Break Me Gently | « Parts 2-4 »
part two
I woke up the next morning still on the floor, but Liz was gone, the
blankets that had covered her last night now warming my legs. I sat up
on my elbows, sleepily looking around the dimly lit room for any clue
as to what time it was. The door flew open, casting a sliver of light
into the room and I immediately covered my eyes.
"Get up you lazy thug," I heard my brother tell me, nudging my side
with his foot. I swatted it away agitatedly, not in the mood to be
around him.
"Go away," I groaned, climbing lazily back into the bed.
"Max, maybe you missed the memo, but I'm getting married in two weeks,"
Alex told me in a sugar coated voice. Ha! As if I could forget that my
best friend was marrying my older brother.
"And this constitutes waking me up at," I fumbled around the bedside
stand, finally finding my alarm clock. "Ten thirty?" I asked, shoving
the red numbers in his face. He grabbed it from me, throwing it beside
my bed.
"Because you and Mom are taking Liz to find her dress, now get up." The
covers were jerked off me and I sat up, glaring at Alex. On a normal
basis Alex and I got along fine. We mostly stayed out of each other's
way and didn't ask questions. But the fact that he was marrying Liz, my
Liz, made me want to pull him to the ground and knock him around until
he couldn't see. He pulled up the shudders on the window and I winced,
stumbling into the bathroom and slamming the door.
"They're leaving in ten minutes," he called, and I heard the door
close. I sat on the edge of the bath, my palms pressed into my eyes.
Liz was getting married. It hadn't hit me until last night around
midnight. Sure, I'd known for almost four months, but it wasn't real
until we were back home, getting the dress and planning the reception.
My fingers ran through my hair and I stood up, flipping on the shower
and waiting for it to warm up. Alex was too old for Liz anyway. So it
was only three years- it was something I could use against him. I
peeled off my clothes, stepping into the shower and letting the hot
water run down my body. Someone else banged on the door and my eyes
flew open in a rage.
"Jesus Christ Alex! I'm hurrying!" I shouted angrily, rinsing the
shampoo out of my hair.
"It's me." I heard the door creak open and someone step inside. I
turned the water off, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around my
waist. I poked my head out from the curtain, eyeing Liz suspiciously.
"What's up?"
"Alex says to tell you that if you want your tux smaller to bring it
and they'll tailor it," she said, seating herself comfortably on the
toilet. I nodded, stepping into my room and rifling through the drawers
for some clothes. I grabbed whatever was on top before Liz pushed me
aside, shaking her head sadly. "This doesn't match," she muttered,
picking a new shirt. I rolled my eyes, taking the new shirt from her.
She bent down to her knees, opening the last drawer. "These are cute,"
she said approvingly as she held up a pair of boxers. She tossed them
at me and I caught them, retreating to the bathroom while she waited. I
emerged dressed and she nodded, grabbing the tuxedo out of my closet
and leading me outside.
"Explain to me how I got sucked into going shopping with you and my
mom?" I asked as we entered the kitchen and she turned around, handing
the tuxedo to me.
"Because you're my best friend, the best man, and the bride walker down
the aisle person; it's a law." She smiled and I grabbed a banana,
peeling it as Liz grabbed a Slim Fast out of the refrigerator.
"You don't need to lose weight," I told her as she opened the can,
pouring it into a glass.
"It's good, you should try it," she replied easily, pushing the glass
towards me. I took it wearily, smelling it before taking a small sip.
"Not bad," I admitted and she smirked at me. I made a face, taking
another bite of the banana when the phone rang.
"I got it!" Alex's voice called, and the ringing stopped, replaced with
half of a conversation. "Oh. Ok; I'll tell them. See you later." He
entered the kitchen as I threw out the skin of the banana, taking my
seat beside Liz. "Mom's going to be a little late going shopping, but
she says to go on without her," he told Liz, and I pulled out another
seat. She frowned, finishing her drink and standing up.
"Ok, then we're going to get going," she said, kissing Alex's cheek. I
grabbed the keys, not bothering to say goodbye to my brother. Liz soon
followed me, jumping into the passenger seat of my blue Chevelle and
laying the tux in the backseat.
I inched a little further to the edge of my seat, leaning casually so I could see into the dressing room Liz occupied. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't resist. I saw her smile, her hand reaching for the door and I jumped, grabbing the first magazine of the pile beside me and opening it to a random page. She stepped out of the dressing room and onto the platform with the three-way mirror. I lowered the magazine, my eyes wandering up from her feet to the neat neckline that shower just enough of her practically glowing skin.
