Season Of The Which?
An open-faced diary without
the bread,
served up by 3singingeagles,
with unflinching attempted honesty and OF COURSE love
Unedited raw feelings ahead.
Proceed only if you are a warrior or at least a warrior-wannabe.
Mahalo, 3SE
CLICK
HERE TO GOTO LATEST ENTRY
October I think it's the 6th, a Saturday
Well well well, at the computer lab at college. My hands are freezing cold numb. I think I'm gonna go outside and have a few puffs of a cigarrette and massage my hands then come back cause this feels extremely freaky already!
Not gonna write much today, since time is running short in the computer lab and I wanna test the link and make sure its all copasetic kine etc fore' I shove off for the weekend.
Spect' to hear from me on Monday, on County fairs, babies, conspiracy and physics theories, love of nebula, and other assorted oddities.
If you are reading this, you are a person who is especially beloved to me. I hope your life is
well, fantasmagorical!
3singingeagles :)
October 8 mebbe Monday
Zip zang zoon
Dreams invaded by your force
Your MANA invading my territory your
MANA entering my fucking
Hut-
In the name of all that is Holy
Could you
Please
Enter it for real?
Dreamer me,
Sin cer lee,
Eagles singing three.
What price is paid
For gifts? What does he WANT for this car, what
That he HAS NOT ALREADY GOTTEN FROM ME
The Hawk, he is attached, trying too hard not to be, how can I pay
the price
He asks? I cannot love him. Well, I do love him. But not
No, not the way a woman should love a man who is so tortured by his
feelings towards her so
Willing, fierce warrior as he is, to,
CRY IN HER ARMS AND HAIR AND BARE BELLY IN THE NETTED MOONLIGHT
It feels I cannot even let anyone in to my body anymore
Not even the Hawk-man, the big soft man in aloneness with me
So tough everywhere else, no,
His eyes and strong arms and good heart cannot even win me,
I AM LOST
I saw the man I love, I, who never would love just one man, who had,
TOO MUCH LOVE'
(and, of course, power)
To give all to one man! How selfish of a Queen twice over, a once upon
a time and still yet till my daughter gets the robe I guess
High Priestess, one of 8, Celtic mist of dragons breath snaking through
trees am I still Mistress Of The Branches my
Ungreatful hateful daughter, how COULD she hold this sacred post,
And, the prophecies say that she will die before me, will I have to
take it back then,
Or, will she have passed it to that amazing and wonderful spirit, my
beautiful granddaughter, Samantha, will she,
Even accept The Cloak if I were to mail it to her
Would she send it back unopened. I don't know. I don't know anything!
I
I
With more titles and statuses than are listed here and that I even
WANT TO LIST
Oh, I'm so tired,
I'M SO CONFUSED! hOW CAN i LOVE THIS MAN SO WELL
That NO one, not,
The Hawk, Muscle man Michael, other men that adore me, none
Can fill me! My heart,
IS CONFUSED! AND I DO NOT LIKE THIS
Oh, think you that I have not
TRIED EVERY POSSIBLE MAGICK SPELL, PRAYER, etcetera already
TO CURE ME OF THIS IMPOSSIBLE LOVE
Yes, just yesterday, with him, oh, how I let him lie,
How I let him talk about superficials with the door open
How I let him go on about night crowing chickens and his bent gun that
ain't killin em as good as they used to when
When I KNOW he has been dreaming me when I
KNOW he has been calling to me, often, his soul crying, oh, beloved,
Is it as hard for you? You, who know you could lay in my arms and weep
and weep and I would hold you and I would not move or make a sound to distract
you, yes, I would let you weep, we'd melt. We'd melt, I
Oh, god, I cannot write any more. I am starting to weep. I shall leave
this computer lab right now else I shall flood here, coffee, sit a while,
I'll be back later guys, this is too much, I'm not used to be confused
like this,
After all,
I'm used to being sure I'm used to
Love that does not ache my soul that I feel that my very heart shall
burst.
3SE
No, probubly not. You'd look at me, pregnant, with no man on my arm or by my side OR WHATEVER THE FUCK not thinking that he could be working or at home or doing some service work in the community or out at church or out at the cock fights or out doing drugs bleeding his self esteem out of his arm somewhere no you wouldn't think about that would you yes you would and
Also, sometimes, someone slices your beautiful prose to smithereens with a blunt pen because one time in their life they had to give up their Great Love and they'll be damned if you even write a story about you and yours crumbling together under the Buddha and/or poems about melting candleic together, I won't even slash that one with my pen I'll give it back to you cause it means so nothing to me I don't even want it in my office and/or in my files
I CAN eat alone! You, FUCKING BITCH, CAN give me small portions of Poke and I CAN fucking eat it alone you goddamned bitch cause of course that's what the alleged friend would want she likes to see me bleed tears I can't please either of you maybe I'll just
Gorge out on food then go fuck the man I really love, and call him to
me Circe maid to the sea to my place where I let the FUCKING OCEAN GRAB
ME AND RUN WITH ME at night, yes, the place where I surrender and all my
dreams, all that I identify with, EVERYTHING, runs into the sea, runs,
run with me, yes, that's what I'll say, all the stupid restricting voices
of dead people that are still looking like they're alive cause they're
walking around in bodies and stuff, all of that and more dissolved around
us as we run, yes, run not with the wolves but
Very much like them, sinews rippling, loyal hearts unto each other,
as they have been through time and immense history, fuck em' all, my love,
bring your coral and come to me, only this time to a place where we are
not so exposed, it was I,
Who chickened out today. You came to me. Oh, how I could have looked
into your eyes with all the expression of love held inside for so long
tortured spectacle
It was I, I the one who called you a coward, who continued
the small talk, who did not weep, take your hand, make you rub the shavings
of coral onto my open receptive palm, oh, what can this dance be, you kept
part leaving then returning, oh god, how you love me, what am I to do,
When you finally taffy pulled the psychic sinews of youI apart, I,
after watching you fade from my view, out of the side of my eye, I, Oh
god, A LADYBUG LANDED on the camera bag that was in my lap since I had
been loading the camera sitting on the rock under the tree ther, when you
came up, I, OH MY LOVE, the lady bug landed on that bag HOW FORTUITOUS
was the first thought that came into my mind, till ms. bug,( oh, she was
a most pretty orange, )till she kicked one of the "sand-shards" of coral
like it was afootball, while exploring the landscape of my bag. She kicked
it a few times more.I guess just to make sure I new it was not a fluke,
or maybe just cause it felt good to her little lady-bug foot.
Guess it's not really WRONG to say that she was blessing my camera which was preparing to go and take the first photos for the new and upgraded tree tour webpage. Yet I had to rush her in to you. I was in a hurry and you were on the phone but I had to show her to you I
Thought, perhaps, she meant that luck was kicking us around, you know, the fallen parts, much like the coral dust on the
Bag of visual realities seen in the fantasy mode
The sensual life I choose, and that I want you to try with me,
you,
You free spirit, you and I, running in the moonlit ladybugged waves
of oceana fortuna. no one will stop us.
Puff.
If I should die before I wake........
Where will they find me? What will be the last thing I had written? Will it have significance at all? Teh. Not sure of anything anymore.
Think I'll make this short tonight. Up to Jim's for steak dinner, pick up car in morning allegedly..... sigh...... she pays prices too steep and cheapened in desperation, well, the vets have come through again, is it really so bad to give comfort to another human being, even though my heart is so elsewhere
It may be a good
exercise in trying to be here now. On the outside it looks as if I'm so
here and so productive and such a good present mother and all that shit
and still I find myself gasping for air floating in the psychic zone, the
powers rushing through me are so intense, to not be drinking OR using drugsOR
having sex OR HARDLY EATING ISPROBUBLY TOO MUCH AT ONCE...
ya think?
Anyway, at least
I'll have steak tonight
Grounding? Well,
it's worth the experiment
To see if the meat
Can keep me from
floating off.
And still I drift
In the seas of
you
This love is
TOO LONG rediculously
intense there
Has not been a
MINUTE, a MOMENT that you have not been on my skin
In facing death
In playing cards
In playing life
In standing on
coral-head beach with the wind in my face,
In eating a yellow
apple,
List all?Why, I,
Can not continue
tonight
To think of you
and how you will be with me,
Even,
Tonight,
And my soul would
weep tears if it was made of water.
October I think 14th mebbe Monday
I think I find the ultimate bliss inside of my soul. If only! If only I could cup it in my hand, toss it into the air, and allow it to Shower Down from the high place that my awesome tossing had taken it of course because I AM so awesome and also so generally beautiful, shower down upon all."Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like you do when nobody's watching."
Later,
3singingeagles :)
Later...........
Am rushing off real soon to Hawaiian field Biology, but anyways felt like touching base with you
I'm feeling kinda strange, like, meloncholy-and-I-don't-know-why. Remember in Star Wars when Obi-Wan said: "There's been a disturbance in the force"? Well, it almost feels like that. But, even, more personal.
I'm sad. You know, I believe I will always feel like "a stranger in a strange land" (Heinlein fans can frolic right about now). Why do I never feel like I belong anywhere? I know people love me, but I feel that no one can put it out, you know, there's all this theoretical love floating out there, but I don't see it, feel it, I
And I felt really sad just a few minutes ago. I was sitting on a bench near one of the weird modern art sculptures, smokin a cigarette, and I thought about how I was so dietized when I was young, then I thought of the day Beloved Professor Tan put my 3SE reflective initials on the board as an example of one of the "triune deitic systems" and how I joked about having been deitized in my life and how it's not all it's cracked up to be and like no-thank-you-very-much don't you see what they've done to Holy People throughout the ages and
Then I thought about how I found out he was dead, I mentioned him in Anthropology class and Kathy spoke about, "yes, the late Felix Tan" and I nearly bolted to the bathroom to throw up or cry or both I
I loved the man. And, unlike the non-active loves I have so regretted in this life, I showed him. He was to be the first guest on my new TV show but he won't be now cause he's dead.
My heart is weeping and bleeding
so much lately and I'm not quite sure how to
Stem the flow.
Some of my favorite numbers are here today but I'm so fucking sad I don't know what to do. I'm falling falling falling into a really deep depression. I feel as if I am completly alone. I am putting one heavy step in front of the other and I don't even know why anymore.
Yesterday, I had, on the outward appearance level, some wonderful things happen. Got the car from the Vets. He is wonderful, a good, strong car. A station wagon with a little seat in the back, don't think I've ever seen that. Of course, not sure it even matters cause I'm not able to figure out how to fold it down. Maybe there's a book in the glove compartment. I'm just too fucking tired to even look. I have so much to do today and I really feel like saying fuck it all. At least there's food for me in the car. Let me eat and see if I feel better on the other side of this (sigh). Oh, got initiated into honor society and elected secretary. There was another good thing that happened yesterday but I'm so funked I'm not even remembering it!
Later.......
LATER:
This font is called Omega. I like it.
Yeah, it's later. Remebered other thing that happened yesterday, was invited by the Live Poets Society to read poetry at Borders tomorrow night!
What a day! As soon as I got off the computer I was assulted by strings of people feeling the same irrational disturbance in the force since yesterday afternoon. Wonder what happened
Or, perhaps, the better question would be what DIDN'T happen?!? In this world today HELLO what a fuckin planet to be roaming at this point in history and yet
The smell of my baby's laugh,
the feel of his soft and tender neck,
The love I, yes, do recieve
and real often by the way from so very many sources the
Sound of Savage Gardens
songs on a sweet little cassette player the
Knowledge that I can, will
even, drive from here tonight when my work is done, go to Borders to get
a big blank hardcovered book for sketching, some seafood Pho from the Vietnamese
place, drive to Baldwin, eat, sketch, pray, MAYBE LAUGH the
sister who is in prison,
I just heard, my dear sister Jai-ma, can I go to the jail at 8AM and will
they let me see her? I shall try
There's so much work to
do here, yet, thus said, she needs to know I love her so......
You know, my great capacity to Love is an Honor to the Great Spirit that continues to, bravely and against EVERY SINGLE ODD THAT CAN BE STATISTICALLY FIGURED OUT AND ALL, keep me alive save me from
Murders and other such incredible malarky. No one seems to be able to kill me. At least, they haven't gotten me yet. So, may I BE EXCELLENT as a way to make these continual miraculous things worth a damn.
Everyone, I want to be the
Most Excellent Human Being THAT I CAN BE and
Please, I beg of you, can
you help me?
I will wait for your embrace till the ends of the earth and beyond!
Another friend I met tonight had just given his last 20 dollars away to repay a debt he'd owed for years, since he had just run into the person he'd owed it to here on campus. He had no gas money.
It just so happened that a guy in a Monster Truck who was drunk off his ass and needed someone to talk to picked me up hitchiking last week, gave me 20 bucks when he dropped me off in Pa'ia, to thank me, and he asked me to please pay it forward to the next person I met that needed 20 bucks.
Magic is not really something
mystical or complicated, my dear ones. It's so fucking simple. As simple
as us
Touch
ing
eachothers lives
Sacredly
every day.
I love you.
Your,
3singingeagles
Aloha loved ones. Not much time to check in today. Finished typing in a 4 page story (double spaced typed full nearly minus margins pages) and it's all over the place as well as organized..... It's beautiful and terrible.... and
It needs work. This is the first story that's ever come through me that I felt needed work and lots of it right off, or at least that I didn't even feel comfortable sending to The One who reads all of what I send him and to whom I send the absolute and very
Toughest. Most intense. Stories that scream. Stories that cry, and then beg for breakfast.
Last night's poetry reading was interesting. Good, still digesting it though so I am loathe to pick it apart it was such a big-step thing for me
Had to breathe for a while before going in. Alone in my dark car in
the parking lot. I clutched my new hard-covered really cool sketchbook
that had some haphazadrly printed up poetry in it..... didn't even know
what was in there frankly, printed in between Math and interview with Flo
while downloading photos into computer and clearing the camera for future
images oh and also making a lei for Flo, knight in shining armor pulling
down..... holding down..... branch for Alohi and I, to pick, whole day
with her yesterday.... oh, jeez, so much to write! But I'm being picked
up in 15 minutes to go say goodbye to Francisco "the hat mans" guru/lama
and sit in on medicine buddha meditation should be
Real interesting after being "adjusted" this morning
Yet, anyways, SO MUCH MORE TO TELL YOU
Shit, guess the world can't be blown to fucking smithereens this weekend,
I really want to tell you the rest on Monday.
I love you,
3singingeagles :)
Wrote this yesterday, well, last night. Thought you'd understand......
Like A Dog
By 3singingeagles Ma’hinahinahina
Rose 10/20/01
To pooches and warm fires! (I
toast).
A winning combo!
I’m at Baldwin beach park.
It’s a Maui 10 PM
An island late night
A Friday, ALOHA Friday
Alcohol and drugs pouring down
the throats, into the veins, into the lungs, into the deep well souls
Of the Work Week Weary, the
dog tired,
The ¾ percent of Monday-Fridayers
The rest are working serving
them up
Their tacos and tequiza and
music and background noise for grabbing sex or
Are keeping their driveways
free and their front doors open and their TVs on to sell pau hana buds
or
Drivin around in their pickup
trucks with their cell phones on for parking lot batu rendezvous
Through the night.
And, look! Here! While all the
world is busy getting wasted,
In war and flaming nationalism
and religious fanaticism and other drugs
Here I am, with a big black
dog which has decided to adopt me for the night,
Completely alone in a beach
park pavilion
Small fire going, fragrant blend
of hazelnut and limited-edition-year-of-the-Dragon coffee dripping (it
was on sale, guess cause we’re well into the snake already, it’s a little
old but still very pleasing, much like me)
Dripping through the small brown
Melita with the politically correct brown filter inside
Hot water over beach wood in
a small tin pot
Steam and flame
And a dog, acting like a temple
animal, posing
(sleeping)
Near the fire
Yes.
Here I am,
Alone,
Busy.
Writing poetry- only briefly
interrupted by a conversation with the dog,
While filling the pot with more
water, for seconds, get every drip you can out of the hazelnut dragon,
And while BANGING sticks HARD
against the side of the cement fireplace.
“Dog,”
(I say)
“Why can some humans BE SO DAMNED
CRUEL
What IS it? Is it cause we have
two legs? Cause I mean
You guys with four legs, you’re
much more steady,
You’re more predictable! Humans
We’re shaky, we have two legs,
oh, Ilio
(I say, addressing the species
in Hawaiian now)
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WE’RE GONNA
SAY OR DO (crack!) next!” (bang, crack, feed the fire, hit another
twig against the fireplace, this feels good, try another one, it doesn’t
break, a few times more, give up, feed it in whole, who CARES if it pokes
out the front and partial-hovers in the air)
It’s getting late.
The waves are my only background
music.
I am alone, I am truly alone,
I do not want to leave the fire,
even though I have early downtown appointments
And my campsite down the road
is noisy tonight
With two leggeds, trying their
unstable best,
To be busy.
It seems everything is moving into an incredibly
luminous future for us, me and my babies I hope, fame and accolades come
to me but I'm so sincerly shy and I'm showering by moon and implied first-light
at beach parks, the pounding surf and my taunt nipples and my hot inner
parts and my tingeling thighs my only companions. The only witnesses to
the graceful beauty that is me unshethed and open and truly content. and
My
My oh my, people are FUCKING SHOWERING ME
with honors, and positions, and titles (as if I don't have enough already
hello) and accolades and I'm
A small, quiet, humble woman when I leave
the whirlwind of Public Life,
I am,
Content alone in the ocean spun wind.
Anon.
See ya Monday,
3SE :)
PS
This is the first poem in my new notebook
where I am hoping to write many poems for the Maui Live Poets Society.
Yes, the reading went well, I was accepted, Embraced (!) and also asked
to submit work to be included in the anthology, and even to go on poetry-retreats
(wild campouts, look, we're MAUI poets, okay) GOD, how I wish I had a Writer-Artist
mate who could trip with me sometimes, be seperate other times, breathe
each other in and out, some one who also wanted children, so we could live
together, he and Thor and Alohi and I, and maybe even Ayla, I
Oh, everythings up in the air
And I happen to be
Breathing it, wondering,
Why my dreams are so completly impossible.
Perhaps.
Oh, what a life. I'm not sure what the next day brings, I do doubt if I will ever find someone who understands the rythems of the artist, intense in lovemaking, sometimes solituded, I wonder, how, why, things come up in my soul that I really have no reasonable explanation for.
Till Moon's day,
3singingeagles
Queen, High Priestess, Spiritual Warrior (cheif
of her clan), Vice president of the art club, Secretary of Phi Theta Kappa,
Board member and secretary of student board of publications, lady writer
on the TV, Ordinary Holy Fool, Lover. Friend. Mother. Grandmother. Goddess.
Human Being. Prayer.
Shit I've been so busy I haven't written to you for a few days and even now I'm running off
My dreams are intense with The Beloved, what's going on and do I even need to know. These feelings I have when I wake up from spending the nights with him in the dream-world are so wonderful. I sat on a beach chair at Baldwin this morning, drinking fuzzy warm coffee, yes, fuzzy with the leftover icecream from last night, now melted, in it..... better than any dr. Evillls starbuck creation. MUCH better, oh god, you know, at moments like that should I die my contence would be The Cover Charge pre-paid for the UPPER HEAVENS I sware.
Am picking up Pi in Haiku today and going to the TV studio with him. There I hope to schedual the first episode of "beings human". It's time.
May be living in Kula with Thor within the week. Lots of gas money with my new tank/home on wheels, yet it's a fantastic nod from my Eagle Grandfathers to place me up there, hello.
There is so much more going on and I wish I had time to tell you, though,
I fear I may not till the morrow,
Know that whoever and wherever you are, my beautiful and tender heart
goes out to you for all your suffering,
Celebrates with you for all your joy.
Dancing as usual,
Your,
3singingeagles :-)
And, no, I don't have much time now AGAIN I'm 'runnin off' to replace
a tire and get some ice cream, I have so much to share with you, look,
I'll be back later. Mucho love,
3SE
PS
In case no body has told you today, you rule
PPS
Here's an e-mail I just sent, for shits -n- grins..........
***********************************************************************************************
"Visit my homepages~ :)
"Old one," now frozen in time, unable to be accessed to change, erasure,
whatevers, will more -n- likely be in cyberspace foreva'
FACES OF THE MOON: https://www.angelfire.com/ma/hinahinahina/index.html
This one is chock full o'links to many old writings and poetry pages!
NEW ONE: (with diary and teleporting lightning bolt man for your enjoyment):
"Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser" (yeah, really) AT:
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/
May MUCH Aloha FILL your life!
Malama ko kino, Malama Pono, and a HUI HO AKU! :)
Aloha Dear one,
Actually, I have a vision for a piece of land with small homes on it for "Crones" (elder woman) many of us are homeless periodically, at the whims of fates, men who divorce and/or abandon us, etc. My friend here Michele Driscoll (Maui Community College Professer) has a very concrete vision, and she's looking for someone who has been through this kindof thing, and is now rich, specifically Martha Steward (!), to buy the land and build the buildings, and, I believe, give the houses with a modest piece of land around them to each of these (us) disenfranchised/"forgotten" brilliant beautiful useful luminous elder-woman.
Here's her e-mail, so you can get more of her vision straight from her. We will be using TV (I have an upcoming live show at Akaku called "Beings Human") and grant writing in this endevour. We will, should we prove sucessful, need a "concious" real estate person, preferably a woman because of the feminine aspect of this (my friend Jason is also very "concious", but it may be that only female energy is appropriate in this one).
Thank you for your time,
I have not called because I've had no resources to even think of needing
your services at this point,but perhaps this is why we connected..... perhaps
you have some way to make this vision happen ?!?
Aloha oe,
3SE"
GREETING FOR THE NEW YEAR:
In the seasons
Of farewell, of hello, the door swing season,
I wish you,
A joyous next year,
And onward as well
For all the
Trippin light fandango feet beat ing
On hallowed ground which is all ground doncha know
Days of your Luminous life!
Joyous "Celtic" new year
Saihmen
All Saints Day
And, of course, the day following
"Once in a blue moon"
I hope whatever your heart decided last evening that would cause you
so much great joy and at the same time is 'completly impossible,'
Comes true,
For you,
In this new,
Year,
And blue,
Moon of hope, enemy of fear.
I will close this diary now and start a new one. Here I will end with a photo, this year for the first time since photography class in college 19 years ago, I recognized myself as a photographer visably. I submitted a bunch of photos to "the Maui Review", our literary journal here at MCC. I took black and white photography back then. Developing and drying strips hung by wooden clothespins and printing as many copies as you could under the red light in the suffocating room till your eyes were just below the burn level from the chemicals, all but one of the photos I did for that class were included in the end-of-the-year exhibit. I've always had a good eye.
I am so incredibly beautiful and talented. Easy to get along with. Loving I
I am also, surrounded, by magic. Surrounded and infused and infected and sometimes even silenced by the intensity of it.
This photo is part of the intense "syncrohnistic" magic that is occurring
at ALL levels and constantly storm-surged waves POUNDING at the shore,
Lately,
Wow. I gave my best-friend, Jason, a gift on his computer this past
weekend. Installed Printshop pro.
When I went to show him the photo features, I put up the photo of me dancing with my shadow. He wanted to see the warp affect so I pulled it up, randomly picked a warp style, clicked on two spots on the photo
And, out came a yin-yang symbol. I recently found a piece of coral that has a very clear yin-yang symbol on it. Finding Buddhas on the beach. His Name in the stars that are my boudoir ceiling at night. Hot hope occuring
Every blue moon for impossible dreamers...........
More later, at the new page:
FLASH:
STIMULATED DREAMERS MANIFESTING IMPOSSIBLES
FLASH: STIMULATED DREAMERS MANIFESTING IMPOSSIBLES !
These
entries are completely unedited. There are times I have wanted to go back
and chop, but haven't. This is because I want to offer you raw honesty....
sometimes editing is veiled in syntax purpose when there are other reasons.....
There
will probably be:
Mispellings,
words you don't like, thoughts you wish you never read, pain pathos unsequestered
joy (unsequestered joy?) and all kinds'uh things that may injure your sensibilities.
Sorry?
Actually,
I'm not sorry for any of this whole ball of wax. Because it is all part
of what makes up ME and this particular ME really loves herself, ALL her
parts, and to hell with what The World may say, if it tries to tell me
I am,
well,
less
than luminous.
May
The Brave Enter,
Love,
3singingeagles
Click
here to return to Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser:
Well, hopefully I will have a calculator and book this weekend and be able to really really catch up. Rest assured, I have absolutely no intention of screwing up this course, I CAN do it, I was even more behind at this point in the semester that I last took Math, and ended up with an A, let us pray.....
I was going to come in tonight, but I was doing a video shoot till about 2AM last night, was up at 6, and changed a flat tire soon after, it's been fine all day but I think it's catching up with me, emotionally as well, I cried through most of Creative Writing (luckily we were watching a poetry video.... and it was dark.... and there were other tears... but since then it's all caught up with me, and my eyes are now way too sore for math.
In addition, it's been a while since I've wept, and I have a lot to weep about. I do not want this process to stop, tonight.
So I shall go to The Live Poets reading at the Wailuku library, read some of my recent stuff, create some right there, let it flow. Go to my campsite tonight and let it continue.
By next Tuesday I should be taking tests, quizzes and getting test prep graded/checked at every session. I intend to make at least one extra session each week till I complete course, hopefully.... EARLY?!?
Thank you for your encouragement, flexibility, and sweet nature. It's been VERY DEEPLY appreciated by my soul in these times!
Aloha
oe,
3singingeagles
:)
11/2
wOW. wENT TO SEE IF ALL MY WRITINGS FROM THE LAST 17 YEARS WERE DESTROYED UP AT THE CHURCH. sOMEONE HAD GONE INTO THE STORAGE AREA UNDER THE CHURCH, PULLED STUFF OUT, THREW THINGS AROUND, A LOT WAS WET, most WAS WET....
Woops, okay, cap locks off
But, wow, in the middle of a completely exposed pile was the folders with my novel (s) (trilogy) that were only in hard copy since they had been lost in the freeze of my old computer, many years ago (see "Writing is a day at the beach") and some handwritten. Many of my notebooks with raw stuff, and mostly dry.
Tomorrow I go into Alpine Forest with Hawaiian Field Biology, then, afterwards, back up to see what else I can save.
See, all the art work that Elijah Ayla and Michaela had done since they were born were in those boxes. Wow, see (!) I'm crying now. I think I need to go outside for a few minutes.......
See, the wind, also, blew out a paper from the pile as I was shoving them into bags to take in the car with me to (when? I'm SO BOOKED TODAY) sort out later. It was
My marriage license. To Doug. I'm crying again.
There are SO MANY tears in here I don't quite know what exactly is going to happen. Am I going to, at some point, perhaps in JUST the right set of arms at a time where the world is shut off from us and there is no chance of interruption will I
Will I start to cry and then just continue? I mean, will I just keep crying and crying and crying without stopping? Huh? Will I? WILL I?
Well, broke down and actually DROVE to get some warm coffee since there was none on campus (Don't they REALIZE that those of us HERE ON A FUCKING ALOHA FRIDAY are MOST LIKELY COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED hello, earth to THEM but anyways,
No food or drinks allowed in The Computer Labs so I'm
gonna take a short break to go out and do the two remaining drugs I still
do,
coffee and a sage-tobacco cigarette, let their Sweet
Distraction stop the tears so I may come back and finish updating one last
article before they shut this place down
And I go
To Kihei to drop these things at Jasons and hopefully
shower if he's there
I just started bleeding around 15 minutes ago
Am I fertile again?
I do know ONE thing, I want some beef, AND I WANT IT
NOW, just,
A small break. Then, the article, then,
Oh, and an AA meeting,
A Youth With A Mission church service one of my classmates
invited me to. I have to be at the Pukalani Community center parking lot
at like 7 AM or somethin like that,
Jeez,
I'm so tired.
Oh,
PS,
Look what I got in the mail a little while ago. The first
letter from my husband in nearly two years!
God, has it been that long?
OH! THE TEARS AGAIN!
Doug wrote: "A heart-warming story. I hope you enjoy it."
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw
a kid from my class was walking home from school. His
name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his
books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a
nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football
game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I
shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward
him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his
arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses
went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten
feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible
sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and
as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw
a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said,
"Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He
looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big
smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed
real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where
he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him
why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private
school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid
before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some
of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I
asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my
friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the
more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my
friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said,
"Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles
with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and
handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best
friends. When we were seniors, we began to think
about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be
friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He
was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business
on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the
time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for
graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and
speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He
was one of those guys that really found himself during high
school.
He
filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days. I could see that he was
nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back
and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me
with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and
smiled. "Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and
began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years. Your parents,
your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly
your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a
friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I
am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the
story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill
himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had
cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do
it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from
doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular
boy
told us all about his weakest moment. I saw
his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same
grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's
depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With
one small gesture you can change a person's life. For
better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another
in some way.
Look for God in others.
You now have two choices, you can:
1) Pass this on to your friends or
2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your
heart.
As you can see, I took choice number 1. "Friends are
angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly."
There is no beginning or end..Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends
how much you care. Send this to everyone you
consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then
you'll know you have a circle of friends.
WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO
AT LEAST 10
PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT
IT TO YOU.
Moonday 11/5
I've been in a space of sentient wide-awake dreaming. In the alpine
forest there was an alter, on Saturday we were there we were,
Warned not to TOUCH it not to OFFER ANYTHING UPON IT that ONLY ONE
OF THE THREE KAHUS OF THE AHU'PUA'HA COULD and
Then, she being one, I went to her after she scared us all off, of course, she didn't know my title here, she didn't know how the rocks themselves know my name(s) and beg me to come unto them and touch them, she
She is one of the 3 Kahus, they have taken very seriously to protect
this land
How could I not
Love her, RESPECT her I
Went up, after her speech, in a small voice
Can you please put an offering for me onto the alter?
Oh, yes, her smile was of strong AND soft joy. I reached into my beautiful
flowing hair, after she nodded an affirmative,
Twisted my finger seductively around a think lock
lovingly
Touching, twining, then, sudden and firm YANKED it out and
Placed it into her surprised and grateful hand.
Later, the land told me,
The strongest, most impossible wish my heart has been weeping into
words and the earth
For too long......... for so long............
Had been granted.
I left that Sacred Place, left behind the view of the twin mounds of The Big Islands monumental peaks shrouded in clouds except for their pointy yet rounded
Caps, peeking out,
Impossible beauty revealing only the part when I know that the whole
mountain is actually there.... and now....
Now what? After I've spent so much time trying to purge this feeling
from my soul,
Nada success.
COULD it REALLY BE TRUE? Oh, my God,
I want it to be!!!
I would!
I am now so completely ready.
I am ready. More than ready. Oh, God,
Ever since the truck turned around and drove us down the path, away
from the alter, the view of Pele's home, cloud enshrouded, the
Alpine scrub wherein, receding, I heard,
And still here,
The voices in The Wind,
Promising.
Running
for a kiss
Daydreamer
recompense
Love
accepts responsibility
For
turning THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD AROUND today
It
Does
so, BY the WAY,
very,
very,
gracefully.
On The Writer Me, in response to praise from my Journalism teacher/mentor:
Warm
glow of angels
Fills
the lonely room
Of
The
writer, she sighs into her coffee
cup
a
daydream of love in her hand for a minute there
Then,
refocused,
Leaves
behind the longing heart,
Small
tear drips down onto her finished copy.
3singingeagles
"The
lonely writer"
11/6/01
Approx. 9AM
Am
off and running, hope to check in with you guys later,
If
not,
Heard
the world may end today,
How
about doing what you've never HAD THE FUCKING BALLS TO DO but have known
you really would hate to die without doing it?
MAGIC
LIVES!!!!!!
3SE
:-)
Look, there is so much incredible fucking doo da ding day MAGIC occurring it is beyoundo beliefo..... I am completly rushing off to Cultural Anthropology though, so, for now, some "so- you're-fucking-paranoid-about-these-now-you-are-aware-though-they've-always-been-dangerous-times" alleviating empowering possible additions/changes to your lifestyle. Hope you get something from these. Garlic alone is good enough as far as I'm concerned, fresh only, having an extremely erotic lover who adores touching stroking licking and loving you and also is actively eating fresh garlic is better, If you both also thoroughly enjoy chocolate, preferably unsweetened, this is even MO BETTER,
In fact,
As far as I'm concerned, if you have these three things, you can completely ignore all of the advice offered below.
You are, BY THE WAY IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT,
Extremely blessed.
I will make time between Journalism and Poetry reading at wild banana gallery tonight to come and be with you. I have some photos to share with you too.
I love you, very much,
3SE
Oh, and, P.S., you can of course cut and paste this info and print it
out and/or save it as a file. Maybe I'll give it its own page and index
it at some point, no promises. Love ya! 3SE
Hi Everyone,
Here's a well-written article by herbalist Susun
Weed with some natural
wisdom about treating Anthrax. Catching "the Anthrax" may seem like
a remote
possibility, but Susun's article also contains much valuable information
about naturally strengthening the immune system--a good idea anytime,
especially on the cusp of winter!
(Many Thanks to luc@lightlink.com for providing
this data). -- JEM
"Worried About Anthrax? Herbs Can Help" by Susun S. Weed,
susunweed@hvc.rr.com (links at www.susunweed.com)
Anthrax. Smallpox. Plague. Diseases that can kill.
Diseases that are now
in the hands of terrorists. What if these diseases were released in
your
hometown, or the place where you work? What could you do if vaccines
and
treatments were in short supply or unavailable?
Is there anything you can do now to prepare yourself
and improve your
chances of survival? Herbalist Susun Weed recognizes the possibility
of
biological warfare and she is ready to cope with it. With her help,
you too
can be prepared with herbs and home remedies that you can use now to
help
avoid infection and to build a strong immune system. You can
feel safer in these troubling times by learning about herbs that are
effective against antibiotic-resistant bacteria, and that can be used
in
conjunction with, or in place of (should there be a lack), modern
antibiotics.
