A.N.D. - Through the Looking Glass
“No Wolf today?” Dr. Fraiser asked.“No...” Virginia gnawed her lip.
“Are you all right? You two haven’t been fighting, have you?”
“No... well, not with each other.” Virginia sighed heavily. “We fired our therapist today. Or maybe she fired us, it’s hard to tell.”
“Wow. Why, if it’s not too personal to ask?”
“Wolf told her something he shouldn’t have.”
“I didn’t think there was anything you couldn’t tell a therapist.”
“Turns out there are.” Like saying “I’ve been trying very hard ever since I came through the magic mirror.”
Poor Wolf had finally slipped. They had tried to cover up, but Dr. Horovitz pounced. Her badgering questions confused them both to the point that Virginia slipped too and mentioned Snow White.
That had done it!
“Snow White is not a real person! You cannot hide behind fairytales to escape your responsibilities! You are about to be parents, it is time that you both grow up and put your childish fantasies behind you. This is the world you were both born in, and this is the world where you must live! You must embrace this. Now say it with me: ‘Fairytales are not real. There is no magic. This world is the only world and I cannot change it, only myself.”
Wolf and Virginia had stared at each other for a frozen moment... and then, in unspoken agreement, stood up in unison, thanked Dr. Horovitz for all her work, and walked out.
Dr. Fraiser was still waiting, eyebrows raised, too curious to start a new topic of conversation and too polite to pry. Virginia finally said, “She helped a lot at first, but... well, lately it seemed like she thought that fixing our problems meant making us take new personalities. Poor Wolf, it was so hard for him not to scratch or sniff or say “huff-puff” even for an hour a week!
“That’s why I don’t go to therapists,” Dr. Fraiser said. “My friends give me advice while accepting who I already am-and they listen to me for free!” The two women smiled at each other for a moment, and then the doctor added, “So Wolf is taking a walk around to cool off or something?”
“No, he’s in the library, doing research.”
“I’ll make a point of making extra time next week for all his new questions.”
Wolf sighed as the doors shut. He’d learned to deal with elevators in his time here in the Tenth Kingdom, but he still felt caged whenever he had to ride in one. Prison had made him jumpy in small spaces, and now he was hypersensitive about anything touching his back-his body was out of jail, but would his mind ever be?
The library had a lot of books on PTSD-apparently a lot of humans contracted it in a place called Vietnam. The books never really described this Vietnam, but it sounded like a horrible prison, just as bad as SWMP.
To his surprise, the wrong Lewis was waiting for him when he got back to the penthouse. “Tony! What are you doing here? Hey, did you know that you have lipstick on the seat of your pants?”
His soon-to-be father-in-law just grimaced. “Sit down for a moment, will you? I can only stay a few hours, but I need to talk to you. I have a message for you from King Wendell.”
Wolf resisted the urge to kneel. Maybe he should to a real royal messenger, but Tony was just... Tony. “What?”
“He wants you to come back through the mirror. Just you, if Virginia doesn’t want to come. He needs you, Wolf. There’s a lot of confusion over the pardon, and he thought it would help to have you come be a temporary leader to all the wolves who are coming into the kingdom.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Tone. Nobody can just say that they’re a leader to all the wolves. You have to earn the right to be The Wolf, and then you don’t leave it until you’re killed or replaced.”
“But you’ve earned that already, don’t you see? You won the pardon! You’re a hero! The first wolf to live happily ever after!”
I won’t live too happily or much longer if I go back to that world. I know the way the humans still think about wolves, pardon or no pardon. And I’m not leaving Virginia! But the moment he thought it, the other half of his nature came up with a rebuttal. But there is a pardon. You were just saying the other day that you wanted Virginia to have her baby in the kingdoms. If the wolves want you to fight your way up the pack structure, you can just tell Wendell you tried and come back here to Virginia and he won’t bother you again.
“I have to think about it,” he finally said out loud. “Look, I’m getting married in a few more weeks, we’ve made all the plans, I’m not going to go anywhere until then!”
Tony looked disappointed. “Wendell will give you a state wedding if you come back now.”
