SMK Time:  January 19, 1994      (Written:  August 2006 – September 2006)
 
 

I strode into the room and spotted Emily Farnsworth immediately.  I hurried over to her and gave her a big bear hug hoping she would help calm my tense nerves.  I had waited five years for an opportunity to present itself and today was the day.  “Emily, you look wonderful,” I said to my longtime friend.

“You’re looking rather dapper yourself, Scarecrow,” she answered, affording me a broad smile while she straightened my tie.

“I can’t thank you enough for inviting me,” I commented and then whispered to her, not wanting to look around the room.  “Did she come?”

Emily whispered in my ear.  “Yes, Amanda arrived a few minutes ago.  She’s over in the corner and I do believe she’s already spotted you.”

I didn’t look; instead I kept my eyes trained on Emily.  Knowing Amanda, I figured she wouldn’t cause a scene here at Emily’s luncheon which is one of the reasons I had asked our good friend to set up this conspired reunion.

“Wish me luck,” I said to Emily before I took a deep breath, not sure how this meeting would go.

“You’ll do fine,” she responded with sincerity.

I was less than confident, but I walked over to my wife who I hadn’t seen in years.  She looked lovely, obviously aging very gracefully.   Her hair was longer than when I left and devoid of gray, unlike mine.  She was trim, if not the thin side.

“Amanda, it’s good to see you again,” I greeted her.

She turned and faced me, giving me a tepid smile.  “I didn’t know you were back in the States.”

“I flew in a few days ago,” I explained.

“You’re looking…well,” she said politely, her eyes giving me a thorough going over.

“You’re looking…”

”Tired,” she quickly responded.

“I was going to say wonderful,” I interjected.  She really did.  She was beautiful, obviously keeping herself in great shape.  Despite being apart all these years, I was still very attracted to his woman and yes, very much in love with her.

We stared at each other for a few awkward moments.  I searched my mind for something extraordinary to say, but I was at a loss; words never had been my strong suit.  I think we were both relieved when Emily announced we were ready to sit down for lunch.

“Shall we?” I asked, guiding her with my hand gently resting on the small of her back.  Touching my wife sent a shiver of desire through my body.  It took every ounce of my being to not pull her to me and kiss her passionately.  I hoped that would happen, if not today, someday - soon.  Time would tell.

True to her word, Emily had the seats arranged that I would be sitting next to my wife.  I could tell from Amanda’s face, she was less than thrilled with the idea.  I kept reminding myself to take it one step at a time.  She hadn’t left when she saw me.  That was a good sign.

I held out the chair for her and she sat down.

“Thank you,” she forced out curtly before turning to the woman on the other side of her, no doubt hoping to strike up a conversation with her instead of speaking with me.

Lucky for me the woman next to her was in a deep discussion with someone else.  “How are the boys and your mother?” I asked a few moments later.

“Fine,” she answered succinctly.

“Does Jamie like Virginia Tech?” I probed, hoping to start a discussion on friendly grounds.  It didn’t work out quite as I had planned.

“I don’t remember telling you he was going there,” she snapped in a low voice.

“Amanda…” I replied, placing my hand on top of hers, hoping she’d allow the physical contact.  She didn’t.  She yanked it away from mine like my hand was acid.

“How dare you spy on my family?  You lost any right to keep an eye on us when you walked out,” she hissed back.

“I didn’t exactly walk out.  I was fired, remember?” I reminded her, frustrated because she still didn’t know the truth.  “I tried to get a job in DC, but nobody would hire me.  Nobody would hire you either!”

“I found a job,” she snapped back.

“I know you did.  At a farm,” I answered.  I might have been out of the country, but I had friends keeping tabs on her.  Hell, I’d been sending her money, but she never cashed the checks.  In fact, she returned most of them to my PO Box – unopened.  Eventually, I got the message and stopped sending them.

“It was a produce company,” she rebutted hastily, the hostility apparent in her voice.  “Spying on us again?”

“I was worried about you,” I explained.  I knew it had taken her months to find a job.  It took me almost as long and the jobs I took I didn’t expect to live to tell about.

“I managed just fine,” she said glaring at me.

“I realize that.  You never cashed any of the checks I sent you,” I reminded her.

“I didn’t want your money, Lee.  I wanted you.  I still don’t know where you went or why you left.”

Her voice had a hard edge to it, but I heard her say it.  She wanted me.  Did she still want me now?  Would she give me a chance to explain after all these years?  I wondered and prayed that she would.

“Amanda, it was the hardest choice I ever made… to leave…”

“Never mind, Lee, that was a long time ago and to be honest I don’t really care!” she said and turned away from me and started to eat her salad.

I watched her for a few moments as she attacked her salad angrily.  She still cared.  I knew it in my gut.  The question was would she be able to forgive me once she knew the truth – the whole truth?

She mumbled something out loud.  I didn’t quite catch what she said or if she even said it to me.  “What?” I asked.

Her eyes flew open wide for a split second before she recovered her composure and answered.  “I was reminding myself to send Emily a thank you note.”

I nodded, but I knew there was something more.  Did I have a chance of getting back together with my wife?  There were a lot of emotions flying around the table: anger, hostility, betrayal, hope, love… Taking a deep breath, I wished like a little boy wishing on a star that forgiveness was one of them.

We watched each other out of the corners of our eyes while we ate our salad. I gave a quick glance to Emily who was studying Amanda intensely.  She knew I was hoping to reconcile with my wife.  Yes, I trusted that very private information with Emily only recently as well as what had caused the rift.  Emily smiled up at Amanda and then over to me.  Did she sense something – women’s intuition perhaps?  I wish I knew.

Amanda turned towards me and lectured in a quiet voice.  “I don’t want to ruin Emily’s luncheon, so if you wouldn’t mind, I think it’s best if we just stick to polite conversation, the weather and um…”

“Yes, good idea.  It’s very chilly in here, don’t you think?” I replied with a sardonic smile.

“Really?  I thought it was quite stuffy in here myself,” she countered before turning away.

