There came a time in Laura's life (and these times came quite often Laura realized) when she realized she had no life. No joy. No love. She had battled her heart problem, recovered, and gained the boy of her dreams as a boyfriend. Yet it still felt like something was missing.
It was days like these that she liked to wallow in self pity (which she was expertly well at doing) and think over past times and try to figure out what exactly was missing.
Laura leaned back on her bed and let the memories take over her head.
Getting a transplant. No. Nothing wrong with that, well except that a person died but that had little to do with her. Going further back... Having Leo confess his love to her... No, nothing wrong there. Finding out she had to have a transplant... Nope. Not it. Usually after that she gave up and decided she was being silly, that she had a boyfriend who she loved dearly but today she went on.
Finding out Leo was engaged...Yes. That had hurt, but it didn't anymore. She had won, Greenlee had lost. Greenlee had paid for pushing her off the yacht. So she had gotten both revenge and her dream at the same time.
Before and afterwards were events that had somehow become lost in the chaos and hadn't really been thought about. But today they were.
Being at Bianca's and finding the website with her mother and Erica. Laura winced. That had been brutal. Mom found out about me using Ecstasy and Erica had found out about Bianca liking me...liking me.
Laura's cheeks tinted a little. She never really wanted to think about that because it seemed so odd to think of Bianca thinking of her that way, but today different from all other days she explored those thoughts.
What had happened the night those pictures were taken anyway? Oh yeah, she had been acting weird after taking some ecstasy in celebration of her getting accepted...and had almost...Laura searched for the right word. Hit. That was what she was looking for.
She had almost hit on Bianca. She had told her she was beautiful, that she loved her, and hugged her...Laura's face flushed. And the last time she had used Ecstasy she had hit on Leo, trying to get him in bed, meaning either Ecstasy had a Libidizone effect on her, making her want to jump the nearest person's bones, or it opened up suppressed feelings.
She voted for the first and moved on.
...and after the disaster Bianca had been crying and she had been too nervous to hug her. Now why, she couldn't exactly remember. It wasn't because she was frightened...maybe because she had -wanted- to be near her after knowing the way she felt? Because she maybe liked that Bianca liked her? No. Laura shook her head and dismissed the thought. She had been shocked and she didn't know what to do, that was why she had reacted that way.
A little voice inside her told her she was wrong and Laura swiftly told it to go to hell.
Then the next day at school Bianca had been teased, along with her, and her pornography pictures had been posted. Then she had punched Shannon. Laura grinned. That had been fun, despite the suspension from school.
Why had she punched her? Hm, well it started with the porn pictures, that had made her mad. Not mad enough to punch her though. Then Shannon had accused her of being Bianca's lover and surprisingly, Laura thought, reliving the day, that hadn't bugged her. It was when she had looked over and saw how much Bianca was hurt, how she was on the verge of tears and was about to crumble that she decided to get herself suspended... So she had punched Shannon because she hurt Bianca.
Laura took her head in her hands as the thoughts tumbled through her mind, and reality smacked her across the face confirming something she had tried to push away every time she'd noticed it.
She had finally discovered what she had been missing, what was wrong with her life....
She was in love with Bianca.
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Chapter Two: Admitting.
Laura stumbled out of her room, down the stairs and to the kitchen where she got a glass of water. She took a big gulp almost dropping the glass in the progress.
Her hands shook, her heart was racing, and she was certain her face was crimson colored, yet it all made sense. This was the answer she had been searching for...
Laura felt a hand clamp onto her shoulder and she yelped and jerked away finding herself face-to-face with her mom.
"M-mom! Hi, um sorry you..You frightened me." Laura said nervously.
"Honey? Are you all right?" Brooke asked. Concern marred her face causing all the usually unnoticed wrinkles around and between her eyes to show.
Laura nodded not trusting herself to talk.
"You look kind of sick." Brooke placed her hand on Laura's forehead. "Oh dear, and it feels like you have a temperature, and your face is red, you might be coming down with something. Gee, your pulse is awfully fast too...I think you should go lie down."
Laura held her hand up trying not to let her embarrassment show. "N-No Mom. I swear, I'm fine. I just uh, ran down the stairs, yeah. I was racing Jamie and it kind of tired me out."
