Danny tucked the afghan around Theresa's sleeping form and crossed to the front door. He and the little girl had had a nice time catching up and playing little games while the others had gone to dinner. When she'd fallen asleep on the settee, he'd settled back with a book to await the others' return. The sound of a wagon pulling into the yard had roused him.
He yanked open the door and was nearly knocked down by Louise, carrying Lexi's basket. She brushed by him quickly and ran upstairs without a word. Danny looked around the yard, catching a glimpse of a wagon leaving before it was swallowed up in the darkness. There was no sign of any of the other former riders, Rachel, or Teaspoon. He shut the door and heard Louise slamming drawers and doors upstairs. Okay, something happened at dinner, he thought. Quietly, Danny walked upstairs and knocked on her bedroom door.
"What?" came the muffled, irritated response from the other side of the door.
He could hear her sniffing and sighed. "You wanna talk about it?" Danny asked.
"Talk about what?"
"What happened at dinner."
The door suddenly swung open as if she'd opened it while passing. Danny entered cautiously, watching as she scurried around, stuffing things into a valise on her bed. "You goin' somewhere, sweetheart?" he asked.
She yanked the combs and pins out of her hair, throwing them on the bed before answering. Lou's eyes were red and watery from crying, but bright with energy, as if she'd come to a decision about something. "Tomorrow, mornin' you and me are goin' into town for supplies and then we're goin' out to the homestead and start workin' on repairs," she said, pointing a finger at him. "As of tomorrow, there'll be no more cryin' and livin' in the past."
Danny grabbed her hands as she moved to gather more things. "You can't mean to move out there yet," he protested. "It's cold and the house needs repairs before it's decent enough for you and the kids to move in." He crossed to the other side of the bed and tilted her face to look at him. "What happened at the Wilson's, babygirl, to rile you up so much?"
Louise clenched her jaw stubornly. "Nothin' I couldn't handle," she replied. "I just know that now it's time for me to move on, to stop livin' in the past and start thinkin' about Theresa and Lexi's futures. So, tomorrow, we'll go out and make a list of what needs done and all the supplies we'll need. Then, I'll put in a few orders with Thompkins and we can start workin' on Silverbirch."
"Silverbirch, huh?" he asked with a smile. Her excitement and energy was contagious.
"Yeah, the 'silver' to remember Tanner and birch, cuz, well, there's birches there," Lou answered with a shrug. "What do ya think?"
Danny, smiled and cupped her cheek, wiping away a couple tears with his thumb. "I think you are the strongest woman I know," he said softly, his voice full of aadmiration. "And I think that this ranch is gonna be the best this side of St. Joe." He kissed her forehead. "Now, you best get some sleep if you're gonna stay awake through all those grand plans of yours."
He went downstairs and carried Theresa up, the two friends automatically moving to help the sleepy girl into her nightclothes. They tucked her in and bade her goodnight before walking to the bedroom door. Before journeying out, Danny turned to Louise. "I'm so glad I found you again, Louise," he said with a smile.
He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand and Lou felt a small shiver run up her spine, unable to look away from his eyes. She was startled by the depth of feeling she saw there, the adoration and love that shown within the emerald orbs. Somehow, things had changed between them in the space of an instant. The love she'd always seen in his eyes had changed from that of friend for friend or brother for sister into that of man for woman. Slowly, his head began to lower and Louise knew he intended to kiss her. Instead of being alarmed, the action felt comfortable somehow. His lips brushed across her slowly, softly telling her how he felt, but without expecting the same in return. Lou marveled at how different it was from Kid's kisses. There was no electric shock to startle her, no demands on her, just a warmth and comfort like that of a favorite sweater.
Danny pulled back to look into her eyes and Louise blushed uncontrollably. "You can tell me anything, sweetheart and it won't bother or upset me in the least," he said. I've waited years to be able to kiss you and finally let you know how I feel. I don't expect anything from you really and I certainly don't expect you to fall into my arms and promise yourself to me eternally. Just wanted to let you know that you are never alone, and that you have options."
"I-I don't know if I'm exactly ready for this, Danny," she replied.
"That's okay," he said, stroking her cheek, "I'll wait as long as it takes."
Louise felt a pang and swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. Those were the words she'd longed to hear from Kid. If he loved me as much as he said he did, then why couldn't he wait for me, she wondered, not for the first time. She was definitely not ready to think about being with someone else yet, Lou decided. She'd just reached the point that evening where she'd decided to give up on the idea of her and Kid ever getting together. However, the memories were still too fresh and painful. That was one of the reasons she'd decided to move out to the homestead as soon as possible, to put the past behind her and concentrate on the future.