"Catching up on your reading?" she asked casually, motioning to the magazine. She turned to the mirror, examining herself at every angle. "I never knew reading upside down was one of your hobbies," she added and I blushed, setting the magazine. "What do you think?" she asked, spinning around for me. What do I think? Each dress she had tried was more beautiful than the one before, and this one was no exception. It had a full skirt with a slight trail in the back. The skirt came into a v-shaped waistline trimmed with white satin ribbon. The bodice of the dress was clean, with no frills, which I found very... Liz-ish. It accentuated every curve of her body, hugging them as if at any moment they might disappear. The straps lay on the edge of her shoulders, exposing her upper chest and sculpted collarbones.
"It's nice," I stammered, trying to sound as if I wasn't about to jump her. She turned around to the mirror again, speaking to me through it.
"It must be more than nice if you're reading 'Fit Pregnancy' upside down," she said, raising her eyebrow. I looked the magazine I had tossed aside, a deep red blush creeping into my face when I realized she was right. I nodded sheepishly and she smiled. I stood, stepping onto the platform with her and leaning against the mirror.
"You look beautiful," I told her honestly and she smiled sadly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. I frowned; confused that perhaps she had misinterpreted my comment. Only three seconds ago she had been on top of the world, and now she was on the verge of tears. "What's wrong?" I asked, touching her arm and she turned to me, biting her lip.
"I wish my Mom could be here," she admitted sadly and I nodded, pulling her into a hug. Liz's Mom had passed away when we were thirteen, and a part of her had left with her Mother; the part of her that went after adventure and the good in every situation; the part of her that woke up every morning with an uncontainable excitement for a new day. I heard her sniffled and I clenched my jaw, the thought that she was in pain troubling me beyond words.
"What's the matter here?" a familiar voice said behind us and we pulled apart, Liz wiping her eyes. My Mother stood below us, her arms open and her face a mixture of confusion and disbelief.
"I just wish my parents could see my wedding," Liz told her, descending the stairs into her arms.
"Oh sweetie, I know," my Mother said comfortingly, rocking Liz back and forth. Since Nancy Parker had died, my mom had assumed a motherly role in Liz's life, not in the least trying to replace Nancy, but provide Liz with a woman figure in her life. Liz's Dad had fallen apart after his wife's death and had become severely withdrawn to the point where Liz had to be taken out of the home three times within the same year. She lived with us during those times, seeing as she had no other family. She was like a sister to us, the daughter my Mother had never had. I watched as Liz pulled away, wiping away her tears again and spinning around for my Mother. "Darlin' you look amazing," Mom told her and I nodded in agreement. "Max, doesn't she look amazing?" she asked and Liz looked at me expectantly.
"Definitely," I told her and she grinned, picking up the price tag and quickly dropping it as if it was on fire.
"It's not as amazing as the price," she said morosely and I came down to their level, reading the price tag. Nine hundred and seventy-three dollars. Damn; that is a lot of money. Liz had confided in me that she felt a little guilty that my parents were paying for the wedding since the bride's family did, and she had insisted on buying her own dress and anything else that she could afford.
"We could always put it on hold and come back," my Mom offered and she nodded, shuffling back to the dressing room. We waited in silence until she came out dressed in her normal clothes again, the dress returned to the hangar.
"Can I help you with anything?" a small, round woman asked us.
"I'd like to put this on hold," Liz told her, handing her the dress. She nodded, waddling behind the counter and sticking her name on it. She smiled, asking us if there was anything else she could do. We left the store and I watched as Liz took one last look at the dress before exiting the shop and I made my mind up; I was going to buy her that dress if it meant I didn't eat for the next two months.
part three
I looked at the crumpled sheet of lined paper with pros and cons of
telling Liz how I felt on my desk, scratching my head. I groaned,
crushing it into a ball and tossing it to the others in the trashcan.
It was two in the morning, and sleep was not anywhere on my radar. I
wanted more than anything to tell Liz how I felt, but the fear of
losing her overrode that enough to keep me here. What was I supposed to
tell her? 'Hi Liz, what's up? I know you're marrying Alex, but just in
case there are any second thoughts, just know that I'm in love with you
and I have been for the past year. Sweet dreams.'
The annoying melody of an instant message came through the speakers of
my computer and I turned towards the screen, staring intently at the
small box.
Pixie612: can't sleep?
I grinned, my hands flying to the keyboard.
soccerman: yeah, something like that
Pixie612: What are you up to?
Soccerman: just thinking
I knew what her next question would be, and sure enough, it soon
appeared on my screen.
Pixie612: 'bout what?