Wolf made a face. A state wedding would mean scratchy clothes and Lord Rupert fussing over protocol, and a roomful of people he didn’t know-including Queen Red! The Renaissance wedding was going to be public-Angel had ungraciously admitted that onsite weddings were crowd-pleasers-but the people closest to him would be, well, the people closest to him. And Virginia. Their friends here weren’t rich or powerful, but they were true friends.
Tony sighed. “Okay, I’ll tell the king you need more time.”
“And don’t tell Virginia yet.”
“Why not?”
Because I’m not sure what scares me more-that she wouldn’t want me to go or that she’d want to come with me. No more adventuring with the baby on the way! “Uh... because we just had a fight about going back to the kingdoms and she ought to have a chance to cool down before we talk about it again.”
Tony accepted that half-truth. “Speaking of the wedding, I have a present for you. Do you have the wedding rings picked out?”
Wolf froze. Oh no! A ring! He’d totally forgotten about the rings! What could he do for a wedding ring that would be as good as the singing ring, particularly here in a magicless world?
Tony was nodding. “I thought so. Look, one magic ring is enough, okay? Here’s my wedding present to you and Virginia; the rings for you to give to each other.” He pulled two ordinary wedding rings out of his pocket and picked the smaller one out, staring at a moment at the larger one before he put it back. “You were planning on wearing a ring too?”
“Of course! I’m proud of having a mate.” Wolf tried to keep the doubt out of his voice. Huff puff, what was mere gold compared to a singing ring? Virginia should wear the best!
“Those rings have a story.”
“Oh?” That helped. Wolf examined the ring he’d been given with interest. It wasn’t plain gold after all-engraved around its face in ornate formal lettering was a language Wolf couldn’t read. A charm? A blessing? He wouldn’t put it past Tony to clumsily give them something with a curse!
“These rings belonged to my parents.”
Wolf blinked. He’d never thought about Tony having parents. Well, okay, Tony had to have parents, but he’d never thought about what they were like.
Fortunately, Tony was looking out the window, lost in his memories. “Virginia never got to know my folks. They died in a car crash before she was born. Christine’s side of the family didn’t think much of them-they weren’t rich or powerful society people. But they loved each other so much.” Tony made a sound that could have been a sob or a sigh. “I always thought my marriage would be like theirs-perfect. Even though I missed them so much, I sometimes felt relieved that they didn’t live to see how badly I failed.”
“I felt that way when I was sent to prison,” Wolf whispered, giving Tony time to wipe his eyes. Curiosity wouldn’t let him stay quiet for long. “What does this say?” He had no idea how to say the strange words-not that he would speak them out loud for fear of unknown magics.
“It’s French. They met on a college tour in France. That one says ‘You have my whole heart for my whole life’.”
“That’s perfect! That’s exactly how I feel about Virginia!”
Tony smiled and nodded. “So you keep saying. That’s why I thought I should give these to you.”
Wolf twisted to see the other ring. “What does it say?”
“Vous et nul autre. It means ‘you and no other.’ I’ll give it to Virginia when she gets home.”
“Tony, I will be honored to wear it.”
Thank you, Dr. Fraiser. You were right about not needing therapists. Virginia hadn’t really thought about how much she, Littlebit, and Wolf had been getting out of their contact with the other rennies until she deliberately looked at how much advice and support that they all had been receiving.
Not all of it was as obvious as Littlebit’s secluded “sewing sessions” with Nan and Rose. Some were as subtle as Maggie’s new habit of lightly touching Wolf on the back as he passed until he got used to it, or as pragmatic as all the hand-me-down baby clothing, toys, and advice she was getting from every other mother in camp.
Wolf participated in his trauma cure with as much fervor and concentration as he had focused on his romance self-help books. Littlebit, although often confused, was swept along with his enthusiasm and fervent belief that emotional problems could be isolated, studied, hunted, and finally permanently brought down in much the same manner as prey. They were doing so well, but Virginia was caught in a bit of a twilight zone. Although she could talk freely about her worries about becoming a mother herself, she did not want to talk about her own mother, particularly since it would be impossible to rephrase the worst part of it all-how she had died.
