
I kick your little midget ass." ~Bri, she
says it everyone, regardless of how tall they are
"Hey! Just
because I live in a shoebox doesn't mean that..... (insert anything, and
I mean anything here) " ~Steve Holloway.
Damn this man is a genius!
"It's me! It's
me! It's the D-O-double G!" ~Brad. Go Wolfman
go!
"Yeah right,
when I'm raking in the members, you'll be begging me to join. And I'll
be like: 'Do I know you, impudent peasant?' " ~Brad.
Pimpmastah thinks he's better than the ladies man, not a chance.
*to me*
"Damn you! Why do you have to be so funny?"
~Lori. She loves to laugh alot, I make her laugh alot, don't make her finish
that sentence. 8)
"Aren't ya
glad I think of you as a sister?" ~Tina. Yup,
so I'm a sister now......should I feel like less of a man?
"C'mon McDonell,
it's only two days late! Well.....except for the week in between.....but
it's only two days late!" ~Majoire. Haggling
to get an assignment in "two days" late.
"It's mine!
I found it in the science lab.........." ~Phil.
You know the part of a three ring binder that is the 3 rings and a metal
strip? Well he found one with like 8 rings, it was damn cool....
"Why do you
think gangs own things? Like meatpacking plants or........" ~Mr.
Mcdonell. My history teacher heading down a road into a conversation
that could only exist in one of our history lessons gone horribly, horribly
wrong.
"So you're
always like: 'The cops busted us for having a loud party man, and then
they beat us with sticks, it sucked.' No they didn't, they came to your
house, told you to turn the music down, you told them to F-off, and *then*
they beat you with sticks." ~McDonell.
"It's always
great when a guy you've had a crush on since Grade 7 suddenly has boobs."
~Tina. I don't think you really want to know?
"Hahahahaha......that's
so funny I could bash your head in with a shovel." ~SuperKnife (We found the person being quoted!). Let's just say it can get pretty intense in that computer lab.......
"If you're
going to jail for life.....why not take as many people with you as you
can? Go on a killing spree!" ~Phil. You gotta
wonder what's running through his head......
"People who
launder money are brilliant!" ~McDonell. History
lesson, need I say more?
"I'm being
educated by STUPID PEOPLE!" ~Phil.
"You can sell
your soul to the devil, and your parents aren't responsible for that contract.
Although I don't recommend it......." ~McDonell.
How does this fit into history you ask.....I dunno.
"If you could
go out in space with just like a gas mask or something, if you farted.....would
you go anywhere?" ~Brett
"What would
happen if the whole world farted at once? Or if everybody in China like
stood one way and sneezed....would it cause a tidal wave?" ~Brett.
I personally have nothing against the Chinese, after all, they gave Marco
Polo noodles, so they have to kick ass. Do not view anything on these pages
as offensive please.
"That's telling
me I can't do my own sexual thing, so what, now you're telling me I can't
do my own sexual thing?" ~McDonell. This is
one of those lessons that pushes the limits of gone horribly, horribly
wrong.
"Help me out
here Rob.......'intellectualcy' "? ~Townley.
He couldn't figure out the word 'intelligence'.
"Phil, you're
a 28 year old woman who was riding shotgun with Sarah." ~McDonell.
Oddly enough, this was actually on track for his lesson plan for the day.......
"Aunt Jemima
should get married to Uncle Ben? Thank God I sit at the very front of the
room......." ~Mrs. Zupevc. That'll teach her
to sit at the back of the class with Lukas and Matt......
" *reading
off of a survey* 'I usually tell people what I think of them, but try
not to hurt their feelings while doing so.' .....total load of bullshit,
eh Rob?" ~Barbara. She can be a little cruel
sometimes, but she's ok.
"Psst.....I'm
mute." ~Trina
"No! You drive!
Ignore the female stripping beside you!" ~Tina.
Um, I ain't gonna elaborate on that one. *yells for Tina* Hey sis,
you wanna elaborate..? Didn't think so...
"All the women
in this world want me, they just don't know it yet. It's in their
genetic code....." ~Shawn. He thinks
he's quite the charmer, God's gift to women........when he gets a girlfriend,
we'll believe him. 8)
"That's right......Rob
is an idiot." ~Ms. Cole. Always good to know
your teachers are on your side. 8)
"If there's
anything in there about me, I'm gonna kick your ass." ~Jason.
In reference to my pile of pages of new quotes to be added to the site.
"I'm sweating
like a pedophile in a daycare." ~Brett
"Love is like
a drug. If you haven't had it for awhile, you crave it. When you finally
get it, you're like 'Ah, that's good.....' If you get too much of it, you
go insane. So yeah, like a drug." ~Matt. Well
said Matt.
"Hitting anything
with a hammer fixes it......even broken bones." ~Bri
"Ok...........whatever..........no
further questions........your honour......" ~Kamna.
Our case just went down the tubes. 8(
" *to Jesse
at his locker* So, did you find out if you're a woman or not yet?"
~Vicky. I didn't ask, I don't know, and I
don't want to know.
"I hate campers
too.......I hope they get mauled by bears!" ~Tyler,
or as I like to call him, "SuperKnife". I don't think he was aware we were
discussing Half-Life.....
"Never the
hell you mind!" ~SuperKnife
"Yes Rob, theoretically
you should be running the show. But practically......HELL NO!" ~Josh G.
"I'm tangled
in my schoolbag.......do not laugh at me." ~Tina
"Why does the
roadrunner never get eaten?" ~Brett
" *kicking
trash cans around violently in a parking lot* You can't do this to
me. I'm the king! I'M THE KING! I'M THE KING!"
~Stanley Kowalski. Poor Stan, he was robbed
of that which he never deserved in the first place, just another helpless
victim of the Dark Avenger.....
"Damn you!
I'll spell 'parallel' however I damn well want to!" ~Bri.
The computer insisted that the word is not spelled "parrallel".
"Yeah, but
you raise up your arms to defend.......you leave open..... *nods downwards,
suggesting crotch* " ~Tina. She was hitting
me, I raised my arms to defend against her blows, and....well....I think
you can figure out why the arms went back down.
"You could......but
it's a waste of time." ~Ms. Cole. In reference
to using an accounting concept she had just taught us.....5 minutes ago.
"I'm gonna
hire robots from the future to run my company." ~Jesse
"It occurred
to me last night.....I was having sausages for dinner.....and the outside
skin came off.......and juices came out......and it occurred to me......the
skin is a condom! And edible condom!" ~Townley
"God made me
defective." ~Prentice
"I pay
you? *evil grin* I hold his life in my very hands.....just
waiting to crush it! Mwuahahahahahahhahahah!" ~Phil.