Anthrax bacteria (Bacillus anthracis) enter the
body through breaks in
the skin or through the nose and lungs. Early symptoms (which may take
up to
a week to occur) include reddish-black sores on the skin or in the
lymph
nodes around the lungs.Hemorrhagic fever and death follows. Treated
early,
anthrax succumbs to antibiotics and most people (75-80 percent) recover
completely. Even without treatment, according to some sources,
more than
half of those infected survive.
(Genetically-engineered varieties may kill up to
90 percent of untreated
victims.) The inhaled variety is more lethal because
the early symptoms of infection are easily ignored, delaying treatment
past
the point of most effect, and because pneumonia infections frequently
complicate the recovery.
Anthrax is not contagious; that is, it is not passed
from person to
person. The antibiotic Cipro is the treatment of choice for those definitely
exposed to anthrax, but neither it nor any other antibiotic can prevent
infection. It is dangerous to take antibiotics "just in case" for then
they
may not work when actually needed. Instead, try these home remedies.
Salt is lethal to bacteria. The simplest home remedy
for those worried
about exposure to anthrax is to rinse your nose with salt (any kind
will do)
mixed into water. Taste your mixture to be certain it is very salty.
Getting
this up your nose can be
accomplished by putting your nose into the salt solution and snorting
it in,
or you may wish to buy a "neti pot," a device from India used to rinse
the
nasal passages. Afterwards, blow your nose and spit out any residue
that
runs into the mouth.
Yarrow (Achillea millefolium) has been scientifically
shown to kill all
gram positive and gram negative bacteria. A small spray bottle of the
tincture of the flowering tops can be used to spray the inside of the
nose,
killing any bacteria lurking there.
Spraying tincture in your nose does sting a little and makes the eyes
water,
but don't dilute it, the alcohol is antibacterial too.
Garlic has been used to prevent infection for thousands
of years; and it
still works! No need to upset your stomach (and loved ones) by eating
it
raw; cooked garlic retains its antibacterial powers, so long as you
eat
enough of it. During plague times, healers in some areas wore a "bird's
beak:" a stiff cone was made of paper or bark, stuffed with garlic
and
spices (cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg), and tied on over the nose to help
prevent
contagion. That's a little cumbersome for modern times, but inhaling
the
aroma of a cup of spicy tea (there are many blends available, or make
your
own) could help forestall anthrax.
Medicinal mushrooms are not only immune system tonics,
they possess
antibacterial properties which make them ideal for preventing anthrax
infection, according to expert Paul Stametes. A tincture or strong
infusion
of any shelf fungus with pores
can be used, he says. If you prefer to buy your mushrooms, rather than
hunt
for them, look for reishii (Ganoderma lucidum) or shiitake (Lentinus
edodes). Both are adaptogenic, revitalizing, regenerative, and able
to
directly suppress infection. Side effects, even from large doses,
are rare.
Essential oils are antibacterial, and some sources
suggest rubbing them
inside the nose or spraying the air with these extremely concentrated
oils
to counter anthrax infections. I don't. Essential oils are likely to
cause a
variety of side effects (such as damage to the mucus surfaces of the
nose
and lungs, and stress to the lymphatic system) that could, paradoxically,
make infection more likely and more virulent.
Cayenne and golden seal are antibacterial, but too
strong to be used as
preventatives. Snuffing hot pepper up your nose would kill anthrax,
but at
the risk of irritating your nose and respiratory passages, damaging
their
protective mucus surfaces, and stressing your immune system. I rarely
use
golden seal, not only because it can cause severe side effects, but
also
because it is approaching extinction in the wild. I prefer safer
antibacterial herbs such as echinacea, usnea, or poke root, which not
only
kill infection, but also help us keep our immune systems strong. That,
of
course, is the desired result from immunization: to strengthen the
immune
system and alert it to the possibility of anthrax infection. Anthrax
vaccines currently available for
animals are not suitable for humans, and one prepared for people is
in short
supply (and only 93 percent effective). To achieve full immunity, one
must
have immunization shots every two weeks for six weeks, then again at
6, 12,
and 18 months. Given that, herbs seem a superb alternative: They have
an
extensive history of countering resistant bacteria and strengthening
the
body's natural defenses.
Echinacea root is the all-American immune system
strengthener. It
triggers production of white blood cells, interferon, leukocytes, T-cells,
and B-lymphocytes, as well as directly inhibiting the growth of most
bacteria and viruses. Peter Holmes, author of Energetics of Western
Herbs,
cites it as being effective against anthrax. Echinacea tincture is
my first
choice for countering infection. (Capsules and pills of echinacea,
if used
for lengthy periods, may be counterproductive.) A dose of the tincture
is
one drop for every pound of body weight. I take this several times
a week as
a preventative, several times
daily when there is active infection. If I were exposed to anthrax,
I would
take a dose every hour for at least ten days.
Usnea, a common lichen, is especially rich in a
powerful antibacterial
bitter called usnic acid (also usinic acid). I use the tincture of
Usnea
barbata (a dose is 1-2 dropperfuls), but other lichens show similar
immune-enhancing and tonifying properties. There are no side effects
reported from use of even large amounts of usnea tincture.
Poke root tincture (Phytolacca americana) kicks
the immune system into
gear incredibly fast. I've seen chronic infection of many years' standing
resolve after only one dose, and acute infection subside in a matter
of
hours. Poke's effect seems to
be focused on the lymphatic and glandular tissues of the throat and
chest,
making it the perfect counter to inhaled anthrax, which attacks the
lymph
nodes around the lungs. Poke is a specific against pneumonia and a
protector
of the lungs. It contains an antibacterial alkaloid and a special antiviral
protein. It is magnifies the effects of echinacea and they work wonderfully
well together. Poke root is powerful medicine, in fact, a potential
poison,
and the dose is very small. One drop of poke tincture may be taken
daily for
no more than three months as a counter to possible infection. Those
with a
positive diagnosis could use a single drop as frequently as six times
a day.
Alkaloids in poke root tincture can accumulate in the kidneys, making
extended use risky, though some people have taken doses of 15 drops
a day
for a year or more without apparent harm. Caution: You can feel spacy
and
out of your body when taking poke, especially at higher doses. The
first few
times, take it after dinner and stay home so you can judge your reaction.
To be assured of a supply of poke tincture, you
may need to make it
yourself, as it is rarely found for sale. Poke is a common garden and
roadside weed of northeastern North America, tall (5-7 feet) with
conspicuous dark purple berries and magenta-hued stalks. Dig
roots after
hard frost, when tops are dead and yellowed, and tincture, fresh, for
six
weeks in 100 proof vodka
Siberian ginseng (Eleutherococcus) is widely considered
the single most
effective immune tonic and adaptogen in the herbal realm. Safe and
inexpensive, it helps the immune system respond quickly to infection
and
mitigates the effects of stress.
Astragalus root is also an excellent ally for building
powerful
immunity. Both, or either, may be taken daily for extended periods
with no
ill effects. I throw several pieces of these roots in every pot of
soup I
cook. Tincture is less effective as a tonic; and I avoid capsules
completely.
Ginseng root (Panax quinquefolius or Panax ginseng)
is another
exceptional ally for the immune system, especially when there is physical
or
emotional stress. In any form (tincture, tea, extract) it nourishes
production of interferon, phagocytes,
antibodies, and killer T-cells. So long as you need ginseng, there's
no
overdose; if you take it when you don't need it however, it may produce
an
unpleasant, jittery, speedy sensation.
But herbs alone are not enough. What we think, and
what we consume, are
also important parts of building strong immunity. Candace Pert,
visiting
professor of neuroscience at Rutgers University, has proven that every
cell
of the body participates in the immune system through an integrated
network
of chemical, electrical, and hormonal signals. The immune system is
a
network, she says, which resonates with the vibrations that surround
it. It
is as affected by emotions as by bacteria, as impacted by thoughts
as by
drugs.
Long-standing low-level depression, smoldering anger that is never
expressed, bitterness and vengeance projected into the future are all
known
to depress immune functioning. Prayer, affirmations, positive
thinking --
no matter what you call it,
talking lovingly to yourself builds powerful immunity. One of the fiercest
old women I know, healer Margo Geiger, taught me to not only think
good
thoughts but also to unthink immune system stressing phrases like:
"This is
killing me," or "I'm dying to .
("Let's live for it!" she'd say.)
Specialized cells which eliminate bacterial
and viral infections are
made as needed by the immune system. Richly supply your immune system
with
nutrients, and it easily counters infection, building healthy white
blood
cells to kill anthrax and
other germs. Starve your immune system and it will falter, leaving
your
lymph nodes and other tissues open to infection and destruction.
My favorite foods for nourishing the immune system
include beets,
carrots, garlic, medicinal mushrooms, seaweeds, and dark leafy greens
(including nettle infusion). For rapid results, try miso soup with
seaweed
and wild mushrooms. "Immune A Go Go Soup" [page 309 breast book]
Carotenes
strengthen and activate all parts of the immune system, especially
the
thymus (the "master gland of immunity"). A half-cup of dandelion greens,
two
cups of nettle infusion, a small baked sweet potato, or two large cooked
carrots or beets is a "dose;" but ten times that much can be consumed
safely. Repeated doses provide a cumulative effect starting about a
week
after you begin.
Selenium is a trace mineral with special abilities
for building a
healthy immune system. Best sources are organic garlic, medicinal mushrooms,
and astragalus.Zinc helps build energetic white blood cells (which
eliminate
bacterial infections). Best sources are echinacea, nettles, and seaweed.
The
B-vitamin complex, especially B6 (pyridoxine), is critical to immune
system health. Best sources are potato skins, broccoli, prunes, and
lentils.
Virtually all drugs depress the immune system. This includes caffeine
and
nicotine, alcohol, prescribed drugs, "recreational" drugs, and
vitamin/mineral supplements.
For a healthy immune system, eat nourishing food
and forgo the pills.
Both light and dark are necessary for a strong immune system. For optimum
immune system strength, sleep in a totally dark room at night, and
spend at
least 15 minutes a day
outside without glasses or contacts. Full spectrum sunlight is needed
to
trigger the production of important immune system components.
Exercise is an excellent way to tonify the immune
system. A number of
clinical trials have shown regular exercise to be strongly linked to
heightened immunity. The emphasis is on regular. It is better to walk
one
mile four times a week for a month
than to jog 16 miles once a month.
NATURAL ANTIDOTES TO BIOLOGICAL TOXINS
By Bill Sardi
Americans have grown so accustomed to relying upon prescription medications
that they will probably have difficulty believing there are natural
compounds as close as the kitchen cupboard that are potent antidotes
against
biological warfare. These natural antibiotics and antioxidants
may give
unvaccinated people who have been exposed to biological or chemical
weapons
enough time to secure professional care. They may even save lives.
It is a fact that chaotic events will make it difficult to obtain
appropriate treatment even if it were available. So we must learn
more
about natural antidotes.
Furthermore, it is clear that antidotes to biological attacks need to
be
employed at home or the workplace in an expedient manner. The
idea of the
masses running to obtain medical care or vaccines at doctor's offices,
clinics or hospitals needs to be abandoned if civilian defense against
biological weapons is to become a reality.
NATURAL RESCUE REMEDIES
1. GARLIC
The Garlic Information Center in Britain indicates that deadly ANTHRAX
is most susceptible to GARLIC.
Garlic is a broad-spectrum antibiotic that even blocks toxin production
by germs. [Journal Nutrition, March 2001]
In one test garlic was found to be a more potent antibiotic than penicillin,
ampicillin, doxycycline, streptomycin and cephalexin, some of the very
same
antibiotic drugs used in the treatment of anthrax.
Garlic was found to be effective against nine strains of E. coli, Staph
and
other bugs. [Fitoterapia, Volume 5, 1984] Freshly cut cloves of garlic
or
garlic powder may be beneficial.
The antibiotic activity of one milligram of allicin, the active ingredient
In garlic, equals 15 units of penicillin. [Koch and Lawson, Garlic:
The
Science and Therapeutic Application, 2nd edition, Williams & Wilkins,
Baltimore 1996] Garlic capsules that certify their allicin content
are
preferred and may provide 5-10 milligrams of allicin, which is equivalent
to 75-150 units of penicillin.
2. SULFUR-BEARING ANTIOXIDANTS
The anthrax bacterium's toxicity emanates from its ability to kill
Macrophage cells which are part of the immune system.
Studies have shown that SULFUR-BEARING ANTIOXIDANTS
(alpha lipoic acid, N-acetyl cysteine, taurine) and VITAMIN C, which
elevate levels of glutathione, a natural antioxidant within the body,
counters the toxicity produced by anthrax. [Molecular Medicine, November
1994; Immunopharmacology, January 2000; Applied Environmental Microbiology,
May 1979]
The above sulfur compounds can be obtained from health food stores and
taken
in doses ranging from 100-500 mg.
3. VITAMIN C
Vitamin C should be the buffered alkaline form (mineral ascorbates)
rather
than the acidic form (ascorbic acid) and should be combined with
bioflavonoids which prolong vitamin C's action in the blood circulation.
The powdered form of vitamin C is recommended to achieve optimal dosing.
A tablespoon of vitamin C powder (about 10,000 mgs) can be added to
juice.
Good products are Twinlab's Super Ascorbate C powder and Alacer's powdered
vitamin C.
4. MELATONIN
MELATONIN, a sleep-inducing hormone available at most health food
stores, has been shown to help prevent lethal toxins from anthrax exposure.
[Cell Biology Toxicology, Volume 16, 2000] It could be taken at bedtime
in doses ranging from 5-20 mg. Melatonin boosts glutathione levels
during
sleep.
Of additional interest, one of the methods by which MUSTARD GAS
works is its ability to bring about cell death by depleting cell levels
of
glutathione [eMedicine Journal, April 9, 2001] So GLUTATHIONE is also
an
antidote for mustard gas poisoning.
5. IRON and METAL-BINDING CHELATORS.
Virtually all bacteria, viruses and fungi depend upon IRON as a
growth factor. [Iron & Your Health, T.F. Emery, CRC Press, 1991]
Iron-chelating (removing) drugs and antibiotics (Adriamycin, Vancomycin,
others) are effective against pathogens. The PLAUGE (Yersinia pestis),
BOTULISM, SMALLPOX AND ANTRAX could all be potentially treated
with
non-prescription METAL-BINDING CHELATORS.
For example, iron removal retards the growth of the plague. [Medical
Hypotheses, January 1980] The biological activity of the botulinum
toxin
depends upon iron, and metal chelators may be beneficial.
[Infection Immunology, October 1989, Toxicon, July, 1997].
Phytic acid (IP6), derived as an extract from RICE BRAN, is the most
potent
natural iron chelator and has strong antibiotic and antioxidant action.
[Free Radical Biology Medicine, Volume 8, 1990; Journal Biological
Chemistry, August 25, 1987]
IP6 has been found to have similar iron-chelating properties as
desferrioxamine, a drug commonly used to kill germs, tumor cells or
to
remove undesirable minerals from the body. [Biochemistry Journal,
September 15, 1993] IP6 rice bran extract (2000-4000 mg) should
be taken in between meals with filtered or bottled water only (no juice).
6. OREGANO
The antibacterial, antiseptic action of plant oils has been described
in
recent medical literature and may be helpful in fighting biological
toxins.
[Journal Applied Microbiology, Volume 88, 2000] A potent natural
antibiotic, more powerful than many prescription antibiotics, is oil
of
OREGANO.
One study showed that oregano completely inhibited the growth of 25
germs
such as Staphylococcus aureas, Escherichia coli, Yersinia enterocolitica
and
Pseudomonas aeruginosa. [Journal Food Protection, July 2001]
Oregano has been shown to be effective in eradicating intestinal parasites
In humans. [Phytotherapy Research, May 2000]
WILD OREGANO, which is quite different than the variety on most
kitchen spice racks, has over 50 antibacterial compounds. Just one
part
wild oregano oil in 4000 dilution sterilizes contaminated water. [London
Times, May 8, 2001]
Oregano powder from whole leaf oregano is available as OregamaxTM capsules
(North American Herb & Spice Co.) A spectacular development
in natural antibiotic therapy is the manufacture of oregano powder
from
100% pure oregano oil, producing one of the most potent antibiotics
known.
It has recently become available under the trade name OregacinTM (North
American Herb & Spice Co.). It costs about $1 per pill, but this
is a far
cry from the $16 per pill for Vancomycin, known as most potent prescription
antibiotic.
North American Herb & Spice Co.
http://www.internetnutritioncenter.com/company/NorthAmericanHerbSpiceCompany
..htm
7. NERVE GAS ANTITOXINS
Nature also provides nerve gas antitoxins. Nerve gas interrupts the
normal
transmission of nerve impulses by altering levels of acetycholinesterase,
the enzyme that degrades the nerve transmitter acetycholine. HUPERZINE
A,
a derivative of CHINESE CLUB MOSS, has been suggested as a pre-treatment
against nerve gases. [Annals Pharmacology France, January 2000]
The Walter Reed Army Institute of Research conducted studies which revealed
that huperzine A protects against nerve gas poisoning in a superior
manner
to physostigmine, a long-standing anti-nerve toxin drug. [Defense Technical
Information Center Review, Volume 2, December 1996]
Huperzine A is available as a food supplement at most health food stores.
Suggested dosage is 150 mcg per day. Pretreatment is advised prior
to
nerve gas exposure.
--------------
SUMMARY. The threat of biological warfare is real and concern over
preparedness of the civilian population and medical professionals is
growing. There is virtually no practical way that vaccines, antibiotics
or
other treatment can be delivered to a frightened populace in a timely
manner
during a crisis. The current strategy of having an unprotected citizenry
travel to physicians' offices or hospitals to receive prophylactic
care or
treatment is unfeasible. The public must be armed with preventive or
therapeutic agents in their vehicles, homes and the workplace.
Natural antibiotics and antitoxins are well documented in the medical
literature, but overlooked by health authorities. These antidotes are
readily available for the public to acquire and place in an emergency
biological response kit.
Excerpted from an article by Bill Sardi
For full report:
http://www.sdm2000.com/toxinreport.doc
Knowledge of Health, Inc.
457 West Allen Avenue #117
San Dimas, California 91773
Choose LOVE not fear.
Only Love Prevails.
In the end, only kindness matters.
"Be the change you want to see."
Claiming My Magic Through My Lady
She loves me.
She dances in rain and she
loves me.
She
drives through mud and she loves me.
She opens up the Shower Fountain
Tree that is a part of everything that she is, and then, she cries.
I get away with nothing.
She sees everything.
She does Sideways Magic without
even knowing it, her hand flicks behind her, just, really, a part of the
natural movement of her hand as her body glides through life, and magic
is done without her even knowing or being aware of it.
As if she was needing to make a list! I contemplate and marvel these things as if she is making a list of them, as I would do! I am projecting my own ways upon her!
Maybe, I wouldn’t make a list.
You know, the more that I
think of it, the more I MUST realize IN MY SOUL that if I lived in The
World Of Pretty Much Constant Magic, as she does, I may
Not care? I bring an instant
up to her attention, a behind-the-back-and-to-the-side trick she did
She?
Well, whatever, whoever,she
is a channel, she claimed it frequently, I believed it, I BELIEVE it,
A trick- SHE DREW A CIRCLE
OF CHOCOLATE AT THE FEET OF AN ANCIENT YET CHILD-LIKE TIKI- I didn’t even
see her do it-
Listen to me, LISTEN
TO ME-
When I told her about
it later,
SHE LAUGHED! SHE BROKE OUT
IN LAUGHTER! LAUGHTER IS WHAT SHE DID! HER LIPS WERE FUCKING TREMBLING!
HER EYES WERE SPARKLING! IF I
If I was to be with
her.......
You know what I mean, now,
don’t you, I mean, REALLY with her, like, if I lived with her, like
If I traveled with her, dipped
my wick into her wax and took the light she offered and watched the wick
of my Magical Life that I have always wanted, longed for, YES, watch it
sputter into life,
OH, God, what would I do?
Ha ha ha. I know. I KNOW!
I would laugh.
This was written this morning. This is the raw unedited version, was gonna read it at poetry reading at Wild Banana/cyber cafe tonight, but the reading has been moved to tomorrow, so I have time to play with it.
Check in more in the morning, perhaps showing you what I played with today that kept me from you, or, maybe later tonight if I'm at Jase's.
Love rules with ruling.
3SE :-)
Mistress of your heart, oh Special One.
By Alanis Morrisette:
how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive
you
how bout grieving it all one at a time
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down
how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping
thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
See ya later, guys.... Math, then creative writing (I'll read this), then back here, writing an article for an Oahu magazine, just got asked day before yesterday, deadline is tomorrow (sigh) CAN DO BECAUSE I RULE WITH RULING THAT RULES!
Love for you,
3SE
Later so...................
Feel like the emotions here are too much for expressing at this point,
Sorry,
Maybe tomorrow?!?
Am off to a poetry reading soon anyways, so I'll type in a poem I wrote
2 or 3 days ago that I want to read tonight anyways but it's scrawled across
pages of my old (yep, just finished it yesterday.... today was first morning
pages in new journal.... regulars know my superstition about that.... something
changed today in a magical way, something that may not quite be immediately
revealed to me, but anyways.......
Prelude to the poem...........
She sits in cafes
She eats Mexican food
It has been given to her
A gift it has been
Like now
Like always.
Why aren't you traveling with your POETRY BOOK dear sweet lady? Hum? Your REAL one do you want
To just fill up the rest of this journal because of the running superstition
that you have had that when you finish one journal,
And start a new one
that something
REALLY REALLY cool and/or adventurous is a' gonna happen
Hum? IS this why? IS it? I don't really know.
Strange Da Light
The strangest thing about the light
from Mother Mary statues, well, okay, ONE of the strangest things, is,
That there's a mother, today, that
is starving because her children must have food, do you,
Want water or soda water you know
that
One of the strangest things about
the light from the Mother Mary statue,
No, not the ONLY thing
But just ABOUT the only thing,
You ask me how I'm doing- but you
know it all- ALL- I give you ALL of it- if not in the direct writings I
send to you- yeah, seemingly encrypted, at least to the Less Versed Naked
Eye,
Then, in our Nocturnal Visits to
each other in The Dreamtime
Isn't it interesting, by the way,
how many people use pop-psycho-babble bullshit to tryn' tell you to, basically,
shut up?
Yeah- when you're tryin to tell
them,
Something, human being to human
being, something important, you know,
If I could REALLY be with you tonight,
I mean, The Dreamtime is nice and
all but if I could
If I could REALLY and TRUELY and
fucking COMPLETELY be with you
Oh God
The Light.
The Light!
Yes.
One of the numerous strange things
about La Luz Del Madre,
Shine on, shine on Mary, shine
on Airiadne and Hecate,
All 3 of our roles. I am your virgin
whore wisewoman
I am your
They leave fragrant white flowers
At her feet
Usually lillies and/or roses
Sometimes pink roses.
ONLY THE CONQUISTADOR WOULD THINK
OF LEAVING RED ROSES
Staining her breast
Suffocating her light
With their musky blood petals myriad
heaped at her feet
Heaped, over her head,
Heaped, base of statue square,
to bare feet meekly hid under gown, up her pleated pious homespun robe,
to her ears, over her eyes,
stuffed in her mouth and
Strange.
(regarding his e-mail praising my reduction in physical and KB size of some photos I sent him, and asking how I did it).......
I wrote:
"I'll show you if you like
You know, the photo thing....or....somethin else mebbe?!?
Glad you liked them.
Hey, Jase, I would like to sort and organize and box the stuff near the bike, and also possibly do some Math at your house tonight or tomorrow. Would that work with you?
I got my office on campus, so as of Tuesday when I move in I will FINALLY HAVE MY OWN PLACE TO WORK, I am so psyched! I even get to order office supplies and/or anything else the office needs! I can decorate it! This is, truely, a new era for the college and especially The Student Board Of Publications, and, look (!) I am the new secretary, and we all know how much power secretaries REALLY have (it's in the details huh?)
I love you. I hope we can hang tonight. I had a training cause I'm gonna get paid for my various service works here by Americorp but it's been rescheduled, so, Thor's comin in about 20 minutes, we're gonna play, I have an article to write for an Oahu magazine about our chapter of the honor society here, what we've been doing, etc. The theme of all Phi Theta Kappa chapters internationally this year is community. A theme I seem to have as my life-theme, hum? Cool and cooler.
I'm pulling high A's in every course again.... even Math but I will be booted out of it anyways, soon, if I don't get caught up. This is hours of Math and I'd rather do it in your bed than at a hard chair at a noisy cafe ( did that sound as frisky as I just in second thought heard it as hello)
Gee, too early to type mebbe. Sigh.
LOVE FOR YOU,
Will check my mail later, and phone messages too. I try not to call
you during daylight hours, since you're almost always IN THE MIDDLE OF
SOMETHING IMPORTANT
Oh, night time too, huh?
Jason, do you ever take off? HELLO! EARTH TO YOU!
Well, maybe tonight or tomorrow I can cook for you (I know, no carbs, I'll eat all the potatoes) and you will sit down, maybe we can eat in bed and, like, WATCH A MOVIE for awhile..... if I do too much math in a row I may turn into a physicist, so we would probably like to avoid that, hum? I'm already too fucking intelligent for my own good!
Till laytuh,
3SE
PS
Hey, if you can get that guy who gave you the monitor to install the
graphics accelerator, I can install Kai's and the other fun toys, configure
them in a FRIENDLY manner with Printshop pro, and show you what they can
do!
Always your bud,
3SE :-)
.In moonlight fair,
Dew in her Hair,
Scent from sweet long agos pervading..........
She devours eaten words, preferring crumbs often, at:
"Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser"
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/
Alrighty then, my watch has this owl flying with a, the actually, I believe, golden scroll in its mouth. Harry Potter Fans know. I've only read the first book and it was two years ago but I remember the owl and what it had to tell poor abused Harry about who he really was and how it changed his life.
For magicians everywhere......
P.S. Am going to Jasons to finish my work. He left the slider open. YES! Hot shower? Hot coffee? Hot good food? Do my work with music on?
A quick letter to someone special who reminds me of beautiful fresh faced young Harry, then I'm outta here.
Love you guys!
PPS
Other photo is me in mud. Good fun, hum?
3SE The snow-white Hedwig is not only Harry's faithful owl but also his mail-courier connection to the outside world.The woman of mud is Young Harry's sweetheart ?!? (uhhhh.... who's writing THIS SCRIPT?)
Hi again sweet ones. The WOMAN OF MUD photo is on one of Jase's desktops. Here is a photo that I believe will make it onto my momma's desktop..... PINK FLAMINGOS RULE, huh mama?!?
Yeah, I'm here writing. We almost fell asleep together at 5PM, shortly after he came home. Exhaustion is not even the word for it. Some of us feel like EVERY MINUTE IS WORK FOR THE PLANET MINUTE.... yeah. It is beautiful and excruciating work. It is absolutely exhausting. But it's the only way for some of us.
Thought
of Monty today. He was a boyfriend of mine for awhile, he was SO INCREDIBLY
TALL... I was hangin out with Thor in the student lounge at college (shit,
we had SUCH AN VERY VERY VERY COOL day together. I love that little guy
so much it is beyond words. I swear it, he is a COMPLETE pleasure) CNN
was on the TV in the background, a commercial came on where there was a
husband and wife, the wife was small and he was REALLY REALLY tall, and
I thought of Monty. Sex in those cases seems it should have to be creative,
but once you're there.... it's very easy. In fact, it's, I will tell you
from the perspective of the small one. To be in the hands of someone who
is so much larger than you.... taller and/or bulkier/more 'powerful', it
is an incredible turn on. I think (uh oh, am I in my brain on something
so non- brainful?) that, especially for a powerful fucking warrioress such
as I, it helps, through its physicality, me feel vulnerable. Open. As a
human being with a cavern not a spear should feel. I am so damned masculine
in so many ways..... to be a female, a small feather in the hands of a
vortex, oooooo.
OOOOOOO.
Being Vulnerable For My Loved One
To be a tall reed in your field,
Oh, beloved.Friend and guardian of grail pleasures and non-superficial
words,
Notice how much I love you
That, when I think of someone tall
Brief my mind goes to flings of the past
The rest of the day
And even now, as night is falling outside of the doorway,
It's you I think of,
How, oh god, we WOULD NOT be impossible
Oh, liquid of all of my complete love!
There is nothing more to say.
I am saturated with you.
I am sitting here and life is going on in the background, with all
its frivolous noise,
And I can feel you hot hands on my thighs
Oh, beloved, I am now obsessed with you I am,
I am INCURABLE! There! I said it!
I give up. I go to sleep, stroking myself as if my hands were yours
I
Scream in the morning with the ecstasy of having you inside me, I wake
up each morning to this now,
My beloved,
Because in all these long years of Our Growing Love there has been
but a few, EXTREMELY remembered, EXTREMELY rare times I have dreamed with
You,
Now,
EVERY NIGHT!
EVERY NIGHT WE ARE TO GETH ER IN DREAMING AND I WAKEN WITH YOU SCREAMING
INSIDE ME AND I SCREAMING IN EXTREME JOY AND Oh, beloved, what will become
of The
Grail now,
Now that I can not stop drinking, nay, gulping,
Obsession de ess'ance to youI
All the powers, all the magic, all the mana,
Of heaven.
November 10th
Here I am. Should be writing article that was due yesterday to e-mail
to Oahu hoping the holiday weekend drew the deadline out a little. If not,
important phone calls I could make from here. Definitly moving files from
Jason's computer where I temporarily stored them onto disks to take with
me.Meanwhile, just came back from 915 AM at mall- bout 2PM with Thor my
mama and Alohi and at this point can hardly see straight, but Jase gets
back at 4PM and when he's here I don't get any (practical) work done, but....
OH the visioning! And I get to see a lot of his work he shows off to me
from his computer. Some he e-mails me from his computer right next to 'mine'
(the one I use when I'm here) and then he gets offline and I pick up the
e-mail (hence, the desktop stored files that need to get moved OOO OOO
OOO I want to share with you the vision we got yesterday, but you know,
what I'm gonna do is lay down and astral travel for 5-10 minutes, do a
journey condens'ed, and be back with you.
So anyways last night this vision came to me while this Jason showin
off stills from Videos he's done e-mailing ones I like thing, at one point
he showed me this series from a bellydanceing/sacred ritual type dance
thing he taped. Most of the stills were dark, some were just not right-angeled
or whatever for me. I'm real picky (sensative) visually..... but THIS one
I really reallt liked, after he e'd it to me, we were talking about it,
where I would crop it, etc (God, I can hardly wait to teach this shit at
the college level. That's where I just went while 'traveling' to (got completly
lost for TWENTY MINUTES ) (HELLO, earth to ME) (that's been my fave phrase
lately, much to the mostly amusement and occassional chagrin of those around
me) and I noticed there was a man in the background, seeming to emerge
from her because of the juxtaposition.... see
what cha think.... and I already had been saying it looks like a tarot
card and then I'm thoroughly convinced it is... and next photo that opens
on Jason's computer is of him and Merlin on some Halloween. So then I start
making a special 'tarot deck' folder and start talkin to Jase as how I
just got a vision of a tarot deck that had art and photos from Maui Artists.
The tarot deck has 78 cards, so we could break the royalties into 78 parts,
and have each artists donate their share to their favorite charity.
Jas says what about MAMA and/or Singing angels productions, shouldn't
they get
Perfect! They can get 2% for their (our) organization, and then the
number would be easier and rounder
2? 2? wouldn't 100 percent be the easiest to split
22! How brilliant! Of COURSE, whoever organizes/ sells the project
is gonna be doing MUCHO work, 22 is much better than a measly 2, what was
I thinking, EARTH TO ME (this time, a chuckle, from Jase)
This is how he and I electric with each other. It is very stimulating. I am a happy woman in this chair right now, remembering.
So Andrew's "Guardians Of The Grail" painting ( the link goes to his site, look at his other stuff while you're there, maybe you'll get inspired by some in tarot-connecting. Please e-mail me if so, with name of painting and name of corresponding card. Thanks, love ya lots okay? This guy is one of my favorite artists ever born.... and even got to meet him and do a live show with this painting in it a year or so after he painted it! 1995! and now Jason has a high quality framed print of it he just got at the latest Maui Sierra Club auction) it's now on his desktop instead of The Mud Tree Lover Woman.... sigh.... yet anyways I'm gonna add some of the possible- tarots to the photo page.
Hum, maybe I'll even include some of mine. There are 9 photos of mine currently on display in The Learning Center (TLC forshort) with accompaning Haikus. They look REALLY BEAUTIFUL.I'll post them at some point, when I find the disk (sigh) yes, Erin, I DO need a secretary. The secretary needs a secretary! Jubal dreames..... ("Stranger In A Strange Land" character I identified with).
I am SO PSYCHED and/or proud of myself. My art is flowing. I am happy, YES, even though the biggest dreams I have seem far from my willing open hands, firm yet gentle of course grasp, I am sitting here feeling beautifully content.
Look, I'm gonna write that article now, I think I'm gonna do The Live Poets Retreat/wild campout tonight over towards Oluwalu (Lahina side) tonight... so I wanna get this done so I can boogie shortly after Jason returns.
Look, guys, yesterday morning I left the pineapple fields, greatful to get out at all cause even though I have two spankin new tires on the front, AND front wheel drive, well, Ikaika Po'o has a strong head (Hawaiian translation of my new car's name) it was POURING RAIN.... I got my coffee mug filled at Coleens bakeshop up the road, went back down, heading to Baldwin for morning pages then morning shower, a little ways down there was a man hitchin in the pouring rain. He opened the door and stood out there. I handed him my mug and said "Here's some hot coffee, now open that back door and get in for God's sake" (I have Thor's baby seat in the front with me it contains a little "Alter to Thor and Mama's love for each other" till HE COMES BACK TO ME FULL TIME SOON I HOPE god I love him SO MUCH!!!!!) he gets in the back seat, shuts the door, I say hi, where can I take you and I mean TO THE DOOR, okay? And he says "You wouldn't happen to have jumper cables" and I happilly reply "Yes I do, and I am SO THERE.... where's your wheels, lets get em goin" and he
Points to a pineapple field to our left. Theres a small, muddy, already been driven through a few times place in the grass to enter. Not even a road.