She reached up on her toes and hugged Danny tight, burying her face in his neck. "Thank you," she whispered. "I'll try not to make you wait too long."
He kissed her gently once more before leaving. Louise listened to his footsteps as he walked down the stairs, got his coat and left before turning back to the room's interior, shutting the door so she could ready herself for bed. Only when she'd turned out the lamp and climbed under the sheets could she bury her face in the pillow and allow the tears to really come--tears for what had been, for what might have been, and what would be; tears for a lost innocence and a lost dream.
She heard the other return not long after she'd crawled into bed. When Rachel opened her door and called to her, Louise feigned sleep, being yet unable to face talking about everything that had happened. She finally fell asleep hearing their conversation drift up from the kitchen.
"Poor, darlin'," came Rachel's saddened voice. "She looked devastated. I can't believe the gall of those women!"
"Betcha any money that Laura set the whole thing up." That was Jimmy. Always my defender, Lou thought sadly.
"Unfortunately," Teaspoon sighed, "I have a feelin' that was just the beginnin' for poor Lou. This world ain't too easy on people who don't fit in which all you boys should understand. All we can do is make sure it's the truth they're talkin' and not just out and out lies."
"Much as we'd all like to, we can't protect her from it," Buck said.
Noah spoke up softly. "Did you see her eyes?" he asked. "She'd just given up. I ain't never seen Lou give up on anythin' like I saw tonight. Had half a mind to knock Kid upside the head for not sayin' anythin' to her."
"He didn't even try to defend her from those...."
"James Butler Hickok, you mind your language," came Rachel's warning. "Besides, Kid was in a bad position there, bein' stuck in the middle like that."
"Oh, come on Rachel! Lou's the mother of his child and he claims she's still his friend. I think that obliges him to do more than just sit there and listen to them women call her...call her what they called her no matter how polite they said it," Jimmy retorted.
There was a pause and Lou figured by the expectant silence that Ike was putting in his two cents. She wished she could see what he was signing.
"Ike's right," Teaspoon said. "All we can do is stand by her and help her any way we can. At least she ain't alone in all this, right? She's with family now."
They'll never see me weak like that again, Louise vowed to herself. She'd started a new life once before as Lou McCloud and she'd do it again. Oh, she wasn't about to cut her hair and dress like a man all the time. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let women like those tell me who to be, she swore. If she felt like wearing pants she would, and if she felt like dressing up like a lady she would. With Tanner's money, she'd start Silverbirch and before long, she'd show them all by breeding and training the finest stock in the territory. Just you wait, Lexi. Mama's gonna make the best life for you she can despite your daddy and that woman, too, Lou thought with a smile. Oh, yeah, she could do this. She had to.
The next day was slightly warmer, the sun shining brightly as if nature had tuned into Louise's new outlook on life. She saw the strange and curious looks the others gave her at breakfast but ignored them. Afterwards, she bundled up the baby and Theresa while Jimmy hitched the wagon for them. Together they headed over to the homestead. Crossing a small stream, the wagon's wheels rolled over hills of short dry grass, through copses of barren trees, but Louise saw none of it. In her mind she already saw the grass greening, the trees budding.
"This is it?" Theresa asked incredulously as the wagon rolled to a stop. "How're we supposed to live in that?"
Jimmy dismounted Sundancer and stared at the building before him. Marshal MacCauliffe and his wife had had five children so the structure was rather large, with a porch extending from the front of the house and wrapping around one side. It was shielded from the trail by a gently sloping hill and stood at the bottom surrounded by a large yard with several tall birches which would shade the house well during the hot summer. The porch roof sagged like a water logged blanket stretched on poles, shutters were missing or broken, there were holes in several windows, broken steps up to the porch, the roof needed re-shingled, and the whole structure needed a coat of paint. And that was just the outside of the place.
Jimmy put his hands on his hips and whistled. "I don't know if I even wanna look inside," he said.
Louise jumped down from the wagon and helped Theresa down as well. She'd seen the house the other day and knew it looked bad, but when she'd really looked at it, nothing seemed impossible. "Now, I know it looks bad," she granted, "but the inside really isn't as bad as you'd think and it's all fixable with a little hard work and determination. But think about it, Tessa, our own house! Ours! Ya just gotta look at the little things first."
"What're we doin' again?" Theresa asked.
