A.N.D. - Through the Looking Glass

“Form that into patties, one third with onion soup mixed in, one third with soy sauce and diced onion and peppers, and one third plain,” Chrissy ordered, shoving huge rolls of packaged ground beef at him. “I’ll start boiling up the pasta for the cold salad.”

Wolf sliced open one of the packages, pulling over a mixing bowl. Ahh, the wonderful smell of.... tainted meat? He frowned at the package, double checking the expiration date, the color and the feel of the meat. All said that it should be fine. He sniffed again to be sure. Definitely off. Carefully he pushed the bad package to one side, and opened the next one, only to find the same thing. Slowly, with a sense of impending doom, he picked up the third package.

“Stop playing with that and hurry up! We’ve both got to do the work of two people to make sure we’re done in time!” Chrissy snapped, wiping her hands as she turned back to the table.

“We can’t use that meat, it’s gone bad.”

“Chrissy!” Virginia shouted from the back room.

Chrissy frowned over her shoulder, coming to the table to poke at the meat instead of answering. “I’ve been a vegetarian for a long time, but I still know good hamburger when I see it.”

“I know it looks good, but it isn’t! Smell it!”

She bent and took a cautious whiff. “Smells like meat to me. Stop pissing around and do your job!”

“Chrissy! Virginia shrieked.

“I can’t! You have to take this back!”

“I am not going to waste time taking back perfectly good hamburger! Now do your job, or I’ll find someone who will help me instead of making more work for me!”

“But... but...” Wolf was still trying to find a way to defend himself without giving away his secret when he heard his mate yelling yet again. “Um, I think Virginia wants you.”

“Don’t try to-”

“CHRISSY!” Virginia gasped as she burst into the kitchen. “Quick, where were you planning on buying your meat for tonight?”

“What is it with you people and meat?” their boss wailed. “It’s a grilling party! We have to have hamburgers!”

“Not hamburgers from Upstate Farms you better not!” Virginia thrust a piece of paper at their boss. “The radio just had a newsbreak-the food poisoning that killed those people last night was traced back to E coli in the meat at the restaurant they’d eaten at. They’re recalling everything that Upstate sells. These are the names of all the companies they worked with.”

“Oh my God...” Chrissy turned to look at the fateful Upstate packages sitting on the counter. “Oh, my God-Wolf, how did you know? Oh, my God, if we’d poisoned anyone…!” She hugged Wolf impulsively, then grabbed up the packages and the bags they came in. “I’m going to go get a refund. Virginia-you figure out an alternate menu and call the client, will you? They’ll never trust ground meat tonight, even if we show them another package. And you! Put that wonderful nose to work on the chicken and make sure it’s okay. If it is, make a barbeque rub for it. The recipe’s in the box over there.” She hugged Wolf one last time, knocking him in the knees with the laden bags, then scrambled out the door.

“How did you know?” Virginia asked. “I could hear her yelling at you for rejecting it.”

Wolf shrugged, reaching for the spray can of bleach solution that Chrissy used to disinfect the counters. “The nose knows.”

She’d gotten rusty at this. Virginia tapped the pencil eraser on the pad in front of her and tried to imagine grillable food that didn’t involve ground beef. Chicken. Not hot dogs, there was no such thing as a gourmet hot dog. And, um... chicken. Steak? Shiskebab? That might do. But would Wolf know what that was?

Didn’t matter. He was a wizard with food; he’d probably come up with fifteen suggestions while she was still asking him the question.

As she walked down the hall she heard the phone ring and picked up her pace. There was an extension in the kitchen; she could answer it there if the smell of cooking didn’t make her run away.

Wolf beat her to it. By the time she got to the kitchen, he was on the phone, cradling it between shoulder and chin while he rubbed barbeque seasoning into a chicken. “Oh, we’re already aware of the problem,” he was saying in his most soothing tones. “I can personally guarantee that everything will be...”

Virginia waved to get his attention, but Wolf only smiled and waved back as he talked. “Cancel the party? Of course you don’t want to cancel the party!” There was a long pause as he listened, then his eyes flared yellow even while his voice smoothed into his seductive best. “Now, how can you cancel the party and deprive your guests of our gustatory delights? Hamburgers? Pah! Anyone can do hamburgers! You don’t need them! You want to be different, don’t you? You want people to talk about your party for months, to remember it for years! You want steak in garlic butter! Cider-marinated ginger pork chops! And let me introduce you to our newest specialty-prepare your taste buds for this! Garlic-crusted, mint-infused lamb!”