Accordingly, she and the wolves fell into a pattern. When Wolf or Littlebit came back from their own sessions, they would try to teach Virginia the same coping strategies they were learning, then practice them all around. Talking to supportive peers was easy; they all had each other, and Virginia often had long, overdue discussions with her father via Snow White’s magic mirror. Taking breaks to pamper herself was also easy; Wolf, as always, saw to it that she was spoiled as rotten as possible. Concentrating on living-and enjoying-day to day was coming easier; ever since she had first gone though the magic mirror she had been learning to give her full attention to what was happening every moment and worrying less about the future. They each even found their own version of artistic expression; Virginia had her baby clothes to sew, Littlebit had her embroidery, and Wolf had taken to carving toys. He was quite accomplished at it; his little waddling pull-sheep was such a huge hit that he ended up making knockoffs for half the faire’s toddlers.
But learning relaxation techniques? Both Littlebit and Virginia had tried to learn to meditate, only to break up into giggles so consistently that they finally gave up. They also decided between them that the chances of Wolf ever getting his mind down to thinking just one thought, much less none, were the same as his chances as turning vegetarian. So it was a huge shock the evening that Virginia came out and found Wolf sitting motionless in the dark.
“Shhhh, ‘m doing zen,” he murmured.
“Zen? You’re the most un-zen-like person I know!”
He snorted, but very quietly. “I’ve been an expert at this for years, I just didn’t know your name for it. I just sit here very still and calm until something like that squirrel over there gets used to me and gets too close-and zen I have him!”
When Virginia was gone, Wolf sighed and leaned back against the tree. He hadn’t been hunting, he’d been trying to think. He was still trying to make up his mind about Wendell’s request-a request he hadn’t told Virginia about yet. Wendell was royal, and a spoiled, famous royal at that. It wouldn’t be long until the Royal Request became the Royal Command. And then what?
He didn’t want to leave Virginia behind. She was working hard, but her abandonment issues would not be cured easily, just as his memories of prison or what happened to his parents would never fade away. Emotional pain like that could never be cured, just conquered enough not to interfere with daily life, just as Maggie was trying to teach him not to flash back. But if he took her back she’d end up in danger again. That was the problem with being a heroine-once you became one, you stayed one. And just because their last story ended successfully was no guarantee that their next one would also end happily. There were lots of stories about grieving widowers and their small children, and Wolf was bound and determined not to become one of them.
He could go back alone, but what if something happened to him? He was too young to die nobly! He was too young to die at all, and wolves lived on borrowed time in the kingdoms. He wanted to live, not just for himself but to protect and defend his mate and cub... something else he couldn’t do if they were a dimension away.
What did Wendell think he could do anyway? Of course wolves were going to flood into the Fourth Kingdom; the pardon covered everyone, didn’t it? That was a big loophole right there-he knew wolves who didn’t deserve a pardon. Starting with his own brother Russ. What would he do if he ever saw Russ again, knowing what he had done to Littlebit?
What about Littlebit herself? She couldn’t protect herself in a dominance fight, couldn’t hunt to feed herself anymore. If she came back with him, she would be a walking target for anyone who wanted to hurt or manipulate him, and less able to protect herself than Virginia. Littlebit would have to stay with Virginia, to help with the baby anyway. But if they stayed behind in New York, how well would his sister deal with life in an unfamiliar city in a different dimension? They'd taken her almost straight to the fair when she had arrived; she'd spent very little time in New York.
No matter how hard he thought about it, he just ended up going in the same mental circles and ending up in the same place. Wolf sighed again, heavily, and closed his eyes for a nap.
Wolf was talking to Littlebit just before the pub sing when he felt someone grab his wrist and pull on it. It startled him, but he didn’t jump or snarl or even feel his eyes change, although he did take a quick sniff to see who it was before he turned.
“Very good!” Maggie said, letting go. “You’ve come a very long way over the last three weeks. Do you think you’re ready to try that massage again? Come down after everything here.”
“Um... yeah... okay...” He didn’t feel very ready! Still, better to get it over with and see if he’d go crazy again rather than worry about it for another day. And it had been worrying him.
But Wolf was not one to let current joys slip through his fingers due to future fears, and he loved the pub sing. When he was a cub, everyone in the village would gather in the twilight and howl, to show community and let other packs know that they were enforcing their territory. Here, everyone who wasn’t at the final joust gathered at the biggest tavern to sell last-minute beers and sing along with the gathered musical acts before the faire closed.
