A.N.D. - Through the Looking Glass

With a sickening sense of deja vu, Wolf gingerly approached. “Can you tell us what happened?” he asked softly.

“Gypsies.” Littlebit scrubbed her hand across her face. “It’s true what they say about gypsies.”

Wolf felt his blood run cold. Behind him, Virginia asked, “What do they say?”

Littlebit just curled up on herself, leaving him to answer. “They like having wolves in the tribe. Wolf senses give them an edge with their poaching.”

“If they like wolves, why would they curse you?”

Littlebit sniffed loudly. “Because I wanted to leave. They like it when wolves join the tribe. They don’t like it when wolves want to leave. You have to give them another wolf.” Her voice turned flat and cold. “One way or another.”

Wolf thought about the parentless part-wolf boy they had met and shivered. “How did you end up with gypsies?”

Littlebit lifted her head just enough to meet his eyes. “Russ. Russ went with them, after you went to jail. A year later he found me, and asked me to join them. He said that it was a decent life, that they’d take care of me. He said we’d be together. But the morning after I joined, when I woke up, he was gone.” She sniffed and gulped. “It wasn’t so bad at first. I was a good hunter, they liked that. They liked how well I could sew too, from the classes Papa had me take. I was good! And I was right near the prison-remember how we could howl to each other?”

Wolf nodded, gently wiping some of the tears from her face. “I lived for those howls.”

“But then they wanted to move on. I said I wanted to stay, to talk to you and wait for Russ to come back. That’s when they told me...” a sob cut her off for a moment. “They told me he wasn’t coming back. That I was his replacement.”

She stared stonily ahead into nothing. “I didn’t know what to do. Our village had long since scattered, I didn’t know any other wolves to take my place. That’s when they told me there was another way. That Russ had tried but he couldn’t...” she made a vague upwards gesture. “Not with a female not his mate. So he and the tribe had agreed it would be better with a female, because we just have to... to...” She gulped and drew a ragged breath. “Just have to lie there.”

She shut her eyes against the memory. “I ran. Ran and ran. But whenever I tried to hunt for myself, something went wrong. I couldn’t catch anything. Then I saw a gypsy hunting party looking for me. I attacked them, but that went all wrong too. They dragged me back to camp, and that’s when they told me. They had taken a drop of my blood and a lock of my hair when I joined. Their queen used those to curse me. I couldn’t hunt, and I couldn’t fight. Not until I did what they wanted.”

Wolf clenched his hands, fighting against the rage and bloodlust rising within. I wish I had a wish left-I’d show those gypsies a fight!

“So... I did. Oh, they were kind!” She snarled the word viciously. “They let me pick the man. There was no one I wanted for a mate but there was one man... a widower with a daughter my age. I thought maybe he’d think of her, have pity, and refuse. But he was as afraid of their queen as I was. So he... He tried to be nice, but he still... Oh, his daughter was so jealous of any attention he paid me!”

“I thought it would be over when the baby was born. It was a girl. But when I asked the queen to lift the curse, she said she changed her mind. That only a boy would do. Sharola-that was the daughter-went nuts. She said it was bad enough to share her father with me and a half-sister, there should be no more. And I couldn’t, I just couldn’t, I couldn’t bear all that again!” Her voice was rising hysterically.

Persuasion wouldn’t work here-as a wolf, Littlebit was immune. Wolf reached for his sister to comfort her and was slapped away.

“What did you do?” Virginia’s voice was soft and understanding.

“I ran away.”

“You left your baby?” Virginia sounded more disgusted than sorrowful or surprised. Of course, she was an abandoned child. She’s going to see it from the baby’s point of view.

“IT WASN’T MY BABY!” Littlebit shrieked at the top of her lungs. “He wasn’t my mate!”

Virginia bit her lip and didn’t say anything else.

“Shhhh... shhhh...” This time he could put his arms around her, so Wolf enclosed his sister in a long hug, rocking her until she stopped shaking. “How did you get free?” he asked gently.

“It doesn’t take a lot of skill to try to kill yourself. I jumped over a cliff into a river.” Littlebit blinked wonderingly. “But I didn’t die. I was swept deep into the Second Kingdom, and when I finally pulled myself out, I was found by a pack of wolves. But they didn’t have much use for me when they found out how poorly I hunted. It’s not like they needed a seamstress out in the woods. I tried being a wet nurse for a while, but I couldn’t bear to answer questions about what had happened to my mate and child.”

