DISCLAIMERS: I do not own any of the mentioned XWP characters, Renaissance Pictures does. Steve and Terri Irwin belong to themselves and their lil baby.
The story is copyright 2000 Kimyoo Films. As such, it may not be posted or archived anywhere else without the written prior concent of the author. N' Stuff. =)
"Croc Hunter Goes Grecian: Part Three" by Magenta, copyright 2000 Kimyoo Films.
"G'dae!!"
*we look all around, but we can't see the Croc Hunter."
"Hey, I'm up heeah!"
*we look up and see Steve in a tree."
"G'dae and weelcome tae anouther eedition of Croc Hunter! Wee're coming tae ya from Ainceent Graece! I'm Steve Eerwin.
"You might wanna geet up heere, tae...todae wee're goighing intae Aimazon countree.... C'mon!! I'll heelp ya up!"
*All of a sudden, we are in the tree with Steve.*
"Th' Aimazons weere a feeace trighbe of weemen waerriers heere in Ainceent Graece. Not ohnly deed they take theighr battles up intae th' traes, they alsae used the foliage as cuhvah in tighmes of wahr."
*Steve swings, not unlike Tarzan, onto some other limbs, going further into Amazon territory.*
"Whut I'm dewing ees veery danegerous, but I've been speecially traighned by my daed for theese tighpes of seetuations. Puhlaese dohn't trigh theese at haeme."
*The sound of a limb or twig cracking comes from Steve's right, making him stop in his tracks and listen.*
"Wee haive to bae veery cahrful...Aimazons dae not saem tae like mailes of the species."
"And I don't blame them...hahaha."
"Yeah, thahnks Teerri.
"Wah! Wahtch heere!!"
*Steve swings and the limb cracks, but he safely completes the distance.*
"Lughckily for mee, that leemb heeld on long eenough fah mee to complaete my swing ontae the neext trae. WHEWIE!"
*Steve turns to keep going, but stops and crouches close to the trunk.*
"Shh....I think one of 'em's right ahaed."
*Steve leans out just enough to really look at what may be an Amazon.*
"Yep...thaght's an Aimazon ollright...you can teell by the feeace mahsk thay weear. It looks lighke theere's joost one of thaem...sae let's gae in fer a cloesah look, aeh?
"You stay heere."
*Steve circles back around and stealthily leaps and swings from tree to tree until he's right behind the unsuspecting Amazon. He grabs the back of her leather top and the belt that holds her skirt on. He seems to be one step ahead of the Amazon, dodging her arms as they swing back to attack.*
"GOTCHA!! Yer ollright, mate! Yer ollright!
"C'mon and geet a cloesah look!
"Theese one's a bit fighstey, a bit grumpee, but by Crikey, what a beaut!"
"What in the name of Artemis do you think you're doing?! I'm gonna kill you, cretin!!"
"Wah!! You see that?! This Aimazon's beehaighvor tells me that she's gonna huht mee once I leet her gae. I really wahnted to geet a cloesah look at her mahsk, but theese'll haighve tae dae....you see theese sord thaght's attaetched tae her baeck? Eet's veery shahp ahnd veery daedly, a teepical weeapon of theese Aimazon weemen. Haeeever, thaght's not th' ohnly weeapon thay haive..."
*The Amazon stops and stands there as if waiting for the Croc Hutner to loosen his hold on her clothing.*
"Thay olsae haive theghr feests ahnd feet ahnd, wheen used correectly, thay can provighde devestatingly daedly bloughs... Theese weemen dae haive a seerious bight beehind theighr bahrk."
*The Amazon starts fighting again and Steve looses his grip on her belt. If the Croc Hunter didn't have some sort of sixth sense about how she was going to move next, she would have landed an erring kick to the groin.*
"Wah!! Yer ollright, mate!! Yer ollright!"
"You're gonna be sorry if you don't let go of me right now!!"
"Ha! I thihnk I'll bee sohrrier eef I leet you gae."
*Mrs. Croc Hunter breaks in again.*
"Being too preoccupied on the current Amazon, Steve doesn't notice the other two Amazons coming up from behind."
"Thaght's right, Teerr...danegah, danegah, danegah...I broake a cahdnal ruhle...ollwaighs pay atteention tae yer surroundings..."