"We're gonna get a list started of what needs fixed and then we're gonna head into Thompkins' to order supplies," Louise replied, squeezing her sister's shoulder. "So if ya want a swing or anythin' put it on the list."
"Alright, boss," Jimmy said gamely. "Where do we start?"
In short moments, the two adults were walking around the property, listing off repairs, supplies, and anything else they may think of for Theresa who wrote it all down while keeping an ear open for Lexi who slept peacefully in his basket on the wagon floorboards.
Louise was inside, yelling out items for the list, when Theresa heard the approaching horse. She turned around at the sound, watching carefully for the rider.
Jimmy had turned at the sound as well, his body tensing automatically as he scanned the hilltop for sight of the rider. When he saw the familiar pinto mount the crest, he relaxed only slightly and turned back to examining the house.
"Louise!" Theresa yelled. "You've got a visitor."
Kid was still staring at the "house" as he dismounted, hobbling Katy next to Sundancer. He smiled at Theresa as he approached, noticing the angry glare Jimmy tossed his way. Kid sighed deeply, knowing what was on his friend's mind.
Last night had been horrible for everyone, Lou especially. He felt guilty for inviting her into the lions' den, guilty for not saying anything, guilty for not going after her after seeing the way she'd looked. When she'd looked at him, the deadness and hopelessness in her eyes had killed something within himself. He also felt guilty that he'd been so torn. His first instinct had been to rise to Lou's defense, but then Laura had grabbed his arm in outrage and he'd squelched the instinct. If he spoke up for Lou, he'd lose Laura, but, although Laura and her family were the ones in the wrong, the Wilsons were to be his in-laws. Kid had finally taken Lou's part after everyone had left and the couple could be alone. They'd argued and probably rightly so.
"There should be no conflict, Kid," Laura had yelled, "because I'm your fiancee. I'm the one you're marryin'. She's the one who left you, remember? The one who came back with a baby she never told you about after breakin' your heart!"
She was right, he shouldn't feel bad that Lou was hurting but he did. It hurt to see that connection between them die. God, I'm so confused, Kid thought. He'd left the Wilsons' and walked back to his place in the cold, detouring twice around town to do some thinking. When Kid returned to his rooms and headed to bed, he'd been plagued by disturbing dreams. In one, both women had fallen into a raging river and he'd been forced to choose who to save, knowing he could only save one. He'd taken too long to make his decision and they'd both drowned; Kid had awakened drenched in sweat, tears pooling in his eyes. Another was actually a memory: it was his birthday and his shy little Louise had turned into a temptress for the occasion. The dream was so vivid that he'd awakened with her taste on his lips, the feel of her curves under his fingers, and had looked over fully expecting her to stretch languorously like a cat and cuddle up next to him.
Kid lowered his head into his hand and braced himself for the coming storm. "Okay, Jimmy. Just say it," he said. "Just get it all off your chest right now, slug me in the jaw, and then we can move on and tell Lou we both fell. I know I shoulda said somethin' but I didn't which is why I'm here--to apologize and is she really plannin' to try and live in this?" He was rambling and knew it, but couldn't help himself.
Jimmy glanced at him before leaning over to pick up a few fallen shingles. "Why should I say anythin'? You know what ya did, or didn't do as the case is here. It ain't me you should be excusin' yourself to anyhow," he replied. "Lou's inside, and yes, she's plannin' on movin' in here after the repairs are done."
Kid's eyes grew wide in alarm. "She's in there?" he cried, gesturing to the unsturdy looking porch roof. "Good Lord, she'd be lucky if the roof don't cave in." He moved toward the house, cautiously entering. Someone had to get her out of there.
Gazing around inside, Kid noticed that the inside almost looked like a different house. Where the outside was falling apart, the inside was remarkably well preserved. A couple cupboard doors would need to be replaced as well as the front door which was nearly falling off the hinges, but other than that and a couple broken steps on the stairs, it was perfectly livable. "Lou? Where are you?" he called, unable to see anyone inside.
An auburn head peeked around the corner of the kitchen door curiously. Louise tried not to let her heart beat slightly faster as she saw him standing there in her rundown house, a concerned look on his face. You can do this, Lou, she told herself. She steeled herself, standing straighter, and trying to distance herself from him emotionally. She tried to find that objective, business-like place of refuge she'd found while working at Tanner's, the place that helped her get through the day without letting her emotions get the best of her. There was a job to do and by damn she was going to get it done! You can face him, do business with him, and not feel anything, she told herself.
