Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series and all the characters that appear on the show are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, The WB, UPN, Mutant Enemy, Inc. and any one else with a legal binding claim to the shows and/or characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

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"Wait, wait, wait!" Xander screamed. He was suddenly, jarringly dropped to the ground. He ran his tongue over his teeth to make sure they were all still present and accounted for before looking up into four pairs of maddened eyes. Anya's youngest brother Leif, who as the smallest of the men still had a good inch or more on Xander, turned to his brothers with a scowl.

"He is unworthy of Anyanka. He does not wish to provide for her well-being," he growled. Erik frowned uncertainly but the other two, Svein and Gardar, grunted agreement. Xander hastened to raise his hand in protest, wincing at the movement.

"Excuse me. Anya's well-being is what I'm thinking about here. At least her mental well-being as regards my well-being, as in if I'm dead she'll be very unhappy."

"She will be more unhappy if she is wed to less than a real man," Leif insisted. "My sister would never be happy with such a poor provider."

"I don't suppose this is a good time to tell you about Women's Lib and employment and the whole 'Sistahs Are Doin It For Themselves' thing, huh?" Xander asked flatly. When he felt himself rehoisted on the Viking's tall shoulders, he sighed.

"That's what I thought."

***********

"This is all my fault," Willow moaned, sinking further under the covers. Buffy and Anya exchanged exasperated glances.

"Yes, it is," Anya agreed matter-of-factly.

"But you were trying to do something nice," Buffy said soothingly. "Everybody gets that." Buffy glared at Anya, who rolled her eyes.

"It has been...pleasant to see my parents again," she reluctantly agreed.

"Xander doesn't get it. He hates me," Willow said, sinking down so low that her head was completely covered. Her voice was so muffled that they could barely understand her. "Tara hates me. And Giles is in England, but if he were here he'd hate me too."

"Right!" Buffy said suddenly, then faltered as Willow's head reappeared, her eyes wounded. "Not right about the hating, right about the being in England. Will, we've got a major emergency here. We've got a Viking horde fixing to loot Sunnydale made up of Anya's brothers and our best friend. We've got to stop it."

"Without anyone getting hurt," Anya added quickly.

"And that's my problem," Buffy admitted. "Most of my problem-solving come down to violence, which is kinda a big no. We need something more...subtle. And that's where the magick comes in!"

"Subtle?" Willow said in a strangled voice. "Don't you get it? I can't be subtle. I don't do subtle! Everything I do just goes all kerblooey, and I don't know why. It's like there's this power and I don't know where it's coming from or how to stop it, but everything ends up all over the top. You don't want me to help you. I'll just end up hurting everyone again." She looked at Buffy in such abject misery that it broke the Slayer's heart. "I'm not a big gun, Buffy. I'm a loose cannon."

"Okay, Will, it's okay. Big no to spells. I get it," Buffy said soothingly. She racked her brain for a moment. "How about some old fashioned Net Girl help?" Willow looked up with a glimmer of interest.

"Like what?" she sniffed. Buffy considered this for a moment before responding brightly.

"Viking methods and practices. I need to find out where they'll head first."

"I wish I knew more about it. They never let me pillage," Anya sulked.

Willow looked at Buffy and rolled her eyes, and Buffy relaxed a bit. That was the spunky Willow she so desperately needed now. She just hoped they could come up with a way to help Xander and Sunnydale at the same time.

***********

"Hey, guys? Men? Viking compadres?" Xander was relieved when his future brothers-in-law finally relented and stopped their relentless march through the streets of Sunnydale. Erik looked on him with rapidly waning patience.

"What is it now, Alexander?"

"It's just...I'm really new at the whole plundering thing, but do you usually sack the town where you live? I mean, I don't want Anyaaaaa..." he drew out the last syllable unnecessarily as he struggled to remember to add the unfamiliar, "-anka to have to endure the whispers on the street, you know, 'there goes the girl whose husband burned City Hall and pillaged the Quik-Mart,' that sort of thing." The brothers looked surprised. This had not occurred to them, but they obviously felt he had a point.

"These people are your kin, Alexander?"

"What? No...well, some of them are, sure," Xander said slowly.

"We must find another town to pillage then," Svein said decisively.

"I don't really think we'll have time, do you?" Xander said. "The weddings in two days."

"We must take your magic wagon," Leif said, and the others grunted approval.

"My magic what-on?" Xander asked.

