June 5

Ah, it’s raining tonight. The sound is me all over, cool skin and dripping in the eaves. I am almost ashamed of the way I am feeling, but it is holding onto me and I have no choice but to say that I’m glowing up through the boards - surely he sees me here, lying open to the nightwind, waiting for his touch, if he would just reach.. There’s the rub, though. so close, so far; he won’t dare come down while she is still awake, and she never sleeps in a storm. I admit i cannot sleep either, but i don’t think my body would let me. My nerve endings are soaked in sodium tonight, bubbling furiously and remembering The memories drive me crazy sometimes..knowing how much better it could be now, no fears, just flying and up and then down to the warm after. I’m wanting him more tonight (is it possible) than I did before we ever touched, and I am having to fight the feeling down

Do you read the page as I write it? Do you want me, too? Would I still hold that mystery for you - that first touch, that shudder, the new? Tell me that’s not going to be the end - tell me it can happen again..and again...and again..
I would take off my skin next if it would give some relief from this; I can feel my whole body tense, waiting, please make the waiting stop..put your hand over my mouth, she won’t hear anything but the rain and then
Oh, Jay, I’m sorry..
the rain’s falling and so am i ---

should i ever wish it were you?
Turn the page..
Turn back a page..
close the journal