The remainder of lunch was uneventful.  Amanda made it clear that she didn’t want to speak with me and I figured I better not push it.  Emily had been gracious enough to invite us both to lunch and I didn’t
want to create a scene here and mar the festivities.

When lunch was over and they started to clear the table, my wife bolted away from the dining room like a flash of lightning.

I wasn’t about to let her get away.  I’d waited a long time to tell her the truth about my mystifying departure so I took a strategic position at the door.  A few minutes later, Amanda, now wearing a heavy winter coat and gloves prepared to leave.

“Allow me,” I said as I opened the door.

“Thank you,” she nodded before hurrying down the walk.  I was right behind her.

“I like your new car,” I mentioned after she stopped at it; again, hoping to start a friendly discussion.   This tact didn’t go much better than my earlier attempt.

“That means a lot to me,” she snapped sarcastically.  She was attempting to retrieve her keys from her purse, which proved difficult with her gloves on.  Finally, she pulled them out and was about to unlock her car door.

I was in a panic now.  I needed to talk to her.  There was plenty she didn’t know and so much I needed to explain.

“Amanda, I never signed any divorce papers.  Are we still… you know, legally married?” I blurted out.  ‘Real smooth, Stetson’, I thought to myself.  Not exactly like I had planned, but she was about to drive out of my life – perhaps for good.  I had to say something.

Apparently, I startled her as well.  She dropped the keys on the pavement and stood there frozen like a statue.

I bent down and retrieved them for her.  I handed them to her and our eyes locked together.

“Yes, Lee, technically we are still married,” she answered evenly.

I nodded my head and stared in disbelief.  She never divorced me!  My smile started to grow.  I could barely contain my joy.  Her soulful eyes stared back at me wanting something – answers I guess.  Her cheeks were rosy red from the cold and her lips were so inviting.  I couldn’t contain my desire for her any longer.  I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers.  They were warm and inviting.   The smell of her perfume was intoxicating and, for a few seconds, things were as they should have been.  When my cold hands touched her face, the magic ended.  The moment had evaporated and her anger not only surfaced, but assaulted me violently.

“Damn you, Stetson,” she swore at me while her hand slapped my face.

Thankfully, she was wearing gloves because it lessened the impact it had on me, but it was cold out and it stung.  I was stunned.  Amanda had never hit me before.   Amanda didn’t hit anyone.  “I still love you, Amanda.  I’ve never stopped loving you.”

”Well you certainly have an interesting way of showing it!” she rebutted.  “You left when I had no job and no prospects of finding one.  You disappeared for how long... more than five years without as much as a phone call?”

There was so much I wanted to say, but like now, I never knew what to tell her.  I answered honestly, but it only seemed to flame her fire.  “I wanted to call, but I didn’t know what to say.  Didn’t you get my letter?”

“You don’t leave someone by writing a note, Lee!  That’s the coward’s way out,” she snapped.  Tears flooded her eyes and then she launched a verbal assault on me.  I stood there as my wife cursed me, cursed my existence and cursed the day we met.  She listed point by point, incident by incident, all the things that had gone wrong in her life since I handed her the package that day at the train station.  Finally, when her barrage was complete, she wiped her eyes and shook her head at me in disgust.

“You have every right to be angry with me,” I answered evenly.  Frankly, I was surprised she didn’t continue on longer or louder.

She took a deep breath and brushed her hair out of her face.  “Are you going to be in town for a while?”

“Yeah, I’ve finally got a lead stateside.  It’s looking very promising.  With a little luck I hope to be reassigned to DC permanently,” I explained, excited that she’d asked.

She nodded her head at the information.  “Now that you’re back, I’ll get in touch with my lawyer.  I’ll have him draw up divorce papers.  I don’t know how long the process will take, but I’ll see to it that it happens quickly.”

“Amanda, wait!” I gasped in alarm.  I finally made it home.  I wasn’t going to give up our marriage without a fight.  Not now.  “That’s not why I asked.  There are some things we need to discuss…”

She shrugged her shoulder as if she didn’t care.  “Lee, we have no children together, no community property.  We never even shared a bank account.  Let’s just get the inevitable over with and forget it ever happened.  Then you can go on being a carefree bachelor without any hesitation to the marriage vows we took.  We were kidding ourselves then, let’s not kid ourselves now.”

"I don’t want a divorce.  I never have…”

She stared at me like she didn’t believe a word I was saying.  Then she caught me glancing at my watch and that apparently infuriated her even further.

“Are you late for a date?” she snapped again.

“A date, no, I have to get to the bank before they close,” I explained.  I needed to get information that I had in my safe deposit box that I wanted to show her.

“Well don’t let me keep you,” she said as she tried to put her key into the lock.

“Amanda, I need to talk to you.  Can I stop by the house later tonight?” I pleaded desperately, my hand firmly planted on her car door afraid she’d leave before she’d agree to meet me again.

She pulled the door open and got in before she glanced back up at me.  For a moment her face appeared as if she pitied me.  Then she glanced at her watch and sighed heavily.

“Come by after dinner.  I should be finished in the kitchen by seven.  I have an important meeting in the morning so I have to be in the office early tomorrow.  Don’t come any later than that.  Amanda King has to get up early!”

“Would you like me to bring something over?” I asked, hoping to be able to make this meeting a bit more social.

“No, Lee, this is not a date!” she harangued.  “You want to talk and frankly, I have some really hard questions I’d like answers to.  I don’t expect you’ll be staying long.”

I nodded, disappointed at her bitterness, but refusing to give up hope.  “I’ll see you at seven.”

She turned on her ignition and drove out of the parking lot without another word.  I stood there waving until her car was out of sight.  The cold wind finally snapped me out of my reverie and I hustled to my car.  I had less than an hour to make it to the bank before they closed.  I had to retrieve my evidence from the safe deposit box that had been waiting over five years to be exposed.  Amanda Stetson had a need to know!