We got his car going. Ikaika Po'o got me there and out again
"She drives through the mud and she loves me"
Sure, my morning pages were delayed. I got to college a little later than I had wanted to.
But I am hard pressed to think of a recent time that I started a morning SO GOOD.
He said, drinking my, well, now our, coffee in the backseat, that I
was an angel. He was thouroughly convinced of this, and though I did not
try I 'spect he wouldn't have been talked out of this belief.
And, you know, guys, maybe he's right. Yeah, some would say I'm an unlikely angel..... but when I think of it.... when I see 'my' self through this man's eyes, the eyes of others I've seemed to have touched in some very very major ways,
Well, maybe, just MAYBE,
I am.
Love you guys,
Aloha oe,
3singingeagles :)
Hello dearones!
On the 18th of November my field trip with Hawaiian Field Biology at Hosmer Grove on Haleakala had been schedualed. As most of you know, I have been through/am in a very heavy time in my life. Also, as many of you are aware of, 117 is my 'lucky number'.
So, I had decided back at the beginning of the semester that I would go up to my cave at 6700 feet up the mountain and do a mini-vision quest the day/night of the 17th, meeting them 'up the road' the next morning.
Well well well, look what is happening that evening! (See attachment)
Please think good thoughts for me, dear ones. This is the bending in the road for me. Something has to happen soon that will show me exactly WHAT DIRECTION I am going to go in. At this point I may go up on Thursday night, we’ll see, but will definitely be there Friday.
So, if you find yourself gazing up at the stars cascading enmasse from the sky that evening, if you can spare a moment, please think of me, crying on the mountain, think of my beautiful children and I, together and ALL happy, safe, content, when you
Look at the stars. And believe me, I will be praying for all my relations, in 'the old way', and,
You most certainly are one of my ‘special’ relatives-in-spirit. I will be singing your name to the stars.
MAGIC LIVES!
3SE
LEONID METEOR SHOWER COULD BE ONE OF BEST IN HISTORY
In the wee morning hours of Sunday, November 18, the
Leonid meteor shower might intensify into a dazzling meteor storm, with
"shooting stars" continuously blazing trails across the
night sky.
LEONID METEOR SHOWER COULD BE ONE OF BEST IN HISTORY
San Francisco, Calif. In the wee morning hours of
Sunday, November 18, the Leonid meteor shower might
intensify into a dazzling meteor storm, with "shooting
stars" continuously blazing trails across the night sky.
Viewers across the United States are perfectly positioned
to take advantage of the storm, which could be among the
most spectacular sky events of the 21st century
according to the latest scientific predictions.
The peak in shower activity will occur
between 11 PM Nov. 17 - 1 AM Nov. 18
"During the peak, people viewing
under clear and dark skies could see meteors shooting
across the sky at a rate of 1,000 to 2,000 per hour, with
flurries of one meteor per second at the peak of the
storm," says Robert Naeye, Editor of Mercury magazine,
which is published in San Francisco by the Astronomical
Society of the Pacific (ASP).
During the predicted storm, Earth will plow through a
trail of tiny dust particles left behind by Comet Tempel-
Tuttle during its passage through the inner solar system
in the year 1767. This comet rounds the Sun every 33.25
years, shedding dust particles as it is warmed by
sunlight. Meteor showers occur when Earth passes
through debris left behind by comets. But meteor storms
occur when Earth passes through particularly dense
ribbons of comet debris.
"During a typical Leonid meteor shower, an experienced
observer might see about 10 to 15 meteors per hour. But
during a storm, that rate climbs to 1,000 or more meteors
per hour," says Naeye. "This year's Leonid storm might
peak at a rate of up to 2,000 per hour, although it's
difficult to pin down a precise number. The rates will rise
and fall over a period of two hours."
"Of course, these numbers depend on the accuracy of our
predictions. But the predictions have been remarkably
accurate in recent years," says ASP member Dr. Peter
Jenniskens, an astronomer and meteor researcher at the
SETI Institute in Mountain View, California, and author of
an in-depth article about meteor science in the
November/December 2001 issue of Mercury magazine.
This year's Leonid display has two added bonuses. The
Moon will rise during daylight and set six hours before
the peak, so the Moon's glare will not obscure fainter
meteors. In addition, the peak will occur on a Sunday
morning, so many people can sleep in after a long night of
skygazing.
If one mentally traces back the trajectory of Leonid
meteors, they appear to originate in the constellation Leo
(the Lion). Leo rises around midnight, so the shower will
be minimal in the hours immediately after sunset. But it
will pick up considerably as the night progresses.
The entire United States should enjoy a good shower.
Peak meteor rates should occur around 5:00 a.m. EST,
4:00 a.m. CST, 3:00 a.m. MST, and 2:00 a.m. PST.
Observers in eastern Asia and the Western Pacific will
also enjoy a storm approximately 8 hours later (in the
morning hours of November 19, local time), according to
the forecasts. For the latest predictions for your local
area, visit this website from NASA's Ames Research
Center:
http://www-space.arc.nasa.gov/~leonid/estimator.html.
Earth will encounter another dense ribbon of Comet
Tempel-Tuttle debris in 2002, but under a full Moon.
After that, it's over for nearly a century. "It's now or
never," stresses Naeye. "People should take advantage of
this year's Leonid storm, because astronomers don't think
we'll see another storm like this one until the year 2099.
We will probably never see a better meteor shower in
our lifetimes."
When you see meteors, popularly known as "shooting
stars," you're seeing interplanetary dust particles burning
up in the atmosphere at altitudes of about 60 to 70 miles.
A typical comet dust particle --known as a meteoroid-- is
only about the size of a grain of sand or a pebble when it
enters the atmosphere. Larger chunks of comet debris,
perhaps up to the sizes of basketballs, sometimes light up
the sky as they burn up, which are events called fireballs
or bolides. Leonids enter the atmosphere at 160,000
miles per hour, making them the fastest meteors of the
year.
"Shooting stars are for every man, woman, and child to
see, and it doesn't take any special equipment to see
them," says Jane Houston Jones, a member of the ASP
Board of Directors and an experienced meteor observer.
"Most Leonid meteors are faint, so you'll see more of
them if you are far away from city light pollution. If you
can't get to a dark site, then control your own light
pollution by turning out as many lights as you can
control. Then sit back in a lawn chair, bundle up in a
blanket, and at a little before midnight local time, face
east. You'll see the backwards question-mark shape of
Leo's mane rising, and that's where the meteors will
appear to radiate over the next few hours."
Meteors are beautiful sky events for skygazers. But for
scientists, meteors are fascinating in their own right.
"Meteor science involves more than just predicting
storms. We also want to learn about the meteoroids
themselves, which in turn tell us a great deal about the
parent comet," says Jenniskens. "We also want to learn
more how meteors may have brought critical organic
material to Earth, perhaps leading to the origin and
prevalence of life on our planet."
The November/December 2001 issue of Mercury contains
a feature article by Dr. Jenniskens chock full of
fascinating information about meteor science. Jane
Houston Jones contributed a sidebar about how best to
observe the Leonids. You can read these articles by
visiting
http://www.astrosociety.org/pubs/mercury/1101pr/leon
ids.html. You can view Leonid images for possible
publication or broadcast by visiting
http://www.astrosociety.org/pubs/mercury/1101pr/leon
idimages.html (this site is for the news media only).
The non-profit Astronomical Society of the Pacific was
founded in 1889 in San Francisco, and is still
headquartered there today. The ASP has since grown into
an international society. Its membership is spread over
all 50 states and 70 countries and includes professional
and amateur astronomers, science educators of all levels,
and people in the general public. The ASP publishes the
bimonthly Mercury magazine (now published in full
color) for its members. It publishes a technical journal for
professional astronomers, and it coordinates Project
ASTRO, a national astronomy education program. The
Society also produces a catalog of extensive astronomy-
related products for educators and the public.
ENJOY!
Last diary tried to end with a photo of me dancing with my shadow that, having been randomly warped in Printshop pro while doing a demo for Jase, found a yin-yang symbol appeared cradled in my arms.
Problem was, I didn't apply the effects.
So, I just tried to recreate it, and look what came up (screw the linking, here it is, loves, I just found a way around the configuring bullshit anyways)
Now, does it not look like I am cradling a big empty bowl in my metaphysical hand? And, is it not the stated purpose of the above mentioned upcoming Vision Quest to empty my bowl to make for readyroom.... for....
What?
Well, perhaps we will live to see what, and, god willing, I'll be here
to share it with you, cause of course I will if/when
I
Am
Filled.
Off to shower, make more coffee for the road, then go somewhere and do Math for the next two days.
May your Entire Life be luminous. Period. SETTLE FOR NO LESS! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO FUCK AROUND HERE! HELLOOOOOO.... EARTH TO US!
Till we meet again,
I love you,
3singingeagles :-)
Yesterday I got the keys to "my first office" on campus. It belongs to the student board of publications..... but anyways..... I'm the secretary so..... getting closer and closer to my dreams!
THOR AND I WILL BE BACK TOGETHER FULL TIME AGAIN!!!!
We have a place! Walking/bike riding distance from the college!
More tomorrow. Have Math tonight, it's really important I do it or I have to wait for Tuesday to get my student aid check released and
Instead I've printed up some poetry and am holo holo goin to The Live Poets reading at Borders.
See, money and Math can wait, but I have to do a, ya know, thank you ceremony....
Give something, the best, the deepest of me (okay, there's only one on this earth who gets that..... sigh oh how The Burden and Beauty of The Beloved combine into my very heart!) well, close to the deepest of me,
200 bucks a month. We have our own bathroom. Sharing large apartment with a beautiful view with the co-founder of The Art Club at MCC (Who is the other co-founder? Guess!)
Yeah, 3 years ago we started the club, today we had a booth at all clubs
day and even did a TV show this year, She is President and I am Vice president
of the club (president of vice?)
But anyways, I feel a little sad leaving my campsite though I don't know why
I'll spend tonight there and tell ya later
Will be on the mountain-top tomorrow night, maybe Saturday too- we'll see, I have a lot of graditude to sing
After, of course, my divorcing ceremony.....
Cutting cords, emptying bowls, WOOOOOSSSSHHHH in comes the
Cums the
Seeds of my very dreams.
Anon, Sweet Traveler,
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina ROSE
From e-mail to Gary:
I'm going for a vision quest tonight, have been preparing for
2 months for this, and the closer I get the intenser the energy is! Even
reading my poetry last night was emotionally draining.... so my rapid departure.
DO plan to be at Borders again tonight for Paul's thing though... how much
'in my body' I will be I do not know.
From e-mail to Peter replying about call for artists for next Maui
Artist's Showcase:
OH PLEASE LET ME BE IN THIS!
I want to do my erotic poetry erotically, perhaps, lets see, I want
visual and audio and poetry all together... could you do the soundtrack
(s) for the poems... can oil be involved... lets meet and talk soon,
Maybe tomorrow night? I thought the showers were tonight? Live Poet's
Thanksgiving may actually be tomorrow.... I guess I can come to campout
after if it really IS tomorrow... if so.... are instructions to site available?
Landmark provided (such as neon glowstick stuck in the old stump of a tree
by point in road directly parralell to campsite, for instance)
Will be at Borders at my friends Book signing party tonight, then, up the mountain!
I love you so much!
Think of me tonight, my artist-friend-in-spiritus,
3SE
Maybe we'll see eachother today. Witching you here!
LOVE FOR YOU,
"Every little thing she does is magic"
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina ROSE
Well, guys, this is about it. I will leave here in about an hour. I will go to Akaku and schedual the first "Beings Human" TV show. Then, I will get car filled with gas, all fluids checked, and get ready to
Go up the mountain tonight.
Think of me, hum?
I have much love in my heart for all of you, it is not lessened by how heavy with pain it has been. Is the tree lessened by boughs full of frozen wetness?
No, I do not think so. Perhaps a few branches may snap,
Break, even.
But the water when the sun
Cums watm upon it
Dripping, wet, REAL,
It will,
We surely all know this,
Water The Tree, Benefit
The remaining branches.
I am afraid. The sorrow, the immense amount of tears that have been coming from me are astounding. See, I love deeply. It is hard to cut these cords with 3 men who gave unto me children, who laid with me many long nights, who, in my Hawaiian husbands case "gave" me an extremly powerful title. But I have been told, by all The Radient Tender Loving Protective of me, Friend Spirits that
I must do this. Something is waiting for me, it wants to come for me, something powerful and miraculous, something Divine, and it can not enter me
In this condition that I have been in, it
Needs me completly empty, it is wanting to be the only filler, and, so, in trust, in the river oars up in the boat hands over my heart eyes shut tight, crying, scared, unsure, crazy it seems,
I trust. Empty. Who knows what Magic is to come, who even cares, I,
I open myself completly tonight, after I empty
There is a high feve4r throughout my whole body right now. I have not
had a fever or even been sick once in many many decades, I know,
My 3 Dark Magi husbands feel
What is about to happen.
Yet, now that I've 'spoken' it to you, I'm beginning to think that maybe
I'm not afraid. Cause I'm going. High fever and all. Me and Ikaika Po'o.
Up the mountain. To see my Grandmother White Owl
To sing, thanks, for a home, an office, new position(s) here at school,
Thanks for The Love of these black-magician men and the lessons that
they taught me (and thanks for the scars on my body that will ever remind
me of some of them
I will be going after eating yin-yang cake I will be
Going in The Dark I will be
Driving up, on an unsure tire, in the dark, to a cave I may remember
or not! I am
Crazy? Yes. I have become holy-mad.
On the other side,
Should I return,
I love you all so very dearly,
Keep me in your hearts, if you will.
Anon.
11-20
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!
Incredible stuff to tell you. I am between 2 of 4 meetings today, off to be Vice President like at the art club meeting, secretary at honor society at noon, have some magic wands to deliver and other romantic tasks throughout day.... I WILL see you later though, I will make time for you, There will be a new page, I shall link it, do not worry anymore. Nothing is impossible, all is
"The Future Is Wide Open"
(Quote above by Tom Petty, hey, sounds like a good title for the new
home page!!! Shit yeah!!!!)
(Later, sweet dear loved ones !!!!!)
(webmistresses note: they are running my old poetry segs on local TV, Alohi watched the other night and loved it, I know it was very rudimentary, but now, with a future where NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE, well, who knows what this next phase will be, I am more experianced now that I've been doing The Live Poets thing....... but anyways, Peter and I are Art-plotting and/or dreaming NOT impossibly hello thank you very much! Laytuh, off for an appointment and coffee first.... ANON)
Peter,
Mucho love and great warmness to you!!!!
I got to TLC at 15 minutes to 4 on Saturday to check my mail and their clock said 4 AND I KNOW IT WAS'NT but anyways the gist is I didn't get your message till today HELLO yet, even alone on a Kihei beach, I enjoyed the stars, though not as much as I would of had we been together!
Too good our show. Mucho joyo. We had so much fun. Mo' to cum.
Oh, PS, what is George's phone number? I'd like him to work on 'my' (the listeners) show, they want a crew sheet before they give me a slot.... I'll tell ya, Peter, that station just ain't what we started it as..... well, hopefully I can work peaceably with everybody towards this with out getting so fed up I start pulling rank and/or quoting the station bylaws that I HELPED CREATE HELLO EARTH TO THEM! (sigh)
Also, yes, Audiance could/should oil me up, tie and untie me, dress and undress me, drape me with leis, whatever..... may even just write poetry about what the audiance does to me as a narration for one piece.... I am stoked.
Well, off to get some coffee before my next gig.... maybe watch the ocean and pray for awhile. Then, maybe back here to do a new homepage and the,
HOME!!!
I love the sound of that word!
Love for you,
3SE
Okay, You want it, Doncha baybee, doncha? 11-21-01
Click on the eagle nebula here to get to the new page, "The Future Is Wide Open"
Click here to return to Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser
In
reading this diary, the fainthearted need not apply.
Love,
Mini-me
:-)
CLICK
HERE TO GOTO LATEST ENTRY
Hi guys :-)
11-21
Anthropology
any minute now (9AM)
10:25
AM Get computer from student lounge and put in car for movement into NEW
ROOM!!!!!
PS
The view of MY campus is very awesome from there THANK YOU VERY MUCH will
have photos soon :-)
11
AM Take Yoellah to Kirby place to get Vacumn back and/or loaner, get shown
where free crates are for picking up later re: desk creation
12
noon at latest Drop Yoella home then holo holo for LOVE TIME with Thor
at campus. Give my love his magic wands, on way to (walking) mall with
Thor to eat and also buy "Angel" car accessories from Afterthoughts. After
that, back to campus, Renees office, fill out work order for BOSP office
cause I'm the secretary AND I'm newly unbounded FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE
FREE FREE (etc) and I am even more fucking feisty than ever before this
new stage is trippy
3PM
Journalism till 415 then pick up Alihi in Kihei at Gymnastics at 4:45,
not sure if I'll have time to write you again before tonight, but I will
if I can I love you'all,
3SE
Hi it's Monday here's a patchwork quilt/update, most from e-mails I'm sending right now cause it's been 5 days since I've had access to on-lineness didja miss me babies?!?
From letter to my loving genius friend and cuddle bug master, 'Pi' re: Thankgiving dinner I invited him to but he didn't call me in time to pick him up so he missed 'it': (he asked, "How was dinner?")
"Dearest Loving Pi,
We had two! Picked up a hitchiker going to Hale Kau Kau, helped him
with errands, ate with him there, then escourted him to honor society 'dinner'
on the beach, that ruled, and also had Salmon.
LOVE YOU!
Your attempted dinner buddy,
3SE"
Oh, man, my sign offs are leaking into absurd-creative due to this Magic Book carefully (or not) disguised as a screenwriting book.... oh, shit, the letters are so funny sometimes, I laugh loud... hey I'll tell ya more about it later... God, I love being alive. If only I could never sleep and had a few of me, there's SO MUCH to take in here, to drink, drink deep, life, to,
TO!
"Lahaina House Thanksgiving 2001
the moon
a sliver of hope
the light in our words
from our hearts
on that dark night
stars shining
and later
meteors were seen
racing
in the night
melinda gohn
11/23/2001"
I wrote back:
I love you SO MUCH!!!!!
You rule with ruling!!!
You sent me a poem last month to run in the poetry column, but it was filled by the time I recieved it, so as you know I planned to run it this month. The deadine is Weds I think... Friday at the latest, I wanted to put out to you that I will print WHATEVER poem you wish to submit... think... is there a message you REALLY REALLY WANT TO PUT OUT TO THE WORLD OF MAUI IN A VERY PUBLIC WAY... this issue will be coming out between the 19th and 12th of December, right before Xmas... what message do YOU want to give to new and existing students, and the community (I have been widely distributing Ho'oulu to coffeeshops, bookstores, supermarkets, etc). You may even want to weite a poem JUST FOR THIS.
Melinda, I am SO FORTUNATE and honored in my soul to know you. You are AN INCREDIBLE SPIRIT and OH MI GOD poet, if I could choose you to be my blood-sister I would.
With totally incredibly deep affection in my heart for you,
And respect luminous,
3singingeagles :)
From Shayne:
Thank you for the message. Just to let you know, this is
a
hoax.
Shayne
The Listener wrote:
Visit "The Listeners" homepage at:
https://www.angelfire.com/ma/hinahinahina/Remember.html
> There you will find at least most of the following: (page is
a
> work-in-progress, k?)
> Contents:
> Quote by Leo Buscalgia
> How lucky are you? (Quote for friendship week, pause for
thought
> friends!)
> Universal declaration of human rights
> Patients bill of rights and updates/additional comments on
it
> Journal of the journey of The Listener, including added
comments and
> reminisces: (please be patient, I'll get it all typed in as
soon as I can,
> it was
> hand-written, so this'll take some time)
> Stories of the forgotten: (as received by e-mail)
> Other e-mails
>
> Please contribute your thoughts if you can, and I'll post them
>
> May peace and human kindness be with you, today and all days
into
> perpetuity,
> The Listener
Yeah, my professor who originally sent it to me just found out too.... it sucks that some humans beings need attention so much they'd do something like this. Hope it doesn't screw up other people's chance to use this medium to find their children if they should REALLY be missing. This is something we will discuss on the show.
Have 5 folks, will e-mail you when I have six and lets schedual the "live to tape show" so I can make sure professor Joshua will be here and nbot running around the UN and/or 'big important' world conferances, I want him to be my guest (he will also be reading the Universal Declaration Of Human Rights that will open and/or close each show)
I am SO PSYCHED!
Even if we get a once-a-week slot, it's not gonna be enough... there's so much we need to say to eacother (sigh)!
Taking the next right step,
"The listener"
Okay, guys, well I'm gonna run now, baby Thor is coming any moment now
and we have some serious snuggling and mall ratting to do, shopping and
eating across the street, I used to scorn that mall, now it has such pleasent
memories with my boy (sigh) things and additudes can change, even for a
stubborn chick like me. Did I say stubborn? That was way harsh. I CAN yeild,
just, sometimes,
It takes a little time with me. (sigh)
So much to tell you, including about seeing Harry Potter this weekend... but I must fly.... if I don't touch base with you later, tomorrow then.
I love you so!
3SE
PPS
No more visits for Thor as of a week from today.
He is, after all, coming back home, coming back into my arms, for good.
And NOTHING shall take him away this time, even if I would have to live in a tent, HE WILL BE THERE WITH ME!!! I can protect him against anything... especially growing every day now that I've joined Gold's gym again and will be working out and sauna-ing regularly.... gee I missed it these last few years. Being celibate and poison-free AND NOW, working out, is possibly going to make my MANA/ELECTRICAL ENERGY so intense it may be
I will be quite unfit to be a lover
Except, perhaps, to the most skilled magicians
And will definitly now, be QUITE untouchable by
The dark ones.
Oh, goody!
Anon,
3SE
Ya know,
Finals weeks combined with finally havin your lil' infant o' love back
full time is intense enough
But top that off with I have this awesome magical book loaned day by
day to me, to read,
And why am I not done yet,
I AM WRITING LIKE A FIEND!
In my journals, in my live poetry book, in cafes, in restaraunts, under trees, in my car, I'll
Share it with you as soon as possible, but, for now,
Know I love you and I'm just not near a keyboard writing but a fury has come into my soul like I might even fuck up finals if it doesn't let go soon but I'm not asking it
After all, when the LOVER has you EMBRACED after SO MUCH PRAYING FOR
SUCH would you TEMPT THE BENEFICIANT FATES AND
Let go?
No.
The Muses are gang-raping me and I am completly
There.
Riding the times.
Till we meet again,
Sore but smiling,
3SE
dec.1 2001 2:30 PM
"Hi my name is Michaela Alohi Grady,and today I went to the beach with my mom ,amasing brother, and had a good time"
Last night we watched figure skaters on TV. At one point one of the performers fell down. He got back up and continued his performance almost seamlessly, just flowed into continuing and did so.
Yet he was sad. Yet he was sad, and he continued. Yet I was sad. Yet I was sad, and continued.
See, I thought about it as I (tried to) go to sleep (my new house mate is fucked up in her head, possessed by Satan, and/or a liar. The room is a storage room for all her clothes, toiletries, etc, NOT our room, and she comes in frequently, and now has come in TWICE when I and last night the kids were asleep, UGGGHHHH, she TOOK A SHOWER IN OUR BATHROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT!!!!) last night.
This applicable here too. The timing could not be worse for my new housemate, who I have known for over three years and who has not ever lied to me and/or exibited symptoms of being possessed by satanic-type spirits up to now, just got Thor back full time and it is the last two weeks of the semester, finals, reports due, ya know, sleep deprivation
Will only enhance it. See, I have another place to rent in Makawao, just was unable to do it while Thor was in protective custody cause its the house of one of the 'officials' working on his case (those who know me can guess how close I got to all of them) and the case is officially completly closed Monday, so no more taboo. And, I specifically spoke out loud what I spoke in the dreamtime just two days ago. I COULD and WILL defend him against ANYTHING that comes, he will not ever leave my arms again if I have anything to do with it
And here I am, tested. I'm more psychically powerful when sleep depped so it will help my test taking AND writing abilities, and,
When I laughed at EVIL and scoffed at it impudently and loudly in general in front of Thor and Alohi this morning, leaving the house, we locked the door, stepped onto the porch, and there, a light misty rain started falling, and in front of our eyes,
The absolute brigest double rainbow I have ever seen in this lifetime formed. The second one was as bright as a normal one is, the primary rainbow was excruciating, almost too bright to look at,
See, the luminous performance is not ever tarnished or ruined by falling down
Falling down, and getting back up again, and seamlessly continuing the dance until it's done,
Now THATS the victory!!!
Rainbowed excuciatingly with
prickles,
3singingeagles :-)
PS
Here is a Photo of baby Thor
(tee hee)
So, it's a morning. Could be any morning. I'm starting to lose it. (Gross
aniexty.)
*************************************************
You've said to me
A few times lately
That you think you are going crazy
That you believe that you are going out of your mind.
How many sages have spent how many many years in bleak mountains just
to get out of their minds
And, look! Here we are
Completly insane
Believing in magic, of all things,
Believing in Our Union,
Experiancing Our Union, as if there were no society around to judge
us as if
There were no body else reaching for us and claiming sovereignty of
at least our bodies
If not our souls, you and I
Yes, we have officially become insane, I suspect,
Ours is a pocket
Only seers can see.
I can see you've recently befriended one, a seer, even, possibly, a
shaman (!)
posing only loosly as a philosophy teacher.
He is much like you, with out the curls,
I could laugh with your new buddy for hours,
The first time we met, we laughed, about an old satire in Mad magazine-
such Lunacy
Is only reserved for fools (Holy Personages)
Us 3 could laugh together.
When Inuits say 'laugh together' they mean 'have sex', or,
So I have heard.
Do you laugh like that, now, in your life, love?
Do you have heart pleasure, enough skin-touch do you
Play?
Yes, we would play, we would laugh (!)
In all these years my soul-love of you has grown
Yet sex was not on my mind (!)
Just to be with you, roaming cool places, you and I oh beloved one,
and,
Maybe,
If I could,
Holding you every so often.
These were my fantasies.Oh, and to laugh with you, you know, with our throats, and now,
Now I'm seeing us inside of each other
A new kind of laughter.
The laughter of The Insane.
*********************************************************************
I know that a large part of me has gone to The Other Shore of reality. I know this one. Not complex. Not impossible. Just there.
Yesterday I saw "The Hawk". He came to college to kidnap me for a while. We drove to Kanaha. He wanted to make love with me, or at least have some quick sex. I felt SO FORTUNATE that I was ovulating
Yes, that healing on Kauai almost exactly a year ago not only restored my Uterus to full and complete size/status (have before and after sonograms too.... what a story!) (illustrated, though not fully in full color HELLO) but also made me fertile again. I am now mensruating on every full moon. Whew.
But, anyway, it gave me a reason to not have him take me without telling him everything. The whole truth about why I can no longer lay with him or any other man, but one. And, fates being what they are it seems, not even him. OH CURS'ED CONFUSION! I may have to tell him at some point, but, who knows. I haven't seen him for a couple of months now, and he did fess up yesterday that he was helping The Dark Woman who had tried to murder me in July, who tried to seperate Thor from his Beloved Mama (me, hello). Thor, who, unless he was artifically inseminated into me (the only medical explanation for my pregnancy) could only be Jims (though it was over a month before Thors estimated date of conception that I had slept with him) . Yes, Hawk man found a new place, after everyone was evicted from his old place. And she's been there! Drunk and causing scenes, of course. Sigh. I don't even know where it is and she's been there.
Jim and I laid in the grass and kissed and talked for a while, , yesterday, near Kanaha pond, near the airport, so security saw his (new pickup truck! Well. The dark chick was using his car too FYI) guess they thought we were potential terrorists instead of just once-upon-a-lovers laughing in the grass.
And, maybe, in a way that guy driving his yellow tractor-like thing around with his stupid little radio on his belt feeling SO FUCKING IMPORTANT was right. Maybe we are/were terrorists. Love terrorists. And that's why I cannot, in all good concience, ever be with him again. Jim wants me to spend the night with him on the 15th. "get a babysitter'. I'll have to
Say no, and this time I can tell him that I will not be seperated from
my baby for another night I will tell him
What I feel about his allegiance with The Dark Woman, about not knowing
where he lived when he calls me 'his lover' and 'his girl' and yet she
has slept there already, hello EARTH TO HIM I will
Tell him with my mouth the goodbye I was already praying I could find a good excuse to say. Now I have a bevy. This is causing a great deal of graditude in my heart.
See, my vow of honesty is very severe in some ways.... yet of course
I did not take a vow of 'tell everything', It's just that WHEN I speak
it's not supposed to be an untruth.
Thank you, whatever powers that be, for giving me enough reasons to break the only man-tie I had left after the recent divorcing-ceremony/vision quest. I cannot be with any other man now, and, I suspect, for the rest of my life. I am deeply and it seems incurably in love with someone that I cannot have. Not now anyway. Oh, God, how I wish!
Woah, I have never wished this with him. Not officially, not out loud and in non-poetic non-fiction form. Shit. I've been really trying to avoid this because My Magical Powers seem to be rediculous anymore in their strength and/or synchronicity..... oh, if only there was no one who would be hurt if this wish was fullfilled, I,
Well, it doesn't matter. Just as useless as my magic has been to eradicate this love from my soul, or, at least, lessen its severity, hopefully it will be useless in bringing us together. Even though by mistake I thought of us together, love, oh love, so close, holding eachother SO CLOSE, when at an alter where a Holy Woman wasputting a lock of my hair as an offering/thank you from me to the land, and I heard a great shout in what seemed to be four voices, say, 'Your wish will be fullfilled'. I DID NOT MAKE A WISH! I ONLY THOUGHT OF HIS ARMS AROUND ME AND HIM STANDING THERE WITH ME AS I DO DURING PRETTY MUCH EVERY BEAUTIFUL MOMENT I EXPERIANCE ANYMORE!
I cannot lie. Fuck everyone and everything. I care not who might or might not get hurt by it
If I could be his love, even on this very day, I WOULD-IN A HEARTBEAT!
And, right now, right this second, I realize there will, from this day forward,
Never be another for me. I have spent stretches of my life celibate, not just without a sexual partner,but on purpose, for spiritual reasons.
And this is the deepest of all the spiritual reasons I can think of. Only this time I have no control over it. Yesterday, playing with Jim, (the Hawk), kissing and stuff, I felt as if I was 'cheating on' the man I love. EVEN THOUGH HE IS NOT MINE AT ALL!
So, guys, I'm not sure what's going to happen with me now. All I know is that spiritually, I can not love any man probubly ever again. My heart is completly taken. This has never happened befor, and I must admit part of me is scared.
Well, I must go for now. Sorry I haven't written you much lately. It IS finals time at college, AND Thor just came back to me full time AND I'm moving Friday.... our new place is BEAUTIFUL!!! A small bedroom, but an enormous living room/family room, our own bathroom, own entrance, and one of my best girlfriends on the planet, her husband, and two sons, all love Thor and live in the other half of the house, and love to take care of him!!!
Anyways, I'll either have a phone line or roadrunner there, so hopefully I'll be able to write more consistantly soon. Just know that, all of you who follow my journey in these pages, I wish so sincerly, for you, love. All love. Do not let it pass you by, those of you fortunate enough to have your beloved in your life, in your arms. If you ever start to take Your Love for granted, thinkof me, and my empty arms, my tears, oh, so many. The lonely life I now face (oh, incurable love!) shit, now I'm crying again!
I'm going to lay down right now and cry this out. It's time I just let it happen, flow.
Love to you.
3singingeagles.
Haven't talked to you guys in a while and I know you were getting nervous (some) soz here's a really really quick update : (more on Friday) (I'm paying for childcare and hungry for upcountry turkey so I'm RUSS IAN OUTTA HERE HELLO GOODBYE)
Still hopelessly in love
Still happy to kiss the necks of my babies
Done with finals
Think I may have gotten 3 A's in Journalism, Cultural Anthropology,
and Hawaiian field biology, but did not complete math.... pending (sigh)
oh life is strange
Car going in for overhaul Friday let us pray
May get help with rent
Love and the lord has provoided
Miracles are getting to be so common I risk yawning
Wherever you are, whoever you are, I love you
I am becoming an angry flaming rebel
Will soon be going against BOSP and Akaku TV if things don't fucking
change
Picketing in the rain
Screaming out pain
Redemption for constipated freedoms,
Again,
LOVE,
3SE ;-)
(the foloowing is from Michaela Alohi in her secret language):
kghbchd hfhvyydj hdhgtt hfdhhvhsjo bvhfunpmfy .bumpfyh hehjhhhgnbvgvfngdjvu
.hbgbnchsusg hjvjhvhb hfjjrunjufuidhivhhdkdjghnvuf ,bvjnfjvn.Kufhgfdhdhhh
jhdhfhbh hdjhfj hr jfh ujjvhjdjg uhhjb jdhyy hjfjv .
Good news guys. I have lost the fevers.
Am still writing.
Had good material from the insanity of gross affection, am now ready to escape everything but writing and raising these children. I have accepted that I will always be alone. I have given up all of my hopes for companionship.... wept all the tears I can. I am, yes, hereby resigned.
More later, maybe on the other side of the gregorian year-cusp thing,
Bye,
Your once-upon-a-loving,
Yet still here,
Alone, so alone for the rest of my life,
Saint 3SE.
