TITLE: A Time to Mourn
AUTHOR: Matteabrit, July 2002
SUMMARY: After a tragic accident Chakotay comforts B’Elanna, even though he too is hurting.
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: It’s the Borg, I tell you… the Borg!

The pink bunny hit the wall with a soft thud before dropping swiftly to the floor. A black puppy dog, a green snail, and a brown kitten followed it.

Across the room a man held a baby in his arms, trying to soothe it. He was also watching the woman in action. Finally he said quietly one word. “B’Elanna.”

She stopped in mid-throw and looked at the object now in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

He smiled. “Miral and I would just like to know what those stuffed animals ever did to you.”

B’Elanna began to twist the ears of the teddy bear she held back into shape. “Nothing, I guess.” She sighed and looked over at the kitchen area. “But those did.”

Chakotay followed her gaze, his eyes falling on several small, multicoloured objects scattered over the kitchen floor. “Candies?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“No,” she sniffed. “Jellybeans. Tom’s favourite. I found them while I was cleaning this morning. I should have asked one of Tom’s sisters to help.” She moved to the couch and sunk down on it, letting the stuffed bear dangle between her legs. “It’s just so unfair.”

Chakotay sat down beside her, keeping Miral in one hand and placing a soothing hand on his friend’s back. “I know it is, B’Elanna. I know it is.”

“Do you know what he said to me?” B’Elanna demanded. “One of the few times he was conscious? Do you know what he said?” Chakotay shook his head. “He said,” she snapped. “That it was justice. Because of those people he killed years ago.”

“That was an accident.”

“Well, he seemed to think it fitting and deserving.” She ran a hand across her face. “Said he should have died right along with them. Like the years after it meant nothing.”

“B’Elanna. I’m sure he didn’t mean that. I mean look at everything that happened. He met you, had a beautiful daughter. I’m sure he didn’t mean that.”

“I just can’t believe he’s gone.” She reached out a hand to her daughter who took a finger into her grasp. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be off-loading this to you. I mean, you lost…” She looked at her friend curiously. “Do you blame Tom for what happened?”

Chakotay stared at her. “Spirits, no, B’Elanna. How could I? Look it was a prototype shuttle. All the tests checked out. How could anybody predict the outcome of its first flight.”

“We should have been able to,” B’Elanna growled. “Damn it, I had the best people on that team. Why didn’t anyone of us spot the problems?”

Chakotay sighed. “Because they’re still looking for them now.” He was silent for a bit before speaking again. “B’Elanna, during Tom’s waking moments, did you tell him about Kathryn?”

His friend shook her head. “How could I? How could I have let him die knowing that? He’d have felt so guilty. No, I couldn’t do that to him.” She smiled. “Kahless, I feel guilty enough as it is, knowing that I got to tell him goodbye, when you didn’t have that with Kathryn.”

He reached around her further and held her close to him. “Don’t feel guilty, B’Elanna,” he whispered into her hair. “Don’t ever feel guilty. We had our time together, Kathryn and I. And it was a good time. So please don’t ever feel that way. I don’t want to lose you too.”

Miral chose that moment to begin to fuss again. Her whimpers drew their attention and B’Elanna shifted, taking her daughter back into her arms. “She’s all I’ve got now,” she whispered, looking into her baby’s eyes.

“And me.”

“Seems I’ve always got you,” she sniffed, but beginning to smile. “Don’t think I’ll ever be rid of you.”

“You and I,” he grinned. “Have stuck together for so long, that I doubt we’ll ever be able to let go. I’ll always be here for you, B’Elanna. You know that.”

She nodded and fresh tears began to fall. She wiped them away in frustration. “I’m sorry,” she gulped. “Must be the human side of me.”

Something about this statement struck Chakotay as tremendously funny and he threw his head back and laughed. Seeing B’Elanna’s confused expression he caught his breath and explained. “Kathryn used to say that to me on occasion. She used to be captain so often that I’d accuse her of not being human. So when she did something uncaptainly she’d tell me it must be the human side of her.” He took a deep breath. “Seriously though, have you thought about your Klingon side?”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” B’Elanna replied. “I’m bad enough now throwing toys. I think I might have to be locked up if I started throwing bat’leths.”

Chakotay shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking of that actually.” He paused. “Do you remember meeting Commander Worf when we were at Deep Space Nine?”

“I think so. Yes, the Klingon. Why?”

“He married a non-Klingon.”

B’Elanna’s eyebrow rose. “Really? I don’t remember meeting her.”

“She died shortly after they were married.”

B’Elanna’s face fell. “Oh.”

“Yeah, so anyway, while we were there I had dinner with Doctor Bashir and his girlfriend, Ezri.”

“And this has what to do with my Klingon side?”

Chakotay began to explain to her about Ezri and Jadzia, how they were Trill, with the same symbiont. From there he recounted the story that Bashir had told, of how he, Worf, and Quark of all people, had gone on a mission to honour Jadzia’s death. B’Elanna seemed a little surprised at the tale but she understood the tradition behind it.

“So what are you suggesting?” she asked when Chakotay was finished. “That we go looking for a fight like they did?”

Chakotay laughed. “You make it sound like a bar-room brawl.”

“Oh, yeah.” B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “Let’s make a little trip to the real Sandrines and bust a few noses.”

Chakotay shook his head. “I don’t think so. If we did that I can guarantee the next time I take a spirit walk Kathryn Janeway will be there, hands on hips and giving me a stare so deadly I might not live to tell the tale.” They laughed together for a few minutes and then he said, “How about we get Harry and a few others involved. We can come up with some ideas then.”

She nodded and smiled. “Sounds good. Tom always was encouraging me to explore my Klingon heritage.”

“Then its settled.” Chakotay stretched and then began to get up. “I hate to do this to you, B’Elanna, but I need to get going. I’ve got a class to teach in an hour and I need to prep for it.”

B’Elanna stood up, and shifted Miral to a more comfortable position. Walking her friend to the door, she realised how fortunate she was to have friends around her in her time of grief. “We stick together,” she murmured, remembering how Chakotay, too, was grieving as a result of the same tragic accident.

He seemed to hear her. “Absolutely.” He stood close to her and leaned over, placing a kiss on her forehead. “We’ll be alright, you and I.” He smiled at her, placing a quick kiss on Miral’s hair and left.

FINIS

Back to Voyager fic index