You. You're all I think about, I wanted to tell her. I wanted to be
able to speak to her without worrying that I might give a hint as to
what I was what I was feeling. I wanted to be able to put my arms
around her and kiss her without a question in either of our minds. I
wanted- I wanted her to know.
soccerman: just pondering the oddities of life
Nice cover-up Max, reeeeaaaaal smooth.
soccerman: what about you?
The thought of holding Liz not as a friend, but as a lover sent chills
down my spine. I looked at the picture beside my computer of us,
knowing it would never be. She was marrying Alex; she loved Alex.
Pixie612: actually, I was thinking about you
soccerman: really
pixie612: yeah; how I had that huge crush on you our junior year of
high school
soccerman: you did not
pixie612: oh yes I did; you were too busy drooling over pam troy to
notice
My jaw dropped, and I thought back to when we were juniors. I had been
head over heels in love with Pam Troy, the most popular, smart, and
stuck up girl at West Roswell High. Me and practically every other guy
in school kissed the ground she walked on. Although beyond peeved, Liz
stood by me in the phase until I finally realized I was wasting my life
pining away for a girl that wouldn't give me the time of day.
soccerman: I had no idea
Pixie612: I know; god, I had it bad
Soccerman: I need to talk to you
I typed it on an instinct, and before I knew it she was responding. I
hadn't meant to send it, or even type it, but the thought was taking up
so much of my mind that it almost... spilled out.
Pixie612: sure, go for it
I panicked, unsure if I should go through with this. I could
potentially lose her friendship over it, and nothing was worth that.
Biting my lip, I wearily typed back a response.
soccerman: can I come over?
Pixie612: yeah, sure
Pixie612: but I'm warning you; I'm in lounge mode
I signed off, taking a deep breath before standing up and pulling on a
pair of old jeans. I ran my fingers through my hair, slipping on my
Birkenstocks and stumbling through the dark room to my window. I shook
my head as I opened it, knowing that at age twenty-four I could use the
door without the ever-present fear of being grounded. I scaled the tree
beside my room, hitting the ground with a thump and dusting my hands
off on the pants. I eyed the fence as if it was the enemy, marching
towards it with bold aggression, my hands balled into fists. This was
it; the moment of truth. I pushed the broken plank towards Liz's house,
sliding through and walking slowly through her yard. My stomach was
churning, my lip was practically bleeding from me chewing on it, and my
hands were sweating as if it were 100 degrees out. Needless to say, I
was a wreck. Shaking my head to bring myself back to my senses, I
reached for the doorknob, opening the door and coaching myself inside.
This was Liz; the Liz who yelled at her professor when he argued that
there was no right and wrong; the Liz that chained herself to a three
hundred year old tree along with ten other college students so they
wouldn't cut it down. This was my Liz.
I spotted her sitting at the computer, staring intently at the screen,
a mug she had given her father for Christmas a few years ago held
steadily in her hand. She took a sip, turning to me and standing up,
setting the mug beside the computer.
"What's up?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her. I shoved my
hands in my pockets, suddenly unsure of what to do with them. I avoided
her eyes at all costs, looking at everything from my feet to the mantle
picture above the fire. "Max, are you ok?" she asked, stepping closer
to me and I nodded quickly, stepping away from her. "You're obviously
not ok," she said, stepping towards me again. She led me towards the
couch and I was forced to pull my hands out of my pockets, resting them
in my lap before beginning to twiddle my thumbs. "You wanted to tell me
something," she began, hoping it would initiate a conversation. Tell
her something? Oh. Right. That- thing.
"Yeah," I spoke, and it came out as a choked whisper. I cleared
my throat, licking my dry lips and shifting my position on the couch.
"I...um- I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now; but I
thought that maybe, uh, maybe it might ruin our friendship and I would
die before I would let that-"
"Max nothing could ever ruin our friendship," she told my
comfortingly, clasping my hands in hers. The thought of not being
friends sent a flicker of pain through her eyes, dimming them from how
they had been earlier. "Nothing," she said firmly, and I nodded,
averting her eyes.
"I know, but this- this is big."
"Max, whatever it is, it won't change anything." I looked at
her, hoping she was right. I shifted my position again so that I was
facing her and took a deep breath.
"I'm in love with you."
part three B
"What do you mean you're in love with me?" she asked harshly,
standing and beginning to pace in front of me. I sighed, trying to
express how I felt to her.
"Liz, I know you're marrying Alex but I had to get it out of my
system, and-"
"Get it out of your system?" she shouted angrily, and I rose to
her height and beyond, trying to salvage the situation.
"I know you better than anyone ever could, and I love you for
who you are, my adventurous, excited about life Liz."