Most of the singers had pirate personas, so they sang songs of the sea, an intriguing novelty. Wolf had always enjoyed sailing, even though he never dared journey out of sight of land (since a the discovery of his tail usually ended his water travels with a howl and a splash) so it was a thrill to sing farewells and hellos to kingdoms with exotic names like Nova Scotia, Old Maui, Mingulay, and Botany Bay. All too soon they were singing “Leave Her, Johnny” the traditional final song of the night, and his fears came crashing back. What if he went crazy again? What if, after all his work, he couldn’t overcome his fears and he would spend the rest of his life living his prison days over and over?
Littlebit was watching him with concern. “I’ll come with you,” she offered. Wolf nodded, and with dragging steps walked down the hill to the massage area. The wind was blowing away from him, so he didn’t realize that Virginia was there until he saw her sitting next to the massage table.
Her pose was demure, but her outfit wasn’t. When he was up on his stomach on the table, he’d be staring right down her low-cut bodice. With an excited yip, he bounced away from his forgotten sister and climbed up, only to discover that life got even better than that. There was a big, cloth-covered plate in her lap, but the fabric wasn’t enough to muffle the scent of bacon.
“Maggie thought that you’d do better if you had some more pleasant memories to associate with the whole idea of people doing things to your back.”
“Uh huh...” Wolf heard her but the words didn’t register; he was staring at the plate with single-minded intensity. Virginia waved good-bye to someone, then took the covering off. He reached for a piece, only to get his hand slapped.
“Let her give it to you,” Maggie ordered. “You’ve got to let go and see if you can let us work on you without freaking out.”
He’d let her cut his tail right off if it got him that bacon! Wolf gave Virginia the look she could never resist, peering up through his lashes with the slightest of lip quivers and the faintest of whines, and was rewarded with a smile and the first piece.
He was eating the third piece from her hands, barely noticing Maggie asking “What do we have here?” He did pay attention to her pulling his shirt off, but that wasn’t half as important as kissing the last bit of taste off Virginia’s fingers. He was well into bliss before the fingers started gently kneading his back. Oh, one backrub wouldn’t erase all his problems, he knew that. But on the other hand, when your mate was feeding you bacon and a pretty woman was stroking almost everything but your tail, why argue?
Wolf was still feeling elated and unconquerable when they returned to the city a few days later. It was a beautiful day, so rather than sit cooped up in Dr. Fraiser’s office, he promised to pick Virginia up later and went for a walk in Central Park. He always thought better when he was walking, and now he had to figure out what to say to Wendell. He’d made up his mind. He wouldn’t go back through the mirror. Only a fool would want to leave this city! Things were perfect here.
And only a fool would walk through the park without paying attention to the tourists around him.
The human pack came from upwind; had he smelled them he might have been on a higher alert. He had heard them, but dismissed the sound of many feet walking rapidly in unison as one of the many jogging clubs that pounded along the paths. One minute he was walking along enjoying the day; the next he was in the middle of what looked uncomfortably like a gang.
Their leader didn’t waste time on pleasantries. “Gimmie your money!”
Silently glad that he had already gone shopping for Chrissy and no longer had her money to lose, Wolf pulled his billfold out of a back pocket. There were ten of them and only one of him-better to give them what they wanted than try to be a hero. Despite the tension, the irony almost made him laugh. To have faced down the worst evil in his world only to show throat to a pathetic gang of punks!
It was the wrong choice. “Man, is this all you have?” The lead punk waved two twenties in the air and spat at Wolf’s feet. “This ain’t enough, man!”
Wolf shrugged, looking around. The boy to his left looked nervous and skinny. Attacking that one would probably get him free of his attackers, and he was sure he could outrun them once he was out of the circle. But he still wasn’t going to start a fight unless he had to.
His attacker wasn’t so altruistic. “Get him!” he ordered the gang.
Wolf whined once, just to let them think he’d be easy prey, then turned his cringing recoil into a spring at the weakest link. A yellow-eyed snarl into the face of the twitchy one was enough to make him lean back, opening just enough room for Wolf to make a break for it.