"Anyanka has told us of your...she called it a 'car.' She said you can travel great distances in less than one day," Gardar said, clearly mistrustful of the idea.

"Told you that, did she?" Xander said, laughing weakly.

"Father was concerned that you had no longboat," Svein offered. "Anyanka explained that a...car is better than a longboat. Except on water."

"It is settled. We will leave Sunnydale, travel in Xander's magic car and plunder a nearby village," Erik said in satisfaction. Xander was about to launch a fresh protest, but instead found himself shouting a warning as the vampires attacked.

***********

"This is everything I could come up with, but, you know, speculating here," Willow said doubtfully.

"Speculation is good," Buffy said supportively. "Speculate away."

"Well, I think they'd try to take over the center of town first, you know, make sure there's not going to be much resistance. Especially since there's only four of them."

"Five," Anya huffed. Willow rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't exactly counting Xander," Willow said with exaggerated patience.

"Why not? You think my father is right? You think he can't provide for me!" Buffy grabbed the nearly hystErikal bride by the arms and forced her to sit.

"Anya, I know you're under a lot of stress, but you've got to stop the insanity. So you think they'll head for what...the police station?"

"Maybe," Willow said doubtfully. "Or they might start with the first house they see."

"So we're pretty much standing on square one here still."

"This is ineffective. Xander's going to die!" Anya squealed.

"No, no, no!" Buffy said. "Okay...I'm gonna patrol, look around. Someone's bound to have noticed a bunch of Vikings roaming around town."

"In Sunnydale?" Willow asked doubtfully, then tilting her head towards Anya, mouthed, "Don't leave me here with her!"

"I know...but I need to do something, and I'm not much help here," Buffy said, ignoring the manic desperation in her friend's eyes.

"True," Anya agreed.

"Anya!" Willow exclaimed, then continued wistfully to Buffy, "I could freeze her vocal chords...but she'd never be able to say her vows then..."

"I'm pretty sure Emily Post would say hexing the bride was bad form, Will. But I think you should be getting back to your parents now, Anya, don't you? A-and the goat?" Willow and Buffy couldn't help but be amused by Anya's non-reaction to the first suggestion and her hurried exit at the second. Speaking sotto voce in case the former demon was still in earshot, Buffy added to Willow, "Besides, it doesn't matter. If we can't talk sense into Anya's brothers before it's too late, the only ceremony Xander's going to be attending is..."

***********

"Do I get a Viking funeral?" Xander pondered aloud as they were quickly surrounded by the hissing monsters. Xander counted quickly and groaned. Eight vampires going against the five of them. Four Vikings and a Xander...he almost smiled.

"What foul creatures are these, Alexander?" Erik roared..

"Vampires. Use your broadswords. Cut off their heads, that's the only way to kill them. And somebody give me a sword!" he screamed as he punched the vampire closest to him in the face. Gardar tossed his spare sword to Xander, who to his own amazement caught it, slicing the vampire's head clear off with one neat swipe.

"Come, brothers!" Erik cried. The Vikings moved in and began hacking skillfully at the vampires, taking four of them down in short order. The three remaining vampires looked at each other nervously, clearly ready to flee.

"That's right! You better run! Oh yeah, we're bad-ass Vikings!" Xander crowed...then added soberly a moment later, when about twenty more vampires appeared out of nowhere, "Or you could call for reinforcements."

Anya's brothers continued to fight valiantly, but Xander knew they were seriously outmanned. However, he had no idea how exactly one convinced such fierce warriors to retreat. He was praying that Buffy would somehow miraculously figure out where they were when their own reinforcements arrived, in the form of a bleached blonde vampire that fought like an army. Xander looked heavenward, not certain if this was an answer to his prayer or not. However, seeing Spike's game face, Gardar struck a blow the vampire only narrowly avoided.

"I'm on your side!" Spike protested. "Harris, mind telling your new friends I'm fighting for truth and puppies?"

'He's on our side!" Xander yelled. "Personally, I'd like to say kill him, but we need his help right now." As if to punctuate Xander's point, Spike transformed another vamp into a cloud of dust. The Vikings quickly adjusted to fighting with Spike, and to Xander's astonishment they were winning. Their attackers realized the same thing and took the opportunity to flee. Spike half-heartedly pursued one but then stopped, lighting up a cigarette and eyeing Xander and his gigantic, hirsute companions with idle curiosity.

