RAPPORT and HOW TO BUILD IT
We will continue our discussion of communication skills from Richard Zarro's The Phone Book , Breakthrough Neurolinguistic Phone Skills for Profit and Enlightenment with a discussion of rapport. This relationship builder is more than a friendly attitude. It encompasses the right remark, tone of voice and ability to make the other person seem like they are dealing with a friend, someone who is interested in who they are, how they are feeling, and the like. The secret in establishing rapport is to really listen to what is being said. It is amazing how friendly people are and how eager to talk to you when you are interested in what they are saying, really interested and just not paying lip service to what they have to say.
One way to convey your interest in the other person is through the use of childhood play, adventure and discovery. Enthusiasm is contagious. When rapport and this sense of adventure comes through your conversation, listening becomes really effortless. You are speaking the same language. That is where the matching of types (audio, visual, and kinesthetic -- remember that from above) really shine and your communication actually comes alive with lasting effect.
This necessary component between individuals is built by a recognition of sameness between those participating. We feel closest to people who are like ourselves. In our interactions, we consciously or unconsciously reflect back on the other person their method of communication. Sometimes it is obvious. Mainly it is not. I read, as an example, on a "yahoo" group that one person commented on a total stranger's observations regarding the topic being discussed that what was written was the "most intelligent thing he had ever read on the topic." Why? He went on to explain that he completely agreed with what the writer had written. It's as simple as that.
There are several ways to mirror others with the way we dress, our hobbies or sports we like, our beliefs (religious, political or philosophical) and common experiences are just a few. The commonalities are what we find to share in our inner groups.
Sameness is communicated not only by what we say but how we say the words. Try this experiment. Tell someone you love them in a friendly tone of voice and then tell them the exact same words in a sarcastic, disapproving tone. You are saying the same words. However, what is the meaning being conveyed in each instance?