Free! As soon as his feet were back on the path Wolf ran as fast as he could. Behind him he could hear shouting, but not pursuing feet.
I did it! I got away!
Then there was a loud BANG! and a searing hot pain knifed along his thigh.
Wolf stumbled, but caught himself before he fell. Don’t go down, don’t go down, you can still run... Memories of other chases crowded his mind; running from lost dominance battles, running from the mob that caught his parents, running from the guards who would finally take him to prison. They’d hurt me then too, my leg was hurt... He could feel panic rising, and the wolf in him rose, snarling, to take it down. Not badly injured. They are not guardsmen. Don’t show weakness! You can still run!
Run he did. Wolf made it out of the park and across the street to his high-rise well ahead of his pursuers. He was gasping, bleeding, frightened, but the memories didn’t take him. He felt a perverse pride in that. What did it matter how he reacted on a massage table when all was fine, as long as he could keep his head when there was real danger?
The elevator was already open; Wolf dived into it and slammed his hand on the close button. Safe! Finally able stand still long enough to assess the damage, he looked down. The shot had barely touched him; it was just a long, red scrape that he could-and would-tell Virginia was the result of a fall. Better for her to think he was clumsy than to admit that he’d been chased like a rabbit through the park!
But as Wolf treated the scrape and changed clothes, darker thoughts crowded in. He’d thought he was perfectly safe here, that this was some magical land where nothing went badly wrong. But it was no more or less risk-free than the kingdoms-and in the kingdoms, he at least knew what most of the dangers were. He'd had a lifetime there of protecting himself, as opposed to a mere six months here.
He could change things there. He’d done it once, he could do it again. Maybe if he went back, no more wolves would be hunted down the way he had just been. He had to go back. He had to go back and help, just as soon as he was married. And he would ask Virginia and Littlebit to come with him.
But not right away. Nothing would interfere with his long-delayed wedding!
“Y’know, it’s the groom who’s not supposed to know what the dress looks like, not the bride,” Virginia grumbled as a giggling Littlebit and Maggie led her blindfolded across the grounds.
“You know what the dress looks like, it’s that plain white one you sewed up ages ago.” Maggie might have been believable if she hadn’t kept snickering.
“Yeah, I just did a little embroidery on it,” Littlebit added. She and Maggie burst into guffaws.
“Ha, ha,” Virginia said sarcastically as they finally drew her to a halt. “Ha very much Ha-oooohhhhh!” The blindfold was swept away and she stood in front of a dress so beautiful that for a moment she thought it must be enchanted.
“My very best wishes for a wonderful wedding, and may you live happily ever after,” Littlebit said, suddenly shy.
“It’s gorgeous!” She had to wear it in two hours, and it was so stunning that she was afraid to touch it. Under the stitching she could still see the simple lines of the basic gown she had made back when Wolf proposed, but now it was crusted over with three-dimensional roses that looked like they’d been stitched in solid silver. The phases of the moon were picked out in silver along the deep V-neck, with the full moon standing in for a pendant.
Not even the singing ring could think of the right words, so Virginia just hugged Littlebit as tightly as possible.
“Daddy, I’m scared to death!”
Tony just smiled and kissed her forehead. “So was I on my wedding day.” He kneaded her neck in a massage. “Did I tell you King Wendell had his fortune tellers working overtime for you? They all say that you’re going to live happily ever after.”
Virginia peeked through the trees to the Kissing Bridge. The glen and roads leading to the bridge were packed deep with people. Angel had been right; a public wedding was good business for the faire. Tony, Littlebit, and Virginia were unromantically hiding near the privies to keep out of the crush of the crowd.
It started with bagpiping. Well, it was supposed to start with bagpiping. Barely had Glen the piper mounted the bridge and begun playing when his music was drowned out in an outraged howl.
“Stop it!” Wolf snarled, lunging onto the bridge. “Stop playing The Clumsy Lover!” On his wedding day! How dare Glen!
The piper winked saucily at him, neatly bridging to another tune. As furious as Wolf was, he couldn’t miss the delighted laughter that rose from the crowd, and suddenly realized that he had played right into Glen’s little joke. There was a very snide swing to Glen’s kilt as he sashayed off the bridge, but there was nothing that Wolf could do about it now. He wondered if Angel had bribed Glen; he could smell the hate and anger boiling off her every time anyone mentioned the wedding.