End Part One

***
 

Reunion

(Lee's POV)
 
 

Part Two
 

I left my hotel at six pm sharp with my briefcase full of ammunition.  I wanted to make sure I wasn’t late for any reason: traffic, car trouble or accidents.  I arrived on Maplewood Drive at 6:30PM.  I didn’t want to park in front of her house that early, so I drove around her familiar neighborhood for almost twenty minutes.  It hadn’t changed much.  The houses were a little older, the trees were taller, and the cars newer, but not much else was different.  I eventually parked in front of her house and turned off the car.

I opened my briefcase, checking one last time to make sure everything I needed was inside.  It was.  I’d only checked it twice before I left the hotel and it hadn’t left my sight.  I was more nervous than the day in Tehran when my cover was blown and I narrowly escaped through a second story window.

My watch was ticking slower than humanly possible.  Why did it seem like the second hand on it had stopped?  I turned the car back on to confirm what time it was.  It was now 6:51PM.  Nine minutes to go…  I had to get out of my car before I went crazy.  I’d been gone for over five years, yet the last few minutes were dragging on like an eternity.

I carried my briefcase in one hand and started up the walk.  Then I stopped.  Perhaps I should go to the back door?  It would be like old times.  Maybe that would break the ice.  Glancing around the neighborhood there wasn’t a soul around.  It was too damn cold for anyone to be hanging outside tonight in the dark.  I skulked around to the back of her house and saw the kitchen light on.  I could see Amanda; she was cleaning up.

I was about to rap on the kitchen window when she turned and glanced outside.  I ducked under the window and held my breath.  I knew it was silly; there was no way that she would have heard me with the window closed.  Suddenly, I didn’t think this was such a good idea.  I retreated to the gazebo to regroup.  Not a minute later, she opened the back door and carried out a bag of trash.  I hid in the gazebo hoping she wouldn’t see me.  When she went back inside I decided to go to the front door and ring the bell.  It had to be seven by now.

“Hi,” I greeted with a bright smile, holding my briefcase tight in my hand.

“Hi,” she answered standing in the doorway just staring at me.

“Can I come in?” I ventured, not sure at this point if she hadn’t changed her mind.

Finally, she nodded and stepped aside, motioning for me to enter.  I hurried out of the cold and headed for her family room, a welcoming place where we’d spent many happy hours together.  I sat on the couch, hoping she would join me, but I wasn’t surprised when she chose a chair instead.

“All right, Lee, what was so important that you needed to talk with me?” she asked in a hostile tone.

“I owed you an explanation as to why I left,” I began to explain, opening up my briefcase.  I was tenser now than I had been on most of the assignments I’d survived the last five years.  I swallowed hard.  “I know you’re angry with me.  Hell, I was furious with myself for the longest time.  Some of this was my fault, I’ll admit, but not all of it.  I should have known better.  I let my guard down and underestimated my opponent and subsequently was outflanked by him.  But I fell in love with you and love clouds your judgment.”

She nodded her head at me, but appeared baffled.  I knew my explanation so far was more confusing than an Agency code, but there was a lot to explain and I wasn’t sure how much time she’d give me before she might boot me out the door.

I tried a different tact.  “Amanda, did you ever wonder who tipped off the Agency about us being married?”

“I don’t know? Everything happened so fast,” she shrugged.  “There was so much chaos.  I never really gave it much thought.  What does it matter anyway?”

“It bothered me from the start.  We were pretty careful.  So few people knew and most of them were extremely trustworthy.”

“Internal Affairs could have come across it when they were doing a spot security check…” she suggested.

“It wasn’t from a security check,” I answered, pulling out a letter from my briefcase and handing it to my wife.  “I asked Billy to do me one last favor after we were fired.  He got hold of the letter that tipped Smyth off and ran the prints himself.  It confirmed what I suspected.”

She raised an eyebrow as if she was interested and asked, “And that was?”

“You told Joe at Christmas that we were married, didn’t you?” I asked in an even voice despite my contempt for that man.

“You’re suggesting that Joe was the one who tipped them off?” she gasped in disbelief.  “Why would he do that?”

I took a deep breath.  I needed to remain calm until she believed me.  “He had his motives.  His fingerprints were all over the letter.”

“Even if he had sent it, Lee, what does it matter now?  Joe’s been dead for almost a year now.  It was Dr. Smyth who blackballed us both from ever working for the government again.  For God’s sakes, I couldn’t even find a job as a receptionist.  Soon as they checked my references from IFF, I didn’t have a chance.”

I wasn’t discouraged by her lack of concern.  At least she didn’t argue that he couldn’t have done it.  She had doubt, I expected her to, but that meant she hadn’t made up her mind yet.

“Smyth did a job on us both, I agree, but Joe King lit the fire.  I never told you this before, but I met with Joe about a week after we were fired.  He’d left a message on my answering machine a few days after everything went down.  He wanted to meet with me – alone.”

For a moment I thought Amanda was going to be sick.  Her face paled and she grimaced.  “Lee, stop!  Joe was a good guy and you’re not going to convince me otherwise especially now, since he’s not alive to defend himself.  He helped us out more than once in the months following your disappearing act.”

“I bet he did,” I answered quickly, shaking my head.  I expected Joe would have been ‘very helpful’ after I was out of the picture.  I wanted to remain composed, but I was losing the battle.  I left without fighting for my wife and family over five years ago.  Maybe I shouldn’t have.  There was no way in hell that I wasn’t going to fight this one last battle.  I started on my own tirade.  “You wondered why I left without telling you any of this years ago?  I’m trying to explain it to you now and you’re not hearing a word.  He’s dead and you’re still defending him.  I knew back then that we were both too upset and stressed out to deal with it.  I thought now, now that Joe’s gone that…”

“That what?” she raged, glaring at me.  “You could impugn the memory of an honorable man?”