McDonell had just explained that teachers get paid through taxes....and
Phil went entirely the other way with that....
"She says she'll
never vote for me........but when she's got her kneecaps blown off......we'll
see......" ~Phil. Vote Phil for World Domination!
"If I had enough
goons......I could overthrow the government! And if there was anybody,
like a judge or somebody, who wasn't cool with that.....I'd just be like
'BLAM! There go your kneecaps!' " ~Phil. Does
anybody else think we should be frightened of Phil? Like SERIOUSLY
frightened?
"Shhh.....money!"
~McDonell. There was an announcement playing
that described a reward being offered for a lost purse or something.
"Candy, you
know what I love? I love when an intelligent student has a problem. When
an intelligent student has a problem, things are good." ~Ms.
Cole. Is she toying with us? Or is she truly crazy? Perhaps we'll never
know.....
"Our main defense
is poking people with plastic forks." ~SuperKnife.
Although I'd much rather use a spork, they're so damn cool!
"Would you
all like to partake in a communal pudding cup?" ~Danielle
D.
" *pokes
Lori* Don't make me be stupid to make you laugh! 'Cause I swear I'll
do it!" ~Lily
"Damn you for
being so cute and amusing! *glares at Rob* " ~Lori.
I get that alot, I tend to do "cute" things without even trying.
"Why do horse
need false teeth anyway?" ~Phil. Hmm....some
guy at the turn of the 20th century had a little too much money on his
hands....and bought a custom set of false teeth for his favourite horse.
"That's a $299
TOY Rob, and I FUCKING WELL WANT IT BACK! Put that one in your
FUCKING QUOTES SECTION Rob." ~Prentice.
What is it with him and his obsession to be in the quotes section? Well,
he finally made it.....
"Oh my God
Rob, oh my God, how could you not..., oh my God, oh my God, just, just,
just...just how could you not?...oh my-you're still buying me lunch right?"
~Tina
"I almost killed
people at a golf course...." ~Jesse. I didn't
bother listening to the rest of the story, I just wrote down the quote.
"Yeah Rob......thanks......idiot...."
~Jesse
"Psst.....Grover's
hiding in my bag." ~Tina
" *pokes
Rob in the arm with a pencil* Is this sharp?" ~Jesse
" *to Rob*
I'd feel sorry for you.....if her saliva wasn't seeping into my pores....."
~Jesse. He was Evanized unsuspectingly, poor
guy.
" *giggling*
I'm not going to leave a pile of drool on your arm." ~Tina.
Hell, I don't even remember the circumstances behind this one, do you?
"You're already
resisting and I haven't done anything.......yet." ~Tina
" *stares
at Rob* No friends Rob?" ~Mrs. Z. We were
supposed to bring in a gift a friend gave us....but I left my furby at
home.....
"Everybody
loves a mind-numbing, repetitive chant. The leader is good, the leader
is great, we surrender our will, as of this date." ~Bri.
Whoa, somebody likes the Movementarians.....
"That would
solve my problem wouldn't it? Banging Prentice on the head with a hammer?"
~Jesse
"American money
smells funny." ~Jesse
"I agree wholeheaterdly....whoa,
that was an interesting typo. I must be cold." ~Lori
"Our job is
not to brainwash you..........." ~Mrs. Z.
"Ok guys, who
wrote 'dirty sex' on the board?" ~Mrs.
Z
" *to Geoff*
You have womanly legs....but not as womanly as Rob's." ~Tina.
She still wants a pair of legs like mine.....
"Jeez, you're
really moody since you got your glasses stolen........." ~Jason.
I believe this one speaks for itself....
"YOU'RE
STUPID!" ~Guy In Hall. I was
walking around the halls at school on my way back from dropping off the
attendance, nothing wrong with that.....cept for the open umbrella I was
carrying above my head....
"Camping is
an extremely bonding experience.....even if you take two tents!" ~Danielle
D
"If you really
wanted to kill.....why not just go out and KILL?" ~Phil.
Our leader is a nutbar, just wait till we take over the world.....then
you'll be frightened.....
"The world
needs more cool white guys. Guys who don't want to be playas, just to be
nice, that's a cool white guy." ~Rhett. Accordin'
to Rhett, I'm a cool white guy.
"Back off....get
your own depression mattress!" ~Greg
"Immensely.....my
ass hurts." ~Greg
"DAMN YOU
AND YOUR FALLOPIAN TUBES!" ~Laura. Let's
just say the competition for the Golden Bra of Air Hockey got a little
intense.....
"Hmm....I've
never had a spineless lackey before.....this could prove interesting....you're
on girlie man." ~Laura. I am now Phan Wirkz's
spineless Fan Fiction lackey.....let the good times roll......
" *points
to Ms. Cole* If we ever catch her drinking.....she'll just blame it
on the evil twin." ~Jesse. Ms Cole has a twin
sister...and supposedly the non-my teacher one is the evil twin......supposedly.......
"How am I supposed
to steal your work when you have a different password?" ~Tina.
I finally gave her mine after several tries of her using her password and
my login name.
"You can practice
on your hand......*waves arms wildly* not here.......but
practice......" ~Sarah A. This was her suggestion
for kissing....even though I don't need to practice....which I told her
several times....before she said this.....and in case you're wondering....NO
I DID NOT demonstrate the fact that I don't need practice.....
" *points
to Laura* You're a spineless lackey....you have to bow down to her."
~Michelle. Well, she was correct. Sometimes
being the official Spineless Lackey of both the Bacon McPosse and Phan
Wirkz isn't all it's cracked up to be....
"Flail with
me.......FLAIL DAMMIT! FLAIL!" ~Tina.
Once again, I refused to flail....once again, with disastrous consequences.....
"I smell gluegun....I
craaaaaaaaave tacos." ~Tina. Hmm....I don't
think I've ever heard something come that far outta left field before....and
I doubt I will again.
"100,000 men
walking.....and you've got a MACHINE GUN!" ~McDonell.
Describing the Battle of Somme from WW1, absolute slaughter of Canadian
forces.
"Nice shootin'
at ya." ~Phil. WE were discussing the
end of WW1....but I'm not so sure what was running through Phil's head
at that particular moment......
"Something
about that jaunty little tune is annoying me." ~Tina.
I was humming or singing or something, I really can't remember.
