June 23 I told him last night we’re spending too much time together..there’s so much I have to learn this summer and I can’t risk all my training..it sounds so awful to say that, when I would really rather have him than the silly parlor tricks. If Gran would teach me something useful... I think he understands, but there’s something about looking at him that has become dangerous - I let my mind wander and soon my hands beg to follow suit. I’ve left the window open for the third day in a row and the room is still sizzling. I have begged Gran time and over to let me sleep upstairs..the landing up there is like ice, so i know the attic room’s nice and cool, but no chance. Apparently, she worries about ghosts, though the last one was my grandfather and all he wanted to do was look in the refrigerator at night and occasionally crack a light fixture. School has been out only three days so far, and I’ve spent nearly every waking minute either cleaning or hiding with Jay under the dock. The water under there gets absolutely freezing, but somehow I never notice until I’m on my way home ( alone unfortunately) and i find my teeth chattering and my body almost blue. It’s funny how much we say when we are looking at each other and how we act almost scared of each other when we are alone. At this rate, I am sure to be a virgin for light-years to come. Under the docks, I could almost believe there’s nobody else alive here but us. The waves are slipping up around us in sheets and we move like secrets, under and over and around, never quite touching, not looking at each other (and water does many a wickedsweet thing to a young woman’s body; he’d turn blood red if he knew I noticed him noticing) but filling the water with electricity - and I admit I even tried a new charm on him last weekend. He must be more of a gentleman than i had thought: he could not fight the charm, but he at least waited until he was hip-deep before tossing his clothes on the rocks. Once I saw the charm worked, I panicked. I could almost hear Gran laughing ok, you’re all alone with some naked boy. now what? I did the only thing I could do: My summer dress landed on his clothes shortly after. I don’t think I’ve ever swam so fast in my life. I went all the way around the curve of the shore before climbing out and hiding in the gardener’s shed. I fell asleep and when i woke up, it was dark. I should have been frightened to death walking all the way down there in the dark, but I wasn’t. I felt like the whole of nature was staring at me, filling me with some invisible steel , and I felt so untouchable that I didn’t glance behind me even once. I found my bedraggled clothes and struggled into them on the way home. Gran’s evil looks just made me laugh, but once I was under the covers I started to wonder why I ran away..and if i would run so fast next time. Who knows? Maybe it’s time I got caught. Turn the page.. close the journal