The Duck and The Crackers A duck walks into a bar. It asks the bartender if he has any crackers?? The bartender says, “No”. The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the same question. The bartender says "No, I don’t have any crackers," The next day the same thing happens, with the same response from the bartender. On the 4th day the duck came in and asked the same question. The bartender says "No, I don’t have any crackers and if you ask again I will nail your beak to the floor!!" The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks if the bartender has any nails. the bartender says, “No”. The duck says "Good, do you have any crackers!?!?!" The Origin Of Women: Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to takecare of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed". Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." To which Adam replied, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history. Four Fishin' Buddies Danny Johnson and three of his oilfield buddies have gone fishing every saturday for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are fishing along a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Danny lays down his pole, stands up in the boat, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Danny sits down, puts his hat on and cast out without saying a word. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of em finally speaks up and says, "that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by." Danny replied, "It seems the least I could do seeing as how I've been married to the woman for over forty years!" Elderly Couple An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, "I see you are from Timbucktoo. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!".