"Luckily for Steve the usually nimble Amazons slipped on some moss, allowing him enough time to escape into the foliage of the trees."
"Wah...aenoughther cloese one...but I'm not through yeet...migh gael for todae is tae see ahn eectual Aimazon veelage...so c'mon! Follough mee!"
*Steve leaps and swings through the trees silently, interrupted only by his voiceover.*
"Ahhh...I feel sae aht haeme up heere in the traetops. Migh daed and I woould ollwaighs gae ohn wolkabaet in the traes neahr our haeme.
"Wah!! Waight a meenute!! Whot's thaght up ahaed?"
*Croc Hunter turns around for a moment.*
"Leesen...ya heah thaght?!"
*There is absolute silence for a moment, then the sound of tribal drums are heard. Accenting the drums are the tribal singers.*
"Y'knae whot thaght saends lighke tae mee? Saends lighke the ainceent tribahl ritual fer Joining! Someohne's geeting mahrried!! Theese ees a once in a lyfetyme opportunity I don't wahnt to meess!! Leet's gae!"
*As Croc Hunter moves in closer, we can see that the entire village has assembled.*
"Eef you look cloehsly, you cain see that the qween ees stahnding right theere...she's goht the beeggest haedpaece of theem oll.
"Stahnding neext to her, on her leeft, woould bee her chaimpion."
*Steve pauses fer a moment and tries to look closer at the Queen's Champion.*
"Waight a meenute!! Hauly smoakes!! Thaight's the Waerrier Princeess!! Funny...her ahmour really deedn't seegnify her ahs an Aimazon....I wohnder where the lil blonde ees."
*Steve scans the gathered Amazons for any sign of the dimunitive blonde. His eyes nearly pop out of his head when the Queen lifts her mask revealing her smiling face.*
"WAH!! BY CRIKEY!!! I didn't knae she wahs ain Aimazon!! She's tae SHORT!"
*The whole tribe turns to look in Steve's direction, but he ducked down low enough so that they couldn't see him. However, he couldn't see that the blonde turned towards the Warrior Princess and whispered something to her. Soon, the Queen grabbed everyone's attention again and Steve feels it's safe enough to peek at them again.*
"Danegah, danegah, danegah...those Aimazons would aete mee fer lunch! I don't knae weether tae stick aroaend fer the weedding or high-tail it aeut of heere..."
"Let me answer that for you..."
"WAH!-"
*Before Steve could move, he was knocked out cold by the Warrior Princess...*
"Wake him up, Xena..."
"I'm trying t-...oh wait. He's comin' 'round..."
*Steve's hazel eyes opened to find himself bound and standing before the Queen and her Champion.*
"I've seen you somewhere else....haven't I?"
*Steve nodded, spell bound...here's where his Voice Overs kick in...*
"By Crikey...I nevah thought I'd geet sae clohse tae any Aimazon veelage...aend heere I ahm...smack dahb een the meedle of one!"
"I'm Gabrielle...I'm the Queen of the Amazons. This is my champion, Xena: Warrior Princess.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Steve Eerwin...the Croc Hunter!"
*The blonde and the Warrior Princess exchange puzzled looks.*
"What're you doing here, Croc Hunter?"
"I'm scaouring the laend, looking fer danegerous beasties... Sae fahr, I've eencountered that ruffian whae grahbbed Xena's raer-eend, Eerees Gohd of Wahr, and some Aimazons in the traes... I'm lovin' eevery minute of eet!!"
*The Queen and the Warrior Princess look at each other and smile. The Queen turns towards her people.*
"Amazons! This is Steve Irwin...note his face. He wants to see the dangers of Greece...well...he's got it. He will now travel alongside Xena and myself.
"As Queen I absolve him of his crimes against the Amazon Nation."
"By Crikey, thaght's geenrous of ya!"
*Xena smirks at the Croc Hunter and cuts his bindings.*
"We'll see what you think about the deal tomorrow night, Steve Irwin."
*Steve leaps up onto his feet and wraps an arm around the necks of the Queen and the Warrior Princess.*
"Wah!! Theese ees turnin' out to bee a graet ahdveenture! Danegah, danegah, danegah!! The moore deeth daefying excihteement fer mee, th' beetah."
*Steve walks away...until the next episode of Crocodile Hunter...*
Episode Four
Back to the previous episode.
Comments to the_AURYN@angelfire.com.
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