"If you were
invisible...wouldn't you keep running into other invisible people?" ~Jason.
This one oddly makes sense...
"What's the
definition of 'macho'? Jogging home after a vasectomy." ~Brett
"Don't laugh
at me.....I'm caught in my bag again." ~Tina
" *gestures
to Rob* He's not whipped, he's a doormat." ~Tina.
Yup, pretty much, I'm every woman's doormat. Not to mention the global
female conspiracy to drive me completely out of my mind....
"They have
this crazy notion that I'M THE
DEVIL." ~Eva.
No, she's not evil......really.......I mean it......don't
you belive me? Mwuahahahahah......
"Oil of Olay
keeps me looking young and good....." ~McDonell.
Somehow this worked into the beginning of our history lesson....need I
say more?
"Would you
like to be in the Bacon McPosse?" ~Laura.
My official title is "Spineless Lackey", I received the position because
of my prior and current Spineless Lackey experience.
"You see Dave....my
hair has this thing where it's all individual little pieces." ~Tina.
Dave was trying to keep her head down on his desk by holding down some
strands of her hair with his pen. He was unsuccessful.
"Ewwww.......you
just wiped one of my boogers
on your arm!" ~Tina. How I got one of Tina's
boogers in my hair in the first place....I'll never know.
" *shouts
at Antoinella* Shut up you little troll!"
~Jason. Cripes, this was kinda cruel....but
she burst into laughter, so we did too.
"If I were
legally allowed to walk around and hurt people......a good majority of
the people I know would be hurt." ~SuperKnife.
I think we should be frightened....then again....his girlfriend is even
scarier.....
"No fair, I'm
a much bigger bitch than that!" ~Bri. She
was most disappointed with her results from TheSpark.Com's Bitch Test.
For anybody who knows Bri, do you really think she's only a 41% bitch?
"All hail
Illura, Dragon Princess of the Planet of the Ewoks!" ~Bri.
I don't even want to know if there's a story behind this one......
"Nah, I don't
like lying......unless I'M doing it." ~Bri.
Busy at work taking her Bitch Test when she was supposed to be doing some
boring ass MS Excel assignment.
"Are you writing
down my boob quote?" ~Tina. The answer was
yes.
Hey Rob......BOOBS!"
~SuperKnife. I was trying to avoid a conversation
about Tina's boobs.....I was unsuccessful.
" *in reference
to Theresa, SuperKnife's girlfriend* She hit me just because I had
my Math Midterm in 5th, and hers was in 2nd." ~Ben.
Just a simple example of how vicious and scary Theresa can be.......we
shouldn't fear SuperKnife....yet his girlfriend is evil......
"You're great
to your girlfriend, I can tell. *thinks* Rob Dowsett is Canada's
Brad Pitt. Rob+Lori=Legends of the Fall. Rob+Shawn=Fight Club." ~Rhett.
Only people on the inside will understand this one.....at least I should
hope they understand it....otherwise no-one will......
"What did you
guys do at your party? Twister, Truth or Dare, sex.....errr eat?" ~Rhett.
Brad mis-informed Rhett as to the activities that were to take place at
Rob's B-day party......
"We're just
having an orgy.....don't mind us." ~Tina.
Don't read too much into that, I don't allow orgies to go in my basement.....especially
not when I'm sitting on a couch on the opposite side of the room during
my birthday party......
"Why stand
up when you can sit? Why sit when you can lay down? Why lay down when you
can make love to a beautiful woman?" ~Shawn
"Methinks I'm
gonna need a stepladder to pull your head outta the clouds Rob." ~Brad.
We were talking about Lori, so naturally I went off to my happy place whenever
her name was mentioned.
"Oh c'mon Rob,
I've hit walls harder. They never screamed!" ~Shawn.
*grumble grumble* Stupid Shawn....knocking my shoulder slightly
out of its socket....thank goodness for Tina's healing hands....
"T & A
Enterprises: We're eating the board for breakfast. That's gonna be my slogan
for life!" ~SuperKnife
"They should
make a 'Ghetto Monopoly'." ~Jason. When you
see this on the shelves 10 years from now, you heard about it first here.
"I own a kick
in the teeth.....would you like to buy one?" ~SuperKnife.
Just one of his Monopoly "propositions"....
"Depends on
what you're driving....a golf cart, or a forklift. Personally, I drive
a forklift....I go 100 in my plant!" ~SuperKnife
" *to Tina*
If Rob doesn't stop looking like Bill Gates....I'm going to pick you up
and hit him with you." ~SuperKnife
"Embezzlement
is good....." ~Adam H. The other partner in
T & A Enterprises.
"Rob, I'm going
to put you through a table and shove flaming broken glass up your bum.
Then, I'm going to take the flu-fiest panda I can find, choke it to death,
gut it like a fish, and drain all the guts and blood. Then I'm going to
fill the panda with chocolate-covered caramel monsters and stitch it back
up. Then I'm going to shove the stuffed panda through your head and feed
it what comes out of your festering head wound. The chocolate caramel monsters
will eat it and burst out like the chest bursters from Aliens. I'm then
going to light the chocolate-caramel monsters on fire with a flame thrower
and shove them down the throat of your rotting corpse. They will proceed
to kill your corpse with knifes until they parachute out of your butt and
cut your flesh. Note: Panda stuffed with chocolate-caramel monsters that
parachute from your butt will be wrapped in barbed wire before I shove
it in your head." ~SuperKnife. I stand corrected,
we no longer have to fear Theresa....or Tina.....or even Phil. Only fear
Tyler Graves, aka SuperKnife.
"Captain Howdy
tells me to jump in front of moving vehicles......." ~Prentice.
He's one of the voices in Prentice's head.....we all want Prentice to listen
to him.
"Uh....Rob.....I'm
seein a half naked cartoon on your screen there bud." ~SuperKnife.
Shirtless Nuriko Fan Club banner.
"If I'm gonna
cheat, might as well do it right!" ~Townley.
If you must cheat, don't copy down the wrong answers
"I'd quote
myself if I had my own site.....*nudge nudge, wink wink* " ~Rhett.
He said something funny, then subtlely told me to quote it.....only I can
only remember this part. Email me or tell me Rhett, and I'll put it up
next time.
"Are you one
of those 'sky-guy' believers Rob?" ~Townley.
This is how Townley refers to God. "Sky-Guy".
"World War
1 was started by weasels! Because they're cute and cuddly and evil and
they wanted to take over the world!" ~Tina.