Those words coming out of my wife’s mouth made me sick to my stomach.  He’d set me up so cleverly and even now, in the grave I was losing to the memory of this so called ‘honorable man’.  “You’ve always had a blind spot when it came to Joe King.  I was a fool to think you’d ever see him for what he really was…”

“So why did you wait so long?  Joe’s been dead since May…”

“I didn’t hear about his death until a couple of months ago,” I replied nervously.  How could I get her to believe me?  “I’ve been out of the country and out of communication most of the time.  You’re not the only one who had trouble finding a job, Amanda.  I’ve been half way around the world trying to make a living.  It hasn’t been easy for me either.  I didn’t have a family to fall back on…”

“Yes, you did,” she countered testily, “but you ran out on us.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” I shouted, wishing immediately I hadn’t yelled so loudly.

“You picked the easy way,” she shouted back.

I swallowed hard and tried to settle down.  I took another deep breath and answered with a calm voice.  “No, trust me that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”  I glanced at my wife silently pleading for her to listen to what I was saying, but she turned away.  I knew if I didn’t reach her tonight, I’d never get another chance.  “When I found out Joe was dead, I made arrangements to return to the U.S., but that took time.  It wasn’t like I could jump on a plane in Tehran and take a flight home to DC.”

For a moment I thought that I’d gotten through to her.  Her facial features softened.  Eventually, she answered.  “Maybe we should just leave the past where it is, Lee.  Tomorrow is a new day.  You’re starting a new job soon…”

“If I thought it would be that easy, Amanda, I’d burn this myself,” I answered pointing at the evidence in my briefcase.  “But I look in your eyes and see the hurt I’ve caused you.  We can’t move forward until you know the truth.  Maybe even then it’s too late, but I have to try.  You’re blaming me for things I had no control over.  I tell you Joe King was responsible for this.”

It was too much for her to accept all at once.  Her features hardened again and her tone was obvious.  “I think you should leave,” she ordered.

I was miserable.  My head dropped down and I stared at the floor.  I’d lost.  Joe King won again.  I frowned at the contents of my briefcase and then over at Amanda.  I reached in and removed the dossier Joe had collected on me.  It was overflowing in a manila folder.  I put it on the coffee table without saying a word.  I retrieved the tape; it was the most damning evidence I had, and placed it on top.

“Fine, I’ll leave,” I answered, heartsick at the results of our meeting.  “If you decide you want to know the truth, it’s all here.  The manila folder is the dossier Joe King collected on me.  Paints a rather bleak picture of me as a man and I’m not proud of it, but it wasn’t anything you didn’t already know about me.  This was the old Lee Stetson:  womanizer, carefree bachelor, fool hearty agent,” I pointed to the folder as I closed my briefcase and stood up.  “The tape is from the discussion Joe and I had that day in his office.  He didn’t know I was wired.  Didn’t really matter though, the stakes were too high to play hardball with him.  He trumped me and I wasn’t holding an ace.”

I walked to the door glad that Amanda was behind me.  This way she didn’t see the tears in my eyes.

“Where should I send the divorce papers?” she asked, her voice sounded strained.

I took out a business card for the hotel I was staying at and wrote my room number on it.  “I’ll be here until the job offer comes through.  After that, I’m not sure where I’ll be living.  I’ll have a mutual friend contact you with the address.”

“I appreciate that,” she answered and opened the door.

I stood on Amanda’s front porch preparing to walk out of her life forever, but I turned back for a moment.  If she didn’t want to hear the truth about Joe King, I couldn’t do anything about that, but she was going to hear the truth about me.  “I realize what you think of me, Amanda, but for the record, I’ve never broken my marriage vows.”

Then, without hesitation, I hurried to my car and drove away.  I reached the corner before I realized I was trembling.  My entire body was shaking so furiously I had to pull over.  It wasn’t from the cold weather, although it was freezing.  It was from the knowledge that if Amanda didn’t listen to the tape, I’d never have the one thing I had always wanted – a wife and family.

I remembered the awful conversation as if it were yesterday…
 

“Hello, Joe,” I greeted civilly as I walked into his office unsure of the reason I was here.

“Stetson,” Joe King answered in a less than friendly tone.  “Have a seat.”

“I take it you heard about Amanda and me getting fired?” I surmised.

“Yes, she called me last week.”

“How about giving her a job?  I’m sure you could use a good secretary,” I suggested even though I disliked the idea.  I knew Amanda was worried about finding a job and paying the bills.  “It’s going to take a while to sort things out…”

“Lee, the EAO is funded by the government.  You’re both too hot to touch at the moment.  Even if I had a position available I couldn’t get her a job in the mailroom.”

I should have known he wouldn’t buck the system. I didn’t want to be here and I wanted to get this meeting over with.  “So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?  Your message was rather cryptic.”

He opened his desk drawer, pulled out an overflowing manila folder and tossed it on the desk.  “I want you out of Amanda’s life,” Joe answered bluntly.  “For good.”

I chuckled and answered confidently.  “That’s not going to happen.  Things might be a little rough right now, but it’ll blow over.”

“Take a good look at that file,” Joe’s voice suggested.

I glanced through the file casually.  It was filled mostly with pictures of women. Many of them were past lovers, some were contacts or sources.  “This is all ancient history, Joe, women in my past.  Amanda knows about them all.  Hell, she’s even met a couple of them.”

“Do Phillip and Jamie know about them?  Have you mentioned to them that you’ve slept with half of DC before you started bedding down their mother?”

My tone changed abruptly and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach.  “You’re treading on thin ice, here.  The boys don’t need to know about my past.  I’m not especially proud of it, but I’m a different person now.  That’s all they need to know.  Since Amanda and I started dating there hasn’t been any other women in my life.”

“Stetson, I think it’s time for you to move on.  I want you out of Amanda’s life and out of my sons’ lives.  You’re dangerous.  You’ve endangered their lives long enough.  Cut your losses and go back to what you know best – womanizing.”

I answered with a strained voice.  I was scared, but I didn’t want Joe to know that.  “I’ve never jeopardized Phillip or Jamie’s safety.  Amanda and I are extremely cautious.  That’s why we kept our marriage a secret in the first place.  Besides, since we aren’t working for the Agency any longer, it’s not an issue.”