'Oh I am SO good. I am THE queen of creative lies. There's nothing wrong with that excuse...' Laura thought proudly.
Brooke nodded slowly processing the information. That would explain her red face, and her heart beating faster. There was only one problem...
"Jamie's not here."
'shit.'
Laura smiled nervously. "Oh he isn't? Well he must have just left. Listen it's almost," she looked at her wrist only to discover she wasn't wearing a watch. "W-Well it's almost something, and I have to go do...something." with every word she slowly inched herself further away from Brooke. "So I'll see you. Okay?" she smiled again knowing she must be making a fool of herself.
"Bye!" Laura whipped out of the kitchen and out the front door faster then she ever had in her life.
:::...:::...:::
Laura watched the stone she kicked bounce across the sidewalk and shoved her hands deeper into her pockets.
Now she had the information and nothing to do with it. Bianca had liked her but Laura was certain she didn't anymore, not after all she had put her through. She had flaunted her crush on Leo, told Bianca in great detail about their dates, what they did after the dates, 'and good Lord what was I thinking.' Laura sighed and hung her head lower in shame. Now she'd discovered she loved Bianca and had most likely ruined any chance with her.
She walked around aimlessly not sure where she was going but knowing that it was alot better then staying home and being confused by this whole thing. Also it didn't help that her mom knew something was wrong. She would pester her until she told and Laura wasn't ready to share this with anyone yet, let alone her mom.
She wound up at the boat house which didn't surprise her. She along with many other teenagers and adults came here when faced with issues they wanted to think about.
Laura sighed and walked in and sat against a wall. She groaned when she realized this was around the same spot that she had hugged Bianca at when the whole nightmare had begun. 'and to think Bianca hasn't complained once...I pretty much broke her heart and didn't even care I was so blinded by whatever that thing with Leo was, and she didn't even frown... I wouldn't blame her if she hates me.' Laura's eyes started filling with tears and overflowing at the thought. She hugged her knees close to her chest feeling lower and more mean then she had in a long time. "Oh Bianca, I'm so sorry." she whispered it out loud not to anyone since she was alone. Or so she thought.
"Laura?"
Laura froze in place. 'oh please. God no...'
There was no mistaking who it was though, she had memorized the voice long ago...Leo.
Laura turned her head to face the direction the voice come from. "Hi Leo. What are you doing here?"
"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Leo walked over to Laura, stood in front of her and looked at her for a moment.
It was too late for her to rub away the tears and pretend she was fine. They had already been spotted by the look on Leo's face. He was concerned. 'He's concerned about me and I'm here thinking about how I'm in love with someone else.' Laura suddenly felt sick to her stomach.
"You okay?"
Laura shook her head knocking a few more tears loose. "No." her voice shook when she spoke and came out softer then she had intended.
Leo sat down beside her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Laura bit on her index fingernail looking directly ahead instead of at Leo. "No, but I might as well."
"Good. Because I want to help you, whatever it is." Leo said.
"Leo...How much do you love me?"
Leo's eyebrow popped up. "You're sad because you don't think I love you?"
Laura shook her head. "No. I just need to know."
Leo smiled and took Laura's hand. "You mean the world to me. Just having you near me brightens up even the darkest of days. I love you so much."
Laura's face was buried back into her hands and she was sobbing so Leo stopped. "I so didn't need to hear that." She tried to say but her hands muffled her words and it sounded like. "I sfo idint eed ear at."
"Huh?"
Laura lifted her head. "I so didn't need to hear that. Why didn't you say 'Not very much, actually I think this was all sympathy no actual feelings.'?"
Leo shifted uncomfortably. "Because that's not true?"
"Look Leo," Laura started after drying her face off with her shirt. "I'm just going to be honest with you because I know I can trust you full-heartedly, and you're not going to be angry are you?" Laura asked and Leo shook his head.
"Well," Laura brushed a lock of hair from her face trying to choose the words correctly. "Despite me being exceedingly happy that you loved me, I still felt like something was missing, and today I discovered what that something was. It's really something I never ever thought would happen, but,"
"I think I'm in love with Bianca."