We're doing a project on weaponry, I got an encyclopedia, turned to the
page marked "weapons".....and on it was a big colour picture of a weasel.....Tina
quickly proceeded to go far off topic....
"You know what?......Gina
Davis!" ~Tina. I dunno, I didn't ask.....she's
weird....she does weird things....and says even weirder ones.....
"Tina, get
your hands off my ass!" ~Rob
"I LIKE
this Rob." ~SuperKnife. He was referring
to when I partially snapped and was "evil rob" for a short time.
"Porn will
be my salvation! Porn will be my salvation!" ~Michelle.
Hmm.....if there's a story behind this one......I don't think you or I
wanna know......
"If you're
poor....and you see a guy with a big basket full of fish....and he gives
you one for free....beat him to death with it and take the basket." ~SuperKnife
"Eat the leaves,
crap, stare, eat the leaves, crap, stare." ~SuperKnife.
He was describing how pandas are useless, this is their daily routine according
to SuperKnife.
" *beating
Rob viciously with punches and whatnot* Bring 'evil Rob' back! We like
'evil Rob'!" ~Tina. Tough sis, I'm keeping
him locked in his tiny little cage with no food and water for a month or
two now.......although Tina is quite good at breaking him outta there......
"A life? Kewl!
Where can I download one of those?" ~Crystal
"The truth
is out there......does anyone have the URL?" ~Crystal
"Tina, grow up. Thank you." ~McDonell
"I must beat Tina! One day, we shall come to a head-to-head confrontation, and what a reckoning that will be!" ~Bri. She seems to have developed an unhealthy obsession with wanting to be crazier/weirder than Tina....get help Bri.....you should know it can't be done....
"What is a 'thoch'.....and where can I get one?" ~Laura. I am the proud discoverer of the "thoch"....and only a select...no, an ELITE few may know what the "thoch" is.
"Why can't I ever say anything to get on the quotes page?" ~Marya. There, you have officially made it Marya, your very own quote....rejoice and be glad.
" *to Rob* You are equally as hot as we." ~Crystal. The story behind this one is boring and pointless.
"Next on the 8 o' clock news....how a polar bear ate a baby." ~Natasha. That's the last time we allow her creative control in a Religion presentation.
"Remind me to get 'Grand Harvester of Souls' tacked on to my name." ~Bri. Fear our new official Grand Harvester of Souls....
"The world revolves around ME!" ~Bri. Once again, she asserts herself.
"DAMNIT! Would you stop that quotely writing!" ~Bri. That'll teach her to have an hour and a half long phone conversation with me.....
"Anyone who mutters shouldn't be trusted." ~Bri. *mutters something unintelligible* Yes....that will work nicely....mwuahahahaha!
"Ok...that's it! You're getting a shovel beating fot that!" ~Bri. Rob on the phone + Bri on the phone + Pen and Paper = Bri yelling at Rob for quoting every second thing she says.
"Three simple steps to make anything funny. "You'll be the next head of Microsoft, I'll be the most famous actress in Hollywood, we'll both have enough money to hire all the assassins we want!" ~Bri. See the next quote.
"Why do you think I want to be rich and famous? To hire assassins!" ~Bri. Like I said.
"I can feel the people staring at me already....." ~Bri. Yup...people are staring Bri....
"You're going to get me ether for Christmas aren't you?" ~Bri. Um....*whistles casually, trying not to draw attention to self* of course not.....
"I bet if I killed myself, you'd quote my suicide note." ~Bri. Depends on whether there was something funny in it....although suicide is an extremely serious subject....so that remains doubtful.
"Quotation mark, damnit, period, end quotation mark." ~Bri. Bri, Laura, Michelle, and Marya have come up with a new fad....pronouncing punctuation....and capitalization....and spaces....etc.
"I'd like to thank the Academy for this award, and all the little people, especially Laura and Michelle, you're the littlest people I know." ~Bri. Laura and Michelle are kinda short, but Bri's the one who makes fun of 'em for it sometimes. I just take advantage of their heights in physical contests that would normally involve me getting hurt.
"Are you happy now? I'm coughing up blood." ~Bri. Not the usual response to one of my jokes....
"You should be glad that you're able to get all these quotes from me while I'm inconspicuous, because when I get rich and famous the hits on your site will rocket up when I'm up on screen stabbing, butchering, fileting, and other 'ing words' to people." ~Bri. Hmm....I'm not sure whether to give her an Oscar....or flee in terror....hmm...it's a tough choice....
"That's a fun word, inconspicuous. Like alcove, and skulk, and foist, and foible, and wooooooooe." ~Bri. Don't ask me, we thought it was funny at the time.
" *points behind Rob* Look! A diversion!" ~Laura. Try as she may, she cannot ever truly escape the wrath of the combination nightstick/iron rod/umbrella of Justice. The duel will happen my dear...oh it will....
"I'm like Death, I'm indiscriminate.....damnit, you're writing this aren't you?" ~Bri. Rule of Life: Never have a phone conversation with Rob when he's got quote pages on the puter desk and a pen in his hand.
"You should keep better track of my thoughts.....damnit." ~Bri
"I'm the voice of reason in the Bacon McPosse....you can see how that's all going downhill from here...." ~Bri. Hmm....Bri as the voice of reason in ANYTHING? This I gotta see....
"You shouldn't exploit people's feelings like that. I feel remorse, I'm not the emotionless bitch people make me out to be." ~Bri
"Remind me to think before I sp-nevermind." ~Bri. Sounds like the reminder came too late.
"Listen to Rob, he knows all." ~Josh R. Damn straight, Rob is omniscient. He knows all, he sees all.....hey, wait a tic, who the hell are you?
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KICK BACK!" ~Michelle. She was kicking me in the leg! Is it so bad that I defended myself for once? Ya know, I wouldn't have this problem if only she weren't so vicious...
"You can't mock me, you're shorter than I am!" ~Laura. Everyone was mocking each other, Michelle tried to mock Laura, Michelle was unsuccessful.
"Don't mock me! *points at Lisa* She's tangled in my bag!" ~Tina. Tina's bag seems to want to tangle everybody up...I've been lucky and have escaped it's nefarious clutches...so far....
"Miscillaneous Expense Item....YEAH! *to the Batman themesong* Nananananananananananananananana...Miscillaneous Expense Item!" ~SuperKnife
"It makes me sad when someone in Accounting is crying like a child." ~Ms. Cole
"He's quoting you.....GET HIM!" ~Jason
" *says random gayass quote that Rob couldn't remember* " ~Ben. If ya can remember what it was Ben....I'd add it.