“Sure it is; your past always comes back to haunt you.  Not to mention, you’re unemployed.  You have no means of supporting or protecting a wife and family.  You’re a known womanizer with a checkered history, both personally and professionally.  How do you think a judge would react if he saw your profile?  Things could get… messy!” Joe suggested with a smug grin on his face.

“Don’t threaten me, Joe,” I warned as I gripped the arms on the chair.  I wanted to stand up and strangle the bastard and watch the life drain out of him.

“It’s not a threat, Stetson.  If you don’t get out of Amanda’s life now, I’ll pursue a custody battle that will even make Dotty turn against you.  You won’t win.  Hell, once the boys find out about the lies you’ve told them about IFF and your marriage, they’ll be rushing to my house, we won’t have to wait for a judge’s order."

“You son of a bitch!” I swore loudly, losing what was left of my cool. “Everything Amanda and I have done in the past has been to protect them.  We’ve never put ourselves first.  That’s why we live separate lives.  Tell me that you’re really not that bitter, are you?”

I watched while Joe King reached into his desk drawer and pulled out another file.  This one appeared to be a legal brief.  He waved it in front of my face proudly.  “I’ve got the paperwork already started, Stetson.  I figured this is the best opportunity I’ll get to evict you from my family’s life.  Get out; move on!   I’m giving you a clean slate.”

“And if I don’t?” I forced out, but there was no way to conceal the fear in my voice now.

“You have until the weekend to get out of town.  Otherwise, I’ll file the paperwork first thing Monday morning.  You don’t have a chance in hell to win.   Not while you’re both unemployed and Amanda tells me that Dr. Smyth has made it clear that neither of you will work in this town again.   And, Stetson, let’s keep our conversation just between the two of us.”

“Why, are you afraid your ex-wife will finally see you for the jackass you really are?” I taunted, not willing to give up my wife or family without a fight.

“If Amanda gets wind of our discussion, you’ll force me to play my hand.  I’m a well known and respected attorney in town, a law school graduate of Georgetown.  I’ve got plenty of powerful friends, not to mention great character witnesses including the Estoccian President.  Let’s think about who you could get to speak on your behalf, hmm, Dr. Smyth wouldn’t be your best pick.  I remember a picture of an old friend of yours… what was his name?  Oh yeah, Auggie Swann.  The choice is yours, Stetson, but sometimes retreat is the best option.”

I sat there in the chair a beaten man.  I knew at that moment how Dr. Smyth found out about our marriage.  It wasn’t a security check, or either of us slipping up, it was Joe.  He found my Achilles heel and severed it.  One of us loved Amanda enough not to take her children from her.

“You bastard!  You don’t deserve to have a family,” I shouted, pausing for a second, actually contemplating killing the man in front of me.  Instead I grabbed the file and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me…
 

“You may have forced her out of my life, but she never went back to you,” I taunted Joe King in my car, but that was little consolation.  My loss was indescribable and I was heartbroken.  The only solace I had was that Amanda still had her family – her sons and her mother.  But in the end, I had lost to Joe King not once, but twice.

I pulled back onto the road and started the lonely drive back to my hotel.  The overnight bag I had packed with high hopes that I might get the opportunity to spend the night in my wife’s bed was sitting alone and unused in the back seat…
 

End Part Two
 

***

Reunion:

(Lee's POV)
 

Part Three
 

I sat in my hotel suite staring at the ‘Post’s’ classifies trying to search for an apartment.  I have no idea how long I was staring at them.  I couldn’t concentrate; the words blurred together.  My mind was rehashing over and over again the meeting I had with Joe years ago and the meeting I had with my wife earlier in the evening.  Could things have gone any worse, I wondered?

I was roused from my reverie by a knock at the door.  It was pretty late and I couldn’t imagine who would be visiting at this hour.  So few people knew I was back in town and hardly anyone knew where I was staying.  I got up and looked through the peephole and blinked several times wondering if I was dreaming.  Had I fallen asleep while I was reading the ads and this was another fantasy?

I unlocked the door and cracked it open slowly.  “I thought Amanda King had to get to bed early tonight?” I commented when I opened the door.

“Amanda Stetson needs to apologize to her husband,” she replied as her dark brown eyes glanced up at mine, silently pleading to let her in.

I smiled warmly at her; was this for real?  “Come on in,” I heard myself say and she walked past me.  Her coat gently brushed my arm and that’s when I finally realized this was actually happening.

She walked into my room and stood near the sofa in the small living area of the suite.  I stared at my wife, waiting for her to say something - anything.

“Oh my gosh!” she gasped out, her hands covering her face.  “I don’t know what to say...”

“I take it you listened to the tape?” I surmised from her behavior.

She nodded.  “If he wasn’t dead, I’d strangle him myself.”

“Trust me, the thought had crossed my mind more than once,” I confessed.  I actually had run through my head several scenarios over the years, but each time I dismissed the idea.  I may have killed people in the line of duty, but I was not a cold-blooded murderer.

“You should have confided in me, but I know why you didn’t.  Lee, you should have told me.  We would have worked something out,” she said in an angry voice, shaking her head.  “Part of me thinks we could have won, and the other part of me worries that I would have lost the boys forever.”

I could tell she was furious, but this time it was at Joe King, not me.  “Amanda, I’ve run the same scenario in my head every day of every year.  I couldn’t risk telling you.  The stakes were too high.”

“Why didn’t you come back sooner?” she croaked out.

“I wanted to. I thought about coming back dozens of times.  When Jamie started high school, when Phillip graduated high school, but with Joe still around I’ll be honest, I couldn’t risk it.  Joe was right, my past is checkered.  I did sleep with half of Washington before we started dating.  I didn’t always follow Agency procedure.  I’d been written up more times than any other agent who worked there.  Personnel used to joke that I had my own personnel file, as in cabinet instead of a file as in folder.”

“We would have figured something out.”