If ever there were a sadder woman I'm not sure who and/or where. If ever there was a more beautiful woman I'm not sure how and/or where. Everyone remaining that I love is drifting from me. I'm closer than ever to all human beings. Things are snatched from me, my soul is like a humming monolith from another planet that thuds mostly straight into desert sands, humming, accelerates evolution. I have hopes for all good people, all people are good. There are very sad things occuring. What happens when everything you thought was dear, and given to you by God, is COMPLETLY SNATCHED AWAY?!?
Dancing in the wind, holding feathers, I own my power, the mountain will respond, there will be no attention-drawing fire in my cave, there will be no hatred in my heart, I
I WILL NOT
GIVE IN TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE,
says superwoman,
rising, more beautiful than ever.
( to be
continued..........)
Dec 14th
SUPERGIRL
FALLS, PICKS SELF UP SLOWLY, HEARS CHEERING DOWN THE STREET, IT'S HER MOM
NEARLY ALL CLEANLY BRUSHED OFF OF THE DIRT FROM HER LAST FALL, THEY LAUGH,
RUN, EMBRACE, VOW TO NOT GIVE UP FIGHTING EVIL, TO DIE TRYING IF MUSTBE
BUT NEVER GIVE UP
( film
at eleven)
MESSAGE OWLS
From a letter
to me this mornin from one of my best girlfriends:
( I had
sent her the poems I'd submitted to Maui Muses, the anthology that features
members of The Maui Live Poets Society. I'll put the poems on their own
page, and link them, below, if you wish to read them. It was hard choosing
2 long and 3 short poems of ALL of them to go in, hope you like them too.
Yes, there are 3 long poems. My Beloved chose 'Like A Dog. I agreed. Sigh.)
What a feast
of uncooked and nourishing truth awaited me when I
arrived
this
morning to begin my 20th year of teaching. I refer to your
poems,
dear
one. They are stronger and better and realer than ever. I
have
NO
problem
loving you barefoot!!!!
We
are alone. Yes. And that painful knowledge is the
foundation,
I
think,
of much of the creative work that exists.
What
is Maui Muses? Do you want to pursue more publication with
these?
If
so, your trusty editor has a few ideas and questions. I also
wonder
about
the open mikes at Borders, etc. (And Live Poets Society?)
These
are
FRESH!! I don't want to go on and on, but these are so
fine.....!
I
also wonder if you would be willing to help the magazine by
going
into
classes
to let people know about it, and to ask people to submit
their
work
for next year. If this is something you are ok about
doing,
could
you
let me know? The disk is finished -- cover, etc, layout
done
-- and
ready
to go to the printer, so we are about finished with the
bulk
of
this
year's production (though there is always proofreading
ahead!)
I
sure do miss you two. Do you have a home-place? Is Thor with
you?
One
of my main projects this year is to try to help get the
Crone
Homes
project
moving. It's so BIG that it scares me, but it is so
crucial
that
I
must move through the fear. Are you still up for it too? If
so,
I
think
the first step would be to get ourselves together in one
place/time
to talk story about what people need/want, and to
discuss
next
steps. Prentise, you, Erin and a couple of others are
interested,
it
seems. Anyone else you know?
My response:
Bless you,
loved one. My heart is so joyful being on this planet with you. Also, it
really enjoys the feeling that the poetry that came from it could touch
somebody. Ummmm. Ummy. Umanicious.
On Thursday of last week, I had Thor in childcare all day, I had a short video-editing job in Kihei, then I was to go to college and register for classes.
The place we've been living has not been working out, sound levels and late-night hours being the biggest things, sometimes they'd even knock on the door to check on us after we went to sleep, and wake us both! I was becoming exhausted
I am, after all, a crone. Michele, I feel very healthy as a ol' lady, yet I need sleep, really need it.... whereas I didn't when I was younger.... shit, I could be up till 3 then back up good to go at 5, or even up for days.... now, I don't get at least the good 8 unbroken per 24 hour block I feel it, and only after a coupla days or nights of this! Sigh, crone place. YES! and even, full steam ahead.
See, I had told the lady of the house that morning that it wasn't working out, and I was going to look for another place. She agreed, told me when I was paid up to (Jan 20th, day I became a mother!)and we hung up the phone even chuckling about something. Then, as I was driving to video job I guess, she called CPS, told them I was evicted and homeless with a baby, told them where Thor was, and had him taken! He's now in Foster care, and I am sleeping under the stars again. This time they will return him the same day I get a place. I think you can imagine how I feel.
So, I'm looking for a place again, and am, again, the nomad. I'm at Jason’s now.... I could stay here, by why stay anywhere when HE is not with me (my beloved child) so I sleep under the canopy of the sky and pray and listen to the wind and hold askewered to the flame the hope of an eternal generation.....
My show premieres tomorrow. We are going live-to-tape from 6-8 PM, will be in the studio from 4-9. Be. Ing. Human. Prentice will be on the show, Dot is doing lists, who
Do I NOT know among my woman friends who are not interested in the Crone's place.
The co-host of Jason’s show "Mama presents is named "Airelle" and she is interested/has been working on a similar vision for years. She is close with Bonnie, in fact, may be in the same "crone group". Perhaps we can get a bunch of you on the same show, to talk story about this dream. It is not just a nice dream. It is imperative. I truly believe we are going to lose some of us REAL soon if we don't do something about this. It is only, I suspect, by some insanity wrought by some Divine Entity somewhere that I have not completely 'lost it' at this point. I just, also, said aloha to a crone-girlfriend whose been staying at Jason’s maybe 10 mins ago who is going to the emergency room for her swollen tooth AND hysteria. Now you know very well that, even though she's going with friends, they may try'in commit her. When all she wants to do is to get through the grieving process over her son, Thor, who died last year..... they say he jumped off a roof.... I think you remember me going through that with her. Anyway, last night she had a very loud grieving episode. My other crone-friend, Sunshine, took my girlfriend out to their van to go through it. A neighbor called the cops and suddenly there were three cop cars at their van. Her catharsis was interrupted, and now she is LITERALLY shaking profusely. I swear, Michele, it is as if she sucked in the grief that was escaping her throat at the time the cops pulled up, it immediately solidified as a cap over the rest of the pain, which, being in the tube already flowing out, built up pressure of course and.....
So, these are the things we will now talk about, my beautiful, my dear sweet loving sister! On the TV show "Beings Human", and, perhaps, spilling out into the streets, the islands, and through visitors that may see and/or hear us, the world.
It is time.
I hope I may do this, as all things in my life, greatly greatly with beauty.
PS Bonnie has already agreed to be on the next show.... she's co-teaching a class at Unity this Tuesday. So get ready:)
The center list is dreams.
Congratulations on your 20th year of teaching (in official institutions) for, aren't we all teachers from the day we're born? Helllo! Thor as great example!
Yes, I will go from class to class singing praises of the literary journal and/or handing out copies (signed copies?). Let's get together soon.
I'm obviously not going to school this semester. Besides all that happened Thursday which kept me from signing up, it feels too unsupportive and even lets-make-problems-where-they-aren't-even ish I have to focus on my show and HOPEFULLY writings getting published
See, if I had 2,3000 bucks at my disposal Thor would have been back with me hours after they took him because all I need is a place and if I had that much cash I could get a place right away without even any references. It's time to stop being poor.
Too old
for this,
Sighs the
crone,
Yet,
Happy,
OH so happy,
To be alive
for another day!
3SE
LINK TO POEMS SENT FOR INCLUSION IN THE 2002 MAUI MUSES ANTHOLOGY
Oh, an'
PPS,
Here's
a very famous poem to Thor:
The Challenge of Thor
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I AM the God Thor,
I am the War God,
I am the Thunderer!
Here in my Northland,
My fastness and fortress,
Reign I forever!
Here amid icebergs
Rule I the nations;
This is my hammer,
Miölner the mighty;
Giants and sorcerers
Cannot withstand it!
These are the gauntlets
Wherewith I wield it,
And hurl it afar off;
This is my girdle;
Whenever I brace it,
Strength is redoubled!
The light thou beholdest
Stream through the heavens,
In flashes of crimson,
Is but my red beard
Blown by the night-wind,
Affrighting the nations!
Jove is my brother;
Mine eyes are the lightning;
The wheels of my chariot
Roll in the thunder,
The blows of my hammer
Ring in the earthquake!
Force rules the world still,
Has ruled it, shall rule it;
Meekness is weakness,
Strength is triumphant,
Over the whole earth
Still is it Thor's-Day!
Thou art a God too,
O Galilean!
And thus singled-handed
Unto the combat,
Gauntlet or Gospel,
Here I defy thee!
From Mail
this morning, to crew of show, taped last night, went GREAT!!!, more later
love you'all so much, 3SE
"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for helping to make the premiere episode of "Beings Human" a wonderful success. It seems we may, together, be able to help positive changes in a way that exposes the cancers of society, and offers ways to heal them (solutions). What a dance!
Thank you for dancing,
"The Listener"
P.S.
The next show is FEB. 7th, show up at 4PM for feasting and set-up,
5PM latest time of arrival for crew and guests... please feel free to invite
any and all Human Beings onto the panel and/or into the studio to call
in (yes, we will have it hooked up and PRETESTED for this show!!!!!)every
human being has something to contribute to this show..... even if they
don't think so it seems that once they get there they will open up as evidenced
in the last show.
PPS
Josh sent a message that he'll be at the next one, I'm e-mailing him
now to tell him the time and date. He is way cool, and funny, laughing
at some of this shit is not only appropriate but therapeutic in my point
of view... whatcha think, ey?
573-3914 messages
205-0127 cell when I can get more minutes (sigh)"
Later......
OH yeah, breathe baybee, breathe!
Prentise will be there, so will Bonne.... hope you can too, even just to phone in from the control room, but the show was so powerful we've already got approval to go live. We start regular shows in March. They'll be a spread in the Star Bullitan and perhaps even in the Maui News.
Funny (word misused) that the comment Elena would have is to get the key back from me,(of COURSE, helllooooo) I'm giving it to Flo in an envelope with a letter explaining why I left.... I think she'd want to know. Jeeezzz. Burrrrrr, Elena, VERY burrrr.
Josh is gonna be on the next show, we're gonna rock!
Attached is the list of the webpage addresses. It feels so good to focus on this and my writing and not be going to MCC. I'm doing mojo so it will be filled with light. I'll return in the fall unless my show goes National or some other magic thing happens.
Oh, in the sweet romance sector, my fave writer on the planet lives on Maui, I met him once years ago at Haiku elementary, he was teaching writing and my daughter Ayla was in his class. I came to pick her up from school and he was crying on a bench, it turns out his dog had just been rushed to the hospital and was probubly dying. After I held and rocked him a little he told me his name and I nearly fainted. He is really cute.
Well, at the Live Poets Christmas party he came in right as dinner was being served, looked around the dining hall, saw me, smiled, and said "Wow- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL". he sat next to me. Played with Thor. Told me I was beautiful a bunch more times before kids and I left.
Paul Woods!
I thanked Gary for his and Melinda's hospitality on the phone a few days later, told him, giggling, how I'd had a crush on Paul for SO LONG and titter titter how I wished I could go over to him and give him the wettest juicyest french kiss this side'uh Oklahoma, but he was married last time I met him, and even if he isn't anymore, he may have a girlfriend so I wouldn't dare and Gary said
He's available. Sigh.
To be continued???
Love,
"The most beautiful woman at the ball"
:)
Visit "Beings Human", the new companion webpage to the upcoming show.
It will grow, as we all do, look for a forum.... let's talk with each other...
the time is now!
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
May peace and human kindness be with you, today and all days into perpetuity,
The Listener
16th
Yeah know it may seem to be a cop out to paste letters here, but at
least it's a mini-window into what's up...... the show has consumed me,
and updating/designing the webpage(s) today..... it's a good consuming
"This is beyond obsession"
- Mrs. Doubtfire
"And I rather like it"
-Ms. 3singingeagles :)
Much love!
Well, if so, the joke is on “the dark forces” (not sure if I believe in suck things, can you tell, even though I have had black magicians do sorcery on me and stuff. My belief system is, as my soul is, a WORK IN PROGRESS!) cause lo and also behold I DID THE SHOW and it was INCREDIBLE and
Well, something has to happen, positive, soon. REAL soon. So, on that note, I’m starting a new page today in honor of my 22 year anniversary of (physically) becoming a mother. Yes, 22 years ago today I gave birth to my daughter Mira Ananda. Because of “my sins” both real and imagined, she refuses to communicate with me and/or acknowledge me as he mother. This breaks my heart. I have not even met my grandson, Vanyel. Haven’t seen Grandaughter Samamtha since she was 3-4 months old.
I love my Beautiful Daughter, Mira, will always love her even if she does not love me. It is one of my top-three prayers that we will be joined again. We have loved each other SO MUCH. It seems to me to be the worst sin even worse than murdering someones body, to hurt and/or unlove your Mother without even any discussions, or chance for reconcile….. what a thing to throw away!!! I speak not of this lightly, for I have been very hurt by my own Mother many many times in this lifetime, and, also, she has been hurt by me, SEVERLY hurt, and,
WE LOVE EACH OTHER, NOT JUST DESPITE, but DEEPER BECAUSE OF !!!!!!
Perhaps it will be that way someday with my Beautiful Mira…………….
In her honor (whether she’d like or approve of it or not, it’s MY love for HER so I OWN IT, along with The Great Mother, who I KNOW loves me NO MATTER WHAT) I am starting a new web-page diary today, called “ROSE”. That’s not only because Mira once renamed herself, and chose “Rose” as her last name, that is the name I have chosen as my pen name when I get published…. And hopefully that is soon, it is what (besides my multi-projected TV work) I have decided to focus on instead of school and… OH THERE ARE OTHER THINGS!!! You know, I think it would be good to continue this discussion on the new page.
LOVE YOU’ALL
3singingeagles a.k.a. “ROSE!”
Too old for this,
Sighs the crone,
Yet,
Happy,
OH so happy,
To be alive for another day!”
CLICK
HERE TO GOTO NEW PAGE: “ROSE!”
CLICK HERE TO GO
BACK TO LOVE MOON
ROSE!
The inner and outer journeys of a woman who is attempting to become a better Human Being with each passing moment.
Personal statement:
I am imperfect. Still love me?
WARNING:
All the stuff written here is unedited, so read at your own risk. What
comes out, stays here. This is part of my gift to you, but believe me,
there will be disturbing stuff here. They'll also probubly be typos and/or
spelling fo pahs.... yet I DO NOT WANT TO EVEN START EDITING THIS in any
way, I might start wanting to take back something (s) I said... and then
WHATS THE POINT , I mean, what the fuck am I giving you THEN? so, no reviewing....
I type it in and upload it without even reading it over. It is my vunerable
gift to you. Sigh.
In love and as much honesty as I can give you,
3singingeagles
THIS DIARY IS ENDED ON SUNDAY FEB. 17TH 2002
"Crazy
Gods Turn Soil Into Energy"
1st Thursday of month
Wailuku Library
6-8pm
2nd Thursday of month
Old Lahaina Book Emporium
7-9pm
3rd Thursday of month
Borders Bookstore
7-9pm
4th Thursday of month
Kalama Heights Retirement
Community
101 Kanani Rd Kihei
7-8:30pm
The Peace Poem is present at all readings. Everyone is invited
to add
two lines of poetry on peace to the Peace Poem.
Website: peacepoem.com
For poetry activities and publications call:
Melinda Gohn,
Coordinator
808 661 0517
email: poem@maui.net
1/20/2002
Soz I'm ready to go to the club for awhile, then, God.... you know, I really feel like just going somewhere where I can curl up into a little ball and sleep, but I have a job in Haiku fixin a Macintosh.... and could really use the money so.....
Golds gym, shower and warm up shower, work out, sauna, Haiku to work. Not sure when I'll talk story with you next, but, till then,
Peace be with you!
3SE
You have taken the anchor of your smile and put it upon my foot.
I love you for ALL of it, and more
There WILL be no body on top or on the side of you
I have called you my friend, ready, oh the other dance partners, they
are safe ballroom dancers
When the light goes down in my sleeping place I am alone
Still, all ways, thinking of you,
Holding you,
Feeling higher than any rush of LSD coming on that I ever had- with
your few words sent
Clinging like unto the board,
I, Jack, you, Rose, yes, I would die for you,
What must it do to your soul,
To be aware, so hyper-aware
Of my intense loyalty, love, yes sire she has
Pledged HER feal to YOU holy
Turn around.
I feel you, even now, even RIGHT NOW, on my skin I shall
Drive to the live radio-theatre I'll do tonight with one of the dance
partners,
We shall, fully clothed, dance our work,
But tonight, after the live broadcast of our radio- (improv, your favorite)
theater I shall sauna and shower at the gym and then I shall
Go somewhere very private, under the stars, yes, even though three storm
predicting Iwi-Iwi flew overhead today
Did you see them?
You were nearby, I know, I saw you, I heard your sweet voice and I
saw you and I smiled from far away did you see me OH
YES, God, how I love you,
Even the man I have idolized can not do what you do
To, with, me, OH SHIT
We rile each other up so much
I would be in a constant state of arousal if we ever lived together-
OH-
WHAT lovers we would be, Fishes, OH, I who can make you furious can
make you
Scared can make you laugh
OUT LOUD not caring whose round' yeah the world drop
Drop, at our feet,
We would scream and cry and laugh and swim together
We would cum hard over and over and shed tears of ecstasy there's
No fucking middle ground with us, we are the manic-depressives of Loves
Longing
Beyond obsession.
Beyond curing.
Beyond Infinite.
Recieved today from one of my ex husbands:
Catching Rainbows
Please send this on and back. I'm counting on you not to let me
be the
number one type person on the list below.
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But all these things
I'm finding are impossible for me
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best
A friend that's always there
This is a Hug Certificate!!
So it's a great goodness to, once beloved, to never stop loving even though you may not have the same relationship you once had.
Oh, yeah, there are times, still, I think of Doug and want to hold him..... he went through a lot with me and hung in there.... vice-a-versa of course, isn't that part of true relationships.... cept you still love each other, in fact, love each other more through and on the other side of difficulties, and Doug dropped out. Yet, still, and I spect' always, I have a flame in my heart with his name on it. I have a dream that all those I have ever loved that have, for one or more 'reasons' decided to no longer love me and/or throw my love away decide that they made a mistake in doing so, and come back in to the hoop of my love where they
You know, never really left.
Doubt if I'll have Doug as a husband again. Never know where life will take you, but it's not an intention of mine, that's for sure.... and, anyway, my heart is really taken now..... in that area anyway..... with this Impossible Love I've been sweetly and/or painfully tortured with for years. I have been celibate since the day I did the "cutting the cord" ceremony with my 3 husbands (night of the cascading stars) and I still feel that it wouldn't be possible to be with anyone in that way without wishing the whole time that it was The Beloved in my arms and body and breath instead..... I wouldn't want someone to be in such an intimate place with me if THEY felt the way I do, if THEY would be visualizing someone else instead of me while we were 'making love' HELLO earth-to-golden-rule, so,
Well, I'm not gonna do that crappy thing to someone else, as lonely as I may be sometimes.... and/or horney. Even beyond the golden-rule altruistic shit, it would, really, hurt my own soul. So this time continues, my energy it rises, that's just the way it is..... art and/or volunteer work, where all this excess is being channeled, is quite superlative.
Yet, sometimes, in the night, from my soft-sand bed, I DO look up at the stars and, wish........
Mo' laytuh, just got the airdates for my TV show, so got some forwarding to do.
Love,
3SE 'golden rule' lovemooner
e-mail recieved:
"I copied this from the inside of a turn of the century shed in Glen
Montana.
The signature was S. Stefanic which I believe is Susan Stefanic of
Butte who
must have writen it on the wood wall when she was young. I do
not know if
she is the author of if she found this somewhere and was so moved that
she
was compelled to scribe it permanently. I have carried this with
me for
years and whenever I am feeling pressured to disallow the wonderment
that is
me, I reread it. This expresses the base of my personality principles.
I
hope it gives you the courage to dream BIG and bring your visions into
the
world."
Courage of the Artist
It is the duty of the artist to resist
It is the duty of the artist to reject all truths
To put an end to all answers
To demolish the status Quo
To expose the king's nakedness
To ignore the facts
To fall in love as often as possible
To be in love with as many as possible simultaneously
To see through walls
To walk through fire
To fly over the crevasse
To bring inspiration to the isolated doubting angel
To dive into intuition
To abandon all solutions
To create the ultimate vision
Credo of Those Who Try to Better the World
We the willing, led by the unknown,
Have been doing the impossible for so long,
And with so little, that we are now qualified,
To do almost anything with practically nothing.
"Art is not a mirror to reflect reality, but a hammer with which to
shape
it."--Bertol Brecht
We are the music makers. We are the dreamers of dreams.
Wandering by lone sea breakers. Sitting by desolate streams.
World losers and world forsakers on whom the pale moon gleams.
And yet we are the movers and the shakers of the world forever it seems.
-Arthur O'Shaughnessy
*******************************************************************
My response (there wuz also some personal stuff at beginning of letter
from my fiend that spoke about his losing-files and/or computer-inadaquate-for-art-he's-creating
woes, THEN he pasted these inspiring things, just fucking hard to get us
artists down, huh?) (at least, for long! sigh.)
Oh. PS, he also had invited me to stay with him last night, got the
e-mail late though, just as well, had some under-the-stars prying to do
(triple sigh) but anyways that explains the referances including to the
overnight parking pass)
Hiya loved one!
3SE wrote:
"Shit shit shit shit shit
Makes plants grow good, composting.
Thank you SO MUCH for the 'creed', I just put it in word (along with the quotes) fit it on one page, and am printing it. Gonna take it into PSP later and make a poster of it, perhaps a few versions... I love playing with their texture stuff.
Tonight I'm here working on grants... Jase gave me hard copy of two today, good break from screen occasionally, I'll follow link you sent too, prob stay here tonight since I'll be working late. Tomorrow night is real good for me, though, specially' since I start college on Monday. Would love to play some more.... radio theatre thing..... I bet we could market spots I want to say once we get our timing down, yet, thus said, it's already so good.... (sigh and double triple sigh)
Could you send me a copy of that show/seg we did, to:
wetrose3@hotmail.com
?
I have more available space in that mailbox. In fact, if I could get
V.A.R.I.O.U.S. mailing THERE from now on that would be cool too, if you
have time to update your list at some point.... this box needs some serious
clearing... been waiting for an office for my computer so I can do that
(sigh) all in good time, ALL in good time!
Oh, and even with the pass prominently displayed on the dashboard, I got a 'bad note' again the other morning.... and I even saw the security guard on the way to the car to post it, waved it in the air, and said to him: "good evening! Just goin to put my overnight pass on my car like a good girl!" He laughed and said,” Good evening to you too"!
Go figguh.
Soz, yeah, I told Liberty and Sunshine about the "Smoke smoke smoke" routine (as I have come to affectionately call it) and I'd LOVE to play it for them! Thanks, love.
The photo contest looks complicated to enter.... maybe I'll visit again later when I'm not so sleep-depped.... (as I was the other evening) but anyways here's the Haiku page URL, (may have sent it to you already) I put some new stuff up last night, the first 3 book pages..... Exported them as JPGS! Which was cool since they seemed to only save as DTP files and only us really-interested-in-desktop publishing have programs that open those files.
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/HAIKUTHIS_.html
Well, anyways, love ya bunches,
Prosperity calling grant-writing/researching wahine'
******************************************************8
From a note back to a BEAUTIFUL woman who taught me Hawaiian field
biology last semester:
From 3SE:
"Thanx for getting back to me. Guess I thought I did better than I did. What I learned in your course got an A+++ from me, and that's what's important anyways :)
So, thanks for gettin back to me with all your activities. I'm curious also how your work in the council is doing, and what the progress is towards us being a 4-yearer?
Also, on my front, I'm only taking one class this year, Music Lit, it gives me more time to focus on my writings, and volunteer activities. One of those is to work on The Memorial Garden. It should be beautiful, and lots and/or all natives included. I'm doing it as a special memoriam to my Beloved Professor Tan.... did you know Felix? Oh, how I loved that man! He is the first one, as well, that started my vision of this "Beings Human" TV show I'm doing (other big life-project), it premieres on 2/01/02 at 7:30 PM..... not sure if you've got cable, but anyways it's on calabash TV.... not sure what # that is..... the homepage for the show is:
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
and there will be copies of each show available in the library. I really really want you to be on it, or at least call in once we're live (in March). I think we're starting bi-weekly, then will become weekly during summer.
Now, Haikus. There's some samples of the Haiku/photo combos raw and also some completed pages at:
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/HAIKUTHIS_.html
I was able to save the individual pages in another format by exporting as JPG, but there's no order (in the universe as well, sigh?) then.... do you have a program that recognizes .dtp files?
Anyways, if you want, I can print up a copy of the book and give THAT to you....... then if you even want it, we'll figure out what I can save it in. Oh, and yes, you can still put the discs in Michele Driscoll's box, I'm meeting with her regularly, not just cause we're friends, but I'm one of the "PR spokespersons" for the literary journal, we'll be going from class to class begging submissions for next years edition. When you get around to it :) Thanks, love
Oh, and PPS
My camera's broke and the 'golden flowered' tree (yeah, I know, I should
know its name, sigh again) near the faculty hales is blooming! Could someone
take a photo? And at some point I'd love to get together and figure out
which ones we still need to photograph (do we have any pics of the new
plantings near TLC?) for the tree tour.
Multitasking infused with love,
I am your,
3singingeagles :)
***********************************************************************
The Dalai Lama is real sick. Everyone's being asked to send out prayers.
I was given The Divine Ceremony Of The Medicine Buddha a few months ago by a Buddhist named Rev. Francisco. He wrapped it in a special clth cover, and told me how to care for it. I have driven around with it right in front of me on the dashbosrd of my car since that day. Today, a few hours ago, I brought it into Jasons, unshethed it, opened the book, and just plunged into the prayer-sequence..... substituingthe Dalai lama's name for mine whenever appropriate, doing the ceremony FOR HIM and at one point I had an INCREDIBLE experiance which I'll share with you later...... along with some URL's for medicine Buddha prayers/info. For now, here's the beginning of a stroy I just started writing about it.
Yes.... multitasking again. Sagg risin.... gotta love it!
Laytuh,
3SE
The Dalai Lama sat up in his sick-bed. “Come, come
over here!” he said to a few of the monks that had been hanging out in
the room as he slept. Only slightly surprised faces rushed to his bedside.
They had an inkling something was happening too. They felt a prescence
in the room starting around 5 or 6 minutes earlier. “Someone is chanting
the Medicine Buddha mantra for the very first time in their life, for the
specific sake of my healing (as well as the secondary benefit of healing
ALL sentient beings)” he said, excruciatingly incredible smile upon his
face. “She does not realize what she does. She is to become a living vessel
of The Medicine Buddha by the end of it! Here, prop me up, yes, yes that
is good….. here, put my legs in the lotus position., yes,”
And so she rides.............
Just got kinda propositioned by my mechanic. And I rather like it.
God, I am so lonely for intimate masculine contact. There is something about that time when you're satiated in each others arms and talking story, and the lighting in the room is always magic.... an altered state of conciousness which is peaceful and,
Well, I miss that. I never fucked anyone I didn't like.... that I didn't have a pre-synergy with.
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Can "saint" 3singingeagles maintain her celibic dedication to True
Love or will the quivering inside the very marrow of her bones force her
into...............
Yeah, well, you know.
Maybe I may as well. What do I have? They have taken my cuddle-boy away, this time involuntarily on my part.... it seems they have kidnapped him..... they made sure I was no present when they snatched him.... they know my power but how.... I have not ever told them... ya know, I try not to scare anyone and all.
Today I did some advanced astral-travel tricks while laying on the lawn at college. You send yourself out and slightly above and out of your body, with no cord. You empty out your body. I (in the sky) (I am the I in the sky, gazing at yooouuuuuuu.......?) sent out from "myself", luminous rays onto my empty body and a diameter round' me, went out to the faculty Hales, part of student lounge/gameroom/ other stuff on 1st floor, part of bookstores, flowed streamed and poured out upon many birds............
What a strange feeling. Never did this one before. Not sure what inspired it, maybe some bad news.... a cold message from a former sister on my voicemail, and it was the only message, nothing good, nothing that made my heart balance out, feeling helpless to a degree
Right before my first Music Lit class with Robert, like, 20 mins before it, there I am TRYING A NEW FUCKING VERY SERIOUS ADVANCED MAGIC THING I'VE NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE WHAT AM I THINKING AND/OR AM I
You know, Michele told me today that I am not crazy.
I'm not, actually, quite sure I agree with that!
Well, anyways, Mike thinks I am "an incredibly sexy little thing".... is this true? How CAN it be.... why do men love me so much? I'm not even conciously putting out ANYthing in that direction, I do NOTHING that 'normal' woman do to make themselves attractive (one benefit is I look the same in bed in the morning as I always do)
What IS it? Ocassionally I'll wear lipstick, yet I think that's mostly cause I love the feel of rolling it on
Yeah. My mouth. It is sensative and sensual and sense-lovin and
Making me quite famous. People, people I don't even know (well, we all know each other on some Kosmic level or another, but ya know what I mean, yeah?) are CALLING FOR ME TO DO MY LIVE POETRY, requesting it, calling for me BY NAME loudly.... I'm performing nearly every day AT LEAST once... it was such a trip when this happened at The Maui Artists showcase the other night..... I was just doin camera (and a little loosly pre-planned somewhat improv beneficiant hecking of the host/MC, now THAT was fun, Brooklyn voice insert yeah) and PEOPLE CALLED FOR ME TO DO SOME OF MY LIVE POETRY!!!! SHIT yeah! MC went right into it..... I surrendered the camera and he had them shout out 3 words or phrases....
Peoria, Illinois....................Funky.......................and state of mind.
The poem was awesome as usual. I think my best work is at these times, I'm bringing my tape recorder along from now on.... Jason's footage of me doing the one at Hale Imua that was SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL got accidentally erased.............. so we only have a small clip of it, since Peter shut the camera I had handed him off for some reason.... yet, since I leave my body at these times (to an extent anyways) I don't really remember much, Peter's footage has some audiance stuff, YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP they were, as he put it, "completly and utterly captivated" and when he showed me my mouth dropped open.... oh, what will it be like this Thurday when I perform the first "Unstopping The Muse" for the test-run/private showing of "Ecstacy and The Goddess Of Love". I was called and invited to do this. What will it be like? To be nearly naked. Blindfolded. Tied down. Then, gagged. Then, one at a time, audiance members, now anonymous to me, will come up, and rub me with Sacred Oil (will consult filmaker and shaman Christina re: oil) (Liberty and Sunshine are making my costume? check when I get back to Kihei later, make coffee, hug Jason. Good listing)
Yes, rub and stroke The Muse, repeating the same one word of their choosing over and over again.... till they're satisfied my energy is intensely built up, then, OUT comes the mouth-stopper and OUT comes the poem for their word (and, probubly, for them personally) I mean WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO COME OUT OF HER/MY MOUTH it excites and scares and arouses and
OH WHAT A CONTROVERSY IT IS ALREADY CAUSING EVEN BEFORE I DO IT
I have only met 3 people so far that COMPLETLY LOVE AND/OR GROK IT....
yet, that's 3 you may say.... it's the ones that think I should IN NO WAY
do
this thing that surprise me.............
Maybe I should invite Paul. Yeah, I still haven't forgotten about his energy either. Melinda told me he's "still carrying a torch" for someone who is probubly his wife but then
Wouldn't that make us even more perfect matches to eachother? Holding on to a love, not just any love..... but someone who turns us on AND we can talk to in bed and other places as well,
While we tuck our twin torches-for-the-ones-we-really-want-to-be-with,
Under the bed? Behind the sand dunes at the beach? In the bed of the
pick-up truck? Under the kitchen table? I
I yi yi, must go. Haven't had more than one cup of water today and nothing to eat..... think I'm spacin
Maybe more later,
Burning cheeks of bliss amidst excruciating pain of the soul,
I am, your,
3singingeagles
A poem written last night:
The Unprotected Fire
In the inne in my room there was
A fire ablaze in the fireplace, with no grateing.
Also in the room where I waited for you, there was
No dishes, no washboard, no bed or spread, no dim
Lights or quiet harsh words, no fal-da-ralle.
Nothing. Really.
Nothing but a rug and a bottle of wine.
I bade them, before you came unto me,
To move those too.
To make the room COMPLETLY empty.
Except for the unprotected fire.
Tuesday
28th?
Last Night............
I sat with green apple purple smoothness between my thighs NOT squeezed but held between them in the PERFECT balance of strongly firm and sensually gentle IAt the ocean, sang a song, a song of my living under the great stars..... roaming literally the way my soul has ALWAYS roamed even in those days of business suits and panty-hose and incredible technical responsibilities, such as opening, taking care of while open, and locking.... TV stations and radio stations.
This morning I remembered some of those radio-days with Jason. It's
pouring and I made it from my campsite (sacreded ground spot, juices of
The Divine left in the sand upon my dreaming while laying naked-of-soul
upon it, dripping, dripping, dripping,)
The rain.
To Jasons I did make it for I commited myself
(Last night)
to spend the entire day working on grants for M.A.M.A.
He was surprised I made it. I reminised bout' Q-104, how the studio was at the site of the transmitter, and how I used to make it, NO MATTER WHAT, up there to the top of the tallest mountain in the finger lakes of upstate New York, even through snow, see,
I had to open it, and get it up. This was like two decades ago.... there were no CD's and no computer running the station, if I didn't get there it was not on the air. It was the most popular station in town (cept on the weekends, when WVBR would do specialty shows and live stuff, yet that's where I was on weekends anyway.... Reagae back then! First reggae show in America, Nonesuch, 'folk' music show, 'golden oldies' 50's and early 60's music, etc.) soz anyways besides being the most popular station in town and people needing/wanting it up and running, lost airtimes are lost revenues.... not too many spots (commercials) in the wee hours, so if I was a little late it worked, but I was only late twice in a little over 4 years of working there. At one point, I was on 3 radio stations, paid: Q-104, adult contmporary (Madonna came out with her first songs while I was a jock) W- something I have a senior moment, but anyways.... the salery was actually quite good there and the shifts were 8 hours instead of 6 which I liked... yet.... being a 'radio engineer/DJ' in those days at least, was CONSTANT WORK and TIRING.