"Heaven and Hell are working in conjunction to kill people! They need more people!" ~Adam H. Oooookkkkkkaaaaayyyyyy....Mr. Hughes.........
"I guess even I make mistakes sometimes. I was going to say God, but then I remembered." ~Bri
"Yeah, we feel you're really stupid and have serious social problems....so here's a weapon!" ~McDonell
"Das is da strudel. That is the strudel. That's gonna be my new slogan. Anything good happens, I say 'That is the strudel.' " ~SuperKnife
"If you see me....or me....or me...say hi." ~Marya. According to Marya, there are 2 Grade 9 clones of her at our school.
"Hey Rob! TOILET DUCK! *double quacking noise* " ~SuperKnife
"Come on Rob, cut me slack. All 5 wear tight pants" ~Rhett
"The strategy for me....flirt until they become madly in love with me, then we run away to the Bahamas on a moped." ~Rhett. I may be missing the point here, but aren't the Bahamas like...islands?
"Please donate to the 'Wolfman Needs A Snack" Fund. It's a non-profit organization run off the profits of others. If ya donate, ya feed hundreds of hungry Wolfmen." ~Brad. Brad is the biggest mooch in the world, only reason he beats out Tina for first place, is because she at least pays me back.
"Would you like to eat my chocolate bunny? You have to eat its ears first so that it can't hear its own screams! No! You can't eat it, you'll eat the ears last!" ~Tina. As it stands, I ate the ears first, then she ate the mouth. Therefore, it couldn't scream, or hear it's own screams.
"If I'm not back in 15 minutes....wait longer." ~Wes
"You have a girlfriend? I want...to cry...." ~Chris M. Sorry Chris, but it's true.
"That was fun, ow." ~Wes. I told him not to jump off of there....but would he listen to ME? Nooooo.....
"Like him, he's writing about Jim Carrey on a nude beach....." ~Amy Friedman. I'm not even going into the story behind this one....
"I could blow up her house, and undaunted she would just say 'Don't worry about it.' and quietly sweep up the rubble." ~Susie. This was her impression of some girl in our Creative Writing class...don't remember which though.
"Tinkerbell's a bit of a bitch." ~Amy Friedman. We were discussing how human some characters are, and Tinkerbell came across as a real bitch.
"Just say your teacher made you, and if they ask who your teacher is....give 'em somebody else's name." ~Amy Friedman. Just some more of the sage advice she gave us....hehe....
" *to Peter, in reference to Rob* Somehow I think he's expecting us to gangrape him." ~Wes
"Oh no, my plan to drag myself to the dresser has failed." ~Wes
"My little sisters decided it would be a good thing to tie me down and bash a door in my face." ~Wes. Wes has 2 sisters, one little, and one 14 years old.
"I don't care, I just want to kick you in the shins." ~Wes
"Back to your regularly scheduled mayhem, senseless violence, and crude sex jokes." ~Wes
"I'm queer, leave me alone boys." ~Peter. In all fairness, I don't think Peter's gay....but he did make this remark.....
"Jellybeans: Beeswax, Sugar, and enough artificial Glucose and Fructose to kill a small cow!" ~Wes. Although it was funny....I warned Wes about cruelty to cows....he'll go down hard if he ever tries that.....
"Chivalry gets girls." ~Wes. Can't argue with the man, he's got a point.
"I tried to be on time, but the uterus waits for no man!" ~Susie. That'll teach Wes to ask why she was late....
"Having people complain about you is great publicity." ~Amy Friedman. More sage advice.
"People need opinions. Let people have their opinions. That way, when they're wrong, they're screwed." ~Peter
"Veni, vidi, viza. I came, I saw, I charged." ~Susie
"Veni, vidi, veggie. I came, I saw, I had a salad." ~Susie
"Hitting someone in the face with a broken plastic shovel shows TRUE LOVE!" ~Michelle. I bet you could guess who said that even before I told ya....
"Rakes are fun, they inflict scars, many scars...with only one swipe!" ~Michelle. See above comment.
"C'mon Debbie, where's a good place to smuggle booze?" ~McDonell. Oddly enough, this was part of our lesson plan.
"Saliva is the magic ingredient in everything." ~Tina
"Looks like Chris McAllister's mom I want macaroni salad *pause* from KFC *pause* with gravy." ~Tina
"That's it....uncontrollable groping." ~Phil(Crystal's b/f)
"You're groped if ya do, groped if ya don't." ~Phil. Phil was one of the people at GropeFest 2000, aka: a bunch of people that Tina got to grope Rob for no apparent reason other than to piss Rob off.
"Make my girlfriend sexually abuse my genatalia!" ~SuperKnife. Um...no Tyler, no.
"I have a refridgerator in my undergarments!" ~SuperKnife. Um....right Tyler, right.
" *Sean Connery voice* Where's my damn fruitcake?" ~SuperKnife
"This one time, I went to Burger King and ordered a crossandwich, and the girl asks 'To stay or to go?' and I say 'Surprise me.' The next weekend I went back and she says 'Hey, it's the surprise me guy!' I ordered a spicy chicken and she asked 'To stay to to go?' and I said 'surprise me.' Later that day, at closing time I went back and ordered another spicy chicken and she says 'surprise me right?' I says 'Yeah.' She and got my sandwhich, and I says 'Can I have 1 fry?' Girl says '1 fry?' I says 'A single fry.' She goes back and tells the manager and he says 'Give 'im a small fry and kick him out!' So she gives me a small fry and says 'Get the hell outta here!' That's how I got my free fries." ~SuperKnife. That was a most interesting story Tyler.
"I don't rule the world! I just own it! I'm lazy, so I let other people run it for me!" ~SuperKnife
"Lesbiohs! Comes with 8 essential nutrients, 7 you don't really need and some some toxic chemicals." ~SuperKnife. Tyler has invented a breakfast cereal called "Lesbiohs". He's twisted...what can I say?
"Rob, make my girlfriend and 2 other hot girls rape me!" ~SuperKnife. Um...no Tyler, just no.
"Damn you Granola Bar wrapper, thwart me again!" ~Bri. Things tend to thwart Bri alot....
"The white out tried to thwart me, it wouldn't close." ~Bri. See above comment.
"We be doin' some Rob hurtin', y'all. Get in da' truck." ~Jesse. This was presumably after Jesse found out Ms. Cole had not received that group assignment I handed in.....