"This is not fair Max," she said, pointing her finger at me. "I
loved you for three years. Three years and you never realized it; and
finally I gave up. I gave up on ever loving you in that way again, and
I gave up on myself. You've lost your chance Max, it's been lost since
we were sophomores."
"Liz, I had no idea-"
"I know, and that's the point. You had no idea what I was
feeling; what was going on inside me. I am marrying your brother, Max.
And I don't know if that's why you're doing this, as some kind of
competition, but you- you are not in love with me." She looked me over,
two identical tears streaming down her cheeks.
"This has nothing to do with Alex, Liz. I love you-"
"You don't!" she shouted, backing away from me again.
"I do; I know I do because I can't stand being without you, and
when I am, you're all I think about. Not a day goes by when I don't
think about how amazing your eyes are, or how much I want to run my
fingers through your hair and-"
"Stop it." Her voice was cold and serious, so unfamiliar to me
that I wondered if it had come from her mouth. She pointed to the door,
her eyes dark with hurt. "Get out of my house." She whispered and I
lowered my head, knowing I had made a mistake coming here. I neared the
door, my hand on the knob when I turned around, looking at her fragile
body shaking with sobs.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing she wouldn't hear it. I threw
the door open, stepping outside and jogging through the yard. I slid
through the fence, pressing my back against my side and sliding down
until I was sitting on the ground. I ran my fingers through my hair
before leaning my head back, staring up at the night sky, my eyes
darting from star to star. I was haunted by the look of betrayal
written over Liz's face; a look I had never seen and hoped to never see
again. The soft creaking of the wood made me jump, and I sat up
straight as Liz's head appeared. She sniffled, letting the plank fall
back into place as she sat beside me, wiping away another tear.
"Sorry for freaking out," she breathed, staring ahead. I
shrugged, pulling out the grass around me. She sniffled again and I
cringed, wishing I had a tissue for her.
"You had every right to, I kind of just sprung it on you," told
her uncomfortably, preparing myself for a vicious physical attack. I
was seeing a black eye and a broken leg in the near future.
"I just need time to think," she replied, and I nodded, pulling
another chunk of dirt out of the ground and tossing it aside. She
sniffled again and looked to me, eyeing my sleeve hopefully. "Can I?"
she asked and I held my arm out, allowing her to wipe her nose on the
edge of my shirt.
"If that's not love I don't know what is," I muttered and her elbowed
me in the ribs, causing me to double over in pain. We laughed and I
wiped my sleeve on the grass.
"My snot adds dimension to your shirt and you know you like it," she
said confidently and I looked at her questioningly. I wrinkled my face,
cuffing the shirt so it wouldn't get on my skin. She lay down, her head
resting in my lap, and curled into a small ball, staring up at the
stars. "Wow," she breathed in awe and I looked to the sky. "I forgot
how bright they are out here," she added and I nodded, my fingers
absently running through her hair.
"It's amazing," I replied. She murmured a reply and I looked down to
see her eyes struggling to stay open. "Come on, let's get you to bed,"
I said, helping her sit up. We got through the fence before she climbed
on my back and I trooped through her yard and into her house, laying
her peacefully on her bed. She rested on her side and I crouched
besides her, pushing a piece of hair behind her ears. I admired her raw
beauty in the moonlight for a moment before softly kissing her forehead
and standing up to leave. She caught my hand, pulling me back to the
bed.
"Stay," she said sleepily and I kicked off my shoes, climbing in beside
her. Her hand, still on mine, guided my arm around her middle, holding
her comfortingly in her sleep. Nuzzling my face into her hair, I
inhaled deeply, the scent of vanilla filling my nose. "Night Max," Liz
murmured, her hand over mine.
"Night Lizzie," I replied quietly, my eyes drifting closed. Our bodies
pressed against each other, I couldn't help but wish that I could hold
her this way for the rest of my life. Just lying here, sharing no
words, but peacefully holding each other until the end of time. Her
breathing soon evened out, slowing down and telling me that she was
asleep.
I woke up the next morning alone, the warm body beside which I had slept missing in action. In it's spot was a note, held to the mattress by a rock that Liz had painted in the first grade.
-me'
I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling and trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. Finally bringing myself to sit up I swung my legs over the side of the bed, wrinkling my nose at the taste in my mouth. I slid my feet into my Birkenstocks, standing up and shuffling into the hallway and out into the living room, my eyes still only half open.
"Hey sleepy," I heard Liz say and I jumped, having expected the house to be empty. I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus on her and she laughed. "Oh, that's real attractive. Definitely the way to get the girls," she teased as I fell into the couch opposite hers.