Shit, I miss being a DJ. You know, it's been a while since I've applied around the island.... maybe I ouggtuh try it again. Hum.
AND I was on VBR.... as a 'townie' when all or at least most of the non-resident Cornell University students left for: Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, Spring break, Martain Luther King break (you get the idea, ey?) us 3-4 'townies' would have to do all the shifts.... I kinda lived there...... and that went on for 8-9 years. I LOVED it. I was a single mom when I got into radio, already on TV about a year with my own weekly (really bi-weekly, did rerun 1X each show) TV program "Survival Into The 21st Century".... that's the one Carl (Sagan) used to watch with Anne (his wife) just cause they thought I was such a hoot! I heard a lot of comments in that regard, especially when I deliverewd pizzas (my 2nd favorite job, DJ first, Home Health aide 3rd) there was a whole contingency of guys I met once, that were together for their weekly "MaPrem" (my sanscrit name, it means Ma:most supreme manifestation of, Prem:love) party! They got together every week, (that meant they watched the reruns!) and watched my show "You crack us up!" and there was even a pizza palor called "The Nines" that tuned in every week, and people had pizza and Prem (Pizza and LOVE, WOAH, WHAT A CONCEPT!)
sOZ ANYWAYS, BOY i'M TAKIN A LOT OF SIDE TRIPS TODAY, EY?
i WAS A SINGLE moM WITH MY OLDEST (mIRA, WHO THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO) AND THERE WERE TIMES SHE SLEPT ON THE COUCH FOR DAYS.
oooPS, CAPS ON, SORRY.
The couch at VBR and sometimes Q104........ specially' during the years I pulled midnight-6AM (and sometimes later if Barry didn't show up on time which was often enough)
It amazes me where we have gotten to at this point with the Nazi-state of judgement of parents. Would I have been charged with child abuse then? "She should be in a home sleeping in a bed", it seems that this thing with Thor is not just personal, that children are being taken out of tents and cars when their houseless parents are only camping cause there's no housing available in their price range, not that they don't work and/or have money! This has really got to stop. I've camped since I was an infant. With the Shaman and Spiritual Warrrior training, I HAVE been put in the middle of no where with nothing but the clothes on my back and done fine. You can even suds up with soapwort, or here, awapuhi (soap ginger) if you need hygenic care, toothbrushes and plants and root that disinfect, refresh/scent are found everywhere.... even in the desert you can get water from cactus.....
The mass-hypnotism that you need a house to live a a viable, nay, COMPLETE Human Being existance turns rabbidly dangerous when children start being, basically, kidnapped from parents, TORN from their family home, YES, a home is even a beach-fucking-park or a pineapple field or a piece of woods or
ANYWHERE where love, respect, non-violence, and earth-groundedness,
"Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water. After enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water"
live.
So, last night, after doing gonzo spontanious art at a shopping mall (the security guards were our audiance you'd better believe)
Then, going to Jasons with Peter and doing more testing/configuring of projector-computer protocols, making pledge to Jase to come this morning and start on grants (why I'm signing out soon, though, I have a fire in me today, and really want to keep writing to you..... more later, maybe. Rarely do I make promises, mostly because it's essential for me to carry them out) (I don't always, by the way, HUMAN NOT A SAINT DONT LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY IM A SAINT AT LEAST NOT SERIOUSLY IM JOKING EVERYTIME, ITS SARCASM, LITE VERSION, K?) soz anyways,
The witching hour on the full moon, goto Peters, haul equipment, look at his 3D eyeball animations one still rendering JEEZ THEY TAKE A LONG TIME TO RENDER EVEN WITH HIS 200 PLUS AVAILABLE RAM HELLO then get to my campsite of the night (I've been movin around and mixin it up, yet, really, just a little,) and what do I do? SLEEP? Nah, I
went to the nearby sea. Full moon surge crashings. Sang sitting on a lava rock. Down on my knees. Pacing the beach. Lite dancing/magician moves. Called down power through my arms and SHOT it down unaffixed
The ti-leaf lei around my ankle. Went to the water. I can hardly believe it and I hate telling you yet I pledged honesty and I sware, a few times I was afraid. The moon was mostly behind very thick clouds, so the light was eeiry, dark, but not dark enough. I could see the waves. They were strond and powerful.
MaPrem would go. 3SE wood.
Into the churning waves went the lei that got tied round' my ankle when Mike came to pick me up from the college and bring me to my yeah-now-I-have-wipers car, the wet ti-leaf lei that followed me to gonzo art-without-a-license, (a reb-el with-out, A CLUE!), and through,
The song that turned into perhaps the most powerful ceremony (in the top ten at least) that I ever did, what happened?
Think there's no turning back from The Advanced Source erer path now.
What was born with me, saying la-la-la with just my head out of my mamas
pussy
Bein 'psychic' since then training
And learning deeper my entire life, yes,
It has come to this. On a lawn at college, yesterday, through a combination of events and feelings, I decided to 'go for it' and use the never and almost never used 'white' magics and
Now, it seems, I have entered a new zone. Last night was EXTREMLY POWERFUL i
gOT WET. fACED MY FEARS. lET THE mOTHER HIT ME. aND SHE DID NOT, NOT ONCE, THOUGH i STOOD IN HER AND TOLD HER IT WAS OKAY IF SHE NEEDED TO AND REALLY MENT IT, SHE CALMED HER WAVES THE WHOLE TIME i STOOD IN HER, BLESS HER LOVIN LITTLE HEART THEN
dOWN! THE ENERGY, mANA, (woops, caps again!), and,
A few minutes later, some raindrops, it's
Pouring now. I am in the desert (Kihei) and it is pouring, flooding. One person on the phone this morning said it's been 10 years since we've had a rain like this is Kihei since it's been so drastically
Wet. Wet wet wet.
Anon.
Does anybody really know what time it is................
My arms are wide open
My heart is doing sleeve riding
The feedback is....
Heartening.
Till later,
"Rose"
*******************************************
(later)
Energy configuring into massive spun-spideries
Spun light go to all monopoly squares of luxery-liquid light.
Playing with words.... it is the BEST aphrodesiac!
I am considerably vibrantly alive with it.
Love,
Me.
No Secrets
I am tired of espianage. I am turning my back on, averting, dodgeing in general, people's trips about 'keeping things quiet'. I am finding myself in a lot of situations lately where I get to practice my commitment to that.
Tonight is the world-premiere of my TV show, "Beings Human". There's a good example of this principle in action on the show. The middle list is "big dreams' and my idea is I want people to tell their dreams of projects, inventions, movements, etc. with the entire viewing audiance. This dissolves ownership. My, call it crazy, idea is WE DON'T HAVE ANY TIME LEFT TO HOARD THESE VISIONS! Maybe that's easy for me to say cause I have an incredible amount of ideas, visions, creativity, that has never stopped during my lifetime, and in addition is currently showing no signs of slowing down. I do not say this lightly. Recently, as regular followers of this diary know, someone who went kindof insane took all the writings I've done for the last 10 plus years and dragged the cardboard boxes out from under a church they were stored at, unprotected, on the lawn, in the rain. By the time they were discovered there by my girlfriend who caretakes the church, they were already pretty much destroyed. Then I salvaged a few things, had them at my new home, the woman there, after I left, even though my rent was paid up, decided she wanted the room cleared, moved my stuff into the laundry room, there was a flood, and, well, who knows what's left. It may be that I have lost everything, including my computer. And, guess what? There's that and more in here. Even my 3 novels can dissapear, there are three more in there. If I was paranoid about someone stealing my work, that's how I'd live, in fear. It's total fear or none at all, and I, in my insanity, choose NONE AT ALL thank you very much. I'm on extra-time now, anyway. I was supposed to die last year. If I had, no one would have published or even looked at those writings. They would have been gone, and the future writings too. I'm still here, so I'm working in an assest anti-deficiant zone, and
No no no, they can't take that away from me!
I don't choose, since my time is so precious to me and/or the planet,
to spend any of it with people that fight, cause problems that aren't there,
blow problems that are there up into balloonish inflation,
****8*******************
Later, haha its only thursday, show's tomorrow, get WITH it, 3singingeagles
:)
So, the rain comes into my soul, dripping into my stomach.
Could I, finally, be free of a torture long held?
Fear of love will not be mine, no.
I must love, wherever, WHENever. I must not close myself to love. What a lonely fucked up life it would be, would I to even PLAY with the idea!
No, the way I live my life, is to choose love. To choose connection. There is, really, no other path for MY soul. May I honor and realize the factors that may make anyone else afraid. It is ONLY THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.
Still In The Resplendant Kingdom Of Love,
Yet, shifting, shifting,
grab it where and when you can, Beautiful Seamstress Of Fate,
Call all the wind to your hair.
Anon.
3SE
A Once Pilgram Soul Is Caged
by ROSE!
What a sad life it would be
If I could only love one person in a life time.
Someone who was a Pilgram Soul, and had great capacity to love, said
one day:
"Only my eros love. That is all I will allow in my hoop.
No agape. God can wait.
I am only allowed to love one person. My heart is owned, and that is
that.
It is my choice.
No fratnos. Friends that I love deeply aren't needed in my world.
I have not been taught this, I was born differently, raised in a world
of people,
But I CHOOSE this and that is that."
Only the Far Shores in The Upper Realms of God
Know
The Lovers.
Yes!
Those crazy types that,
With fire in eyes,
Hold hope alive on the planet,
With their excessive impossible multi-loving.
Thankful, am I,
One of the chosen ones.
And, also, weeping,
Weeping for the loss,
Of another Pilgram Soul.
*****************************************
All the colors are swirling into one. Here comes the big ceremony,
and show. Always peace, all ways. Yet I go to my bed tonight, sad, grieving.
I shall sweat and pray for awhile first, perhaps, then sweet aloneness,
Under unforgivingly brilliant
Stars.
"Finally............
I real a lize.
I'm to be!
My own sur prise.
This is the season of farewell.
And I've finally bro ken the spell.
The is the season of fare well,
And I want you to know,
Before I go."
- Donovan and
me
This is going to be some powerful-ass ceremony tomorrow. If I could even begin to tell you what it has done to people, the insanity it has already caused..... well, I will soon. For now, I have many appointments and things to do.... maybe I'll be back later. I really want to see my show tonight, and I might be able to use the student lounge.
This is it. There is NO turning back now. I am feeling so holy. Last night, I was in shock and overwhelmed and in such deep sorrow and confusuion.... and when I went to the beach, everything started becoming VERY VERY clear to me, I saw the truth behind the veils of words meant to protect.... where am I saying words to protect me? Mirror time, The Liars are providing me, at least, with that.
And tears. Cleansing unbelieving racking tears. I hope they get something out of their cruelty and coldness and stupidity..... fuckers. How COULD they, after all I have loved and been and done with and for them. BATCH HEARTBREAK is, actually, causing the lights around my body to glow even brighter !!!!!
Woah.
Anon, dear loves,
And if I do not ever return,
If I am murdered before I get to say this,
Remember me. Be inspired by me. Because, no matter HOW MANY TIMES my
heart was hurt, broken, or the harshest form, bludgeoned, I still
Loved.
Hey, wasn't murdered! Spent the eve of the world premiere of my TV show stuck at college with no gas and/or money.... slept in my car under the Banyan (oooops, meant BODHI as in, Buddha would go) tree! Checked phone messages this morning from BOSP office, got some RAVES!!! Robert even called and said I looked like I was 20 years old, and was 'clear and vibrant and powerful'. Cool. Oh, and he also said I was a 'major babe' and that he got VERY AROUSED every time the camera was on me and at one point he wished I was in bed with him. Sigh. I would be lovers with him again, but he's right, not till he stops drinking himself to death.... I feel both strong and COMPLETLY FREE from the demon/spirit/disease of alcohalism that FUCKED UP MY LIFE for so long, but..... yeah, he's probubly right. Would love to have him and/or his daughter Ohana on the show, and called back his machine and left that message (and some intimate shit.... what.... you want me to tell you EVERYTHING? Hello, I have SOME privacy I like though not much as you know). Yet to be called a 'major babe' and be told "I wish you were here in my bed RIGHT NOW" was VERY cool....
better believe I'm gonna save that phone message AS LONG AS I CAN to play on rainy-days -of-the-soul-like recently. Why have I been sad/angry/confused? Listen:(OH "BELOVED ONE", FUCK YOU, TRAITOR OF MY HEART, I HATE YOU AND LOVE YOU AT THE SAME TIME YOU FUCKING BASTARD) yeah, had to get that out of my system, ya know, I don't even know if I want to tell you what that asshole has done.... if he was a fool he would be wise but he's not that high, he is A COWARD arrrrghhhh..... more when I get A LITTLE DISTANCE AND PERSPECTIVE and if I don't and I'm STILL PISSED in a few days, I'll just continue this tirade. Right now, I'm real busy for next few days.
Shit, there's so much I want to tell you.... but I feel I must go try'in find some kinda costume for TONIGHTS virgin performance of "Unstopping The Muse" (no, it wasn't Thursday, I am seriously mixing up times and dates lately, one of the side effects of this intense constant magic I'm doing thanks to that jackass who asked me to teach it to him many years ago UUUUGGGHHHH, just WAIT till I get the time to tell you what that fucker did to me.... jeeezzzz.....) Then, tomorrow, Church maybe.... definitly movie with Alohi and playing with her all or most of the day :). Monday-Weds, newspaper shit.... time to lay out the first issue, and, yes, I accepted Kims pleas and am now assistant editor still (again?) but I AM RESIGNING AS SECRETARY OF THE BOSP in person if I get the balls and/or right additude this wendsday. School Mon and Weds. And visits with Thor, oh man, I AM GOING TO SUE THE FUCKING PANTS OFF THIS COUNTY AND OR NATION FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE AND STOLEN FROM THOR AND I SINCE HIS BIRTH
Not this week, though.
Oh, here's an e-mail I sent this morning to the first person ever to ask me to be their mentor! Wow!
Glad I have not died yet,
Ready to be aroused and unstoppered tonight,
Fire in the belly,
3SE
*************************************************8*************8
Have some suggestions for your two articles, to tighten them up a little.....
but they're pretty tight already.... really good work. Even though I had
written in this form first in my career, I've been doing mostly fiction
for the last 12 years (since coming to live on Maui) so I was out of practice
when I started last semester.... I had to re-write my first articles up
to FIVE TIMES before I got them 'right'.... remember, newspaper writing
is meant to GRAB and KEEP attention, to catapult readers into more exploration
INDEPENDANTLY, not give them all the info right away.... and keep everything
in the present when/where ever possible. You're already a natural, you're
gonna do fine!
Do you have a phone number I can reach you at? If not, I'll put them
in word and use edit mode, then send you instructions on how to use it....
(actually, here's a brief intro, to edit, go to tools---- track changes-----
highlight changes. When presented with an edited piece, same except goto
reject or accept changes, follow instructions in pop-up window). This only
works if you have word (do you?).
I'll be on line for the next hour or so, then I have to prepare for my debut performance (TONIGHT!) of my erotic live poetry piece, "Unstopping The Muse", it'll be videotaped for showing on Akaku.... I'll send you the dates if you wish.
Mucho Loveo,
3singingeagles
Assistant editor of Ho'oulu 2002, and erotic live poetess :)
Eat starlight for breakfast
When you drool
Do not wipe it off right away
Let it sit there,
Glisten.
"Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser"
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/
FROM ZERO TO TWO
Wow. Whew.
Yeah.
So, I have two lovers now. Nature abhors a broken heart. Coral sits upon the roof of the world, a piece drops down into my hand from The Kingdom Of Love, and, yes, I still give it to The Beloved..... a magical piece like that and all I can think to do is mount it on his door (the coral. Oh, sigh an' double triplet quadrup sigh already...............) kisses and wet tounge upon it in private before I mount it..... will he feel my warmness upon it? Feel it. Sigh. What a fabulous goodbye present. I shall not go to him again. In fact, I shall not even speak with him until the day that he begs my forgiveness. Perhaps I'll make him get down on his knees. He is a way mo' powerful magician than I.... TOTALLY.... shit, look at how his wands came to him..... and, anyways, as I tried to explain to him when he first asked me if I would teach him 'real' magic, I COULD, yet I really don't use it much, only when ness. in healing work and/or at births and even then I really try not to.... see, magic has its side effects. 'Negative' (hateful) magic causes great physical pain, suffering, deterioration, aging, and more for the sender/ source erer. 'Positive' magic
Arouses sexuality. I HAVE to understand why my once and possibly future lover is SO SCARED of our energy. We really should not even BE NEAR EACHOTHER RIGHT NOW this is totally for the best, I am so glad I've gained some perspective (remember me wishin for it a few days ago)
Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I've had fantasies the last few days of grabbing his hair and turning his face to me and making him look me in the eyes and tell me he does not love me, repeat the lies he's trying to convince us of, oh,
So good to get some perspective.
And to get penetrated. Last night, I actually begged Don to enter me. We first met a coupla years ago at the coffee store in Kihei...........he was a friend of Rev. Watrous, we hung together often then, but I was Jims girl
You know, I'm gonna break in here and tell you, that NO MAN shall claim sovernity over me unless he wishes to live with me and help me raise my children. I will have many lovers. I am real tired of holding my vessel like this, for what, a man that, even if we were to be free to be together, I probubly couldn't be with anyway because we'd probubly end up killing eachother one way or another. Plus, he is more powerful a source erer than any I've had or will.... funny I scare him, if he only knew HOW MUCH he scares me, teh, WOULD he be surprised, I doubt it, he's not as stupid and naiive as he looks (tries to convince the world) he's a good fuckin actor too except for us seers noone would know that he is the fourth most powerful Sourcerer on the planet Earth right now. No, we are too crazy together. Shit, we already have fought in public more than once and he's really trying hard to keep this 'professional relationship' facade going on between us, he's out of control with me.
Shit, I think Don was right. As we were laying together under the stars on the beach last night, laying in eachothers arms and talking while satiated and... God, WARM, it was cold in the clear-skyed nighted desert yet we were sweating under a thin sheet, in each others arms. What IS it that has me aroused just sitting here remembering? There is something that is going on here that I don't understand, I mean, even yesterday, when he drove me to the County parking lot from church (he's one of the shuttle drivers for the church) and I was the only passenger, we laughed and talked story, then he STOPPED THE VAN GOT OUT AND OPENED THE DOOR FOR ME!!!!! (Never seen him do THAT before for anyone) AND he had turned the engine off.... didn't he have to get right back to church to pick up more people (?) then he came to me, and opened his arms in that non-verbal asking permission for a hug position and I entered his arms and OH GOD. We kissed, we exchanged numbers, we kissed some more, OH SHIT HE IS SO GOOD AT KISSING ME God I can hardly believe how wet I am actually getting while typing this..... whew.... god I hope he takes my offer to come kiss me at lunch break here.... I'll make sure to do it right where my fearful Magi can see, SHOW him that I DON'T NEED HIM hahaha, and
Probubly really piss him off. Yeah, Don told me that the men I knew who refused to go to the performance of 'unstopping the muse' were, probubly, all men who wanted me. I thought of it, and
Of course it was/is true. What was I thinking? How can someone who has used VERY VERY SERIOUS magicks and spells to afix me to him (yep- finally figured out why I could/cannot disconnect from him) and somehow thinks of me as his and wants to posess me, deal not just with strangers rubbing my entire body with oil, but then on top of it I told him about my crush on Paul, WHAT THE FUCK DID i THINK HE WOULD DO?
And now, knowing how FURIOUS it makes him to see and/or hear of me in the arms of another, I'm actually thinking of Don coming to get his oral gratification, kissing and pressing against me, in the parking lot/area of college where the fucking Magician who won't let me go and doesn't have the BALLS to take me him self can WATCH- WATCH ME GET PRESSED AND KISSED AND STROKED BY ANOTHER MAN FUCKER, YOU WHO WILL NOT RELEASE ME, YOU WHO CALL TO ME, I avoid him, he comes up to ME and bades me to come to his office..... I do, sitting at his feet as I have all these long years, then he writes and tells me how uncomfotable it feels when I sit at your feet THEN RELEASE YOUR TENSION, COMEON, I'M WAITING FOR YOU FUCKER AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT, COMEON, OR SUFFER, FOR YOU SHALL NOT AGAIN GET EVEN THE BLESSING OF MY EYES LOOKING INTO YOURS UNTIL YOU END YOUR COWERDICE.... I DO NOT ALLOW COWARDS INTO ME.....
Which reminds me, yep, Mike the (his clothes are dirty but his hands are clean) mechanic called my message number Saturday... he had driven all the way to Kihei and was there, could I come to him?
Well, I had just gotten done at the gym when I got the message, he had left it round' lunchtime and here it was around 3PM and I had to be in Maui Meadows to get possesed by the Muse (I was told it was EXTREMELY POWERFUL and I hope to see the tape soon, I was gone during her poetry thing.... also, will transcribe some here for ya, all of them if audio is good, once I get a copy of the tape) (glad the first performance was 'by private invitation' for the test run..... have some tweaking to do like longer ti-leaf leis to bind me down fast.... it was too easy to free me, and this Shaman who was there took it upon himself to do so, thereby breaking my trance-state, though his rough and powerful hands were a pleasure to feel that I am glad I did not miss...... didn't 'know' it was him till later since I WAS still blindfolded..... but I suspected.)
Soz anyway, called him, he had a five year old cell phone he had never used and last week he had got it turned on
Just for me. He had gotten it turned on just for me. Sigh, wow, and HOT DAMN. He had waited for me at the beach, hoping. I went to him. It was a centrally located beach, yet we were somehow alone most of the time. He was drinking non-alcoholic beer, and explained that he doesn't drink. Good, I'm startin to hate the way people get when they're drunk, and with the guys my (physical) age/generation, most of em' DO NOT need anything that keeps them from getting an erection thank ya very much whick alcohol does so
Well, anyways, he's
SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE a Vietnam vet.... good for me to stick with the warriors.... these cowards are pissin me off..... and even though I only had an hour and a half before the performance (ceremony it turned out to be, and, YES, he wanted to come) we got to massage eachother, kiss a bunch, and talk,
Not ONE of my men has ever had the balls to tie me down and blindfold me and TAKE ME (no gag- I want my mouth free for their pleasure too)
And Mike said he WOULD TOTALLY WANT TO..... ummmmmm.....
What will NEXT weekend bring?
Oh, shit, I'd better go, Thor is coming to visit and I have to meet him.... I'm not even sure if I've finished all my thoughts, well, be back later to do so if I'm not needed at newspaper office it is
The big day.
IN LIQUID LUSTY LIVING LOVE,
3SE
Shit I'm so fuckin busy I believe I am really becoming an american.
Or NOT
Here's an e-mail I just sent out to give you a small update.... was in newspaper office till 10:30 last night, 3 woman, oh, so mauch good shit to tell you, pulling an all-nighter again tonight, so may not getcha till the morrow though.
LIFE FUCKING RULES the sky is excruciatingly beautiful and I AM A BLOSSEM
***************************************************
(To crew and guests, this morning....)
REMINDER:
Tomorrow, Feb. 7th, is the next taping of "Beings Human". Show up at 4PM, 5PM ABSOLUTE LATEST and only if something really really important keeps you from coming at 4. I will call those of you I have numbers for to remind you as well. I will be providing a feast again. PLEASE REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL WHEN YOU READ IT, even if you just hit 'reply' and send it back to me, so I know you got it.... yet, thus said, you may want to include a request for a particular food.... and I WILL GET IT (unless it's unavailable locally, such as, like, Yak-meat steaks)
Akaku is at the corner of Dairy road and Alamaha, near Maui Wowee cafe, downstairs from the VA
We have gotten an INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF POSITIVE COMMENTS on the first show!!!!
CAN HARDLY WAIT TO HAVE FUN WITH YOU TOMORROW!!!!
Love,
"The listener"
PS
Remember to bring your highlighted declarations of independance from
last shoot if you have them, for commentary :)
TO THE FUTURE!!!!!
Visit "Beings Human", the new companion webpage to the upcoming show.
It will grow, as we all do, look for a forum.... let's talk with each other...
the time is now!
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
May peace and human kindness be with you, today and all days into perpetuity,
The Listener
Here's an exchange I went through via e-mail last night and this morning. I think it'll give ya a little idea of how 'me' is changing.
I like being clear and having it turn out good. Enough with being hurt and/or mistreated. A'ole.
******************************************************
Hi 3singingeagles,
Thanks so much for the pictures and all you
have
done for PTK. I was a bit bothered by
your remarks yesterday by the tree. You let me know
that you were hurt or insulted that no one helped you
with your kids. You also went in to the thing about
doing something for someone that will bring you no
public fame or recognition. Well, just to let you
know, (I can only speak for myself.) I do more than
anyone knows that goes completely unseen. I pick up
trash every time I go out in nature, which is several
times a week. I've been doing this for years & years.
I also help out my family in Haiku (with 2 young
children) and my friends and their families.
3singingeagles, I have friendships that have sustained
since grammar school, and I honestly, I am loyal to
those people and they are loyal to me. I hope you do
not think that I didn't help you because I wouldn't
get a PTK Star for it. Not true, and
probably not true for anyone else who was in the room.
You said that you could pay the person who provided
the care. I just assumed that you would sooner or
later hire someone, even if you had to get the service
through an ad in the paper, or the county childcare
office. Everyone else probably thought the same. I
had no idea you were counting on someone from PTK to help you with
your baby, and I'm sorry
if there was a misunderstanding. I have personally
chosen not to have any babies so far because I know
that it is a huge committment that I'm not willing to
make yet. Because you have chosen to have children, I
assume you have chosen to make that committment above
and beyond your schoolwork, TV work, or newspaper
work. I wish you all the very best, and once again, I
am very sorry if I or anyone in PTK has let you down.
For me, it was simply because I had previous family
and friends and the earth to take care of. Hope you
understand...
***********************************************************************
Wow. I thought we had a BEAUTIFUL talk under the tree yesterday! Woah!
Look, you may want to read the letter you sent me over again. It was really hurtful and judgemental and even nasty. If someone has put quilt trips on you over your public service, I'm sorry, but it wasn't me and you have NO PERMISSION TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME. How condesending to think I only depended on PTK..... HELLO!
You asked me a question, I ansewered it, and you have re-spun my ansewers in some kind of sick way and used it as a weapon against me, a person who has shown you nothing but love and respect. Shame on you. My heart hurts. Please send your anger to someone who deserves it if you must.
Sincerly,
3singingeagles
*************************************************************
Sorry,
A misunderstanding. Talk to you in person
later.
***************************************************************
Thank you, love!
Hey, perhaps I'll see ya at the TV studio today.... Michele will be on the show, it's 4PM at Akaku, show tapes at 6, we're closing the studio doors at ten till 6... if you don't want to be on camera, I'd love for you to sit in the control room and help test the phones by calling into the studio if you want to add to and/or comment on anything we're talkin about.
It is my feeling that we are all works-in-progress as Human Beings. I know that I am. Thus said, I consider you to be a Humanitarian who has a lot to share and teach about being a 'good' human being. None of us are perfect (HELLO) but that's why I invited you (and Michele thinks so too by the way)...... we'll be live in March with a regular series, perhaps even weekly (!), so they'll be plenty of times in the future to come too if tonight doesn't work for you.
In love and great respect,
3SE
************************************************
Men who love me.......
Why is it they come to my small insignificant flame,
These men that love me,
The adorable ones.
Knocking on my office door,
Holding me in pick-up trucks, on beaches, in their hearts,
Begging me not to sit at their feet and smile at them the way I do
then,
Coming up to me when I'm down on my knees
Just to see me gaze at them why
Does the flame of my heart become loved when I
Am such a small thing,
Why?
Earth Changes (and other obvious anomolies)
****************************************************
letter from my new partner. She is editor of the school newspaper,
I am assistant editor. This is the first issue of the Maui Community College
newspaper that has been entirely done by students (with a little help from
two students-of-life yet already college graduate professionals, Ilima
and Joshua)..... we were in the office almost non-stop till late Weds and
Thurs, I left around 9:30 Thurs cause Jason called and needed me, good
excuse, cause I was tired and Josh was there to work with Kim so it was
'all good'. I seem to help situations I'm in, somehow I lighten them.....
there must be some kinda manna leaking out of my body or somethin.
Well, anyways, Thank you oh Great Mystery, Power Of The Universe, Divine, Creator, (etc etc etc) for allowing this being to be the fluid instrument of your LOVE.
********************************************************
To 3singingeagles via e-mail:
Hi there. I am home. It is Thurs. evening. I think
we did it.
Maybe not the calender unless Georgia can open it. We were
there until 2:40 am then I went right back at 9am for finishing
touches this morning. But I am writing because when I was
driving home, I remembered the poetry. Please tell me that
I
didn't forget the poetry. I just saw your message here,
does
that mean that maybe she did not get back to you in time? Or
does that mean that it is in there somewhere? Also, Britt
erased the phone messages and I cannot find your cell phone.
All this aside, the larger picture....this week a volcano in
the
Congo region, a volcano in Mexico, an Avalanche in Afghanistan,
and a 58 mile stretch of iceberg broke off of Anarctica.
Give
your love to the world and so will I.
Call me or e-mail me your number if you get time.
*******************************************************
Response:
YES!!!!!!! The paypuh has been put to bed! May it dream well :)
My cell is 205-0127
Voicemail: 573-3914
Poetry column was in the Ho'oulu folder in the desktop (enetrtainment section) as WELL as on your disk AND e-mailed to everyone (except Georgia, don't have her e-mail yet). I inserted the poets name WEDS. and updated it and all.
What a day. Writing morning pages at a cafe with coffee (syntax alert, was she actually using coffee as ink,?) (shit, I've been editing too much. Need.... weekend.... off, yet, nah, editing grants proposal pieces including resemes all weekend sigh) then sauna/shower, college to play with Thor and sign important legal papers, up to move all my stuff out of my old place in Makawao, drive through Wendys on the way to get a bacon cheeseburger and stuffed brocc-cheese baked potatoe, eat some while driving, pull into Baldwin beach to finish eating and rearrange car, load up stuff, to storage to sort, throw out what's damaged (there was flooding. Much writings were lost. MORE TO COME THEN, HAHAHA!!!!), here to put my computer in the office, I'm gonna set it up there, we already have two at Jasons, but as I could see with this issue, we need a backup one. Will figure out where it goes when we meet there next. Now I'm to store to see if I can return his baby gate and playpen since it;ll be at least a month at this point before we're together again, and he's growing out of that shit anyway.... Salvation army to drop off some of the toys he's outgrown, wow, I'm starting to cry! Right here at TLC! Shit.
I'd better go. At least tonight may find me some joy. I have next session with personal trainer at Gold's gym at 6, then....
A date with Don. He said he will cook me steak and serve it to me in bed...... as we watch the opening ceremonies for the Olympics.
Another day has been given to us. How have WE spent it?
Praying with and through the Earth Changes, both in my own personal
life and globally,
3SE
*******************************************************
So, I'm off to the rest of the day..... catch up with ya later.
Oh, 3 blocks before I got to my old place to load up my few and half damaged measly possesions
Who do I pass on the street but Paul, my favorite writer on the planet!!!!! Wel!!!!
And as I went through the water-soaked and moldy bags one last time before throwing all those words into the anonymous dumpster out side my storage locker, I found
My magic blue sunglasses that have been gone for years, unbroken
A piece of leather from one of my deteriorated Medicine Sheilds that was miraculously not only clean and intact but perfect sized for ankle tying, it's there.
A black tail feather of a powerful rooster I had known once
And
The Aloha Chronicles. The favorite thing of the Loved One that I'd ever written, thought it was gone forever, all I had was hard copy in that one green folder, and, there it was, stuck between the moldy piles of prose and etc
Yeah, smeared, a little mold-sporey, but,
READABLE.
As I carted my stuff inside, the feather, poised delicatly between the folder and the book "woman who run with the wolves"
Jerked free, in a wisp of wind, and,
Flew.
In love and FREEDOM,
3SE
The Space Between
Love And Pride
Has Left Me Stand ing Here
Wait itng For You!
-or-
Please Don't Keepuh Me Waiting,
Please don't Keepuh Me Waiting
Cause
I'm SO Tired,
tired of waiting,
tired of wait ting for YOU!
For YOU!
Love affairs are only distracting.
I'll tell ya guys, life seems so rich almost all time and the empty
pockets are really really empty.
************************************
What IS it that the Crazy Heart can love and yearn without cessation,
and with Waning Distractions only, for that which is SO hopeless and/or
elusive,
STILL,
My beating heart pumps its blood for
The traveler caged
The Free Spirit In The Wind Who,
Tight collared and tied,
Is trying deperatly to forget who he is, which is a turbulant unpredictable
ocean,
To dig nails into the shore and hang on, screaming for security
Despite artistic death.
************************************
Till later and/or the morrow'
3SE
IN THE "SO YOU THOUGHT my STORIES WERE TOO INCREDIBLE TO BE TRUE" department....
HOW ABOUT this GUY/ARTIST ?!?
click
hereto jumpto end of story if you really really need to, but I
recomend you at least copy and paste this into a wordproccessing program
and print it up to read sometime when you're stuck in traffic.... or life!