"Today's Canadian army is getting to be so that if we went to war right now we'd go *puts hand out* 'Stop! Or we shall say "Stop!" again!' " ~Tina's brother Bill
"Hunt them down and kill them if you must, but don't call them over the intercom!" ~Ms. Harrison
"Oh, I'll be bashing your head in with my roller blades too!!! Today is bash your head in with rollerblade day, all day." ~Tina
"People don't think I'm psychotic, fucked up, or morbid. They know I am. That's not what scares them, though. The fact that what I say makes sense is what makes them shudder deep within, shiver in the corners, and to pull the covers over their heads and hide. That's what makes them feel the fear that causes them to sweat in their dreams, more accurately, this is what causes their nightmares." ~Tina. Hmm...after a speech like that....you gotta be kinda afraid of sis.
"Never try to make spaghetti in a toaster." ~Tina. Is there a story behind this one? I sure as hell hope so....cause I wanna hear it.
"It's raining in the walls....*points*that one! And that one!" ~Tina. I was there....it WAS raining in the walls.
"NEVER trust short people! Michelle, you DON'T get the keys to our room! *pauses as entire bus stares at her* Ah, crap, why does everything I say make me sound like an insane moron...." ~Bri. The fact that Michelle isn't to be trusted cause she's so vicious is beside the point here.
"Eat my garnish!" ~Bri
"A cheese sandwich is better than me!" ~Michelle. This is just plain strange.
"That's what cars are for, hitting pedestrians. When I get my own car, it's gonna have a giant knife to impale people with on the front." ~Bri
"Ah! Don't take my picture! You're stealing what's left of my soul!" ~Bri
"See...this is clay-mation used for evil." ~Bri. I forget what this was about, sorry.
"Is Scandinavian another word for Chinese?" ~Louis B.
"Remind me to check and make sure that the dribble of ice cream is on the outside of the glass." ~Bri
"Remind me to beat you with a shovel later!" ~Bri. Just one of my many scheduled shovel beatings.
"Are you including the part where I screamed 'THAT WASN'T THE QUOTE! "Remind me to say only what I actually want you to write down." ~Bri
"The squeaky shoes of death approach on nigh." ~Bri. Um....I'm confused about this one....perhaps Bri's shoes are squeaky....
"Remind me to properly modulate my voice at all times....I was running down the hall shouting I AM GOD! I AM GOD!" ~Bri. Yup....this actually happened.
"Because I have no problem talking about people behind their back, it's to their face that I keep my mouth shut!" ~Bri
"Everyone wants to either be me or kill me....ya know, it's binary. Light goes on, light goes off." ~Bri. For the record, I don't want to kill her, or be her....does that mean I'm a 2?
"I don't like my conscience.....he's a pushy little midget." ~Bri
"DAMN YOU!!!! WOULD YOU CLOSE THAT NOTEPAD FILE?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!" ~Bri. Hehe....she got really peeved that time.
" *maniacal giggling* Heeheeheee! I kidnapped Phil Bernardo's baby yesterday! I taught it all sorts of bad habits! I taught it to shoot to shoot at cops! To love animé! In 16 years when he's driving, a memory will re-surface that red means go and green means stop! And to say "Daddy sucks!" and "Damn straight!" ~Bri. She's a baby snatcher now.....how interesting....
"I'm not racist, just cause I want to kill people doesn't mean I'm racist." ~Bri. Um....I don't understand the relationship between racism and homocidal tendencies.
"Damnit you better not be writing this down." ~Bri. *evil grin*
"Shut up! I'll spell it however I want! You're not Microsoft Word....you can't tell me what to do!" ~Bri
"Remind me to beat you over the head with an oversized comedy/novelty shovel." ~Bri. Ah Bri and her shovel beatings.....
"Ok cat, you're either going to be my new friend, or my new torture victim. I can pick you up by your head, and then fling you around, and throw you into a wall, or I can pet you, and you can purr. This is not up to you." ~Tina
"Sarah's name backwards is haras. Rather appropriate." ~Trevor. If you know my sister...you'd get the joke.
"Of course Adam came first, it's harder to make women come." ~Tina. I'm not going into a discussion about that one....
"And if it's not Rob's house, may God have mercy on your soul." ~Tina. She randomly guessed at my phone number....and overacted.
"We're going to deep-fry Pikachu, serve him to the whole school, and send the poisoned parts to the Backstreet Boys." ~Tina. Um....pokécide at its finest.
"Wow, ever walk down the stairs and run out of stairs?" ~Tina. I think she was carrying something, so she couldn't see the bottom of the stairs or something.
"Rob, I haven't eaten any animal flesh today." ~SuperKnife. I'm frightened.
"I'm a woman.....really.....look at me flaunt my feminine wiles....." ~Bri. Someone got Bri's gender confused, I think it was in a guestbook entry. She was less than impressed.
"I'm sorry if I don't chatter about makeup, or how cute the guys in N'Sync are 24/7, but I happen to think they are a bunch of ugly, untalented, ape-like creatures, barely intelligent mammals....well, barely is kind of an overstatement for N'Sync." ~Bri. This is more about the gender confusion thing. She was less than impressed. However, we are most certain she is a woman, after all, she has power over Rob.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? You're taping me OVER THE PHONE?!?!?!?!?!?" ~Bri. I was trying to record her voice and play it back with my microphone.....she overreacted....a little....
"I have feminine wiles don't I? Just cause I don't have homocidal tendencies doesn't mean I'm a guy! Has the field of psycho murderers become so racist? I mean, it's just gotten so racist, most people I know with homocidal tendencies are female. Michelle." ~Bri. Although this concept doesn't actually relate to racism, but rather, sexism, she has a point. We need more female psycho murderers.
"Yeah, you men with your testosterone.....strutting around going 'Oog, oog, oog.' " ~Bri. This is what she thinks of the male race. Damn....don't we feel loved.
"Remind me not to rant on the phone." ~Bri. I tend to write down everything she says....it eventually pisses her off, although the attention is flattering.
"Not only can you not see me.....but I'm also not prancing." ~Bri. I'll let this one explain itself.
"Do it live between my wobblers!" ~Shawn. I'm as confused as you are.
"What does this lever do?" ~Shawn. I told him not to touch it. Guess what he did.
"Oddly enough, Brad is the least likely to have a one-track mind focusing on that particular subject and there's breasts on the screen." ~Rob. I was in the middle of a sentence, and someone changed the channel to Showcase. Red Shoe Diaries was on. Nuff said.
