Title: PFLAG Hags
Author: Liz_Estrada ( liz_estrada@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Laura/Bianca
Summary: Two ladies chat at a Parents, Families and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays support group meeting. This is all dialogue, all
based on nonsensical speculation, and was written purely to make my
recently retired mother giggle as she rests her weary feet and hogs
the remote control so no one can switch away from AMC.
Disclaimer:Agnes Nixon and ABC own them, I just enjoy the occasional afternoon wasted in idle speculation.
Fandom: All My Children
Date: 11/1/00
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"Hi, Mary."
"Irene, Irene. Haven't seen you at the last few meetings. How've you been?"
"Living with pain. My gout was acting up, so I've been home taking it easy, watching the ER repeats on cable. Did I miss anything?"
"Actually, yes. We got a couple of newbies. One's up there talking to Reverend Henry right now."
"Oh merciful God! Is that..."
"Mmm-hmm. Erica Kane her own self."
"I can't believe it! A big-time celebrity in our little church basement!"
"Yeah. Guess it's true what they say -- the Unitarians will let anyone in."
"Mary! That's so rude."
"She's the rude one. You should have seen her in here last time, throwing her mink cape around, signing autographs, giving people advice like she's some high-tone paragon of wisdom. It was her first meeting! Nearly made me sick, I'll tell you. Thankfully, that other one showed up and put Miss Enchantment in her place."
"What other one?"
"The little redhead over by the coffee table. Real intense. Too much caffeine, maybe."
"I recognize her from somewhere."
"Probably from that magazine you're always bringing in here."
"Tempo? Was she in Tempo?"
"She *runs it,* Irene. That's Brooke English."
"Oh, my! Two celebrities! This *is* exciting!"
"Yeah, yeah. Our cup runneth over."
"Mary..."
"Oh, stow it, Irene. I'm entitled to my opinion, and I don't think having tabloid reporters and paparazzi lurking in the halls is doing much to help this group. People are supposed to feel comfortable here so they can open up and talk -- "
"Did you say there were *paparazzi* here?? When??"
"Last week. The Intruder did a big story -- didn't you see it? I thought you were a subscriber."
"Oh, no, no, no! I only read those silly papers in the supermarket check-out line to pass time."
"Uh-huh. Sure."
"I'm serious! Besides, I've been stuck in the apartment for weeks -- my gout, remember?"
"Ahh, yes. Your gout. Well... would you like to see the story?"
"You have a copy of the Intruder? Mary, I'm shocked!"
"I wanted to see if I was in any of the meeting pictures. Here, it's on pages six and seven."
"Ooh! A two-pager! Yelling, pointing fingers... wow, these are really good pictures."
"Yeah. The guy got some nice shots of the divas arguing before Reverend Henry threw him and his Nikon zoom out the back door."
"Hmm... what's this shot over here? The two girls in fancy dresses."
"It's a senior prom photo. You know, where you pose under the flower arch with your date?"
"Oh, right, right! So, who are they?"
"What? You're Helen Keller all of a sudden? Read the caption for yourself."
"Please, Mary. I forgot my glasses."
"Irene, I swear... "
"Aww, just tell me who it is!"
"Well, the dark-haired one wearing a green silk Richard Tyler is Erica's girl, Bianca... "
"The reason Erica's here in the first place."
"Mmm-hmm, and the blonde in the little black Donna Karan is Laura English -- "
"As in *Brooke* English??"
"Her daughter. Adopted. They say she used to be homeless, too."
"Erica Kane's daughter is dating *another* homeless girl?"
"Mmm-hmm. Must be something about those Skid Row chicks."
"Must be. I read all about that first one -- Monsoon or Drizzle or something."
"Mmm, *Rain* actually, but that was last year. This year, Laura English graduated high school and asked Bianca Montgomery to accompany her to the big dance."
"Ohh, that's so *sweet*! They look adorable together."
"How would you know, Mr. Magoo?"
"Even old half-blind me can see those big smiles. What lovely teeth!"