Virginia covered her mouth to hide the snicker as Wolf paced the kitchen, making grand gestures to their unseeing client. “Imagine all your friends sinking their teeth into succulent steaks, tantalizing pork, tasty, luscious, tender, delicious lamb...” The client finally got a word in when he paused to swallow the drool, and he smiled. “Of course we can handle the last minute change. There will, of course, be a slight change in the price to handle the new menu, but you are so very worth it.” He scribbled madly on a scrap of paper. “I’ll just hand you to our accountant...”

He thrust the phone at her, followed by what turned out to be a new list of ingredients. “Um... hello, this is Virginia,” she said tentatively.

It didn’t matter; the woman on the other end was still reeling from the full Wolf treatment. “I want what he said. Chrissy has my credit card number. You’re welcome...” There was a distracted click and the line went dead.

“The minute the Persuasion ends she’s going to regret saying that,” Virginia pointed out. “And what’s this mint-infused thing? You’re supposed to stick to her menus.”

Wolf dismissed Chrissy’s menu with a snort. “You wouldn’t believe how simple her barbeque rub was. I mean is.” He ducked away from Virginia’s glare. “If Chrissy takes me tonight, I can keep the client from changing her mind before the party-and my food will keep her from changing her mind later.”

“Chrissy’s going to be pissed that you changed without checking with her.”

Wolf kissed her on the cheek. “Not when she sees that I doubled the price. It’ll work out.” Just then Chrissy came bustling back into the kitchen, so he just whispered in her ear, “Don’t worry. Between my cooking, my Persuasion, and the bean, it’s all going to be fine.” With a last kiss under her earlobe, he turned back to the boss. “Oh, the client called, and I convinced her to try a few changes...”

Even though Wolf and Chrissy both agreed that Virginia should work regular hours, she stayed late that night to see how Wolf’s first day on the job ended. Virginia hadn’t realized how worried she was until she caught herself checking the clock for the tenth time in as many minutes. Weren’t they late? Had there been trouble? Could Wolf get along here without her to guide him?

The sound of someone walking down the hall interrupted her fretting, and Virginia turned with a welcoming smile, but it was only Chrissy, looking exhausted.

“He’s washing up,” she said, dropping bonelessly into a chair. “Virginia, tell me something. How do you keep up with him.”

Virginia felt the smile freeze. “It went badly? Oh, give him another chance, he just gets a little carried away, but...”

Chrissy held up a hand. “Carried away is an understatement! But believe me, it didn’t go badly. Not badly at all!” She leaned forward. “Our clients were a gardening club, wanting to party among the plants in a rooftop garden. Mostly women. Mostly middle-aged. Virginia, he went through those ladies like Hugh Hefner picking his latest playmate. I don’t know how you trust him out of your sight. What a flirt that man is! He had them simpering in seconds, practically ready to eat out of his hand. And that was before they tasted the food.”

She paused, and Virginia’s insecurities started rising again. “I think he changed a bunch of your recipes. I know he’s not supposed to, but...”

The hand went up again. “I noticed. I noticed that right away. So did the client; she’s one of my regulars.” Again there was a pause.

“...And?” Virginia was afraid to hear the answer.

Chrissy snorted, then smiled. “She paid the extra costs without kicking, doubled my usual tip, and then booked me for a party next month. She had to, to get in. By the end of the first shishkebab we had eight new jobs. However, several of the women made it very clear that the commission was contingent on your fiance being available to do the serving. You don’t mind do you? Tell me you don’t mind!” Virginia shook her head and Chrissy smiled. “Good! He’s a miracle. He’s going to put C’s Catering on the map.” She stood up and stretched.

Her worries soothed, Virginia smiled back. “Where is he now?”

“Washing dishes. I’m ready to drop, and he’s still bouncing around. He’s hyperactive, isn’t he?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, don’t you dare put him on Ritalin!”

There weren’t a lot of dishes to clean. Wolf showed up at the office door shortly, wiping his hands and looking pleased with himself. Chrissy ushered them out and locked up. But he was unusually quiet and thoughtful on the way home.

“Chrissy’s really happy with you,” Virginia told him softly as they got on the subway.

Wolf answered with a distracted smile that disappeared right away.