"Cool, I'll never see myself on it though....but that's ok. Because I don't type quote-worthy quotes." ~Jeff. There ya go.
"Yeah well, I'm from The South, where the I sound doesn't exist. I is pronounced 'Ah'. So therefore it's 'wAHoo'. It's Southern Bonics." ~Jeff
"It's not that I don't like children, it's just that I'd rather eat them." ~Jessimine. Isn't my dear precious? Don't tell her that though....she'll bite yer head off.
"Go Yoda Cat!" ~Tina. It's Tina....don't ask so many questions.
"How can you do that Rob? Stop doing it! Right now! Stop it! Stop it, or I'm gonna take your eyeballs. Think about it Rob....you need your eyeballs." ~Tina. I can't quite discuss the thing I'm not supposed to do for fear of retaliation IRL. Suffice it to say....Tina wanted my eyeballs.
"Hey, this looks like a toilet." ~Shawn. Yet another in the long line of Shawn's stupid observations.
"How the hell am I supposed to play Manhunt in Zellers with these bells on?" ~Jessimine. She had bells on her ankles, but it was still a hell of a game.
"Are you calling the Royal Princess a Royal WHORE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!" ~Jessimine
"Oh yeah, stick a deep-fried pig carcass in there, but lettuce....no, THAT would be gross." ~Jessimine on the subject of "Bacon McFlurries"
"I'm about to write something of relevance here...just a second...it's coming to me......Nevermind." ~Jessimine
"I am the hardcore champion! I hit you with a french fry!" ~SuperKnife. He also "out-hardcored" me by hitting me with 30 different women in the space of one school week. He is a true champion.
" *holding can opener* Rob, I'm going to open your skull and feast on the innards!" ~SuperKnife. Just another lunch period with Tyler, same old, same old.
"That's a hammer? I thought it was a 'For Sale' sign with 'Justice' written on it." ~Anthony. Ok, so Rob can't draw worth shit. Leave him alone.
" *to Rob* Stop looking at my groin." ~SuperKnife. No, there is NO story behind this one. STOP ASKING!!!!!!!@%$#$#@$##@$#@$$##@
"Eww....what the hell IS that? It's probably a piece of my flesh, nevermind." ~Tina. I don't remember the story behind this one.
"I think one of my relatives did that, it would explain my primal urge to kill." ~Tina on the subject of building tanks for WW2
" *to Rob* Are you not the best rapee?" (pronounced "rape-ey", in the context of rapee, and raper) ~SuperKnife. Frightened.
"Hey Rob....uneven boobs." ~Tina. Tormenting me once more with my instant "words to mental image" feature programmed in my head.
"Snap, crackle, pop.....my hand." ~SuperKnife. Tina bit Tyler's hand one day, and it made crackly noises. It was disgusting.
"Maybe I should chew my donut before I swallow it." ~Townley
"If I was somebody else, I'd be stalking me." ~Tina, she's full of herself.
"Don't mind me, my pants are falling down." ~Ashley G. She was giving someone a piggy-back ride.
"I am the Burger Queen!!!!!" ~Laura. Short story. Burger King Crowns.
"I met a Scottish/Irish/English guy. His name is Tarzan. His accent; a combination of Sean Connery and a dying cat." ~Marya. I don't know if this actually happened....and I don't want to.
"How could there be stick figure porn? Oh wait....don't answer that." ~Wes
"Wow, my life's pointy, pointy, point!!! And I cut myself upon it!" ~Bri. Marya was giving her one of those symbolic survey thingies, and your description of the key matched your description of your life.
"Me and my spare monkey are off to battle Necky's Nuts for a giant banana." ~Marya. She was playing Donkey Kong Country for SNES.....SICKOS!
"Why are you looking at me like I grew antlers?" ~Marya. I was giving her my psycho eyes, total silence look.
"They may be hard to walk in, and $200, but if it comes to a time where i can afford a pair of $200 shoes, then I can also afford a hot guy to carry me around all day." ~Jessimine
"Oh it's bound to happen someday. Some stupid moron will stumble by, in a pointless effort to boost his own esteem, he'll call you an idiot, and as the cops are trying to find the various pieces of his body you've strewn about the continent, he'll have learned his lesson." ~Rob to Jessimine
"You make me out to be vicious, when I'm merely rabid." ~Jessimine
" *blank expression* Why is this milk?" ~Jessimine. We were all in Tina's kitchen....and she wanted to know why the milk was milk."
"Don't feed the jailbait Joe." ~Tina. Tina's bro was flirting with Jessimine a bit, and sis was quite vocal and quick about her feelings on that particular situation.
"How many trees will have to die before I figure out what classes I have next semester?" ~Jessimine. Her schedule had to be printed like 4 or 5 times.
"And as you can see, if you have any mathematical aptitude at all, that that side of the course adds up to 40%.....sorry, 30%." ~Mr Santamero, Rob's new history teacher
"Even though you paid for it.....it's mine." ~Mrs Zupevc on the subject of our journals we have to buy for english class
"I pointed out your mistake for you...*pause*....you're welcome." ~Marya
"It's a really interesting field trip, people tend to pass out in the hallways, so it's a real neat trip." ~Mr Warren, Rob's chemistry teacher
"I'm a teacher who has been known to...'explode' things at times, I have a potato cannon at home....we'll have some fun with that. We might play the game 'Catch the Flaming Projectile"....." ~Mr Warren. It was after this speech that I realized he wasn't strict, he just wanted to get to the fun stuff.
"You may have to use your SHIFT button, or your second FUCK-..., second FUNCTION button first." ~Miss Wood, Rob's new math teacher, trying to explain how to use a calculator....
"That's not SLUTTY!!!! That's ACCEPTABLE!!!!" ~Marya. See conversations page for the incident involving her boobs.
"Yay! Feces are yummy!" ~Bri. I don't even remember what this one was about....but I'm still frightened.
"Look at that guy....the top half of his face looks like he's 18, the bottom half, 40, 18, 40, 18, 40!" ~Marya
"I am witty beyond words......BLAH!" ~Marya
"What a teeny little fry, I will call him 'small fry'." ~Marya. We were in McDonalds....
"Mental note: Never again eat barbeque flavoured shampoo." ~Rob. No, I'm not explaining this one. Just don't eat barbeque sauce with shampoo sprayed in it.
" *whimpering* I bit my insides...." ~Marya. That'll teach us to eat at McDonalds.
"Just be careful with lasagna and a tank top." ~Marya. I imagine there's a story behind this one....