Dear Friends
There is a new film about the art and spiritual journey of
artist and Jerry Wennstrom. It is called 'In The Hands Of
Alchemy' (see below) The film was directed by the award winning
PBS Native American director Phil Lucas ("The native American)
and Film maker Mark Sadan one of the original producers of
"Sesame Street." The film includes testimony by Christina
Baldwin David Whyte -- David Whyte <http://www.DavidWhyte.com>,
author, The Heart Aroused and Crossing the Unknown Sea -
Christina Baldwin <http://www.peerspirit.com>, author Calling
the Circle the First and Future Culture, Life's Companion,
Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest 'One to One,' and Self
Understanding through Journal Writing The film is being released
this summer by Parabola Magazine. Jerry is doing film showings,
speaking engagements and reading from a new group of personal
stories ("Tales From The Accessible Void.") Is this something
you would be interested in? Please look at the web site for
Stories, ar!
t,!
film and more information. See our new website:
http://www.handsofalchemy.com.
"In the Hands of Alchemy is a delightful film, an alchemical
mixture in itself of inspiration, spirituality, art and the
story of a remarkable human being." - David Spangler, author,
Blessings; Parent as Mystic, Mystic as Parent and Everyday
Miracles: The Inner Art of Manifestation
Thank you,
Marilyn Strong
PO Box 522
Clinton, WA 98236
Announcing
Jerry Wennstrom's
Upcoming Parabola Video
About the film: In the Hands of Alchemy: The Art and Life of
Jerry Wennstrom In the Hands of Alchemy is a portrait of artist
Jerry Wennstrom whose work and life have become one -- a
spontaneous exercise in joy and inspiration for all who aspire
to make art out of life. By the 1970s, Jerry had acquired a loft
space in Nyack, New York and was leading the life of a
successful artist, frequently delving into the dark side with
his work. However he eventually "painted himself out of
painting." Unattached to his creations, he decided after a
lengthy fast that the ultimate leap was to destroy all his work.
"It was a powerful, holy experience that left me shaken and
empty, but exhilarated," says Jerry.
He walked out of his loft and for the next ten years lived with
nothing, trusting God to take care of him. His journey
eventually led him to Whidbey Island in Washington where he met
and married teacher/singer Marilyn Strong. Here he birthed a new
art from his unconditional soul. "Jerry Wennstrom is an ordinary
man who has made the extraordinary choice to live, work and be
in relationship in a state of surrender to the will of divine
energy. This choice affects everyone he comes in contact with.
In the Hands of Alchemy is a documentary of this choice and its
effect." (Written for Parabola's "Cinema of the Spirit"
festival, New York City, October 2000. The film was selected by
a committee chaired by director Martin Scorsese.).
The film by Phil Lucas and photographer Mark Sadan features
friends and colleagues as well as the monks of the
Depung-Losleling Tibetan Monastery. Interviewed are artist
Deborah Koff-Chapin, poet David Whyte, Christina Baldwin, Erica
Moseley, and Nanda Milton. Appended to the half-hour In the
Hands of Alchemy video is a film from 1979. Titled The Works of
Jerry Wennstrom, this 20-minute documentary by Deborah
Koff-Chapin <http://www.touchdrawing.com> and Mark Sadan shows a
partial record of the enormous body of work later destroyed
during Jerry's process of letting go. One day, the film crew
arrived to find that Jerry had destroyed his art (not by
burning, as many assume). "The film makers showed up one day to
film," explains Jerry, "and the work was gone.I was in a very
raw and empty place when I spoke in that first film. I had just
destroyed all of my art and had given everything I owned away.
I think no one including myself, knew quite how to interpret the
experience. I was on an interesting edge. One of the first
people to call when they heard was Jean Houston
<http://209.238.107.190/>. She and her husband were doing
creative mind research at the time working with artists. I had a
lot of respect for them. Jean called concerned, I think she knew
I had been fasting a lot so I was not sure myself if perhaps I
had 'gone off the deep end.' I just knew at a cellular level
that I just did the most important thing I could have ever done.
Destroying the work was such a deep and meaningful experience
for me that I was able to talk about it with the film makers.
They were very upset and also very moved by the experience. It
was when they decided to do an interview and have me tell the
story that the film became about something archetypal and larger
than all of us. It was no longer just about 'art.' "
Advance comments about In the Hands of Alchemy "One of the
magnificent things about Jerry is his profound and courageous
innocence. He has created a friendship with a part of himself
which is in love with the world, and his art displays that.
Jerry is one of the few people I know who, in a very quiet way,
has actually claimed his happiness in existence. "There is a
tremendous kind of courage that Jerry showed in the midst of the
chaos and the individual loneliness of the Post-Modern world, to
go his own way. It was the ultimate artistic step." -- David
Whyte <http://www.DavidWhyte.com>, author, The Heart Aroused and
Crossing the Unknown Sea
"I think there is a real difference in human beings who have let
themselves be thrown to the ground by life. Jerry did that with
an intentional act with his art. He is on the other side of that
kind of psychic death and renewal. He really is a kind of
phoenix who has risen from the ashes. He teaches us in a very
gentle way you can survive an act like that, you can come
through as a human being with great gentleness and beauty and
that you can create your life in a highly profound and artistic
fashion." - Christina Baldwin <http://www.peerspirit.com>,
author Calling the Circle the First and Future Culture, Life's
Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest 'One to One,'
and Self Understanding through Journal Writing
"In The Hands of Alchemy is, on one level, the story of Jerry
Wennstrom's life and work, but on a deeper level it is about
what can happen when one person gives up everything - home,
work, money, 'things.' It is ultimately about dying -- about
letting go into the unknown and unfathomable, and finding
oneself in the Kingdom of God. "Jerry Wennstrom's life gives
witness to the blessed state of utter surrender into emptiness
through which life becomes an unexpected garden of creative
abundance, simple profundity, ordinary sacredness and everyday
love. It is a poignant metaphor for all of us mortals who fear
loss of everything we define as ours -- including our lives."
--Carolyn North, author, The Experience of a Life Time and
Death: The Experience of a Life Time
"In the Hands of Alchemy" is Jerry Wennstrom's story. It is the
story of an artist's relationship to the Mystery and surrender.
Wennstrom's gift comes through clearly, but his genius and
courage to get out of its way forms the heart of the story.
"The Mystery suffuses the ordinary, and the ordinary becomes
Mysterious. Meanwhile, Wennstrom's art has become both profound
and whimsical, and we find ourselves feeling inspired and
blessed." -- Corwin Fergus, film maker, writer, Jungian analyst
"This is an extraordinary story of an extraordinary artist.
Jerry's understanding of the freedom and gift of emptiness, the
compassion that is inseparable from the void, is a lived and
embodied realization. To see how this gifted artist chose to
make his life an expression of his understanding of truth is a
tremendous inspiration." -- Tsultrim Allione,
Founder of the Tara Mandala Buddhist retreat center and author,
Women of Wisdom "In the Hands of Alchemy is a revelation of the
possibility of living directly in response to the soul of the
world. It is a letting go, a widening deeply inward toward
ceaseless renewal. Jerry Wennstrom's story is a tale of the wish
fulfilling abundance of trust and intuition. It is a heartist's
journey. There are few stories this inspiring and brave about
artist as holy human being rather than maker of art. In a world
addicted to concept and alienation, he is a man who was called
to spirit and dared to answer the call. A man lives in a state
of prayer. He does not need to seek creativity, but becomes it.
Sharing this reality reminds us of another more primal way of
being in the world, closer to the creativity of our ancestors
who listened with the ears of animals and lived drenched in a
sense of the sacred." -- Laura Simms, storyteller and author,
Bone Man "Each one of his unique sculptures cre!
at!
es a different delightful surprise. The stylized form of his art
work makes me think of Egyptian aesthetics. Here the underworld
is honored, coupled with a carnival-like playfulness that
celebrates life." -- Laura Chester, author, Holy Personal and
Lupis Novice
About the filmmakers
Co-directors Phil Lucas & Mark Sadan PHIL LUCAS. Phil Lucas
(Choctaw) has written, directed, and produced over 65 cultural,
educational, and documentary films and video productions,
including the award-winning five-part PBS series, Images of
Indians, which reveals the problem of Indian stereotypes in
Hollywood Westerns. He also produced the 3-part series, The
Honor of All, which documented the amazing story of the Alkali
Indian Band and the band's successful alcohol rehabilition
program. Other Native American theme programs include the 5-part
Walking with Grandfather, A Voyage of Rediscovery, I'm Not
Afraid of Me, and the Emmy nominated American Indian Dance
Theatre: Dances for the New Generations.
His most well known series are Story-tellers of the Pacific and
the five-part The Native Americans for Turner Broadcast System.
In 1980, Lucas founded Phil Lucas Productions, Inc. He has been
head of the Department of Communication Arts at the Institute of
American Indian Arts in Santa Fe, and he has taught courses
about Native Americans in the films in various colleges and
universities. See Phil's website at http://www.na21.org/.
<http://www.na21.org> MARK SADAN. Mark Sadan's still photography
has been featured in numerous international photography
magazines and displayed in galleries and corporate collections
throughout the world. His cinema and video photography has been
shown at the New York Film Festival and international film
festivals. He was one of the original producers of the long
running Sesame Street children's program. His teaching includes
numerous residencies for the Film Society of Lincoln Center, the
Film and Video Workshop (of which he was a founder) of The!
W!
estchester Arts Council, Westchester Art Center, and the
Purchase College of the Arts of the State University of New
York. See Mark's website at <http://www.mgvinc.com/finearts>
See our new website: http://www.handsofalchemy.com.
It's in progress so visit often.
Blessings,
Marilyn Strong-Jerry Wennstrom
PO Box 522
Clinton, WA 98236
360-341-3382
Always open, the Perfect Page to my amazing journey
I soap in quiet ecstacy,
The silk in it bears your name as a standard,
Aloft on the Winds Of My Flesh.
Shit, I AM IN LOVE WITH MYSELF!
(and other revelations)
Did I write that poem Sunday night? That one that is up there? Did I? DID I?
MY GOD
Ya know, I've felt this before, but now its real official. I want to be my lover.
Shit, WHERE DID I COME FROM, that I can speak WITH birds, heal trees, have multiple orgasims, sit for hours getting stoned and talkin advanced physics with scientisits on the cutting edge of alternative energy generation that I
Can work out in the gym cursing at the machines like a sailor and still making my reps to the smiles and ocassional lip-licking of those around me I dance in the rain. Splash my bare feet in puddles not caring WHO THE FUCK IS WATCHING I
Drive like a stock-car racer doing drivers training to a future volunteer fireman. I am WILD. I am wild and nearly no one knows it but shit I do and
OH how I wish I was a man, I wouyld grab my wild-self and run with me! I would not be afraid of me. That's what Jason says is my problem with men. That I scare them. That they are intimidated by my power. EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW NOTHING OF MY TITLES AND INITIATIONS AND MAGICAL TALENTS OR ANY SUCH yes, says Jason. Everybody can feel it. And its even more scary because I'm so tiny, and "light' and unassuming, and, even, unless I know someone, shy quiet and/or withdrawn..... yet....
He's heard it, even from "the hawk"..... I remember when I first started a 'relationship' with him, I was curious why he wanted me to sneak into his house late and night, and was glad I always departed early... and never took me out.... he was afraid....
To be seen in my presence. There are some big fucking myths that have woven around me and actually most of them are true and so I find myself here on Valentines day contemplating taking myself out to a movie tonight.... yes
It COULD be that it is hard to be in my company in public, too, because I am, for some crazy reason (s) widely beloved..... people who I have not met (yet) come up, hug me, tell me their life stories and/or parts of them its
Its Valentines day and I have no Valentine. Its the first Valentines day since my divorce and I don't have a date. Sure, I have a list of guys I can call that would be more than happy to fuck me. But I don't need that. When I have a mate I like having sex at least two times a day, ni-ni noogies and wake-up noogies, but I can also live without it. The NRG gets funneled into my creativity, and that's just FINE with me! What I want, tonight,
Is someone who will hold me on the beach, and watch the waves. Come into the movie with me, sit in the back, and not be afraid to cry.
Someone who will cry. Laugh.
Read my writings. I have 3 guys, no, actually, 4 now, tailing my ass, and all of them know I'm a writer and not one has asked to see my writing.
This is not acceptable to me. And they're all good-looking and 'successful' as far as 'the world' and this society view success, but I would rather have
Someone poor and broken of spirit and weeping, REAL, who would
Read my writings. Love my delicious and also my terrible words. What to eat me, devour me, burp me up, then have seconds, all because of my words. Some one who would read that small Sunday Night poem above and go:
"OH MY GOD!!!"
Like I did, re reading it,
On a lonely yet powerful,
Valentines day.
OOOOO- just remembered, I DO kinda have a date tonight. I promised Frank that I'd come to the Live Poets reading tonight in Lahina! Its in my appointment book, guess I woulduh come across it eventually.... but these ar eactually my morning pages today.... this shit you've just read was/is my morning rant.... still on 1st real cup of coffee sigh. He has a man who spoke last month about his reincarnational experiances, Frank and I have similar ones, Frank wants to do a book and video with us, "3 people, 6 lives" so our first production meeting is tonight after the reading...
Wow, I have so much more to say, yet, I want to send some electronic valentines to my friends.... so I'll uplosd this for now, and give ya more soon. Whew. This is one of those days where all I want to do is write, and you may benefit from it.
Laytuh (aka ANON)
***********************************************************
Hi I'm back didja miss me?
Here's the poem I wrote a coupla hours ago for the electronic Valentine
I sent out. I'll also put a link to the card itself, though I'm not sure
if it'll work (lets try tee hee) but if it doesn't, a clip of the song
"Desert Rose" by Sting plays in the backround of the message. Life is loving,
when I choose it to be, huh?
http://www.beatgreets.com/view.pd?i=89755258&m=5920&source=bgbma999
If ever roses die,
As I've heard they do,
The Rose of you and I
Will not, not ever, it's
true,
Our own myth we write today,
Refusing loves death,
Writhing on the marbled
floor of hope.
Our love shall not die,
If we choose to write it,
That way.
In power and joy,
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina
ROSE!
************************************************************
An e-mail from my girlfriend after she opened her e-card.... and my reply
"I saw you yesterday, with a small crowd, getting pix taken??
How are you? How is Thor??
love on all days!
m"
I replyed:
Thor and I are strong, holy, and a positive force for change ALLways working for The Greatest Good.
And how are you?
Yeah, that was the newspaper staff.... I sware, Michele, THIS is where I find my joy... teaching, mentoring.
For all who wish to write for the paper and want help with putting their pieces into Journalistic form, I am going to have regular office hours on Fridays, 11:30-4PM (or later if spirit is movin', ya know)and will, on Monday holidays, add Monday hours as well, at least for awhile.
It seems that through the years of BEING taught, I've had a file where I've tucked in the 'warm fuzzies' learning experiances I have had. All of them were made into hard copy and stuck in that folder. And now the folder has been melted into one delicious yeilding blob of non-toxic substance which I've then swallowed, digested it into my body, felt it course through my bloodstream, it is,
My warm-fuzzies teacher style. Even in the studio gettin a show on the air by a certain time, I empower and treat with dignity all persons.....
In mentoring these writers, I stand back as they sit in the chair of power in front of the computer in front of their work.....
And ask them things. "Whatd'ya think of substituting 'Large corporations' for "Walmart.... make it kinda more Universal" or "Since your lead states this is an article set on Maui, think ya need to mention it again?" seeing the light comeon in someones eyes is SO SO WAY COOL I know you've been there numerous times :) see,
You had a whole BUNCHA sheets in that folder which has now become
My breathing.
Live poets tonight at 505 front street in Lahina, then afterwards at 9 I am having a pre-production meeting with two men who are the other two parts of "3 people, 6 lives" a book and video of which I am to be one of the 3 "reincarnated" writers.... it's pretty wild.... more later....
Warm fuzzies.
**********************************************************
Just wrote this one, I guess, inspired by warm fuzzies. See, the newspaper finally did come out. On time. Yet instead of 16 page it was 12 and a bunch of things got cut, including...........
THE POETRY COLUMN!!!!!
Fuck. Yeah, my column. Taking it personal like? A LITTLE (sigh) yet, thus spoke, look at this Mother Theresa-like Saint Fransis-like process happens. When I am sad I go to comfort others.
Thank you, oh Divine, for putting you into my cells!
********************************************************************
To the webmaster for the
newspaper, copies sent to Editor and Journalism teacher.
Aloha Webilicious one,
Hey, do I remember you sayin something bout putting articles on the webpage that didn't make it into the paper?
This is the sitch, Ron. The paper was downsized and a lot of stuff got cut, some of it timely. Do you think there's a way to get it up on the web? I bet this would really warm the hearts of these young Journalists in their first, sometimes scary, release to get published. I know it was difficult for me that primero time. If I had gotten my article cut THE FIRST TIME I went out on this limb, it woulduh hurt. Maybe not ALL artists (written word is art hello) are as sensative as I am (tee hee hee ha ha ha) but anyways, I think it would be a real nice thing to do. Hum? Mebbe?
Could you, would you?
Till we meet again, sweet fast athelete of web-magic,
3singingeagles :)
**********************************************************************
HAPPY
VALENTINES DAY, EVERYONE,
I'm off to sauna, shower, eat, 1/2 way towards Lahina, then, Poetry
and advanced Project Developement when
Do I sleep? Stayed tuned..... (tee hee)
Till next time,
3SE
It seems that I am famous. People are stopping me everywhere.
This is so strange. I sat on the beach last night, at sunset, actually just after it, that time when the sky is weaving its dark nightime cloak from the top down to the horizon.... oh, the moon as slivered is so pretty
Sitting there alone, talking to God.
We conversed about how the irony was not lost on either of us that here I am some one who is supposed to be a very major force towards making this world better, sitting alone on the beach.
There was some theorizing and/or musing by me, bout the pain/suffering/martydom in general, ALONESS of the path of Being An Instrument Of God..... why it might be neccesary to force into complete-aloneness seclusion Those Who Serve, I
And THEN, when I am not in The Lonely Places.... when I am, instead, out "amoung the people"..... people are stopping me as if I am some fucking SAINT, telling me all they've never been able to tell anyone else.. asking foir MY BLESSINGS even, hey, I wonder if that happens with Lizbeth, Lizzie, Liz, Elizabeth.... from "The Aloha Chronicles"... oh, God, I SO want to work on them. And my trilogy of novels.... one already done completly.... ready to be published..... but they will not be published until I finish the other two.... OH, FOR A PATRON!
Jase and I were just talkin bout that. This is the big weekend that I weave all these pieces I've edited, viewed, absorbed through my skin, all these documents on Mama... through the years.... through history.......
weave them into a grant proposal. So, in our "power meeting" a little while ago, I mentioned that Jason had asked me once what I would REALLY want/need to be sucessful in my art. So I was ready to ansewer. A patron.
Someone to completly subsidize ALL of my basic needs till I get the novels, aloha chronicles, Journey Of The Listener (3 journals), "The darkening of the Moon" (selected poems and stories starting bright and getting rapidly more and more disturbing, this is where I put my RAW shit, "Panther on a full moon". "On call Medicine Woman". The play "Connections". Alien. More. The darker shit), and the poetry collections.... oh, one more, "All Because Of The Beloved". It will feature every piece of writing I ever did for him and/or about him. Funny enough, that includes "Connections". Ya know, I like it now.... it's understated and powerful at the same time. Gee, I remember that loveable bastard telling me my epic-opera: "Botana" was too 'new age' or 'airey fairy' or something stupid like that, and challenged me to write something 'down to earth' like with
2, at the most 3 characters. TOTALLY simple set, maybe, hummmmmm, a coffee shop. One of the characters is a trucker". He was SMIRKING as he spewed these psudo-marching orders out at me.
Ha, fucker (I thought) I'll have it in your hot trembling little hands tomorrow
Then, after all 3 kids went to sleep (this was years ago, when Elijah and Ayla and Kealohilani and I lived in a big 3 bedroom house, together, bless-fully, in Haiku..... walking distance from the elementary school, where I did much volunteer work) I laid a blanket on the floor of my dance studio (I always turned my living room into a dance studio. I am... was (?), AM a dancer) and laid on my belly, opened a spiral notebook to the next blank pages, folded it over so it faced me as I was on my elbows, pulled the pen out of the spiral part of the binding, and
Wrote the play, front to back, in 49 minutes.
Typed it on the computer the next morning, printed a copy, and,
Put it in his beautiful
marvelous
wonderful
hands.
You know, those trembling ones.
So much training of voice-recognition software (will do in Newspaper office) then, GET A SPONSER and,
In the peaceful little cottage they provide for my children and I, and an account to use a card or something for food, gas, supplies Hopaco NOT office max, supporting local businesses instead of large chains especially those tied in with the WTO and/or sweatshops in 'foreign lands' (foreign to who? Human Beings?)
God, there's so fucking much going on in my mind right now. I think I'm gonna take a brief break and check my e-mail. Maybe e-mail Andrew Annenberg if I can. Regular fans know that he is my favorite painter on the planet. Well, I blurted that out soon as I saw him. I had gone to a girlfriends house. She is a Hebrew Shaman, she asked me to please come for Shabatz..... in the market today I saw a whole display of "Jewish holy food", so it must be some important season in that faith. GOD, how I love ceremonies, the colorful array of faiths, more on that later
But, anyways, HEY (!) there was Andrew in her house, visiting her roomate and working on organizing a protest against developement in Makena! Well! Ummm kiss and hug. What an honor. I met him back in the early 90's when he was the featured artist and presenter of a Maui Artists showcase at the Wailuku Community Center. That was the first night Ka'aumuali'i and I were alone. God, will I see him, he who I loved so, Ka'aumuali'i the King and my once upon a time husband, again in this life before he dies? Sigh.
Andrew, after a few experiances with my writers-talk poetic -speak style (man I talk funny) asked me if I would write for him!
Cool.
Laytuh, loves :)
*********
This sounds great! Maybe it'll bring more people out to vote. I did volunteer pre-election phonecalling for a green party candidate a few years back. On the phone, 123 people commited to voting for him. That was just the people I called. He got, like, 53 votes or somethin like that from THE TOTAL VOTING POPULATION... one of the questions I asked was were they registered, and if they weren't yet, the candadite sent a wiki wiki form to them.... how many of those 123 either did not bother to register and/or 'just didn't feel like' going out into the cold, rain, whatever, darkness (?) and vote that night... It is a really important Human Political Action to vote, though I would be a boldfaced liar if I said there were times I thought "Why Bother?" (I voted for McGovern, sigh) for me, just refusing to be registered in any political party is an act of power. None have so far supported and unsupported things exactly along all my lines, so I vote as an independant.
I forsee much good coming from this class. Joshua rules.
Love ya, see ya round',
3SE
***********************************************
Here is a link to one of the greatest
links I've seen lately. Helping humanity rules! There are video and audio
tributes to George Harrison, John Lennon, and other musical peacemakers
:) and all KINDS of "People Power" links on the sidebar, WOW!
To
Andrew,
In
thanks for that wonderful hug and them unbelievably fine smiles last night.......
When ere' open oceans fall into
the
Crevice of Your Smile, and,
Fishies divorce themselves from
self-concious cavorting.....
THEN, and ONLY then arises the
sea-sprites for their Picnic
"Never-coming" was the ancient
prophecy, yet, OH SWEET SURPRISE
Ecstacy had erased the gloom
of those tired soothsayers
On this Glorious Day!
Sprite-food in between my moist
lips
Rich Color Of New Hope in between
my teeth.
Magic in my bloodstream.
Electricity in my bone marrow,
Electricity IS my bone marrow
I have risen too,
Happy that all prophecies ARE
subject to change :)
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WARNING:
This is the woman who writes this diary
This is the woman who writes this diary
Or, is THIS she?
Be scared, be very scared.
Well, or not, mebbe, hum?
Not Sadie Hawkins Day Yet
-or-
For GODS sake, what's happened to Humanity ?!?
From a friend in class and
beyond the invisible walls of acedemia......
Makena Campaign Stop Development! Sign-waving at 3:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 19th Meeting @ Corner of Mokulele Hwy. and Piilani Hwy. at entrance to Kihei. People can bring their own signs or make signs while there. Will be handing out flyers to people stopped in traffic, etc. Sponsored by Earth Foundation, Maui Tomorrow, and the Sierra Club. Call Fred for more info. at 875-8820 P.S. Plan is also to meet same time same place on Wednesday too. Be sure to make the Makena meeting when the council decides if Wailea 670 and Makena development happens. This will be starting at 9 a.m. on Thursday. Maybe someone from one of these organizations could come to our political science(s) class(es) and talk to students and strategize?:) Lobby your teacher(s) to have this done!Reply From Me:
Hey dear!
These are the same people I told Josh about that actually asked me if I would alert the students in the Political Science classes and try to have a strong "acedemia" voice and/or presence there.
Went to my girlfriends house on Friday for Sabbatz dinner and ceremony, and walked into....
The central headquarters for this whole thing! Fred was at the table, with my favorite painter on the planet! Woah! Groupie time (sigh).... he and Andrew spoke with me for awhile about the project, then Andrew (sigh) “took me down to his car” to give me some “hot, no I mean, really, they’re still PHYSICALLY hot off the presses,” flyers.
I’m bringin a stack to school tomorrow to post…. Have a private music lesson with a teacher… reminding me of scale and chords…. I’m confused (sigh) what else is new?…. then I’ll be at BOSP office… meeting is like 1, 1:30… who knows how long it’ll take…. I did play Cello in an orchestra for 3 years, but it was when I was very young…. Gee….. how quick to remember? At least an hour, say, anytime after 2:30…. I’ll tack some flyers on the door in case you get there earlier.
I’m not sure they can or even have to send anyone to address the classes. If they could, it would be cool, but to tell you the truth they seemed kinda frantic…… uh, busy. I do not know very much about this Makena situation, to tell you the truth, yet, I have flyers….. got the initial call from someone who saw ‘beings human’ and e-mailed as well as called us (gee, my syntax sucks tonight, sorry, Brittney Spears movie and playing with daughter all day then directly into a 3 hour “power meeting” where the results of the work I did on writing my first-ever grant were reviewed… brain…. Fryed…. Must…..sleep) but anyways, it seems you, David, and many other students in the class are real aware of this imperative call to action and stuff…… you could actually make a presentation to the classes (perhaps, hum?).
In much affection and respect,
3SE
***************************************
Hey guys.
It seems that my life is an incredible dicotomy. I write morning pages, sleep under the stars, even PRAY alone.... alone alone alone...... work alone. Yet, weird as it may seem folks, out among the people.
I am, I mean it, like some kinda folk hero.
What does God hold in store from and through this tiny little woman?
Wow. Who knows. Looks big. Stayed tuned.
Whew.
An invitation I will not accept,
but am glad I got nonetheless......
Hi 3se,
My friend Bruce & I will be having
a sweatlodge
this evening at 6pm at Bamboo Mountain Santurary on
Kaupakalua Rd. in Haiku. (Right next to Mauna Lea
Gardens) I will be there at 3:30 to help get the fire
started. I invited Kim, too. Bruce has been doing
sweats for many, many years - Karuk training. A good
opportunity for all of us, if you're not on your moon.
My phone # is I'll be home between 2 & 3.
Some sort of clothing is req'd, not a naked sweat.
Other than that, it's relatively loose in structure.
Please come if you like.
Aloha,
*************************************************************
From My live-poet-sister
:)
hi darlin
what a weekend, had a hula
show yesterday at maui myth an magic.
danced 7
numbers. it was amazing,
sold out, standing ovation!
hope to see you at borders
on thursday
love
m
Reply from me:
No live poetry for me Thursday.... or.... hum (?):
Congradulations! I bet you feel SO GLOWING!!!!
I am so thankful to the god-of-my-understanding that I am surrounded by beautiful creative AND sucessful sisters such as yourself (and myself !) my heart is happy.
Won't see ya Thursday night, I have a concert I need to review for Music Lit (think I'll do the double-swing and write an article for the paper too.... sounds like the woman performing IS A LIVE POET!!! Her name is Laurie Anderson (?) I think, it sounds like one of those "I shoulduh gotten turned on to her ages ago" things!
Anyways, love ya, see ya soon I hope,
3singingeagles
***************************************************************
My disks of photos from Hawaiian Feild Biology have finally appeared!:
>Some disks (looks like) appeared in my mailbox for you. Can you
come
>pick them up? (Looks like somebody has submitted!!!) (heh heh)
So I
>also understand that things have been rather stormy in newspaper
>land...We (BOSP committee)are working (I was here most of yesterday
on
>this) to help and hope to have things clarified soon, so hang on,
or in,
>as the case may be. I am grateful that you are there for Kim in
>particular, as well as for others who have no history or continuity
with
>journalism/newspaper, etc.
>
>over-extendedly yours,
> miki d
3SE comments:
I love my girlfriends. SERIOUSLY!
Well, off to get these disks.... then to office briefly.... I am really really hungry for either Tai Seafood Saimen and/or AN ENORMOUS DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER from the new place at the mall across the street from college.... I DO have homework/reading to do (student aid FINALLY CAME IN TODAY) and could probubly benefit from getting more phone time.... at least at new "all american kine" diner I can sit and read while eating (sigh) I DO have food, like lettace and Tofu in particular, in the car.... I really oughta finish it. It feels so hard to focus on work tonight, I want dinner and a movie. There's that sweat I was invited to tonight, but I don't believe in EVER entering a sweat-lodge with clothing, period. Which I'm in, too, by the way.... tail end, yet, still,
You know, some uh the "medicine men" I've met have said they were afraid of woman during this time because we are "so powerful".
Funny, I feel more vunerable than ever today.
Soft kine. Maybe I will take myself out on a date tonight..... we'll
see.
Life is the adventure.
Your,
3SE
Days are dragging on right about now. I am starting to feel SO TIRED of being here again. My colors have run into a rivlet of rainwater and they're starting to look dirty now. Yet, still I hope. See, I'm kinda searching for
The sun.
Till later...............................
Your love :)
Hey.
My 'first' live-poet-featured artist performance is airing! I still haven't seen it, and don't remember most of it..... in that 'zone', hum? Soon it will be on the net.... probubly Paul's doing it (another of the genius -artists-sleeping-on-beaches.... sigh. I hope you get to see it, my 'first time'....I'll post the link when I get it. It is clearly the ultimate improv rush to come completly unprepared and ask the audiance to shout out words or phrases and just fly with it.......I DID hear that I was incredible..... and have gotten many performance gigs as a direct result of what I did that night.
NOTICE OF AIRING, RECEIVED THIS MORNING:
From: "V.A.R.I.O.U.S.-HI"
To: singinge@pop.ccmaui.net
CC:
Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2002 10:59:21 -0500
Subject: [V.A.R.I.O.U.S.-HI] AIR DATES: Maui Artists' Showcase#114
Aloha Friend of the Arts,
Please watch the latest TV version of the Maui Artists' Showcase; taped in December 2001 and January 2002.
The show will air on Akaku Maui Community Television; Cable Channels 44 and 52 at the following times:
Sun Feb 24;
11pm
Sat March 2;
11am
Fri March
8; 2:30pm
Fri March
15; 8pm
Sun March 17;
8pm
The Maui Artists' Showcase is being prepared for streaming on the Internet. This will be a first! We should have the URL in about a week and will forward it to you. You will enjoy watching some of Maui's most Visionary and Talented people, but its' so much better in person.
Let us know if you would like to be featured in the upcoming Earth Day Maui Artists' Showcase production around April 19-22? We are seeking fine art, evolutionary poems, inspired digital imagry, animation, skits, music videos, etc. that suggest how to make this a happier, healthier, safer and more peaceful world. This live event is in collaboration with the eleventh "KidCast For Peace; Solutions For a Better World" Videoconference; a Global gathering of future leaders and their peers. Confirmed this year is participation by Children of Langly Air Force Base, Virginia and World Trust Foundation in Los Angeles. Sponsorship in part by Global SchoolNet Foundation and V.A.R.I.O.U.S. Media.
Global SchoolNet is a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit education organization.
GSN,
a developer of online content since 1984, partners with schools, communities
and businesses to provide collaborative learning activities that prepare
students for the workforce and help them to become responsible global
citizens.
Have a Great Day!
Peter H. Rosen
founder
V.A.R.I.O.U.S.
Visionary Artists Resources Including Other Unique Services is a 501c3, not-for-profit community benefit association. We provide edutainment experiences for the whole family and have been serving the public since 1980. Please contact us to make a donation and support this year's "KidCast For Peace." To participate from home, follow the directions here: http://creativity.net/KidCast/kc6help.html.
***************************************************
Soz anyways I am SO BEHIND in homework I gotta go an' readup on the
Classical/Enlightenment period.... and maybe a little from "the big grey
book" on The Universal Declaration of Human Rights and NGO's (non-governmental
organizations) but I'll tell you guys I hate the book, it is real Judeo-centric,
uses high falootin words, and, is,
Well, boring. Oh well, to bore this high IQ UDHR-lovin woman is quite a feat. Oye-vey (to go along with the pro-jewish slant o' da big grey book)
Laytuh,
3SE
So many things to do. To think about. Sometimes I wish I did not have this big fucking destiny that was prophesized even before my birth. I am SO GODAMNED TIRED of STRUGGLING to just receive a little love, support, affection. It seems the more Good Work I do for the planet, and, even, silently, for people right in front of me, the more pain and suffering and rejection I endure THIS is THE FUCKING PATH OF SERVICE TO GOD what kind of SADISTIC MOTHERFUCKING GOD am I working for? No WONDER so many people 'go over to satan' the dark forces, whatevers, well, NOT ME----- I WOULD RATHER DIE IN FACT WORSE THAN THAT LIVE AND BE TORTURED LIKE I AM AND EVEN WORSE, IN THE SERVICE OF THE DIVINE! I WILL NOT EVER GO TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE! NOT EVER! NO!