She sighed again, a long, resigned moan. “So finally I went where they did need a seamstress. Where I wouldn’t be allowed to hunt. Where they would actively discourage any man from looking at me.” She pushed Wolf away and stared steadily into his eyes. “I went to Queen Red and took the collar.”

Wolf touched the scars on her neck. “Something else went wrong.”

“Of course it did. I’m a wolf and cursed. Nothing will ever go right for me.”

“Yes it will.” Virginia sounded very definite. “I used to think that way too. And when I was travelling, gypsies cursed me, did you know that part of the story? Gypsies cursed me and Wolf broke the curse.”

“How can you break my curse?” Littlebit asked him. “There’s no magic here.”

“I don’t know yet,” Wolf told her. “But I’ll find a way. And until then, I’ll protect you. Really protect you. Not like Russ!”

“Russ...” their brother’s name was a long sigh. “I don’t think he thought I’d want to leave. I’ve never seen him again, so I can’t ask.”

Behind them, Virginia tried again. “If you can’t fight physically, you can shout. Call for help! You’re surrounded by people who will help you.”

Littlebit shrugged. “I’ve just learned-if you let them do what they want, it’s over faster.”

Wolf squeezed her protectively. “Now you’ve got a new lesson to learn. You’re not alone anymore.”

Virginia wrapped them both in her arms. “That’s right. Now you’ve got a whole pack to protect you.”

A sudden bolt of joy shot through Wolf’s worry and sorrow for his sister. It was the first time Virginia had referred to their family as a wolfpack, the first time she said that she truly accepted Littlebit as a permanent part of their immediate group. Huff, puff!

Wolf noticed Nantucket Nan looking for them when they finally came out of the woods. He unobtrusively stepped between Nantucket and Littlebit as they walked back to their hut, and the wench took the hint.

But the next morning she showed up in the breakfast line, next to Gypsy Rose who was uncharacteristically wearing jeans instead of her gaudy costume. For the first time Wolf understood why Littlebit would walk halfway around the camp rather than go near the painted wagons where they told fortunes, and he was ready to prove his support for his sister by preventing even a fake gypsy too near her.

“Look, she’s busy,” he snapped gruffly when they reached the head of the line. Gypsy Rose growled with exasperation, but Nantucket was calmer. “Look, I don’t think I’ve ever properly introduced myself. I’m Nancy Wessex, and when I’m not here, I work a crisis hotline.” She jerked her head towards her companion. “This is Rose Gallager.”

“I work at the 14th Street Woman’s shelter,” Rose told him.

“Oh.” Cripes!

“I just wanted to say, we’re willing to talk to Elizabeth if she’s willing to talk to us.”

He looked over to Littlebit, who was turning from the stove, holding a plate of eggs, bacon, and bread in each hand. “You wouldn’t believe me,” she said, not looking directly at the women.

“You don’t even have to tell us the details,” Rose assured her, “although I bet I’ve heard something similar.”

“You’d lose that,” Virginia said tersely. Nantucket raised an eyebrow, but nobody explained the statement, so after a moment she nodded.

“Look, it doesn’t matter what happened-we can let you vent, get it out of your system, and teach you some ways of coping. No matter what happened to you and why, we can show you how to help yourself. We can show you how to stop it.”

Wolf had wanted to take Littlebit to see Dr. Horovitz, but considering how wretched their last visit had been, he wasn’t sure how much help it would be.

Littlebit was hesitating, gnawing on her lip. He bumped her encouragingly with his hip, taking the plates and handing them over.

Finally his sister peered up at them through her lashes. “I... I think I’d like to talk,” she said shyly.

“Stop wagging like that,” Virginia whispered in his ear. “You’re getting fur in the food.”

People just had to deal with a fuzzy breakfast that morning. Virginia smiled to herself as she picked a stray grey hair off a plate in the dishrack, preparing to go open the hair booth. I must be in love-I even think his shedding is cute!

“Virginia?” The voice outside the door was tentative.

“Cin! I didn’t expect to see you back so soon! How are you? How’s Shelly?”