I shook my head.  I knew the score – we were on the losing side.  “What would you have told your sons?  We lied to them about our jobs, our relationship.  They looked up to me, even Jamie.  I didn’t want them to find out about my reputation.  Joe had me by the balls and he knew it.  They would have hated me.  I could have lived with that.  I couldn’t live with them hating you.  I needed a job and Smyth’s crusade against us made working here impossible.  The only chance I had in finding one was overseas.  I didn’t want to go, but Joe made damned sure that staying wasn’t an option.”

“You might have found a job around here.  I did!  We could have fought him…”

I raked my hand through my hair.  I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t have found a job with our government in DC, although I did have a couple of offers from enemy governments.  “Amanda, it took a while even overseas before I found something.  At first I worked contract jobs – suicide missions mostly.  Eventually, I found a permanent position working overseas for a government supported group more secretive than the Agency.  If I’d been caught in any of the countries I was working in I would have been executed on the spot.”

“Which government were you working for?” she asked, from the look on her face I knew she was afraid of the answer.

“Our government,” I whispered reassuring her as I scanned the room guardedly.  “Smyth’s reach might be vast, but my reputation, my business reputation helped me out in Asia.  It’s not the job a man wants at my age, it was dirty and dangerous and I really can’t tell you more than I already have.  At the time my choices were extremely limited and to be honest, I didn’t have much to live for.”

Tears filled her eyes and I knew I didn’t have to tell her more.  She knew enough about the intelligence community to know what I wasn’t telling her.  “Lee…I’m so, so sorry.”

“Let me take your coat. Why don’t you have a seat and stay for a while?  We can… talk about other things.”

She folded her coat over the back of a chair.  I reached out for her hand and we sat next to each other on the small couch.  For the longest time neither of us spoke.  The gentle touch of her soft hand in mine was the greatest pleasure I had known in more than five years.  Finally I broke the companionable silence.

“You managed fairly well over the years,” I commented.  “Starting your own business doing background checks…

“Who’s been keeping tabs on me?” she asked curiously

“A few people.  T.P., Leatherneck, even Francine at times.”

“Sounds like you’re still plugged into the DC intelligence community,” she mentioned.

“I’ve been edging my way back in, reopening up channels of communications.  To be honest with you, it’s taken a long time.  Smyth did an impressive job with his smear campaign on the two of us.  If it wasn’t for the intelligence I’ve collected in the Middle East I probably wouldn’t have gotten my foot back in the door.”

I looked away.  I didn’t want to think about that life.  It had been too difficult and painful – too empty without my wife.  I decided to change the subject back to her.

“So how did you end up opening your own business?”

“It was a mixture of luck and tenacity.  I took the job at the produce company.  They kept getting fined by Immigration for hiring illegal aliens.  I asked them to let me look at the personnel files.  It took a while before they actually listened to me.  I ran enough background checks at the Agency to know what I was looking for.  After a few months, they transferred me to the personnel office.  It wasn’t long before they didn’t hire anyone without me running a screen on them.  Saved them a fortune and got Immigration off their backs.”

“How did you make the transition?  You know, from working for the produce company to owning your own business?”

“Word spread pretty quickly to some of the other companies that hire a lot of migrant laborers and minorities.  I started running personnel checks for the other companies at night, or the weekends for extra money.  Eventually I was working full-time at the produce company and fulltime at night and weekends for everyone else.  So I took the plunge and opened my own business.  The overhead was minimal; I already had the computer and several contacts throughout town.  I worked out of the family room for the first few months before space became an issue.”

“You’re amazing,” I said, smiling at her.  She had no idea how proud I was of her.

“No I’m not.  I had to keep working, for my sanity, for the boys.  I had to put food on the table.  We ate a lot of bruised vegetables those first few months.” She sighed heavily.  Her face appeared tired and weary.  The time apart was difficult on her as well.  She changed the subject from the past to the future.  “Tell me about your new job.”

“It’s not definite yet,” I told her right up front.  “I talked to them on the phone just before the holidays and again last week.  I met them in person the other day for an in-depth interview.  They seemed to like what I could bring to the table.  My experience…”

“When will you know for sure?” she pressed anxiously.

“A few days.  To be honest, I think the job is mine.”

“What if…” she started hesitantly.

I saw the pained look in her eyes.  There was one thing I was sure of; I would never knowingly hurt this woman again.  “I’ll find something else in town.  I’m not leaving again.  I’m not going back to Iraq, Iran or Lebanon.  I’ll be honest with you, Amanda, it was pure luck that I wasn't killed.  The places I’ve been; the things I’ve seen…”

She appeared as if she was going to cry at any moment.  I knew it had been a long and difficult day for us both.  “We’ve lost more than five years, Lee.  It’s not fair,” she choked out, trying hard to hold back the tears, but clearly she was going to lose the battle.

I got up, went into the bathroom and brought out some tissues and tried to dab her eyes dry, but there were too many tears.  Finally, I reached my arms around my wife and held her close.  In an instant she was sobbing.

She cried in my arms for a long time.  I patted her back and whispered softly into her ear, telling her everything was going to be all right.  It felt so good to hold her, even in her anguished state; she nuzzled against my chest cocooning herself protectively.  Part of me wanted her to stay there for the evening, but ultimately she pulled away.

I smiled at her despite her red swollen eyes.  She was still beautiful to me.  God I loved this woman.

This time it wasn’t me who initiated the kiss, it was Amanda.  She looked up into my eyes and I waited patiently, knowing what she intended to do.  The corners of my lips turned up and encouraged her silently.  In an instant our lips melted together.  It was as if time had stopped.  I have no idea how long we kissed but it wasn’t long enough to make up for the years of being apart.  Her hands started to explore my body and I tentatively touched her face.

“I’m going too fast, aren’t I?” she asked, pulling away from me

I chuckled softly for a moment, but shook my head.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  I wanted her more at this very moment than I thought was humanly possible.  “Not for me, Mrs. Stetson.  I’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

That was all it took.  After that everything happened like I was living a dream.  We kissed, touched, teased and explored each others body with the intimacy only lovers knew.  Our love making was better than every dream I had had over the last five years and trust me, there were a lot of them.  Our love making was deeply intense and extremely fulfilling.  We made love twice before we were both too exhausted to continue.  Amanda’s head rested on my chest and I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.  I grabbed the sheet and pulled it over our tangled bodies before I fell asleep.  I have to admit it was the best night sleep I enjoyed in over five years.