And then he forgot all about such petty concerns, as a creamy, dreamy vision in silver started to walk towards him. Rose girls leaned out from their places along the path, strewing petals; Shelley, back for this one day, winked at him and smiled as her protectively hovering mother scattered a whole basketful. Angel even threw a fistful, and Wolf just barely kept his lip from curling as he saw the specks of faded black landing among the white, pink, and red carpet being built for his beloved. Littlebit, acting as their sole bridesmaid, neatly kicked the offending petals out of the way before Virginia even saw them.
Oh, she was the fairest of them all, his Virginia. His other half, his mate for life. No other could touch her beauty, not Cinderella. Not even (his mind whispered the blasphemy softly lest it be overheard) not even Snow White. She was walking proudly on the arm of her beaming father, and Wolf felt his heart break with happiness.
The ceremony was simple, performed by their very own Friar Tuck, who was a Unitarian minister. Since he had no pack name to give Virginia, Wolf took her name instead, and he shivered with the import and thrill when Tuck asked “Do you, Wolf Lewis, take this woman?” He wanted to take her right there and then, but her daddy probably wouldn’t approve!
“You have my whole heart for my whole life,” Wolf said as he slid the ring onto her finger. The singing ring made an unhappy chime as it shifted to make room and both of them stopped to frown warningly at it.
Then it was time for Wolf to raise his left hand, and stare in delighted wonder as the cool ring slid onto his finger as Virginia whispered, “You and no other forever.” For an eternal moment he stared at the ring. He’d wanted this for so long, begged for it, worked for it, dreamed of it... he couldn’t quite believe it was real. For the first time in his life he felt perfectly calm, contented, and complete.
The crowd broke into earsplitting cheers as he leaned forward to kiss his creamy, dreamy bride. Oh, that was nice! Wolf got his arms around her-she was such a wonderful armful, just the right size-and kissed her again. He would have happily kept kissing her until the end of time, except that he could hear the warning note in the way Tony cleared his throat. Reluctantly, Wolf came up for air, amused and delighted to see the same joy and reluctance in Virginia’s eyes. Then she kissed him lightly on the tip of his nose, reclaimed her bouquet from Littlebit, turned her back to the crowd, and threw it.
There was a scramble and a familiar quavering voice saying “Oh! I got it! I got it!”
Virginia whipped around, almost tripping over the train on her dress. “Grandmother?”
“My wish!” He’d forgotten all about it. “My final magic bean wish!”
“Your last wish was to invite that witch to your wedding?” Tony asked incredulously.
Virginia was still frozen in shock. Wolf nudged her. “My sixth wish was that everyone left in both our families would come to our wedding and wish us well. Go talk to her, Ginny. Don’t leave a fight behind when you leave the city, it’s bad luck.”
Moving like a robot, Virginia stepped forward, but by the time she reached her grandmother she was animated again. Wolf reached to squeeze his sister’s hand as he watched his wife-Wife! At last, WIFE!-hug her grandmother as the old lady apologized.
The party lasted well after the usual closing time, but no one had the heart to chase the patrons out, much less leave themselves. Darkness was falling as Virginia said a final farewell to Maggie and Chrissy, promising to get back in touch as soon as they got back from “taking care of Wolf’s sick relatives in the old country.” Then there was the cleanup at camp, followed by the long drive back to the city, where Tony fought off kiss-crazed Murrays while Littlebit, Wolf, and Virginia threw their few prized possessions into a traveling bag.
But at last they were ready for their next great adventure. Wolf took hold of Virginia’s hand, delighting in the sound as their wedding rings clicked together. “All that work to get from my dimension home to your city, and you’ve only had six months here. Are you really willing to go back?”
She smiled at him and he melted. “I want to be with you. Wherever that ends up being.” But he recognized the glint in her eye when she added, “But I’m still coming back here to have the baby.”
Wolf laughed, then bent to kiss his wonderful, stubborn, beautiful, spirited mate. Someday they would finish that fight. Right now, he just wanted to think about how perfect life was. He had his sister, his mate, a child on the way...
And he was going home.