The wench grimaced. “It’s hard, but she’s hanging in there. She’s so strong, I’m so proud of her! But I can’t stay. I just wanted to thank Wolf. Shelly says she was so upset she thought about... well, doing something stupid. She said Wolf showed her how to get through this. So I’m just here to see if I can find a way to thank him. Do you know where he is?”

“Same place he always is when he’s not working.” Virginia led the way to the edge of the straw pit, pointing at the writhing mass of humanity within. “Underneath half the children in camp.”

There were many shrill squeals of “Rrraaarrrr!” and “Ah-wooo!” as the kids pounced on and pummeled Wolf, who was juggling and tickling and flipping them everywhere. Virginia was about to try to get his attention when an organized pack of eight-year-olds cut him off at the knees and started climbing on him.

“What do you think he’d like?”

“Ummm.... that’s kind of hard to say.”

“I don’t have a lot of money, but anything-”

“No, don’t worry about that.” Now that she stopped to think about it, Virginia realized that Wolf never really wanted all that much. He needed food, he wanted sex, he liked to read-but beyond that, there was little he ever asked for. He enjoyed having possessions, but he didn’t get possessive about them. What he really seemed to covet was attention.

Wolf launched up through the children, struggling to his feet. “AwwwoooooooOOFFF!” His howl of triumph turned into a grunt and then a laugh as he was knocked back down and swarmed again.

“Maybe a massage?” That would be a Wolf kind of thing-lots of attention, and a pleasant sensation to revel in.

Cin watched a dozen children tug Wolf’s various limbs in half a dozen directions. “A really good theraputic one, don’t you think?”

Dinner was over, the dishes were washed, and Wolf was teaching some of the children how to sneak soundlessly up on a deer (he played the deer) when his dreamy one came to the edge of the straw pit and called, “She’s ready for you!”

Wolf shook himself free of clinging children, smiling ruefully at the chorus of “Awww, STAY!” that rose as he climbed out of the pit.

“We’ll play more tomorrow!” he promised, and took his mate’s hand. He couldn’t believe his luck. Cin had arranged for Maggie to give him something called a “foot massage” and a “back and arm theraputic massage.” He’d never had any kind of massage before, but from what he’d seen during his rounds of the faire, it involved having pretty women stroking him almost all over. That was gonna be fun! And Virginia said she didn’t even mind! Well, she was chaperoning, but that was okay.

Maggie wasn’t out when they got to the massage area of the faire, but Wolf could hear the clink of bottles in the prep tent. She’d promised not to slather him with anything stinky, so she must be in there finding something unscented.

Wolf climbed up on a table, kissed his mate, and lay down on his stomach as he’d seen other massage-ees do.

“Hey, Mr. Wolf!”

“Yeah, Mr. Wolf! Come play with us!”

Two of his younger and more determined fans had followed him, and now flanked the table. Wolf reached out to ruffle their hair, but the kids grabbed at his forearms, trying to pull him down. He amused himself by lifting them a few inches off the ground as Virginia tried to explain that he was going to be busy and that they should let him go.

They were still dragging on him when Maggie came out and snorted at the sight before her. “Well, what do we have here?” she asked as she tugged his shirt loose from his pants.

Suddenly, terrifyingly, Wolf was somewhere else.

“What have we here?” the Warden snapped as he approached the bound prisoner. Wolf cringed and whined, trying to flinch away as his shirt was pulled off. “No, no, not a hundred lashes, I’ll be good, I didn’t mean to, please, no, not a hundred, I’ll do anything, a hundred lashes will kill me!” His cheek was pressed against the cold table in the dining hall, his arms pinned... reflexively, he tugged against the restraints on his wrists, and was elated to feel them shift. He wasn’t tied tight enough! He could get free! Free! With a roar he cast off the shackles, throwing them as far as he could. A guard ran to the edge of the table where he was tied, but a frantic, full-grown wolf was more than a match for one lousy guard. Wolf grabbed the guard’s arms, snarling, opening his mouth wide for the bite that would spill guts across the prison floor. At the last second he inhaled, to keep from smothering as he eviscerated his enemy, and the scent hit him like a troll’s hammer. Virginia! The CUB!

He snapped back to the faire. He could hear the children crying, yelling “He pushed me! He threw me!” and under that, Virginia’s panicked breathing. He’d almost... he’d almost... Oh, NO!