Here's a letter I just sent to one of my children that seems to be 'going to the dark side', I don't know, she's dedicated her homepage to someone called Sam who is supposed to be Lucifer or Satan or somethin, My oldest daughter dabbled in The Dark Arts like her father and she hates me, has this second one gone that way too? And is there no way I can rescue them? I don't know a lot about this 'dark forces' shit.... I of course was chosen as the Source erer for my warrior clan because "I have never done any dark/black magic in any of my lifetimes". I don't even know if I believe in past lives.... though..... there is The Beloved and memories, I , well.... anyways on that note after the letter to Ayla are two poems that I wrote yesterday outside Political Science class,, while hearing The Beloveds voice every so often when the wind carried it from around the corner where he was smoozing in a crowd..... I know he knew I was there, he always knows, but he didn't come to me, and I smoked my cigarette and wrote these poems and then went in out of the wind and waited for class. Perhaps he will not talk to me either. As soon as he got his wands he started getting nasty towards everyone and thing including me. Maybe I'm like that one guy in the Ring stories that was the only one who could hold the ring without turning nasty, greedy, mean, I
God, sometimes I wish I could throw myself into The Primordal Fire, with the ring, and destroy both of us forever. Too bad I do not do my will, huh? A lot of people would rejoice that I was gone.
Well, maybe the Divine will decide that I'm not useful anymore and let me off the hook. Throw the instrument into the fire, or at least a cold dark closet or attict.
So, I'll prob not write to you for a few days since I'm real busy with
newspaper (should be working on it now in fact, I'm in the office) but
I had to get some of this SHIT OFF MY CHEST so thank you for listening.
3SE
**********************************************************
Hey my baby!
It was hard looking at your page..... are you okay? And whats up with a prostitute/hor named Ohana you got from your mom? Also, you're the daughter of Doug but not me? Woah.
Please remember all the years of LOVE we had together, all of the good things we have done together. Could you hate me? If so, why?
Anyways, as far as 'multiple personalities', either you need to see a shrink, or this is just the regular thing us writers go through..... it seems to me that my characters live inside me, at least to a certain extent.
Anyways, I'm working on the Maui Community College newspaper right now, (I'm the ASSISTANT EDITOR!!!) so if you're babysitting tonight (it was Tuesdays, right?) and are on line could you e-mail me? Wish you could call me, my cell is on.... it's 808-205-0127. Maybe the next time you're at a phone you can use.... I can call ya back..... anyways, I'll be here for at least another hour, have to organize articles for the next issue, get em' off of the disks, put them into the folders for their sections.... entertainment, editorials, etc.
I love you, my princess, please believe that, please remember all the wonderful years we had together. All the years dad was away from me and I never even had a boyfriend....... I waited for him, he rejected me and took you guys away.... I couldn't even find you for a long time.... do you BLAME me for trying to find comfort in someones arms? It's a miracle I didn't drink myself to death over it all.... I know it's hard to understand, but realize that I have always done the best I can.... it would be far easier to just disappear to tell you the truth, go to some tribe, or with the Vets in the wilderness and just abandon all of you, turn my back on all of this pain.... don't you see? But, I guess I'm insane.
Because I am an impossible dreamer. I dream someday that all of you will love me again and we will be a family, in whatever form that takes.
In so much love,
Your mom, a Human Being, imperfect, but deserving of LOVE, compassion,
and, Yes, respect.
PS
Would love to see some photos of you, Eli, Doug, your friends, whatevers,
on the page or even e-me?!?
Yo' Mama
Visit my homepages~ :)
"Old one," now frozen in time, unable to be accessed to change, erasure,
whatevers, will more -n- likely be in cyberspace foreva'
FACES OF THE MOON: https://www.angelfire.com/ma/hinahinahina/index.html
This one is chock full o'links to many old writings and poetry pages!
NEW ONE: (with diary and teleporting lightning bolt man for your enjoyment):
"Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser" (yeah, really) AT:
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/
And newest one, companion to my new TV series of the same name: "Beings
Human":
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
May MUCH Aloha FILL your life!
Malama ko kino, Malama Pono, and a HUI HO AKU! :)
*************************************************************
(Poem #1, untitled)
How are you at playing my name?
Are you silver?
Are you more colors than that?
Are you magenta?
Are you bronzed?
Are you bronzed and put on display somewnere for EVERYONE to see is
that why your hair in sideways rain becomes SO MAGNIFICANT- look- look
at me (!)
I care not to Jinx and/or witch you into me- it's done ALREADY and
I KNOW IT so I'm not bothered one iota by the basic plain melody of the
soul that I like to think of as the Cosmic Harmonic convergence of
Us.
*********************************************
The Day I Decided Not To Ever Ever Write Again
by 3SE
I left my pen on the side of the road.
I had decided not to write anymore.
Pens appeared: in my bed, on my lap while driving, Magically Left For
Me at outdoor cafes, I,
I TRIED to snub them, to pay no attention to them, I really
did, but,
As you can see, I'm writing again.
Yes, it is hard to stop The Impossible Dreamers.
Shades of grey
Surround, enfold me,
Now everything,
in washed out of its hues
grays are around me and you
every one else, and
Everything I do, oH, look!
Now I can see the contrast.
Below is a letter I sent today to the staff of the school newspaper *(the one I'm assistant editor of) on my upcoming article I'm writing BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH JUDGEMENTALNESS AND IGNORANCE REGARDING US WHO HAVE BEEN MOTHER FUCKING VICTEMS OF THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION so of course as usual I'm a-gonna do something positive with my anger. Michele, one of my alleged and now ex-girlfriends helped inspire this by her HURTFUL POWER TRIPPING BULLSHIT and for that at least I'm greatful to her though I cannot call her friend again, this is now the third time she has been a haughty judgemental bitch with me and that's quite enough thank you very much.
More tomorrow, I'm working on quickly finishing the printing up of some of my poetry books so I might sell some for 5 bucks each (or more if someone wants to pay more to support the arts/an artist) for gas money and/or movie money for this weekend with Alohi (sigh) god, I've been blessed with SUCH COOL children!!!! Then I'm off to another pre-production meeting for the play Frank is writing in which I am a (actually, tee hee, two) character..... think my "beloved" wrote a character in HIS play based on me.... I've had 4 songs written about me..... what is it about me that inspires so richly and deeply (?) I seem so insignificant to myself!
Well, whatevers. Off to a night of creativity. Poetry reading afterwards.
Then prob. goto Allens for bonfire fun...... more tomorrow..... LOVE, me
*************************************************
PS
Here's the staff (who I'm writing to). I'm the one draped over the
top of the scupture sigh as usual, draped over something!!!!!!
Hi everyone!
The paper's out, congrads on all your work. Georgia's so good at laying out this paper-it looks good and is easy to read. We're getting better all the time.
On a personal note, I'm doing an article about addiction and all its forms on campus. Those who are actively drinking and/or using drugs to excess (even occasionally, that's my category... we're called 'bingers'), those of us in recovery (addiction is a disease, recognized by the AMA and insurance companies), and also the folks who are able to drink and use drugs recreationally, without getting into any trouble and/or embarrassing situations over it.
So what I'm asking from you guys is:
1) All interviews will be anonymous unless the person requests otherwise,
in which case our names AND pictures will appear. Yes, I'm started the
story with my name and picture and story. HOW CAN I ASK OTHERS TO BE BRAVE
IF I AM NOT??? I would like referrals from you to friends on campus that
may have a story or stories. I would also ask respectfully that if you
have had any experiences and/or challenges in this area that you come to
me and share it.
If you want, you or those you refer to me can call me
during my Friday office hours, and tell me over the office phone (no caller
ID), at 984-3242. Yet I assure you I will not tell yours or anyone else's
identity if you do not want me to. I am a "medicine woman", who, like a
psychologist or priest, is under vows that prohibit me from doing this.
In addition, I have recently started a movement called "Beings Human" and
one of the main precepts of this movement is that when telling our stories
we do not name the people involved, as that turns what could be a universalized
story into gossip.
The other thing I wanted to ask is if you have any
questions that you think should be in a survey, and/or ideas as to how
to put them? For instance, do you think it's important to ask about "The
family connection" (there is a genetic component to this as well). If so,
which questions and how should we ask them? Has anyone in your family used
alcohol or drugs? Does anyone in your family use alcohol or drugs? Same
ones, but instead of "use" substitute "abuse"? How about "is there a history
of drug or alcohol use/abuse in your family-of-origin" (realizing that
not everyone lives with the family that birthed them). As you can see,
just on that one question there may be many different ways I must ask it.
Your input would be COMPLETLY appreciated.
Please remember, I have office hours from Noon (let's lunch) (REALLY! the Art Club donated a microwave to OUR office) till 4 or 5 or whenever we're done, on Fridays. Since we had no class this week, and I know that Monday everyone was supposed to be working on interviews and such during that time, come and work on them here at OUR office! There's no MAC here unfortunately, but even if you are an apple person and feel uncomfortable with IBM, we can work from hard copy. The reason I said, and say, my role will be as mentor not as peer editor is 1) You have plenty of peer-editors in class 2) as mentor I stand back, make suggestions based on the journalistic form you've learned from the book/Joshua (Pat used the same book with us last year, so I've read and studied the entire text as well), and let you make them if you feel like it. This is why I'm sitting in on the class, so I can be pa'a (in harmony with) the style and 'rules' that Joshua is teaching you.
Thank you for your time,
Hope to see you tomorrow:)
LOVE and/or Aloha,
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Grady (Rose)
Assistant editor, Ho'oulu.....and Human Being...........
Visit my really really personal homepage:
"Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser"
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/
And also the one for my TV show and "movement",
BEINGS HUMAN
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
POEM OF THE TILL I FEEL LIKE MAKIN A NEW ONE:
Termites chewed
On your Magic Wand
Breaking it in the middle.
And where it broke, at the new tip,
Is the perfect form of an eagle's head
With termite-teethed feathering details
Round' it's neck. Life
Is good even and
Maybe, most especially,
At those times you think it sucks big time
And then, looking,
Closer.
find The Miracle
Aloha Dear Ones!
This e-mail gives info on how you may view my first live performance
poetry improv. It's incredible. I just saw it this week, I was in "the
zone" and didn't even remember what I'd said…… what a trip! I've done this
or a variation of it 4 times since, in fact, there was a producer in the
audience who called me a week later and we did a "dry run" of a very erotic
version of this form called "Unstopping The Muse" at a private party in
Maui Meadows in Kihei on Maui…… it was videotaped and will be on TV soon……
and we will be taking it to a large theatre here (perhaps at Maui Arts
And Cultural Center) sometime this summer. Whew.
This is the first Television performance in over 20 years of being "on the air" that has been put onto the internet! I am so grateful to Peter and Paul for putting this up….. now those of you who aren't on Maui can see this entirely spontaneous creation! For you guys on Maui, two more airdates on Akaku Public access TV…… one is tonight, I think Peter and I will be watching it together at his house, we're meeting at the Hale Imua café where this was taped at 4:30 today for coffee and smoozing, will prob caravan to Kihei Villages to his hale afterwards…. Hope so…….. let the FUN continue!
Please send us feedback if you get to watch it, either on the webpage itself or directly through e-mail. Send it to Peter, he'll forward anything to me if it applies. My voicemail is 808-573-3914. Thank you ?
"ROSE!" (this is now going to be my official stage and pen name)
PS
The entire show rules… the gong performance is SO INCREDIBLE…. Plus
I shot a lot of the footage (check out the video feedback sequence towards
the beginning…. I did on my first try what Peter said he's been trying
to do for years and hasn't yet….. I think the rhythm I got was very sexual
too, love the spiralie thing, check it out) but anyways the live poem/myth
is approx. 35 mins. Into the show….. use the slider bar on the realmedia
player till you're a little past the middle and hit play)
Aloha Friend of Art and Technology,
If you are in Hawaii, please watch the latest TV version of the
Maui Artists' Showcase; taped in December 2001 and January 2002.
The show will air on Akaku Maui Community Television; Cable
Channels 44 and 52 at the following times:
Sun Feb 24; 11pm
Sat March 2; 11am
Fri March 8; 2:30pm
Fri March 15; 8pm
Sun March 17; 8pm
The Maui Artists' Showcase is being prepared for streaming on
the Internet. This will be a first! We should have the URL in
about a week and will forward it to you. You will enjoy watching
some of Maui's most Visionary and Talented people, but its' so
much better in person.
Subject :
[CCafe] First Ever Streaming Video from V.A.R.I.O.U.S. Media
ALOHA Dear Friend of Art and Technology,
Please watch the first Visionary Artists Resources Including
Other Unique Services production to be streamed on the Internet
in its entirety. Find full details about this show; the Maui
Artists' Showcase, dedicated to the memory of Jim Elliott and to
Peace in Creativity Cafe's Community Forum:
http://creativity.net/wwwboard/messages/1599.html
This Gong Healing Performance of Don Conreaux is compellingly
beautiful. Three
Singing Eagles, the outspoken performance poet
gives a
fantastic performance of being in the moment . Her
ability to be present is our present. Please watch and give us
some feedback at the URL above.
Blessings,
-peter-
This show is my 114th production (since 1980); of live community
forums on the arts featuring Art and Technology for a Better
World...and the first to be streamed!! We at Visionary Artists
Resources Including Other Unique Services give thanks to Paul Hugel;
NO KA OI Fondation, and Daryl Hansen; AlohaNetSearch.com, for their
kokua and facilitation.
Gongmaster Don Conreaux is featured in an astounding Gong healing
performance and prayer! He is one of Creativity Cafe's founding
fathers and source of "SONGS FOR HUMANITY" that dates from our days
in LA and first expression of my work at the LA Convention Center
[http://gamma.mhpcc.edu/kidcast/fwetv.html].
We are bringing Don back to Maui in April 2002 for another
performance, sound healing experience and playshop.
Three Singing Eagles; a co-producer of the Maui Artists' Showcase, is
also featured in our TV program. Watch
her stunning impromptu
storytelling
performance poetry! In the spur of the moment, with
suggestions from the audience, she shapes a timely saga that moves
from the greedy developers destruction of all that is healthy and
beautiful, to the transformation of a soul blinded by consumerism and
selfishness...to ultimate reconnection with source and appreciation
of all that is harmonious, natural and loving.
You can watch this writer speak about V.A.R.I.O.U.S. and our reason
for facilitating the expression of creative spirits. Then there is
the Radio
Mystery Theater"! You will also see a montage of images thanks to the
camera work of Three Singing Eagles and Jason Schwartz, orchestrated
over a recording of my song: Cool In The Shade. It documents the
ambiance of the evening on Dec 8th 2001 that we did the taping.
This TV program is a memorial (with animation using Carrara 3D on a
Mac.), to bass player Jim Elliot, who passed recently--killed
by a
flash flood. I had been rehearsing another of my tunes with him;
"I
Love You," to perform at a homeless benefit. That song also debuts
in
this production. I had high hopes to make another of my dreams come
true; to be in a band sharing my musical gifts when the act of God
that took his life changed things. All the more reason to LIVE
TOTALLY, Authentically and in compassionate gratitude with each
breath. Thank YOU for being in my life!
Please enjoy this TV program and labor of love. It is my gift to you.
Your feedback and comments are truly appreciated.
Love ya!
-peter-
No Saint Paddy's day hangover! YEAH!
It used to be that I was such a sick alcohalic that I even drank to "celebrate" saint Patricks day..... even long after I heard the stories (which I am now questioning after a very thought-provoking editorial written by Amanda for this issue of Ho'o'ulu, the newspaper that I'm assistant editor of this semester) of "Saint" Pat being a genocidal maniac, the "snakes" he killed were the Goddess-worshippers, people of the earth (aka 'pagans'), and some of 'my' ancestors would have been included in that....
But tonight, I'm NOT drunk.... yet I'm really really sexually aroused and I have no clue why. I'm contemplating chocolate icecream, like Ben and Jerrys with the little cows in it, and a whole can of whipped cream JUST FOR ME AND MY PLEASURE tonight, though I'm also completly leaning towards ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING with beef.... strange..... the arousal shit.... I started bleeding 2 days ago..... for the new moon.... after my night at Allens..... THAT was very intense..... we didn't fuck and yet we spent HOURS touching and pinching and kissing eachother, and both came more than once. It was cool. Yet now that I am menstruating regular again after almost 8 years of peri-menopause and then actual menopause..... I have Thor 'magically' then start the cycle all over again, beginning at full moons and creeping by 3-5 day increments each month towards
Yep, this month. Started on the new moon. I am in "have another baby" mode. Funny, now that I had the healing on Kauai that restored my womb and re-grew the missing fallopian tube, I may have also, in the process of the healing HAD MY EGGS REPLENISHED and if so I may be in for another 40 years of childbearing ?!? Momma joked with me about it, I've been, of course, keeping her abreast (so to speak) of it all..... I love my momma....... she joked about old Sarah, and Elizabeth in the bible. I made an 'old woman' voice and said "yeah, baby, that's right, come'ere, want granny's tit....hee hee hee" and stuff, did a whole routine.... though.... if I'm not assasinated by the time I'm 80-90 I bet I'll be EVEN MORE FUCKING FEISTY than I am right now thank ya very very much.
I want a mate. I want someone who LOVES sex who will fuck my brains out on a regular basis. Who is a champion of Human Rights, a firbrand..... preferably a writer..... and someone who would just LOVE to have a big farm off the grid and some kids..... a ready-made family with my beautiful children who are alive now (except Mira of course, who's married and all, and like HATES ME AND HAS DIVORCED ME AS HER MOTHER and all..... well, haven't recieved a decree.... and I can always hope.... I love her so, and my adopted-son ("son-in-law) Justin, Grandchildren Samantha and Vanyel.... someday maybe, but anyways
Yeah, I want another baby. Not just to have big tits again for a while cause of breast milk..... I AM a good mother, no matter what ANYBODY says and I'm really getting to the other side of this addiction/depression thing.
Do not anesticize me. Do not drug me. Do not judge me. Do not lock me away. I AM A FUCKING ARTIST AND I NEED TO FEEL MY FEELINGS AND WALK THROUGH MY INSANITY AND WRITE IT ALL FUCKING DOWN, HONEST AND RAW, FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY, TO EXPRESS THAT WHICH IS NORMALLY REPRESSED IN OTHERS.
gOD, i'M HUNGRY..... THOUGH i FEEL LIKE WRITING MORE, i'M GONNA HOLOHOLO TO THE MARKET, THEN SUGAR BEAH TO EAT UNDER STARS AND THEN, PERHAPS, SACK OUT. nOWHERE TO RUSH TO TOMORROW. Life rules.
Till we meet again, dear loves,
3SE
Who AM I?
Right now I'm on approx. 5 or 6 different TV shows, on many different channels, and at different stages of growth.... there's even some of the shows I did while pregnant with Thor! so that I wonder if there may be folks who wonder if I have long hair or short hair, am pregnant or not.... hum.
God, I'm so excited. I've just been asked to write and perform a 3 minute monologue/skit "on a bench" (setting) for a performance here at MCC in May.
Here's a little of the jist of what I'm thinking of from an e-mail I
sent to the producer round' half an hour after he invited me/gave me a
rough idea of what he may like me to write. He knows from past experiance
that he can tell me specifically what to write and I'll do it. In fact,
a few years ago he asked me to write a play "set at a table with a few
chairs, with 3 characters, one is a trucker" and the next day I brought
him the play "Connections".
It was revised over the next few weeks, but still..... shit, guys, I wish
SO STRONGLY that I could write full time!
************************************************
Who would YOU have sleeping on the beach with me?
I think they ouggtuh all be men, and be my lovers. Perhaps I'm thinking of getting a place with all of them. Maybe Shakespeare is one? Then I can quote him.... like.... love sonnet lines and claim he (wrote them for me) said them to me "just last night on the sand, afterwards...."Take them from all parts of history. Einstein and Shakespeare... one more, who? Maybe (max) 2, we only have 3 minutes.... I can write it so the audience is not sure if I'm crazy, if these are actual men who've reincarnated from these historical figures.... or, even (!)Einstein/time travel thing.... have they time-traveled? Ever read "Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul' by the guy who wrote Hitch hikers guide to the Galaxy (or was it Universe).... the premise is that the Norse Gods (Odin, Thor, etc.) are all homeless people.... in fact, I'm gonna be re-reading it over the break (oh, my God, to READ!!!!!)
SHIT YOU INSPIRE ME! I am SO running with this idea..... won't be able to write for a few hours cause I'm gettin a new poetry book together and printing old ones to try sell at Borders tonight (Live Poets Society.... I really love my life..... even the excruciatingly painful pukas!).... but, anyways, who else should be in my harem.... one or two more?
Also, I plan to look GORGEOUS to further confuse the sensibilities of an audience that expects a woman who sleeps on the beach/is homeless to be scruffy. HA HA HA!
Thank you, as usual, for
Ey, musing me :)
3SE (ROSE!)
Visit my really really personal homepage:
"Wolf Eating Love Moon Goddess Pleaser"
https://www.angelfire.com/stars3/lovemoon/
And also the one for my TV show and "movement",
BEINGS HUMAN
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
POEM OF THE TILL I FEEL LIKE MAKIN A NEW ONE:
Termites chewed
On your Magic Wand
Breaking it in the middle.
And where it broke, at the new tip,
Is the perfect form of an eagle's head
With termite-teethed feathering details
Round' it's neck. Life
Is good even and
Maybe, most especially,
At those times you think it sucks big time
And then, looking,
Closer.
find The Miracle
***************************************************
Okay, so I'm gonna upload this for now..... I seem to have 'misplaced'
Connections on the web. I know it's there somewhere.... but where (?) sigh,
so I'm gonna search my disks.... I think I actually made a page with a
buncha plays on it..... did I forget to link it from "FACES OF THE MOON"
before the glitch in the webshell occured that froze it in time ?!?
Anyways, gonna take a BRIEF break in poem-book composing to look for
it........ then I'll re-upload/link it for ya (sigh) I AM LITERALLY DOING
16 THINGS AT ONCE THIS SECOND! Including getting ready to meet with the
Mayor of Maui, I've got some shit to tell him about, and some well-planned
proposal/solutions.... sigh, mo' laytuh,
3SE
Play searcher and author and....
LOVER OF SHAKESPEARE ALBERT EINSTEIN AND AT LEAST ONE OTHER MYSTERY-MAN
:)
Am gioing to Lahina to get completly pampered by one of my new paramours, Allen. Dinner, massage, more......... oh, shit. I can hardly believe my life sometimes. As hard as the blows are to get up from (mud caked upon my knees) IT IS WORTH IT EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING TIME ya know, I am absolutly ready to drink in everything, all of life, ALL of it, and
These Brilliant men, like Allen, keep literally coming into my life it is such an enigma to me most of the time (in fact, that's the name of the group whose music is playing in the backround right now, I actually washed the CD in water cause honey had leaked and smeared on it and everything else in my car..... sigh.... YES honey, YES, smear your liquid now from crystiline Lehua of days before heat of car sun windowed combo liquifyed your Solid State to smearing consistancy, yes baby, yes, I)
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the dark bathroom near the newspaper office tioday. I do not look in mirrors, even when I brush my hair. I actually hardly know what I look like. Yet...
I caught a passing, muted glimpse of myself today. I had to go nearer. Stop my exiting-the-dark-bathroom-flow (AND I FUCKING FLOW WHEN I ALLEGEDLY WALK. IT LOOKS LIKE I AM SKIMMING OVER THE GROUND. WHATS UP WITH THAT) and look. OH god. I AM. I am BEAUTUIFUL!!!!!
I did all live poems last night. Melinda didn't bring the recorder, so they're out in the wind. I recieved TWO STANDING OVATIONS and Allen actually applauded me..... I kidnapped him as I had intended last night.... dragged his ass there.... we were about 20 mins late which according to him would shock Melinda (that he didn't arrive half an hour after it was over as usual) (and that he had actually left his reclusivity). I sold some books. Got hugs, accolades. Bear gave me a REALLY REALLY warm hug. Sir Law-rence, my absolute fave poet of all of us (yep- including myself-sigh) is missing in action.... no one seems to know where he is.... hope he hasn't started shooting up heroin again.... us poets feel everything SO FUCKING DEEPLY.... no wonder most of us drink/drug ourselves into oblivion.
Beautiful. I AM! Barefoot and all! (NOT skinny legs, Mr. Robbins()
HUM-
Maybe I can be Tom's lover in the skit. I've often though he would
be a riot in bed. Or where ever.
Here are the ideas so far from the two e-mails of yesterday.... I think
I'm gonna work on this this weekend, even though the performance is not
till May..... I have a fire in my belly. Speaking of which, here's a shot
from a series I did while I was pregnant with Thor.... I'm about 6 months
full of him in this shot..... I was housesitting in remote Huelo, alone.
Set the camera up on the computer and used the mosue to 'shoot myself'.
My sexuality rises even more intensly than usual when I'm pregnant. Hum.
And more with each pregnancy, come to think of it.
Yeah, if I ever get knocked up again, I could become a sexual danger. Look what effect I have on men now when I'm not only NOT putting out that energy, but, quite the opposite.
Well, guess I have to have some lovers in my life, though as it says in the Savage Garden song "Would a thousand lovers still leave you cold inside?" of course. Even a thousand would not, WILL not, ever fill The Hole where The Beloved could rush in, expanding, fill all of me, oh, oh god, someday perhaps, perhaps someday, we do not know, do we now, what twists and turns life gives us, yet I know that right now as I'm here typing this the tears are welling up in my eyes and I am moaning to think that, perhaps, maybe, there, is, a thin even chance, that he and I will fall into eachothers arms and melt dissapearing and oh god i would NEVER LOOK BACK.
Someday. Someday. Please god. Please. I love him so much. Till then, these handsome brilliant gracious men will fill my time, and I their lonely hearts, yet ever the flame of the beloved seeks me and me he and when we speak, meet, don't speak, avoid eachother, dream inside of eachothers bodies and all the other things we do and don't do with each other until that sweet possible-day of which I sit here weeping of, occurs,
The Veil Of The Universe rents itSELF asunder.
There's power in that. OH yeah. Fershurr fur shore.
STORY FIRST BURSTS?SQUIRTS?IDEA-ATIONS:
Who would YOU have sleeping on the beach with me?
I think they ouggtuh all be men, and be my lovers. Perhaps I'm thinking
of getting a place with all of them. Maybe Shakespeare is one? Then I can
quote him.... like.... love sonnet lines and claim he (wrote them for me)
said them to me "just last night on the sand, afterwards...."Take them
from all parts of history. Einstein and Shakespeare... one more, who? Maybe
(max) 2, we only have 3 minutes.... I can write it so the audience is not
sure if I'm crazy, if these are actual men who've reincarnated from these
historical figures.... or, even (!)Einstein/time travel thing.... have
they time-traveled? Ever read "Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul' by the guy
who wrote Hitch hikers guide to the Galaxy (or was it Universe).... the
premise is that the Norse Gods (Odin, Thor, etc.) are all homeless people.......
but, anyways, who else should be in my harem.... one or two more?
Also, I plan to look GORGEOUS to further confuse the sensibilities
of an audience that expects a woman who sleeps on the beach/is homeless
to be scruffy. HA HA HA!
She's on the bench talking into a taperecorder leaving a message for a well-known reporter ("by the time you get this, we will already be gone", she'll mention names of contacts on the beach she can interview regarding their identities..... and maybe even the coffeeshop they hung out at)... she's waiting for "the guys", they're gonna travel as a group to the future so they can help the earth.... they had specifically come to find her cause Al had read about her in the history books when he'd originally seen the earth in (what, not too far, 2012? less? more?) and realized he oughttuh get her before she's assainated and take her to the future where she's needed? Collected other guys cause they were needed. Shakespeare (Bacon) was allegedly an advanced Freemason.... they are the closest to Sourceorers as main-stream society is aware of..... so prob. Al got him for his Magic abilities and advanced esoteric knowledge, especially of worlds religions and their connections throughout history..... (could the trouble in earths future be impending annhilation cause of a war between ALL of the worlds religions? Oh, cool!)... alright so that kinda narrows the choice of the other 1 or 2 dudes..... why would Albert collect them to take them to the future to help avoid this tragity?
****************
From a letter to UH newsletter re:fundraiser I'm kinda sorta in charge
of for the Art Club (sigh)
ART CLUB CAMPUS-WIDE FUNDRAISER
"Get Your Cookies Cookies"
Artistically dressed art-club members will be manning tables and strolling
around campus with packages of just about every cookie you can buy....
and you get to fill a sackful mixed anyway you want! A fun way to try cookies
you've always wanted to sample but didn't want to buy a whole package in
case you didn't like them! Great gift too.
This fundraiser is to raise money to have our two television shows (taped
last semester) edited and aired on Calabash TV on Maui. The shows are "MCC
speaks out on 911 events" which includes some powerful poetry pieces, and
"Art show 2001" on our end-of-semester multimedia show which was held in
the student lounge.
Thank you,
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Rose
Vice President Art Club of MCC
***************************************
To a praiser of the TV show "Beings Human", who also happens to be
someone I REALLY dig and also respect in general
Hi love!
I DID call, left a message on your machine. You are so busy..... God, and so good! Thank you for finding the time to be on the show, you are so articulate and I completly appreciate that you communicate in what some are now affectionatly calling "Beings Human Speak" ALREADY.... what we're doing is not new.... it's just the part of us that has evolved towards the Supramental.... REALLY grown in the Human Potential movement toward our human potential.... now putting its foot down and saying THE TIME IS NOW!!! Thanks for being such a large and centered part of this. I am SO FORTUNATE to know you.
LOVE all ways,
"The Listener" :)
PS
We got approved for the live series! First show is Tuesday the 9th
of April 7-8 PM.
Hope you're there! (I'll call too) and anyone else you can think of..... now folks can actually be there from there homes and/or hotel rooms.... so the group is
EXPANDING!
YES!
******************************************
Another letter about the show:
THANK YOU SWEETHEART!
Will send everyone (including Alexa, who is a girlfriend of mine) the dates.... tomorrow is first showing YEAH!!!!
Thanks for connecting with Jason.... think he'll be a welcomed addition.
Come tomorrow in person, please? I'll be here at noon latest.... lets lunch? I can pick up something from Down To Earth if you want..... or.... (?), if I sell a lot of poetry books tonight, maybe we'll order pizza delivered!
Look forward to seeing you soon,
Love,
3SE
PS
Hey, since we're finally going live.... remember that idea you had
last year about gatherings at the student lounge, and cell-phoning in....
can we still do this? We'd need someone else to co ordinate it, since you'll
be at the studio. Elena Alexander could be a big help in this, especially
in making sure security keeps it open.
There IS a phone in the game room. Is there a TV too? If so, maybe the group can use THAT room... cool. We'll only be live once a month till July (then, prob. WEEKLY! Woah!) so it prob only means April 9th 6:30-8:30 (for room, show is 7-8, this leaves time on each side) and then May 7th probubly). Maybe someone in Polysci. Nate might. We have been getting very close.... 'specially since we hang at the same coffeeshop in Kihei. He's responsible too, and is one of those Human Beings I really love being involved in the show.... he doesn't mind speaking his truth no matter how unpopular it may be. Sigh. I'm SURROUNDED by beauty!
3SE---------
***********************************
And another one.....
(Well, it's one way to REALLY keep up with what I'm doing, I suppose,
beyond being a quickie way to update you... you can see how I talk/write
to others)
Thank you to all the Human Beings that have helped make "Beings Human"
a servent of the community, and, perhaps soon, the planet, since it seems
we may soon have investors who will help send the show across the globe!
For now, we are moving to the next stage. We go live on April 9th, from 7PM-8PM. This is an exciting era we're entering, now guests can 'come' even if they cannot in body, by watching at home/hotel room and calling in. Anyone write for newspapers in the community who would like to do an article? Or call Maui News and give my numbers for an interview? 984-3242, office at MCC.....573-3914, voicemail....... 205-0127 cellphone. It WOULD be tacky if I called them myself, wouldn't it?
I am also looking for a photographer to take some photos of me holding a large ball, snuggling it, etc. since I want to put an ad on the TV page that night.... want to overlay the earth over the ball (our logo).... or, even less complicated, if anyone has a globe I could use....
Our logo is a circle/the earth. The line art is the circle. Not stylized
or anything. A plain circle. Our graphic on bumper stickers, business cards,
etc. is the first photograph ever taken of planet earth from space (by
humans anyway, tee hee) you can find it on the "Beings Human" homepage
AND forum (speaking of which, please visit the forum and contribute something
to any of the 3 conversations already started, and/or start a new one)
http://amazingforums.com/forum/LISTENER/forum.html
Dates for the 3rd show to air on Akaku on Maui:
Fri March 22 11PM
Fri March 29 11AM, 8PM
Sat April6 5PM
Sun April 7th Noon
Sat April 20 9:30 PM
If anyone wants to invite me over to watch it at your place, and wants to cook for me, rub my feet and draw me a hot bath (not on paper, smart ass!)
OKAY!
Well, was worth a try.
Will contact you'all next week to confirm crew/guests. Gotta run now, picking up a live poet in Lahina and bringing him down here, we'll be reading with The Maui Live Poets Society from 7PM-9PM at Borders bookstore on Dairy Road on the island of Maui.... please come if you're around.... I am selling the last of my old poetry books, signed.... I'm gonna discontinue printing them, it's a new era for me and my poetry.... I have now taken ROSE! as my stage/pen name (officially)..... things are really happ'nin...
But anyways, 5 bucks a piece, beautifully illustrated.....
Hope you like the third show. Call and/or e-mail any comments you'd like. Please come and/or invite your friends for
The first live show!!!! YES!!!! April 9!
Towards the future,
"The Listener"
Visit "Beings Human", the new companion webpage to the upcoming show.
It will grow, as we all do, look for a forum.... let's talk with each other...
the time is now!
https://www.angelfire.com/theforce/beingshuman/
May peace and human kindness be with you, today and all days into perpetuity,
The Listener
*********************************************
And finally....
Can you get together with me and Khrys & Daveed as soon as Monday
or Tuesday night? I'd like to view the video of our erotic ritual.
Blessings,
and congratulations on the show going live!!!!! GREAT NEWS!