"Which? They're both kinda toothy."
"They both look real happy, too."
"You know, you're right -- they do just about *glow,* don't they? I guess that's what matters. Just wish their mothers could agree on that."
"That's what they were fussing about last week?"
"They fussed about everything from parking spaces to donuts to what constitutes appropriate attire for these meetings, but it's not hard to tell what's underneath it all -- La Kane is upset that her daughter is all moony over her arch-enemy's kid, and English is defending her baby with teeth and nails. It sounded like a personal thing with the two of them. Lotta history there."
"What's their beef?"
"Probably the same thing our sons are always arguing about."
"Men?"
"Men."
"Hmm. There's nothing more vicious, petty and conniving than a man- hungry slut... at least that's what my Matthew says. They should be glad their girls aren't following in their footsteps."
"Careful, Irene. Don't let Erica hear you -- she might ban you from her donut table."
"You are *not* telling me that Erica Kane brought the donuts."
"After Ms. English gave her what-for last week, she came in tonight with about six dozen Krispy Kremes and a tanker full of Starbucks. Dressed casual, too. No more mink and diamonds. Trying to repair her image after that nasty debut, no doubt."
"Oh, surely. Did she... umm... did she bring any chocolate iced or lemon-filled?"
"You know, I believe she did."
"Hmm. Well... she seems to be having a nice chat with the Reverend. Maybe she's not so bad."
"Maybe. If she can get through tonight without making another scene, that'd go a long way toward convincing me."
"I'm sure she's just nervous. If she really loves her child and wants her to be happy, she'll get a grip and settle down."
"I hope so. Otherwise, that little redhead's gonna lose it and pop her in the eye."
"Wonder how much the Intruder would pay for *that* shot! Erica and Brooke -- the brawl in the basement! I've got a loaded Polaroid in my purse... "
"Irene!"
"Aww, lighten up, Mary! I'm only kidding."
"You better be kidding. Seriously, I hope they manage to put aside their personal differences and find a way to get along, for their children's sake."
"So do I. Their girls do look so very happy in that picture."
"Very happy, indeed. They *must* realize that's a good thing."
"Oooh, look -- they're walking toward each other... looks like Reverend Henry's brokered a peace accord... Erica's holding out her hand and saying something to Brooke... oh, I can't hear her! What's she saying?"
"I can't hear her, either, Irene. I left my parabolic mike in my other pantsuit."
"Brooke looks upset, but she's reaching out her hand and... taking Erica's purse?? And stuffing it with... oh, Lord! That's a waste of three perfectly good lemon filled donuts!!"
"Ooh, she's pouring in some coffee for good measure. I doubt Erica's sporty little Coach handbag will ever be the same."
"Such a shame. Smooshing up those poor, innocent donuts..."
"So much for the mommies learning to get along. You still got that camera on you, hon? I think La Kane is about to go postal with that serving tray."
"Duck, Reverend Henry!"
"Ohh, right in the nose! Betcha that smarts."
"I think Brooke's trying to rip off Erica's wig! Help me up on the chair so I can take a picture!"
"I don't think that's a wig. Ouch! I think she snagged some scalp in that handful!"
"I got the shot! I got it! Now help me down before I fall!"
"That Polaroid is for your own personal scrapbook and is *not for sale*, right?"
"Of course!"
"Of course."
"I wouldn't really sell it to the Intruder, you know. And I don't think I'll be missing any more meetings, Mary -- at least not as long as Bianca and Laura's mothers are so desperately in need of this group's love and support."
"I think they're beyond support group help, Irene. They need professional therapy."
"Happens sometimes. The kids are alright, but the parents crack up."
"Well, I just hope that if their girls stay together, they have to good sense to elope. I doubt these two brawlers could get through a commitment ceremony without bloodshed."
"Speaking of which -- the picture's coming clear... oh, my word. Eww!!"
"See? I told you that wasn't a wig."
"Well, Erica needs one now, doesn't she? I wonder if Enchantment makes hairpieces."
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END
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