"Kid, what are you doin' here?" Lou asked, smiling over-politely. "Come to gawk at the little girl tryin' to build herself a ranch?" She couldn't help the bitterness in her voice.
Word spread fast in a little town like Sweetwater and when she'd gone into town earlier that morning to finish the paperwork at the land office and to put in a preliminary order for supplies, she'd heard the phrase from several people. Lou'd tried hard not to let her anger get the best of her as she heard other customers at Thompkins' whispering about her behind her back. If Danny hadn't been there to remind her to be gracious, she would've tuned around and given them what for. However, he'd told her that her reputation was important, especially now that she was entering the business community. If she let people talk their talk without retaliation, it wouldn't be long before others would begin to see the meanness of picking on someone who wouldn't say a word to defend themselves.
"No," Kid said quietly. He'd actually heard some of the talk around town himself and it didn't paint Lou in a very good light. Most of the gossip had been sympathetic to himself, portraying Lou as a sullied woman seeking to ruin his happiness with the saintly Laura by trying to pass her bastard child off as his own. But Lexi is mine, he'd thought angrily, and Laura is no saint. "I, uh, came to apologize for last night," he said. "I shoulda said somethin' but I didn't. You should never have had to go through that."
Lou distractedly ran her hand over the dusty mantelpiece, needing something to do so she wouldn't have to look at him. "Don't worry about last night, Kid," she said softly in return. "It woulda happened sooner or later. Besides, I'm a big girl and I've been fightin' my own fights for a while now. I don't need a savior."
"I know you don't need savin', Lou. You never did," Kid said in sad admiration. "Just because I wanted to protect you didn't mean I thought you needed my protection. But I thought maybe you needed a friend 'bout now." He looked at her expectantly as she turned around with a curious look on her face.
"Kid, you and I have never been 'just friends'," she replied.
He shrugged. "Don't mean we can't give it a try." Kid walked toward her until he was looking down at her skeptical face. He leaned against the mantel comfortably. "We can start all over fom the beginnin' and just take it all one step at a time."
He looked so hopefully at her that Lou couldn't help the small smile that crossed her face. She wondered about the wisdom of the decision she was about to make. Lord only knew it'd all be easier on her if they had no contact whatsoever, but she couldn't keep Lexi from his father, or Kid from his son. She'd kept the two apart long enough. Lou looked down at the floor for a moment in thought before looking back up into Kid's anticipatory face. "You still know how to swing a hammer without breakin' your hand?" she asked.
Kid grinned down at her teasingly. "Do you still know how to ride underneath those skirts you wear?" he asked her in retaliation.
"Good. Maybe you'd be interested in helpin' out around here. Just 'til we get things up and runnin', of course," she said quickly. "That is if it won't interfere with your, uh, relationship with Laura. I will pay you of course."
"I'd do it for free," he offered. "She'll understand that I'm doing it for Alex--so he has a roof over his head that won't leak or fall in on him."
Lou looked around, catching a glimpse of Jimmy outside one broken window pane and laughed slightly. "You may end up doing it for sandwiches or even for free depending on how much the supplies cost me," she said as they walked toward the front door. She sighed as they stopped in the doorway and she gazed at the door barely on its hinges. "Hell, I don't even have a front door."
"You will," Kid replied. He looked around the place with a small smile, seeing the hidden potential. He realized, bittersweetly, that what he was looking at was the hidden potential of a dream that had once belonged to them both, long ago and far away. Kid looked back at her, the hope in her eyes fading as the enormity of the situation impressed itself upon her. "It just needs a little fixin' a coat of paint and in no time at all we'll have the three of you moved in here snugger than bears in winter," he assured her.
Lou burst into laughter and Kid turned to find Jimmy laughing as well while Theresa looked at them all as if they'd lost their minds. "You've been spendin' way too much time with Teaspoon, Kid," Jimmy laughed.
Kid shook his head hopelessly. "If I ever start tellin' stories about the Express the way he does the Texas Rangers, promise me you'll just shoot me," he sighed.
"Trust me, Kid," Jimmy said, glad that the two had come to some sort of amicable agreement, "we'll definitely put you out of our misery if you get that bad."
"Good to know a man's got such good friends," Kid replied sarcastically.
Lou smiled back at him as she walked toward the wagon to check on Lexi.
"Maybe I'm doin' you the favor by gettin' you away from Teaspoon before
you start squintin' and bellowin'," she laughed.