When I woke the next morning her soft, warm body was still enmeshed with mine.  It was such a wonderful feeling.  When her eyes finally fluttered open, I greeted her lovingly.

“Good morning, Mrs. Stetson!”

She cuddled closer to me, spooning her naked body into mine.  Then, suddenly her eyes flew open wide and she distanced herself from me.

“Lee!?” she gasped out seeming confused and blinking furiously.

“That’s not exactly the reception I was hoping for after last night,” I admitted, wondering why she was reacting this way.

“I’m… not… dreaming?” she asked hesitantly, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe her eyes.  “You’re really here?  I’m here?  We’re here… together?”

I grinned, then reached out and caressed her face.  I understood.  She thought it was a dream.  If it wasn’t for my hand touching her delicate skin I would have thought the same thing.   “I promise you this is not a dream, although if it had been, it would definitely be one of the best.”

For a few moments she allowed me to caress her, fondling her body once again; my lips were tenderly brushing her neck, then her shoulders.  She closed her eyes and I could tell she was enjoying the sensation.  It had been a long time since I’d been able to wake up and make love to my wife.  I had every intentions of doing so when she reached for my hand.

“Lee, we can’t.  Not right now.  What time is it?”

Glancing over at the clock on the table we both saw it was seven thirty.

“I’ve got to get to work…” she groaned.  “I don’t want to, but I’ve already been out of the office most of yesterday.”

I have to admit I was more than a little frustrated by her comment, but Amanda was always practical.  I tried to contain my disappointment.  “What time do you get out of work?”

“I promise to leave there by four.  What are you doing today?” she asked.

“I was going to look for an apartment,” I answered, suddenly wondering where the newspaper had disappeared.

“You don’t need an apartment!” she answered, apparently shocked at the idea.  “You can check out of here this morning and move your things into the house where you belong.”

“Really?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Unless you don’t want to…” she replied.

I grinned at her silently.  She knew what I wanted.

“I better take a quick shower.”

She got out of our warm bed and started to pick up her clothes that were scattered all over the floor.    “I have to go back to the house and change.  I can’t wear this to the office,” she remarked before disappearing into my bathroom.

I slipped out of bed, disappointed that she was leaving, but I knew it was only temporary.  I walked over to the window and opened the curtain and grinned happily at what I observed.  The parking lot was covered by a thick white layer of snow.  There weren’t any cars on the roadway; in fact, you couldn’t tell at the moment where the roads were.  There was nothing but white for as far as the eye could see and it was still coming down fiercely. I turned on the TV news and they confirmed what I already knew; the city was at a standstill.

My wife wasn’t going anywhere this morning, maybe all day!

I went into the bathroom and peeked into the shower.  She was washing her hair.  I climbed in and lathered my hands with soap and reached around her, touching her breasts with my soapy hands.

“Lee,” she groaned.  “As much as I’d like to, we can’t.  I’m going to be late as it is.”

“You’re not going into work today at all, Mrs. Stetson,” I answered confidently while I continued my soapy massage.

For a few moments she allowed me to explore her body without any protest, but then she grabbed my hands.

“I really want to stay, Lee, but I don’t work with you anymore.  I am the boss and I have a meeting this morning, at nine, with a new client that nobody else can handle.  Not to mention, I was out of the office most of yesterday.”

“I don’t think you understand, Amanda,” I answered, teasing her with little kisses on her neck, ignoring her protests, as minimal as they were while the hot water sprayed down on us.  “Did you watch the weather report last night?”

“No,” she answered turning to face me allowing the water to pelt her back.

I smiled knowingly, kissing her forehead.  I couldn’t wait any longer to share my secret.  “The city is at a standstill.  There’s a foot of snow outside.  The roads are impassable, even the government offices are closed down for the day.”

I don’t think she believed a word I said. She knew I wanted her to stay and I guess she wondered if it wasn’t one of my tall tales.

“Are you serious?” she finally asked.

“Absolutely,” I answered without hesitation.

She rinsed off the rest of the soap, reached for a towel and stepped out of the tub.  “I’ll just go check for myself if you don’t mind.”

“Be my guest,” I nodded and continued in the shower for a few minutes.

I dried myself off and tucked a towel around my waist and glanced out into the room.  Amanda was staring out the window at the snow.  She was so mesmerized by the storm that she never heard me sneak
up to her.  I wrapped my arms around her body.  “You’re getting soft, Mrs. Stetson,” I teased.

She leaned back in my arms and snuggled in tightly.  She obviously noticed that I was aroused and countered playfully.  “You’re not!”

I nibbled at her neck.  This time she didn’t stop me.  Instead, she craned it to allow me better access.

“Promise me this is not a dream?” she whispered turning towards me.

My hand caressed her face, reassuring her tactilely that this was real.  “It’s not a dream.  We’re here together and we’re going to remain together – forever.”

“I guess our luck’s finally starting to change,” she sighed dreamily.

“I certainly hope so,” I answered, capturing her lips in mine and initiating a kiss that raised the temperature in the room more than a few degrees.

“I guess we’ll have to wait until later to move me into your house,” I remarked when our kiss finally ended.

“Our house,” she corrected immediately.

“So I guess you’ll be staying a little longer this morning?”

She nodded silently, allowing me to lift her off her feet and carry her happily back to the bed.  Thoughts of work and the snowstorm quickly vanished.  Our towels were rapidly abandoned and our passion again consumed us both.  This time our love making was not as frenzied as it was last night, instead it was more deliberate and tender.  I made love to my wife inch by inch, kissing and caressing every fraction of her body.  Just the same, time flew by much too quickly.  As we lay in each other’s arms later that morning, I glanced down into my wife’s eyes.  I saw joy and tranquility reflecting back at me.