"Is there a reason you're particularly mean this morning or is it a pretty much steady thing?" I asked, and her hand flew to her chest in mock hurt.
"Max, you know my day isn't complete unless I make someone cry," she replied. I shook my head, taking off my shoes again and lying down on the couch. "So what are you doing today?" I asked, one hand behind my head and the other resting on my stomach.
"Well after I get you to go shopping with me I'm pretty much free," she said. Me? Shopping? No way.
"Sorry, I think I have an appointment to pull out my eyelashes then," I replied easily and she groaned, sitting beside my couch on the floor.
"Pretty please?" she begged in a childish voice, resting her chin on my chest. I opened one eye hesitantly, looking at her quite convincing face, then quickly closed it again knowing that if I looked too long I would become weak and falter. "It won't kill you, I promise," she begged.
"Liz there's a lot of things I would do for you; shopping isn't one of them," I told her.
"I'll set you up with Tess Valenti," Liz said temptingly and my eyes flew open.
"Liz, do you not have any recollection of last night?" I asked and she fell back on her knees with a pout, her arms crossed in front of her.
"Please?" she tried one last time. "I'll take you out to breakfast?" she offered.
"Fine." I guess that saying about the way to a man is through is stomach is true; it's a weakness. She shrieked, clapping her hands together and I immediately regretted my decision. "What have I gotten myself into?" I groaned, covering my eyes.
"Oh don't worry, it's just a couple of stores," she promised. I laughed, remembering the last time she had fed me that line. I had ended up holding all her bags, trudging after her around the mall while she tried on every possible outfit combination. That part didn't bother me; it was the actual selection process. The 'let's slowly amble through the store for an hour, go in the dressing room, decide nothing's right and leave without a single purchase' idea that really turned me away from shopping with girls. Guys could grab a few t-shirts and be done in ten minutes, tops. Fifteen if there's a line at the register. "Come on, go get ready so we can leave," she said, pulling me off the couch.
"I just woke up!" I protested and she mimicked me, pushing me through the door and telling me to hurry. When I turned around to grab my shoes she tossed them out the door after me and I trooped across both our yards and into my house, mumbling obscenities under my breath. Entering my room, I flipped on the radio, peeved when it began blasting advertisements instead of music. Popping in a CD I entered the bathroom, turning on the shower and grabbing a towel out of the closet. I had actually told her. She knew. She knew everything I felt, and today it had felt as if everything had been normal. And we were about to go have a reasonably normal day. She knew. The thought haunted my mind, causing a small smile to turn up my lips. Pulling off my clothes, I stepped into the shower. I had a chance, small as it may be; it was still there. The newfound happiness sped up the showering process and I was out in less than five minutes, a slight bounce in my step as I wrapped a towel around myself and opened the door to grab some clothes. Liz was already sitting on my bed with an outfit picked out, which she tossed at me.
"You're losing your touch," she said wistfully and I frowned, unsure of what she meant. "You used to be able to shower in under two, and now five? This is unacceptable. Rolling my eyes at her, I retreated back into the bathroom, closing the door and quickly dressing.
"I don't know what I'm going to do when you can't pick out my clothes for me anymore," I called jokingly to Liz as I dried my hair with the towel. I heard her laugh and I smiled, the noise becoming music to my ears.
"Are you done yet?" she whined and I threw the door open to find her sprawled across the bed. "Finally," she breathed critically. "A shopping we go," she said excitedly, looping her arm through mine.
"Yay fun," I replied listlessly and she hit my upper arm.
"It's all about the attitude Max, all about the attitude." Yeah, I can either be pessimistic and realize that the stores are going to be packed, or I could be positive and hope that maybe we won't get trampled by a sudden riot.
"Attitude," I repeated and she nodded.
"You gotta think...happy." Think happy. I can think happy. Happy thoughts, lets see... Liz; Catherine Zeta Jones in a body stocking; being in Roswell again. "You're thinking happy, I can tell by that stupid little grin on your face," she said, poking at my chin. I swatted her hand away, glaring at her menacingly.
"Don't bug me or I won't go," I threatened. I grabbed my keys off the counter, pushing them into my pocket and guiding her outside.
"Max, you know in your inner heart that this is exactly what you wanted to do with your day," she replied easily, climbing into the passenger seat. I laughed, pulling out the key and putting in the ignition. I eyed her as she put on her seatbelt, noting the happy grin on her face. "Where to madam?" I asked and she clasped her hands together excitedly. This is what happens when you live in Roswell; you get eerily excited when you get to go shopping in 'the big city.'
"Hondo," she giggled and I nodded, putting the car into gear. Hondo, here we come.