Wolf wrapped his arms around his mate, buried his face in her middle, and burst into tears.

“What the hell just happened?” Maggie roared over the sounds of wailing children and Wolf’s sobs.

“Um, I’m not sure either.” What is wrong with him? Why is he suddenly so weird about having his back exposed? What’s back there that he... OH! “Maggie? I didn’t know this would happen, but, well... look at this.”

Virginia gingerly worked her arms free of Wolf’s frantic embrace, wrapping one comfortingly around his head, holding him closer to her. She tried to stroke the other one down Wolf’s back, but he flinched as soon as she touched him. So instead Virginia just grabbed the back of his now untucked shirt, walking the hem up with her fingers just enough for Maggie to see the scars.

She whistled low. “I wish you’d warned me that we might be dealing with PTSD.”

“PTSD?”

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I think your honey just had a flashback.” Maggie turned to the children, setting both of them on their feet and giving them a quick once-over. She gave Virginia a quick nod and a thumbs-up before telling them in very soothing tones that once upon a time something bad had happened to Mr. Wolf, and now sometimes he got startled and did things he didn’t mean.

She always seems to know what to say Virginia thought wistfully as she cradled Wolf’s head, stroking his hair. Wolf’s sobbing was starting to fade into snuffles and gulps, and Virginia was speechless. She still didn’t even know what had happened!

The children calmed and sent away, Maggie returned to the massage table just as Wolf pushed away and sat up, scrubbing at his eyes.

“Your back,” she asked gently. “Did it happen in prison?” Wolf jumped. “Elizabeth said you’d been locked up.”

“He was a political prisoner,” Virginia blurted.

“Locked up for being yourself, huh?” Maggie tried to rub a soothing hand over Wolf’s shoulder, but he flinched when she touched him and she took her hand away.

“They didn’t like my kind,” he gasped.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. I won’t do anything to you. Can you tell me about what just happened?”

“I... I was suddenly back in jail. It was just like the day they...”

“When they beat you.”

He nodded.

“Do you understand what’s happening?”

Wolf shook his head. Virginia stroked him, trying to be reassuring. He leaned into her hand while it was on his hair and cheek, but the minute she moved down to his shoulder he flinched away.

“Sometimes when people have been through a painful experience-physical, emotional, or both, particularly if they’ve buried it rather than dealing with it, then similar situations make them flash back to the trauma.” She pulled some tissues out of a hidden pocket in her garb and offered them to Wolf. “I know you’re too upset to deal with it tonight. But you know I do massage therapy in real life as well as here? This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with something like this, and if you want to work through it, I’m willing to help you out.”

“I just need to be alone,” Wolf gasped, although he was clutching Virginia’s hand in a death grip.

Maggie nodded. “I’m not going to say anything to anybody. Just know that I’m willing to help you if you ask. Take your time.”

She walked off into the growing darkness, leaving them alone.

Wolf sniffed loudly, putting his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I almost...”

“Shhhh! You didn’t. You didn’t. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Exhausted by the outburst, Wolf leaned into her hug, putting his head on her shoulder. “Why can’t it be easy?” he asked plaintively, putting his arms around her. “We’re the heroes of the story. Why can’t we live happily ever after?”

Virginia squeezed him, kissing him on the top of the head before she pulled free to climb up on the table to sit next to him. “Y’know what I learned in your land? I learned that the stories leave out all the difficult parts.”

“Like what?”

“Like living happily ever after takes work. That there isn’t a time when it’s just going to be easy forever, with no more worries ever.”

“Oh.” Wolf stared down at his toes.

“Y’know something else?”

Wolf grunted.

“I’m happy with you.” That got his head up! “It’s not easy, and it’s not what I expected life to be. But on the whole, I’m happy.” He leaned against her again, his head back down on her shoulder, but she could see the sad smile at the corner of his mouth.

“Well, I’d like our marriage to be exciting. I just thought it would be a different kind of exciting.”

“I’ll take what I can get, so long as I can get it with you.”

His arm snaked around her waist. “So now what?”

Virginia smiled into the darkness. “There’s only one thing my Wolf would do.”

“Which is?”

“Go into the city tomorrow and check out every book the New York Public Library has on Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.”