"You think you're in love with Bianca."
Laura's eyes widened and Leo pumped his fist in the air.
"I knew it! Yes! I am the smartest person alive." he said his ego growing about three sizes.
Laura's fist connected firmly with his head. "What the hell! I just figure this out today and you already knew?!"
Leo nodded rubbing his jaw that had been abruptly shut after getting hit. He wiggled his jaw around while Laura waited impatiently, then he cleared his throat. "I think you only needed a little encouragement and by going out with me that gave you the encouragement and you finally realized that I wasn't the greatest person in the world and that there were people who were better for you."
Laura sighed. "So basically what you're saying is I'm so stupid that I can fall for someone I didn't really love and brush off the one I really loved that had feelings for me that I knew about but ignored therefore making me a complete idiot."
Leo nodded. "Exactly."
Laura glared at him, he laughed nervously and put his hand up in surrenderment. "Joke."
Laura sighed. "If you knew this the whole time then how come a minute ago you said I meant the world to you?"
"Because you do mean the world to me, and I do love you. I'm just not IN love with you, I kind of left out that little detail..." Leo said quietly desperately hoping he wouldn't be punched again.
"Yeah, you did."
It surprised Leo but Laura didn't look angry or sad, she looked grateful.
"I guess I should thank you then. Had you not gone along with my stupidity I would probably still have that empty feeling and I would always have thought it was you I needed and would never have realized my feelings for Bianca."
Leo nodded. "That was part of why I did this. I really thought you might like her back. I'm sorry I had to lie to you though."
Laura smiled softly. "It's okay, I'm glad you did."
Leo smiled back. "So we're still friends?"
Laura nodded. "Definitely."
"Whew!" Leo leaned back against the wall. "Am I glad that's over with. So now what do you plan to do?"
"What do you mean?"
Leo rolled his eyes. "About you being in love with Bianca. You shouldn't keep it from her, I think she'll be very happy to know that."
Laura looked glumly in front of her and rested her face on her upturned hands. "No. I don't think she would be happy. I think she'd be disappointed."
"Why's that?"
"Well, I'm almost positive she doesn't like me anymore. You know what I did to her don't you?" Laura asked.
"Um..no."
"I killed her spirit. You can tell she seems less happy, like she's been forcing it ever since she found out we were together. I talked about you. Constantly, and if that wasn't bad enough I totally ignored that she was hurting and kept it up and actually did it even more when she was hurting even worse after we started going out." She sighed and felt her eyes fill up again. "I'm a cruel, stupid, bitch."
Leo rested his hand on Laura's shoulder. "You're not, you were just confused. It happens to everyone."
"But, I was so awful to her...."
"She'll forgive you. Have you ever known Bianca to hate anyone who's apologized to them?"
"Um," Laura thought it over. "No." she sighed. "She even gave Shannon another chance."
"See?"
Laura nodded. "Do you think she still likes me though?"
Leo sighed. "I really don't know. I mean, Bianca and I haven't really been as close as we used to be lately, but I do know that she did like you more then she let anyone know and feelings that strong don't usually fade away very easily."
"I guess."
Leo stood and offered his hand to pull Laura up. "Now you go tell her. Okay?"
Laura agreed and thanked Leo for helping her.
"Good luck Laura, you let me know what happens." Leo gave her a hug, kissed her forehead and left.
Laura watched as Leo walked off and sighed. This was going to be a hard night.
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Chapter Three: Confessing
Laura stared at the front door.
Funny...it had never looked threatening before. Yet now it looked as though hell awaited on the other side.
She hesitantly reached out and rapped on it.
No demon answered the door (which was surprising to Laura. She half expected Satan himself to answer.) just Bianca's sweet self.
"Laura! What are you doing here?"
Laura's heart skipped a beat and the nervousness welled up in her stomach. "I...uh..." There was still time to back out. All she had to do was turn, run, and call in temporary insanity if Bianca ever asked.
Bianca eyed her oddly. "You wanna come in?"
Laura nodded. She followed Bianca in.
Bianca sat down in the living room and Laura sat next to her.