"Joined a biker gang, did you? About time you grew a-

"These are Anya's brothers, Spike. They're here for the wedding, and some pillaging, which we're on our way to right now, in fact. We're going to get my car, and do a little light looting. Of San Geraldo. So in case Anya worries about where we've gone, we've gone to San Geraldo. You might want to let Buffy know too, so she doesn't worry about us. And the looting."

"Don't expect I'll be seeing her tonight," Spike said nonchalantly, enjoying the way that Xander's eyes bugged out of his head. "Got my own stuff to do, demons to fight and what-not."

"It would be really great if you did see her," Xander said anxiously.

"Thought you didn't want me to," Spike said almost sulkily, and Xander barely could contain himself from staking the vampire then and there. His future brother-in-laws looked on with nonplussed amusement.

"I just told you, I think it would be great. Please, see Buffy. And make sure you tell her-"

"San Geraldo. Sure. So you're saying it's okay with you if I see Buffy. And spend time with her. And-"

"Spike, so help me...yes, alright, it's okay with me! In fact, the sooner you see her, the happier I'll be."

"Right then, I'm off," Spike said cheerfully. "Enjoy the pillaging, you lot."

"You are a fine warrior," Leif said sincerely. "If we do not meet in battle again, we will do so in Valhalla."

"Sure thing, mate." Managing to keep a straight face only through great effort, Spike solemnly clasped arms with each man in turn, then gestured towards Xander. "Make sure he shows you all the good plunder spots. Wouldn't want to miss any good booty." Spike chuckled at Xander's glare as his future brother-in-laws dragged him off, then smiled grimly. "All right Slayer, where might you be?"

******

"Where the hell is he?" Buffy muttered. She'd been all over town and there had no sign of Xander and his merry men. Out of desperation she'd headed towards the docks, thinking maybe they'd want to approach by boats. Vikings did that kind of thing, right? She should have asked Willow...

A tingling sensation distracted her. Vampires, at least one, coming up behind...

Buffy pounced, stake at the ready, but the vampire, a teenage girl shorter than Buffy herself, anticipated the move and nimbly stepped aside. She tossed her long blonde mane and smiled cockily. Buffy shook her head.

"Oh no. My New Year's resolution this year was not to get my ass kicked by little blonde girls anymore...and balance my checkbook, but that's not really relevant right now."

"Slayer," the girl hissed, doing a perfect round off and flipping over Buffy's head. Buffy twisted out of the vampire's grasp and gave her a swift kick to the ribs.

"Let me guess. Sunnydale High gymnastics team?" Buffy panted. "Formerly, of course. Now that you're all vampy, no more Olympic dreams. It must really suck to be you."

"I'm adjusting," the vampire said perkily as she did another roundoff that ended with a kick that sent Buffy reeling. From somewhere far away she thought she heard someone calling her name, but she was too busy trying to clear the cobwebs from her mind to focus on the sound. Instead she executed a flip of her own, whipping her leg around and tripping her overly-perky opponent. She held the stake aloft and smiled.

"I'm afraid there's a mandatory point penalty for that fall," Buffy panted as she brought the stake home. As she brushed the dust off of her blouse, she shook her head. "Okay, that was lame. Got to work on the witty asides."

"Couldn't agree more, pet."

"Wonderful. This is my night."

"Don't flatter yourself, luv. I'm just delivering a message from the Boy Wonder."

"Xander? Where is he?"

"Starting his new life of crime with his hairy friends...you haven't exactly been running a tight ship with your little Scooby Gang, have you?"

"Spike..."

"Patience, luv. The whelp's fine, last I saw."

"Which was WHERE?"

"Well, you won't find him in Sunnydale." Spike grinned at the shocked look on Buffy's face at this revelation. He continued, "Seems he and his boys decided to take a road trip. You know, a little plunder and picture tour of Southern California."

"Where?"

"You're going to need a ride. And I just happened to bring my bike..." Buffy glared at him, mentally debating the worth of pummeling the information out of him and deciding with regret that she didn't have time. And she did need a ride, apparently. And it would give her an opportunity to grab hold of those abs...Buffy shook her head impatiently to clear it of that thought.

"Fine, let's go. And Spike, if you don't take me to Xander..."

"I know, I know, you'll inflict some violence. Not nice to tease, Slayer."

Buffy was glad for the poor lighting, hoping it would hide her blush. She followed him to the bike and hopped on behind the vampire, all the while formulating a plan which was kind of out there, but the only thing she thought had any hope of working.

*******