"This is a family restaurant, we won't tolerate your rampant pornography." ~Rob. No clue what I was addressing in McDonalds at this time.
"Everything is bathed in an earwax-gold haze!" ~Laura. Last time I let her try on my clip-on sunglasses......*grumblegrumblegrumble*
"Damnit! When I'm making fun of you....listen!" ~Bri. That'll teach me to turn my back.
"No, go away, don't talk to me. *minutes go by* Oh, too good for me now eh?" ~Bri. That'll teach me to listen to her.
"My binder....just...attacked me!" ~Bri. Serves her right.
"Hyperbole, it's like the SuperBowl of books, or something" ~Chris McAllister. Hyperbole is a literary device that does....something, I don't remember quite what.
"Who knows why clowns make us laugh? Who knows why we love puppydogs so much? Who knows why little blue midgets hit me with fish?" ~Laura quoting "The Tick"
"What's wrong with necrophilia? Who does it really hurt?" ~Mr Sheridan. One of those things he says in a debate without really thinking about what he's actually saying. He was proving a point, but well....yeah.
"Rob.....are you snortin' crack off a hooker's ass or somethin'?" ~Shannon. I don't remember what I was saying, but obviously it was messed up.
"Oh that's what I want, to get my picture taken with a half-naked guy with a weapon." ~Mr Gillespie (Rob's Physics Teacher). A rather cynical view of "Pictures with Cupid on Valentine's Day".
"I don't directly blame Brad, but it's all his fault." ~Jessimine. *angel chorus* This historical occasion, Jessimine's first quote. She was referring to how dating Brad was making her stupid. (No offense Brad)
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending him." ~Rob. Same conversation about Brad.
"My internal organs are telling me that I'm the chosen one." ~Jessimine. Ok Jess......ok......
"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it catch vinegar." ~Bri. A combination of two ancient parables, some wise words outta this chick.
" *points to Crystal* She is here, I knew I didn't imagine her." ~Bri
"C'mon St Stephens, let's sell out!" ~Mr Joly (vp/uniform nazi). It was in reference to something, but I don't remember what, so it's funny as it is. Laugh dammit.
" *slams desk* Oh yay! Nudity!" ~Bri. Not quite what you'd expect from her but.....intriguing nonetheless.
"Now that it has been on the floor its been sanitized." ~Chris McAllister
"Satan is never off-topic." ~Sara Clarke
"I wish I had intellimigence." ~Mike Schumann
"One time I couldn't sleep.....wanna know why? Why is it only ONE bra and a PAIR of panties?" ~Chris McAllister. His insight into the highly secretive world of feminine undergarments astounds us all. Something to think about.
"You're Rob. You're secretly Superman." ~Tina
"Mark, no suicide allowed. Especially due to limiting reagent problems." ~Mr Warren. They're hard...or at least long and boring.
"The world is a toilet and you're the paper." ~Shannon
"Mark, I know you're not smoking drugs, stop acting like you are." ~Mr Warren. The irony is....Mark might be smoking drugs.
" *to Greg* You must have a serious sexual frustration problem if you're trying to do......those things.....with a chair." ~Mr Warren
"So what kind of website do you have......gay porn?" ~Mark. No Mark, if you'd like some gay-male-porn, simply watch Oz, featured on the Showcase network, Channel 39. Thank you for this particular bit of info Bri......however useless it may be to me. Perhaps Mark will enjoy it. 8)
"The glass, plexiglass, that is the window is usually explosion resistant." ~Mr Warren. Lovely thing to hear from a Chem teacher.
" *hand on his crotch* Rob! Get your hand out of th-.....oh....that's my hand." ~Chris McAllister
"Oh.....there's a month between September and November now." ~Rob. I am the proud discovere of the month of October. I claim it in the name of Queen Isabella's King-Size Bed.
"Today,the pizza! Tomorrow, who knows what!" ~Marya. She smacked my pizza, one piece ended up on the floor. It was still edible. Just one of many threats I received as...encouragement.....to update.
"Hi gas bitch!" ~Michelle. I work at a Sunoco....I'm now a gas bitch.
"No, he's just fainted, he's not dead. I'll kill you so you can tell the difference!" ~Bri. There was a bit of dissention in the ranks as we interpreted a short story. I still say the bitch killed him, freakin' wallpaper psychopath.
"It's ok, I don't feel like reaching down my bra right now." ~Bri. She didn't want to hide my watch/keys the way Tina does.
"Damnit, I'm hungry. Where's a dead frog when you need one?" ~Bri. I'm not quite sure whether this was two separate comments or not......
"Cold trout paste is never as good as it sounds." ~Bri. Wise words.
"The colour of the light has nothing to do with hydrogen's sexual orientation." ~Mr Warren. Dumbass Chem guys were saying hydrogen was gay.
"Well I for one would like to see her butt." ~Bri. I was as shocked as you to hear this one.
"Rob, I'm pissed off, cannibalistic urges rising, give me your heat, I want to eat it." ~Bri. Phew....back to normal Bri. Was scared for a moment there.
"Just pretend I have a yellow shirt and a kilt on, stare at me for awhile." ~Mr Warren. We had a problem staying on task in that class, Marta was just the perfect distraction.
"Ugh.....God I hate porn." ~Chris McAllister. Doesn't sound like him, does it?
"Can't you see it's custom for my no legs?" ~Alem. Drama skit, you had to be there.
"Be kind to bacteria, it's the only culture some people have." ~Jessimine. Well said.
"We'd be so healthy we'd DIE!" ~Jessimine. A comment about how if/when we move in together, we'll be so healthy because we'll eat right and finally be away from our parents.
"I have done enough drugs for one term....." ~Mr Sheridan. Ask Bri what he means.
"I went to a pet store in Edmonton and they had a sign that said 'Please do not pet our animals heavily'. Does that mean 'Don't masturbate the rabbits' or something?" ~Jesse Cole. Guy in Rob's drama class. Discussion about "heavy petting". Just ignore us if we're really that weird.
"I really have no idea how I used to sleep around so much. I, like, tripped over sex or something." ~Tina
AND
"Rob, get
your hands out from under my skirt!" ~Tina.
Sure, one of those doesn't belong on this page, but these two have to be
right next to each other. Don't read too much into that, she decided that
she was going to grab my wallet....out of my pocket....while I was standing
up. As for hers......that's the last time I reach down to pick up a pencil
for her.....
1. Speaky very loudly.
2. Speak in a bad British accent.
3. Put your hands on your head." ~Bri. Tis true, this method works.