“I love you, Mr. Stetson,” she whispered as I held her close.

“I love you, Mrs. Stetson,” I replied to my wife, my mind was racing with all the plans for our future – together.

We both glanced out the window, but neither of us cared that the snow had finally stopped falling…

End Part Three
 

  ***
 
 

REUNION... the conclusion
 
 

February 9, 1994
 

I pulled up to the house on Maplewood to find that Amanda had already shoveled our snowy driveway.  She decided to work from home this morning instead of driving into the office.  There wasn’t that much snow, but she was the boss and she had the prerogative to stay home on days like these.  I probably could have stayed home as well.  A lot of people didn’t come in today, but I was taking next week off and since I had only started my new job a few weeks ago, I didn’t want to push my luck.

I went in the back door and was surprised that my wife wasn’t in the kitchen preparing something delicious for dinner.  In fact, there wasn’t anything cooking at all.  “Amanda?” I called out from downstairs wondering where she was.  “You shouldn’t have shoveled the driveway.”

“It really wasn’t that bad today, only a couple of inches and I needed the fresh air.  I left the sidewalk for you to finish,” she answered back from upstairs.

She was right.  It was only a few inches, nothing like the snowstorm that had us stranded in my hotel room last month.  I shoveled out both of our cars that afternoon and we checked out of the hotel the following morning.  When we got back home that day, I shoveled the driveway and sidewalk.  I never told Amanda, but my back was sore for days.

“How was your day?” she called out.

“Just fine,” I answered happily as I started up the stairs.  My new job was working out well.  Working in an office, normal hours instead of being shot at by assassins and enemy government agent wasn’t bad at all.  Once upstairs, I noticed she was in her mother’s old bedroom, which had been converted into her home office.  “You still working?”

“Not really.  I’m finally sending a very long thank you note to Emily,” she answered.  “We never did get to have tea because she returned to England just after the snowstorm.”

“Send her my love.”

“I already did.”  She turned towards me and noticed that I had something behind my back.  She raised her eyebrow, obviously wondering what I brought home today. “More flowers?” she ventured.

“No flowers today, Mrs. Stetson,” I answered playfully, enjoying our game of twenty questions as I concealed the envelope in my hand.

“You’re hiding something.”

I grinned.  Last week I brought home imported chocolates.  They were delicious, but she only ate a couple.  She insisted that she couldn’t eat something so fattening.   I explained they were to celebrate my first day at my new job, which was why she finally relented and tried a few.

“Tickets!” I finally answered unable to contain my excitement.

“Not for tonight?” she asked, appearing a bit concerned.

“No,” I assured her.  I had no plans to go back out in the cold, snowy mess tonight.  “Saturday.”

“To see what?” she asked.

“It’s not what; it’s where,” I explained.  Obviously, she was thinking a play or concert at the Kennedy Center.  I had much bigger plans than that.

She told her family that we eloped, never mentioning exactly the year in any of her conversations with her mother or sons.  They were all shocked to say the least.  I insisted that the boys were not to be told about what Joe had done.  Their father was dead, and despite my hatred of the man, I didn’t want to ruin the image the boys had of him.  I’d rather spend the time working on relationships with my stepsons than ruining whatever feelings they had for their deceased father.

Amanda knew something was up and I knew from the look in her eyes the suspense was killing her.  “Where are we going, someplace with a cozy fireplace I hope?”

“Not exactly,” I mumbled, now slightly concerned that I shouldn’t have gone crazy with my choice of anniversary celebration.  Perhaps returning to the 'Inn' where we spent our wedding night would have been… cozy.

“Lee, it doesn’t really mater where we go as long as we’re together, right?” She reminded me.  I guess she saw the concerned look on my face.

I pulled the envelope from behind my back and handed it to her.  “Go on, open it.”

She glanced at the plain white envelope, but it wasn’t giving up its secrets.  She tore open the flap and pulled out two airline tickets.  Her eyes flashed up meeting mine for a few moments, but I remained silent.  She grabbed her glasses and squinted almost as if she didn’t believe her eyes.

“Hawaii?!”  she shouted excitedly.

I rocked back on my heels at her reaction.  “I thought you’d like to get out of the cold weather for the week.”

She stood up and threw her arms around me, kissing me delightedly.  “Oh, Lee, I was thinking about calling 'The Inn' this weekend, but this is much, much better.”

I thought I was going to burst with happiness.  “Since your mother and the boys think we just got married, I figured it was only fair for us to have a second honeymoon.”

“What about work?  You just started your new job two weeks ago,” she reminded me.

“I negotiated this week off before I started,” I answered with a sly smile.  “I just never mentioned it to you.  I wanted it to be a surprise.  You’ll have to take the week off.  That’s not a problem, is it?”

“No, I’ll work it out.  Today’s Wednesday, that gives me two days to rearrange any appointments for next week,” she answered without hesitation.  “This is such a wonderful surprise.”

“Amanda, your mother and the boys think we just eloped.  Our first honeymoon in California was nothing short of a disaster.  We never got to celebrate our first anniversary because well… you know.  This is the first anniversary we’ll get to spend together.  I want this week to be special.  I want to make up for all those anniversaries we missed...”

“Create new memories for our new life together.”  She understood.  “Lee, I love it.  It’s a wonderful, romantic idea.  I couldn’t have asked for anything better.  Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Not nearly as much as I love you,” I replied as I pulled her into my embrace and drew her into a kiss that warmed me to my toes.

Our kiss turned into another kiss.  The next thing I realized is that I scooped my wife off her feet and carried her into our bedroom.  Dinner would be late once more.  I didn’t care; we could order pizza or have soup and sandwiches.  I wanted to make love to my wife and that’s exactly what we did.  As we cuddled together in our bed afterwards, I was beginning to wonder how much of the Hawaiian Islands we’d ever get to see…

I knew one thing for sure.  I could never make up for those missing years in our lives, but I sure was going to cram as much into the rest of them as possible.

The end
 

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