"So," Bianca flashed her an incredibly large smile that was unmistakably fake and clasped her hands together. "What happened this time? You and Leo elope? or did you have another wonderfully perfect date? or did you sleep together again? Hm? I'm all ears."
"We broke up."
"Oh," Bianca's false cheerfulness dissipated. "Oh my God. I'm sorry Laura."
Laura shook her head. "No. I was the one that broke up with him."
Bianca's face took on a confused look. "But...But why? I thought you loved him."
"Yeah. Me too." Laura sighed and flipped a strand of hair away from her face nervously. "I need to tell you some stuff okay?"
"Sure." Bianca looked at Laura in concern. She looked a lot better then she would given the circumstances.
"I..I'm sorry about being so awful to you first off. I'm sorry for showing Leo off in front of you, and telling you every detail about our dates and stuff. I never stopped to consider how it must be making you feel."
Bianca's gaze lowered to the floor. "It's okay...I was just happy you were happy."
"You don't have to be so noble, Bianca. I know I hurt you. I was just too stupid to realize it at the time." she wrung her hands together the tight nervous feeling in her stomach growing with every word. "You see, looking back I realize alot of things I hadn't noticed. I hadn't noticed I was hurting you, hadn't noticed that you really did like me alot, hadn't noticed that I really didn't love Leo that it was just...lust or something."
Bianca looked back up at Laura. "So you didn't love Leo?"
Laura shook her head. "No. I thought I did. I think it was more attraction then feelings, because I always still felt...empty, like something was missing, and I realize now that it was someone I was missing and I know who that someone is and I realize that I love them the way I thought I loved Leo."
Bianca racked her brain. She couldn't think of any other guy Laura had been close to recently besides Leo. "Who?"
Laura licked her lips nervously and took Bianca's hand in hers. "You."
Bianca's mouth fell open and her hand that was moments ago inlaced with Laura's was pulled away in shock. "E..Excuse me?"
Laura dug her nails into her palm trying to take her mind off the sickening feeling that was forming quickly in place of the nervousness. "You heard me right. I'm in love with you Bianca."
Bianca stared at Laura trying to think of something intelligent to say but all that came out was, "I don't know what to say."
Laura laughed bitterly. "Well I don't expect you to say 'Oh Laura. I love you too.' and then we end up making out. That kind of stuff never happens. At least not to somebody like me."
"Why not?"
"Because I screwed this all up, if I had realized this earlier we'd both be happy right now wouldn't we? But instead you probably secretly wish I'd go leap off a cliff and I'm miserable because I just broke up with somebody just hours ago I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and now I'm here telling someone that hates me," Bianca started to interrupt her but Laura kept talking. "with good reasons to, that I love them."
"I could never hate you Laura, I'm just...surprised to hear you say that you...love me." Bianca paused. That sure sounded weird. "I mean, of all things I never expected to hear those words come out of your mouth, at least not in that way."
"Neither did I, but they did and I do mean it." Laura tapped her fingers across the fabric of the couch. "I guess I know how you felt then, or at least partially. It feels bad to know the person you love doesn't love you back."
"Who said I didn't love you back?" Bianca's face flushed when she saw Laura staring at her strangely. "What? I do love you."
"But," Laura couldn't believe what she was hearing. It couldn't be true. "Even after all I did to you?"
Bianca smiled. "Yeah. I always thought I was being stupid, because there was no way you were ever going to feel the same way, especially after you had Leo tell you he loved you but I couldn't stop. Part of me still hoped that even though you guys were together and you were straight that you could learn to love me the way I loved you. That was why I tried so hard not to be sad around you, and always tried to cheer you up, and I always listened to what you said about Leo even though every time I heard you say you loved him or that he loved you it felt like I was being physically beaten."
Laura stopped Bianca by taking her hand in hers and kissing it softly as Leo had done to her many times. She looked up into Bianca's blushing face. "Forgive me?"
Bianca nodded slowly her head feeling light as happiness took over her senses. "Of course." Bianca giggled as Laura started kissing up her arm and across her neck until she reached her mouth which she kissed firmly.
In one touch of their lips Laura lost the empty feeling and Bianca gained the happiness she always deserved.
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End.
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