“Hey, are you all right?” Virginia touched his arm. “I never thought I’d have to say this to you, but talk to me! Did something go wrong today?”

“No, it was very good.” For a moment he sounded like his usual optimistic self. “It’s easy work! I like this job, and I think Chrissy likes me. As long as her clients are all like the ones tonight, we’ll do fine.”

“You mean, as long as they’re little old ladies you can Persuade.”

He shrugged, ducking away with a guilty smile. “Nice to know my survival skills still work in this dimension, isn’t it?” But again the somber thoughtfulness fell over him.

Virginia gnawed her lip. Nagging him hadn’t worked, so hopefully silence would make him blurt out what was weighing on his mind. She was right; in barely the time between subway stops he irresistibly started talking.

“Virginia, when do we get the first insurance?”

“Huh?”

“The insurance. The stuff Chrissy said we’d get with the benefits package. When does the package come? In the mail, or do we pick it up?”

“It’s not that kind of a package. It’s... why, Wolf? What do you need?”

“It’s what you need. Virginia, you’ve barely eaten anything for a week. You’re losing weight instead of gaining it. It’s not good for you, it’s not good for the baby, it’s not good for me.”

“You?”

“Yeah! I’m worried about you all the time.” He crossed his arms and kicked at the floor of the car. “Plus, we haven’t had sex since it started.”

She didn’t know whether to slap him or giggle. After a moment of open-mouthed shock, she found herself laughing. Wolf, who had been watching her out of the corner of his eye, pulled her into a one-armed hug.

“You just want to get laid,” Virginia accused.

“I want you to be healthy. If I can’t wish you healthy, then you have to see a doctor. We can’t see a doctor without insurance, right? So when do we get the insurance to see the doctor? Does it come with our first paycheck? Will it come faster if I work harder?”

“Oh. No, it doesn’t work like that. We should be covered now, after the end of the first day. Tell you what. I’ll talk to Chrissy tomorrow and see if she can recommend someone, and I’ll make an appointment as soon as someone can fit me in.”

“Good!”

“Just realize that it’s not going to happen tomorrow, okay? I have to pick a doctor, and the good ones don’t have openings right away.”

As it turned out, Chrissy had catered enough baby showers to have overheard plenty of gossip about doctors. The first three on the “highly recommended” list were so popular that Virginia couldn’t schedule an appointment until some time when the baby would be picking colleges. The fourth wasn’t taking new patients, the fifth no longer worked with Chrissy’s insurance company, and the sixth had no openings but promised to put her on a waitlist if someone cancelled.

“Put that back,” Virginia ordered as she saw Wolf twiddling with the last knot in the pink hair ribbon as he leaned against the door to her office. “I told you this would take time.”

“Then try this.” He produced a small bowl from behind his back. “You and the baby can’t live on crackers and flat ginger ale.”

“What is it?” Virginia picked it up cautiously. It was cold, so cold that the bowl was sweating, and she couldn’t smell a thing. Maybe that was why her stomach stayed settled.

Wolf was watching her anxiously. “Try it.” He pulled a spoon from his pocket and handed it to her.

It was off white and solid but fluffy, like pudding. Virginia’s first tentative bite proved it to be sweet but not too sweet, like rice pudding with a secondary taste she couldn’t quite recognize. She swallowed, and to her relieved surprise, the bite of food went down smoothly and stayed down. Not only stayed down, but reminded her how hungry she really was.

“Wolf, what is this?” she demanded again, a little muffled as she scooped down bites as fast as she could.

“Chicken, rice, and milk pudding,” he replied. “Momma used to eat it when she was nursing. She said it had everything she needed to pass to the babies. Of course,” he added, musingly, “she ate it hot. With the chicken’s blood as a sauce, but I thought you wouldn’t like that.”

Virginia slammed her hand over her mouth at the very thought. Brisk winter days, snow falling in Central Park, the mist from Snow White Falls-she concentrated as hard as she could on soothing memories until her stomach settled down again.

“Tell you what,” she told Wolf from behind the hand. “You go make me more of this and DON’T tell me any more about it, okay? Don’t waste that last wish either. This is New York. I bet you a gold wendell that somebody’s going to go into premature labor or have a conflict with a manicure appointment they won’t change or something and I’ll get an appointment within a week. So no wishing!”

He bowed and scraped as he picked up the now-empty pudding bowl. “Your wish is my command.”