Yeah. So I failed it.
I checked back on my answers and well, I just got almost everything I wrote wrong. I didn't even know what to write, I didn't even know what they were talkng about.
It is my fault, as I will keep telling myself that. But I don't know when I am actually going to wake up and realise that it's ME that has to change in order to make my results change. I was too busy studying for the other topics that I thought were more important because it would be "common sense" for the other ones. But noo.. BOTH, not one, but BOTH questions were based on the "common sense" topic.
Am I sad that I didn't do as well as I would hoped?
Of course. There's always room for improvement. In my case, there's room for anything. I don't understand how I can get by in life. My morals are completely different to what I am actually doing in real life. I can't believe I'm still alive.
I think I'm still in denial.
Does this affect the way I look at exams soon coming?
Yeah, it does. I now have less confidence. I have less confidence that I'll be able to answer these questions with the best of my ability. I thought the Biology exam sucked. But that doesn't change the fact that I failed it. It just gives me the impression that almost all my other exams are going to be the same. They will suck and I will fail in all of them.
It's just the way my mind works. It's stupid. I'm stupid.
Will I try and do something different for my other exams?
I like my mojo. Although it has some serious flaws. I like and dislike change in a way. I don't know how I'm going to change. I don't know what I can do to change. Do more studying? That didn't seem to help. I have these mentality that whatever I do I will screw up in. Yes, I have self-esteem problems. Major ones. It's my problem and that's why I'm writing it here. So now one will have to suffer with me.
I'm superstitious to an extent. I like to do things the same way if they turned out alright the first time round. I wore a particular purple pair of shorts on one day and this guy died. I tried on the same pair a few months later and this woman died. Am I ever going to try the pants on again? Probably not. The thing is, it might not have been the shorts. It could've been my tshirt or my shoes or my bag. But I've worn all those before and nothing happened.
I have to accept the consequences of my actions. I guess I have. And then numbed them out. I can't think properly. I can't feel. I feel so inhuman. Like I'm just typing this stuff without any actual feelings. They're just coming out with so much emotion but I have not one single tear in my eye.
I've lost it. I've lost me. I feel like I'm lost. Where did I go?
Next up: Geography Skills.
I have to learn how to get more confidence. More self-esteem. Not every exam you go into you'll fail. This is just one out of the other 10 I'll have. We'll just have to see how this goes.
Nothing is going right.