AAA
Monday night I'm with Melinda in Lahina.... we're doing a "it's almost as if you were born as my sister" pajama party. I LOVE MY GIRLFRIENDS!
Tuesday would be really really cool.
Time?
Call me, angel :) 573-3914
LOVEARAMOS,
3singingeagles
"ROSE!" (my now official pen/stage name)
I'll make this my last entry for this diary. New one starts tomorrow
and I hope the start of "freedom" (post-passover esoteric comment) season
will be with a YES!
I'm meeting with the mayor of Maui in about
an hour. I have a proposal for him. Legalized camping at 5 or 6 beach parks
based on the Kauai model. Free permits for residents, 3$ (or, maybe, 5)
per night for non-residents. I want us to drive to potential sites around
Maui to see which ones are most feasable. The site has to already have
showers and bathrooms. These will now be accessible 24/7.....though the
camping area will be closed one day per week (different days for different
sites) for cleanup/maintenence/land rest. The short permit form that lasts
for 6 days max (though folks can keep applying for permits as long
as they like/need) and the permits are prominatly displayed on the outside
of the tents. The lonely planet underground will have another island to
enjoy/pour money into and almost all of the 'homeless' will become invisable....
will be 'just campers'... not sleeping in cars or on sand for tourists
to see. Leaving wastes on beaches and floating in oceans, bathrooms being
open and kept stocked with toilet paper toiwels and soap, paid for by fees
for non-residents. I want to make this something he can widely advertise
and get votes for. Caring for his people. What a concept. AND at the same
time, increasing sanitary conditions, decreasing wastes and garbage, adding
another nitche for tourism. And one other thing. Making the beaches that
are chosen safer and more 'family friendly' as the Batu dealers will avoid
these places for dealing. It's gotten bad here, floks.
May be picking up Allen tonight for poetry reading, but I hope not. I'd love to sauna and shower before meeting the Matriarch of Maui Poetry.... Elsita.
Made 50 bucks cash fixing a computer and getting a man back on line.... I sware, I thought he was gonna start kissing my feet at some point. As it is, he cooked me an incredible steak dinner and insisted I have some champagne even though I told him I had recieved a faith healing and not really tested the waters so to speak properly yet.... I may pass out.... he said, fine, I want you here tonight anyway.... so I did it and I was at his house at 9, we ate around 930, and I was still up at 1.... had downloaded Real Audio and supporting plug in files, installed them, came to this diary, bookmarked it for him along with my other pages... he's actually reading my writings (!) he LOVES my soon to be completly out of print 4 eva poetry books, may give him some tonight, am going there after poetry reading, he's cookin me fish this time, shit, I think I'm not an alcohalic anymore! Wow. This has been such a strong wish for a coupla decades now, guys.... it's almost hard to believe. I felt a little tired this morning, but since I didn't get to bed till 1:45 and was up at 5:45 and out of the door at 6, well, guess that may have not been entirely due to drinking.... I didn't black-out, pass out, beg him to fuck me or any other crazy thing. If, indeed, I have been healed.... and you of all people should know this my-womb-and-missing-fallopian-tube-has-grown-back-and-I-have-before-and-after-pictures woman knows ANYthing is possible.... if I AM healed of this, I am,
FREE!
Free. Yes. That'll be the name of the new page. Free. Or maybe, "Freedom. FREEdom. FreeDOM. Free."
And, on top of all this, I don't think I'll be drinking ever or hardly at least. I could see buying myself a little shake if I'm ever off the system enough so I don't have to be always ready to pee in a cup in front of a fucking stranger (bud is too strong for me and REDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE, what gold's at like 200 an ounce, pacalolo.... hawaiian marijuana buds..... 5-600 per OUNCE woah) yet I don't see myself buying liquor for myself anymore. Ya know, except for Baileys irish creme (which actually has a funky aftertaste) and Frangelica hazelnut/herb liquor I never liked the taste of alcohol. And I want to smell good, have bright eyes, drinking was only to pass out and anestisize extreme pain... now that it doesn't do that to me anymore, married with the fact that I have come out strongly on TV as well as person-to-person for the last few months loudly acclaiming my right to be sad, mad, all, to FEEL my FEELINGS as a basic Human Right.... ya know, it almost feels that I have tumbled over an unseen precipice in the dark, while walking strong and fast and flowing as usual, and, instead of panicking,
Just fell. And fell and fell and fell. Enjoying it. And.
Yep. Landed on my fucking feet again. The way I do. Peonixing more often, yet, sometimes,
Sleek Panthering. I am feeling much like a Panther lately. Oh, and I am being incredibly Loved by an almost obscene number of very handsome very smarty very sexy/sexual men. Something.... nah.... some THINGS have changed in me. Somethin big is going on. Not sure what but I've found at this point in my life that some things are just not to be questioned.
"Gifts from the Gods are not to be questioned,
Just accepted"
---- Burgess Meridith's character in "Clash Of the Titans"
Crazy Gods. OH MI GOD didn't tell ya why I got back to Arnies so late* for steak champagne baked potatoes and lightly sauteed asparagus string beans and red pepper.... fresh.... oh god what a Queen I feel like. I am, so guess this is now appropriate. The days of The Queen being in hiding/incognito may finally be over. Ya know, that would be okay with me, really. Guess I'm ready. I have been shoved face down into the dirt drunk to oblivion and violated beyond belief and cried lonely to sleep and howled at strange moons in pathetic grief.... there is no looking down at anyone anymore. There is no room for ONE PARTICLE of suffering ANYWHERE if I can fucking help it. NO I AM NOT A SACRED FLOWERY GENTILE LEADER I am a mistake-making down-low rough chick with a heart that is gold, and, now, priced somewhat reasonably on the open market.
OH SHIT! I hacve to get to Kimos office!
Wish me luck, loves!
ROSE!
*cause I saw the erotic poetry thing last night... OH SHIT that muse said some incredible shit in poetic form unbroken through me.... mo' later
CLICK
HERE TO RETURN TO WOLF EATING LOVE MOON GODDESS PLEASER
FREEdom, Times 3
Contains strong.
Language, feelings, theories
that could potentially scatter deeply ingrained brain cells of yours.
Sincerely,
ROSE!
| CLICK HERE TO GET TO MOST RECENT ENTRY |
|
Readily
She WILL open her
Petals
But be careful, the time
Moistness drips down the side of the window
Readily
Ya know what.... It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me. If anyone knew me, TRULY knew me, I believe it would be completly impossible for them to NOT love me.
I'm working on a screenplay to a movie where I am under survalliance by a PI hired by one of my ex-husbands or perhaps government/psychic angle.... not sure yet, just in basic schematic mode at this point....and the guy falls COMPLETLY in love with me. His reports are periodically read aloud through the script..... start very formatted, by the end completly deteriorate into poetry. Wow. Been flirtin with this concept for a while.... this is the first time I've put it on paper. Thank so much, guys, for being here.
Speaking of writings and performances and all, member' the 3-min. skit
I was asked to write and perform. Looks like there may not be space for
me cause so many of the 'real' drama students have come through with pieces.
From the producer:
"Hey--Read your synopsis. Lots of possibilities. Maybe you ought to write this as a screenplay next semester! Right now, I'm trying to figure out this May program and it seems I have more material (acting classses, singers,etc.) than I have time. If I run out of slots for this May, perhaps you can perform this next Fall, or maybe you can do an "excerpt" in May. I should know more toward the end of the week. All of a sudden there's lots of interest. My job is to provide as much opportunity for my acting students to perform as possible. As it is, I only have time slots for about half of them. When you're in the area stop by and I'll give you an update. Our production is scheduled for May 3 in SC 10A. Thanks--" Well, we'll see... I'll keep ya posted. Shit, I was so flushed with artistio-erotic expectation and/or glow JUST BEING INVITED though why and how many levels exist I'm not gonna tell right now,some things I have to keep in my innerhoop....
Shit, I've gotta go any minute now!
1)Pick up financial aid check
2)Goto Kihei, sauna shower at gym, cash check, meet Jenna at Panda
Express for eating and head-shrinking (me) (sigh, I am SO READY to
have someone take care of me and KEEP ME AWAY FROM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS....
I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!) BY THE WAY, jENNA'S COOL.... JUST.... i AM really
really tired OF BEING PROBED, i
wELL, THERE'S SOME PROBING i'LL NEVER TIRE OF, i SPECT'. oF THE SOUL.... WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU READ THESE PAGES AND ALSO ANYTHING ELSE i'VE WRITTEN..... AND, OF COURSE, OF MY BODY. sIGH.
yES, YOU KNOW, WHAT i WOULD NOT GIVE TO BE WITH The Beloved you've heard of so oft', yet, I keep trying....you know, it's so useless, yet, I have such hope in my heart that if I have enough lovers..... perhaps I will be cured of my nearly unbearable love for him. There are times when I hope/spect' that if my paramours are rough and brutal enough with me, treat me like a "cheap whore" or a "bad girl" that I will be programmed into thinking that I am REALLY REALLY REALLY not good enough for him, something I already feel in so many ways.... I
I'm over whelmed with emotion right now.
So, meet with Jenna. then
3) Pre-trial hearing with CPS and lawyers and shit then goto Renata's
(my lawyer) office to brainstorm
4) Back to campus, hopefully I'll have time to update you..... before
5) Jim (the Hawk) kidnaps me and takes me, finally, to his new home,
where I spect' we will spend our last night together. It's only appropriate
we get a goodbye fuck or two or three more likely, I guess, we need some
closure. I still get so aroused just THINKING of him. I know a big part
of it is his POWER.... well, he said he'd get me back here by 8AM tomorrow....
so..... if I don't get'cha later...... till then,
Much love,
AND BEING AUTHENTICALLY WHO I AM NOT CARING WHAT YOU OR ANYONE THINK
because I'm the one who lives in here,
3singingeagles :)
Wow.Intensiosity. Too busy dancing very hard and fast and wet and raw in it right now to soil it by wording it... more tomorrow.....
Okay, this is note to newspaper staff re:March of Dimes walk next weekend:
I do this every year, usually with a team..... but I'm not affiliated
this year..... or...... am I?
Anyone into marching with me..... as Ho'oulu team? I can make T-shirts with our logo on my computer in BOSP office.... in like 15 mins..... they're just cheap iron-on things, but on a white shirt it'll be good enough to effect a presence. I'm goin with my daughter to collect pledges this weekend.... I haven't registered yet...... If even one other person wants to march with me, we can be considered a team ("Where two or more are gathered, there is a team") and I'll register as Ho'oulu..... and just collect pledges for the whole team (though I'll come with pledge-forms in case anyone wants to also) Anyways, think about it, and I'll also announce/ask at class time.
Behind on homework and rushing out,
Catch ya laytuh,
3singingeagles :)
Shit, there is SO MUCH to tell you, yet, I am at the office and need to make my computer the newspapers computer for this issue, as this one I'm working on is real not well, so here's some letters I've been exchanging with an alternative energy, scientist, engineer, whatevers.... we'll get to hang next week, he just called me.
More laytuh, gotta run,
LOVE,
3singingeagles
Him:
A most wonderful web site and profile - would love to take you to dinner next week - I will be on Maui next week - I am staying in Kihei. I love to talk with people who have something on the ball and you sure seem to. -- This e-mail was sent from someone who viewed your MSN Public Profile. If you reply to this e-mail, the sender will be able to see your e-mail address.Me:
A bunch of my current jobs are in Kihei.... and the branch of the gym I like work out in, so I'm there A LOT , lets get together!
This is so cool, I've never gotten an e-mail from my profile.....
LOVE firsts!
See ya babes,
3singingeagles
Voicemail 808-573-3914
Him:
Good to hear back from you. After looking over your links I think we have much in common. I left the sf bay area for the hills of paradise and am much more in tune with my gifts and mother earth. I shall leave a voice mail and hope to see you soon. I am arriving at the airport at Khului at 7pm on sunday evening. I will not have my computer with me this time so I will have to rely on the phone. Talk with you soon. Firsts are wonderful as are seconds and thirds. BillMe:
Glad you liked the links!
Here is a new one (link):
http://rose.50megs.com/custom.html
tryin for make this one just poetry.... looks like I have to edit the
header (title) by moving it over a teeny tiny skoosh (letters posing as
a word alert).....
Love the 1sts 2nds 3rds comment....
Hey, want me to meet you at the airport and give you a welcome lei,
or is that covered? I'm reviewing a play for the MCC newspaper.... it's
at Iao from 5- (?) guess I ouggtuh find out if I'm offering to give ya
a lei at 7.... sigh
Call ya tomorrow morning at the number you left on my voicemail unless I hear differently.
Looking forward to connecting!
Sincerly,
3singingeagles
Him:
Very nice link. Having someone meet me at the airport would be nice but sounds like you may be involved at the hour I am arriving. I will be heading from the airport to the Harley shop on Dairy and then quickly on to the condo I am staying at. I will probably be fairly awake after my sleeping on the trip over. Looking forward to your call tomorrow am. I am Up and moving by 7:45 CAlifornia time. Talk with you soon and here is another thought. -- Live is for Laughing, loving and living. BillMe:
Bill,
Am I to understand that this means you will be riding that Harley while
you're here?
If so, I would LOVE a ride.
Have to fix this 'not well' computer at my office here at the college (well, it's the office for all the college's publications, I just happen to spend more time here than anyone else at this point) so I'll have to disconnect everyting.... at least for a while.... office # is 984-3242 I'll be here on and off till round 5:30 (interviews at CHICAGO! rehearsal RE: article of which part two is review of Sundays performance, sigh)
Ya know, It would be really cool if people could sleep for you and you'd feel rested.... many people who are ill in one way or another whose illness causes them fatigue could sleep sleep sleep and make money as well.... I'd pay.....
(sigh),
hear from you later today by phone or e-mail and if not, Tamari,
In Aloha,
Dreamer Of Harleyriding
Wow. WHAT A WILD RIDE THIS LIFE IS.
Don't have much time to talk story right now. Just thought I'd update you a little.
1) Nearly died by fumigation last Saturnsday
2)Cruel sadistic editor finally pisses me off enough, that I have left,
returning the key to the office. Hope to fashion resignations letters this
weekend (one completly honest for her, one with less facts for provost/board
yet the way this campus is so fucking gossipy, they'll find out the true
reasons anyway, I spect). PS Found the disk with all my articles and her
name on it unopened in the office trashcan. Some are sicker than others.
The meek shall prevail. The bullies, as loudly as they try to shame us,
do not win in the end of every story worth its salt.
3)Spent the last few days with the e-mail guy. New experiances. Rememberances
of old ways, old powers. He's a mason, ironic, huh.... Shakespeare connection.
Ex-Navy man.... his knot tying skills were good, I finally got tied up....
and in so many unique ways. It was a COMPLETE turnon which was a little
frustrating cause we didn't have sex of any kind together, though we did
lots of cuddling and kissing... all in all it was a good thing... more
later
4)FIRST LIVE TV SHOW WAS DA BOMB (and I'm told that means good in modern
venacular.)
5)Been making lots of people happy AND lots of money at my jobs. Yeah.
6)Not gonna do the skit yet.... but I want SO MUCH to be in Craigs
screenwriting class next semester, maybe I can do a longer version in the
fall. It's more appropriate, since it'll be packed... yet, thus said, I
still want to do the 3 min one
7)oh yeah here's a cute letter exchange with him that you'll love:
Moonbeam--
As with you, my life is SO FULL right now. Oh my God . . .
Moving from a 2000 sq ft house to an 800 sq ft. cottage while
we build a house
in Haiku. Too much furniture-- not enough space. Anyway, our
show--
"SPLINTERS" will be presented at 7:00 pm May 3 (FRI) in Sc 10A.
Tickets willbe $5. and available on a first come-first served
basis.
After last semester's rather somber "911-Perspectives" this semester
we
hope to be a bit more upbeat. Music, dance, scenes, monologues.
A
celebration of the incredible talent in our drama/dance/music
programs. At this
point we have too many acts and not enough time! (I'd like the
whole
one-act show to run no longer than 90 minutes tops.
Hope this info helps. Hopefully, we'll all survive the next few
weeks!
Joseph Papp
*****************************************
Dearest House builder and dream teaser,
Wow. Looks like directions are changing for both of us, AS usual!
Good luck with all your building and directing and all li' dat.
Hope to be at the performance.... this is too tempetuous a time to make ANY promises, though, the water is rapid round here.
In respect,
Beaver-medicine wannabe
*****************************
Aloha Rose aka 3SE-
When allis said and done I think the key to living a good life
canbe
boiled down to that annonymous nursery rhyme.
"Row, row, row your
boat
GENTLY down the stream
. . .
That pretty much says it all . . .
Bob Vila--"This Old House"
**************************************
Dear "Old Home Boy",
And the days go by
Water splashing into my boat.
And the days go by
Jump out and try for float.
Do.
But in later.
Here comes a jeweled wreath
Given by the waters
I need not be a thief
I am a Queen.
Grabbing my gift,
I shove it down over my head
On my neck, tight, it will not be lost.
And the days go by
Paddles abandoned
Living the life of a maniac
Spending days naked in the boat
Raw feel of wood on my ass
Only occassionaly jealous of the gentle paddler
The gently-down-the-streamer
Courting death, the Queen's wild ride.
Feeling the hot burn of the sailors ropes that tether her during the
intenser times
Thighs burned but not permanatly scarred by
Hot
Life
Rapids.
Anon,
Wild Rider
Read the above poem at Live Poets last night. The e-mail guy went there with me, we had dinner afterwards at Cheeseburger in Paradise, gee, things close so fucking early on Maui... I wasn't ever aware that there was no nightlife here till quite recently.
I have a serious sexual attraction to a man who is really really younger than me. I'm scared to tell him. He's the one who took me to the emergency room. We've been hanging out a lot the last few weeks, in fact. We were supposed to go skating together last Saturday (with Alohi, my 9 yr old girl).. but of course I was... "not well" (gross understatement alert). I want to call and invite him again this Sat.
Should I?
Well, I'm to Allens tonight, and you know how he hogs his computer.... soz maybe at Arnies tomorrow I shall update you. For now, time for go kiss my babies belly an all li dat. We're also going to mall to see Art of trash. I have a little camera Jason lent me, soz hopefully I'll have pictures for you soon.
LOVE RULES!
Aloha no,
ROSE!
Hi guys. Your favorite I-don't-know-what-the-hell-she's-gonna-do-next chick here. Peaceful lull alert, ya know
I wonder, really, what it would be like for a camera to follow me around
and see the things I'm doing.
OOO OOOO OOO you regular fans will get a kick out of THIS for sure....
newbies, try stay with us, lots uh history behind all this but anyways
(I've become somewhat of a kinda minor folk hero here on the island I live on. I write a lot every day.)
Soz, the other day... had a story stalkin me. Actually, one stalking
(new) one buggin ("keep working on me, mistress, for I do adore
you",I imagine the carressing voice of the story saying) and I was unable
to do anything about it I
I went to the fields of learning, (a lawn at college)
With my book
I was invited to be a speaker
Some weeks hence
My pen still unsheathed
I then listened to the organizational challenges
In any volunteer project
In all volunteer projects and
after THAT parting, a boon from left-center
Mynah birds took my pen
How was I to write NOW, okay,
Mynah birds did not steal my pen.
I am bad to accuse them
Bad bad bad, BAD zoot, putting up the Grail Beacon
Spank her (me)!
No, spanking is not a turn on to me, but, OH GOD, being tied up is SO
INTENSE I LOVE IT sigh)
(Someday, someone will tie me up like Owl Walking did, yet not as some
test of my abilities for fullfilling some fucking PROPHESIES same as it
ever was OH if only these Holy High Maka Makas would LEAVE ME ALONE with
my Holy Suffereing, instead of coming periodically to announce "who I am"
give me a few fucking tests that ANY ADVANCED WARRIOR WOULD LAUGH AT AND
REFUSE TO EVEN TAKE just to quell the worries of some large group that
now is also aware of me.... ya know... changing my birth records didn't
help. What a joke.) (Soz, anyways, some day I will be tied up and FUCKED
FUCKED FUCKED, no, not tied up in between assalts like that week in my
marriage where Doug really went off the deep end and confined me whenever
he left the house with the ropes, the locked door was enough while he was
there.... except that one time I got to banging on the bedroom door, sobbing,
pleading, he came and tied me up AND gagged me but then I think that aroused
him too much, so he untied me but kept the gag on at least... think he
was afraid of what he'd do to me while in those vietnam vet drugged mind
controled high security clearanced no deprogramming zones... it was like
in SOME part of his brain he was aware of that he loved this woman)
Wow. I'm crying. It's funny.... not haha funny but strange funny.....its been a long time, relativly speaking, since I've held Doug. A longer time, still, since those days. Yet, still, oh still, fresh the love is in my heart. I will always love this man. This is something people have critisized about me. What else is new? In fact, anything I do or DONT do will be critisized by at least half the people in any given room of mixed Human Beings
CAN YOU TELL THESE ARE MY MORNING PAGES? Yeah, rare treat for you at THIS point, slept at Arnies last night.... actually.... passed out on his couch 5.... maybe 10 mins after streching out after dinner and deciding to watch a little TV to clear my mind THEN was gonna cum write but the rest is history an all... but anyways here I am at a computer AND I ACTUALLY HAVE NETSCAPE INSTALLED NOW it took NEARLY FIVE HOURS to fucking download last night! Shit!
Wow, which last thought do I attempt to tie-together (so to speak) now....
sigh
morning pages
shaka fly
YES- I want to be tied up, not to keep a favorite horse from BUSTING
THROUGH THE WOODEN GATES OF THE CORRAL AND RUNNING UNFETTERED INTO THE
FOREST GREEN
not
TO TEST ME AND SEE IF MY SKILLS ARE UP TO THIS FUCKING SAVIOR SHIT
PERIODICALLY DUMPED ON MY UNWILLING HEAD
oKAY, WILLING, ALLWAYS, WHAT THE FUCK DO I allways pray for "Let me
be your instrument" "Make me an instrument of Your Peace" and so forth.....
I HAVE ONLY MYSELF TO BLAME for perpetuating this though I AM STILL REAL
CONVINCED THAT MORE UNLIKELY A SAVIOR YOU'D BE HARD-PRESSED TO FIND
I want to be tied up and licked and stroked and pierced down to my bones and deeper still.
OH SHIT.... I can HARDLY BELIEVE THIS I have to go! It's almost 8AM! SHIT, where'd the time go, this sucks, I want to stay here and write to you!
Well, okay, wrap this up, shower, soft clothes over sunburn, and go.... God I hope I can give ya more later.... oooo oooo oooo have some patchwork quilt things from e-mails I'll just post and not look back before I leave you today.... AND I'll put in/up the 4 pages of my newest poetry book. Tonight I will not write you. I will be with the guy I have a crush on.... I think there's a little more going on here (HELLO!).... he knows it too.... with us both so hesitant to make the first move when we want to be with someone, well, looks unlikely that we'll ever be lovers..... even though I don't know my exact physical age, I know I'm older than him enough that many would think it was scandelous for me to even be THINKING that, if we found ourselves kissing, that I'd be hard-pressed to stop the flow.... hopefully we'll just see a movie tonight and not go there, I would break anyones heart.... not purposely, just because I am who I am, okay Universe, you've convinced me now..... advanced "Rainbow Father" masons coming acrosss seas to tell me such, ya know, jeeeez, almost comically rediculous (!) god
I have so much more to say. I AM SO INTENSE during this
Ovulating time. Yeah. Knee deep. Walking around with chocolate in my
throat and hot red lipstick on my lips.
Laytuh
PS
Many firsts this week. I feel like a virgin. Okay, not really.... but
a VERSION of a Virgin. Tonight Nate and I are going to see a film at the
Maui Arts And Cultural Center. First time for me. It's supposed to be,
like, a scene, a little clique in some ways. Now, everywhere I go on Maui,
I'm recognized. Its kinda comical at AA meetings, truth be told. Imagine
tonight. The famous LISTENER and her BOY TOY they may say. Good for them.
Hope it arouses them and causes them to be inspired TO GOOD FUCKING at
their home or beach park afterwards. As for me and Nate, we'll be making
love if we ever go there. I have no idea how this happened, but I care
INCREDIBLY DEEPLY about him. It wouldn't be just sex. Nah. Not at all.
Yet, I want him too. SO strange, I have not ever been attracted to anyone
LIKE him.
Well, okay, maybe one. He DOES remind me somewhat of The Beloved. But without the hipocracy.
Oh, man, if we make love.....
To be continued,
LUV,
Dr. Moonbeam Forrester a.k.a. "Really really well beloved woman" aka
ROSE!
********************************************************
For some reason there are rumors circulating that I am a sexual goddess
of some sort who can use my 'considerable' powers in this area to help
provide a venue for the "Kidcast For Peace" eart-day event. HELLO, EARTH
TO THEM, anyways, I got to see a few of the e-mails proposing I be approached,
I guess, to do some (what a spin, can we strech it here) "Sacred Prostituing
For The Planet".... I spread responses smart assidly round as usual....
running now.... poetry later..... gotta upload this, shower, go, LOVE YA!
********************
"IF you think I'm
SEX-y
AND you want my BAAAAdhi
Come on SUGah, let
me know!"
-Rev. Rod Steward.
Dearest "gentleman",
I am severly impressed and incredibly stimulated by your obviously incredible,and,dare
I say it (?), increduLOUS belief in my Sexual Powers. Indeed, they are
Great, yet I did not know you were so well aware of such....
Will do some witching and get back to you,
3SE
Loved one, Papa Bear Jason,
To ansewer your question as to how I am/what've I been doing:
Love is excellent, compared with/to joy,
Bubbles float, I am at the journeys end
And
Destinys beginning.
Flowing, Cascading, SPILLING over my hopeless lap is love annointed.
I carry on the sunshine
Legs spread at dawns new announcement
Heart likewise
Rain tastes good on willing tounges
Tounges like that are sweetest still.
Rivers of my soma run onto the earth and IT IS GOOD.
Re:
Joshua@hawaii.edu
Good luck, loves! Back to work (I'm there now)
(Maui medows)
3SE :)
Owlwalking
Fortuna smiles rubied iconed
Across pillared floors the boots walk
A familiar sound.
-3singingeagles :)
Here's the new poetry book pages, so far, front cover, inside cover, first two poems:
Oh, hi, the rest of the story from yesterday, condensed....
Soz all day I'd gone place to write these two stories, one new, one freshie yearning, and people, Human Beings, were everywhere wanting my ear.
Filling the basket. Listening to those who are rarely listened to. Most of us, ey?
More layter loves..... Oh, last night, sigh, stone melts.
Anon till laytuh babes to the exponant of four,
ROSE!
Ricemilked milk down my throat does slide again
I have
Catapulted off the edge of the diving board in to your heart
Didn't mean to do it, of course, like the rest of things in this currently
flung to the wind life does
Anyone round me REALIZE how I live? It makesa me laugh. Some people
actually say those pat and standard things as a "goodbye" salutation. Of
course, without thinking. Cause if. If they thought bout it. They would
see that the saying so either makes them look like complete idiots, or
gives me a good, immune-system building, laugh.
So I laugh. See, I love my friends. You. All humans. I'll laugh with you not at you too by the way tee hee ha ha anything 'stupid' (lets choose to call these actions that have now already been established as laughter-inspiring 'silly' from now on.) MY morning pages (mornin guys) MY perogative. Soz anyways. Anything 'silly' that you do I have done, been close to do doing, have thought of doing, prob. so just
Out with it already. Say it. Say "Be safe now". Yeah. As you drive to your home and I shoot out into the night to godknowswhere say drive safe sleep tight BE GOOD do you
Know where I run? And whence? And with who or whom, I
Here is Ed the gato de jour, on my lap. The keyboard is now off my lap and on the desk as it was proving ifficult to type this to you with him on my hands, pinning them down to the keyboard, and pressing into my lap.... specially when he started, then, having me properly pinned, started purring so loud I could feel the vibration, it travelked
Through the small (furs) on the backs of my hands, through them, passing from fingers now starting to get marked by the somewhat-sharp edges of keyboard warm purring body has them mashed into (great, he's starting to do that kneading shit now) and THROUGH the keyboard, a large VIBRATING purr into my thighs I
I really want a mate.
I'm serious. I am ready for a daily good morning
Purr vibratory wake up call, body, soul, I
I came to Arnies when my girls-sleepover with Alanya was cancelled, after hearing my friend Paul read poetry.... got Arnie and I food, GOOD food, and went to him. We don't have a sexual relationship. It is stronglove. I feel comfortable with him. Its relaxing here in his space. I've had a bunch of my menfriends that have been on edge lately and keep repeating some strange dream in their minds that has no basis in reality like "hey- I can take this out on her, rant to her, vent to her, etc.....she likes it"
Notice to all:
No, I don't
Not constantly. This is maybe part of the reason at least
This world would be a whole lot better and a whole lot mo' peaceful if we/all just stopped being so uptight and possesive and jelous and other shit they've hypmotised us into thinking/feeling/believing cause fearful unhappy human beings are EASY to manipulate and/or drug to rid the initial pain and exasperate furthur oh
Like WE ONLY HAVE ENOUGH LOVE TO SHARE WITH ONE HUMAN BEING ONLY
HELLO EARTH TO US
"Take at least one lovemaking session per DAY, call me if there's any COMPLICATIONS and we'll see what we can do about that"...... "Okay, Doc"....... "Don't worry! (little chuckle).... you'll be rightasrain in NO time"
OH.... speaking of lovemaking.... I actually haven't had sex with anyone in quite some time.... at least 2 weeks, hum. Waji tried the other day. Fucker. Ummmm. Physically pleasing, nice quick clean animal doggie styled I LOVE it, just his way of asking which actually does not involve any asking leaves much to be desired. Yet, he really wants more . I should treat him like the FUCKING INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEING THAT HE IS and tell him what I feel..... then maybe I can say yes without feeling like TOO cheap of a whore.... hum....
Then, there's The Hawk who cannot seem to accept and/or really really say goodbye. He wants me at his place today, tonight. Jeeez. It's so hard to see these Powerful Warriors turn into beggers for my attentions, love. Sigh. That just TOUCHES something I'm not ready to explore yet- but best believe I will attempt to share it with you. Think I'm gonna start doing these morning pages on the computer regular-like now....
And then there's Nate.....
Okay, I'm gonna make more coffee now then type in poems I wrote to/for him. Lets get this out of my system....
Right.
I want him.
Pure, simple, easy, uncomplicated.
Only the unimaginative with boring lives need to make soap-operas about/out of every event. I'm just in to breathing. Really. It's not going to stop the planet from rotating properly on its axis, thereby throwing people and their barns and a few others things probubly as well, askew asunder and all li dat, if he and I enter eachothers bodies, feeling the intimate connection that we're SO FUCKING PRIVILAGED as Humans to share, yes,
I DO love having a mate, just one, we can go to bed a'lovemakin and
he can, will, surely, rise with the sun
My husbands always did, pressed against my naked back, even when they
were sick,
But,
Thus said,
Until a day which may never even fucking COME at this point anyway
where I/m in a monogamous relationship li dat.....
I will love as much as I can. Though I'm curious. Why have I pulled back the last 2 weeks? Is it cause of.....
Nathaniel (part one)
When WAS the last time
You
Lain below the stars-
Canope of fantasies that you
find it hard to allow.
As all things must,
by laws of physics and nature and
such,`
Revolve round the wheel sacre,
So we.
I track the big dipper till sleep
steals me
from my vigil
Wake up, to scarlet burning sky
and the knowledge that you are
in the arms of The Muse,
if not mine.
Nathaniel (part two)
"She (I) could teach you a whole
lot of
things that you might be surprised
at.
Some things that may even turn
your world around"
Clothes tumble in the dryer.
You turn round' and round in in
my mind.
I am helpless
"We could,
actually, "do" the dream right
here" (I say)
Many search for me,
but my cell phone is off.
You want to find what it is to
be inside me.
I want Magical Creatures to Guide
our ecstacy,
and,
I would also like to be at that
point where the doors-between-the-worlds are
bust wide open
with you
so that I can see new things
things that I have never seen before
since Our Combo
will bring forth the Unique Visions
that only THIS combo,
In THIS point in time even,
could make.
Time to do my things for the day.
The Baldwin Beach sun is slanting
on to my legs: I want
your Hot Hands on me right now,
truth be told.
OH, god, are you ready
for me?
I cannot fucking BELIEVE that,
After all these years,
All these long years of trying,
you may be taking my
Blessed Beloved
off of
my mind!
I, both hands open to manipulation,
Instead decide to drape you in
the frivolously discarded,
yet,
at the same time,
preciously kept,
veils of Salome,
that have,
smuggled through numerous countries
and centuries,
found themselves,
in my,
hands.
**************************
Here's an e-mail from one of my fave men on the planet at this time....
he finally met my webpages. I feel so warm inside that he is in this intimate
place. There is, truly, no bigger turn-on for me than someone reading my
writings.
Hum. Guess who I'M thinking of now (yes "The Beloved" has read more of my writings than anyone but me..... even more than my own mudder..... perhaps this is part of the intensity of my love-for-him-that-has-no-visible-reasonable-chance-of-being-consumated-in-this-lifetime. He HAS probed all of me, in a sense, even though I have not even been able to press my lips against his in all these years, more over slide my tounge into his soft mouth, my)
yeah, okay, drifting into 'impossible beloved' daydreaming. Here's letter from The Bear Man :) and my response. PS shit, did he write this poem FOR ME? Whew.
Whew. Who AM I?
******************
Yo! and Aloha!
Dear Sweet One...
O, Night Swimmer! O, ye of aerie and darkling secrets!
Look
East. Pull
a fertile strand across the moon horn and coax her from the
loam. Be
Light! Be Grace! O, Worthy One, launch cool Fire
from thy wing
tips!
Morning soon will burn.
Checking out your website again tonight...are the Archived
Lovemoon
Diaries the same thing as the Morning Pages you were talking
about?
YOU ARE A FREAKIN' TRIP!!!!!! (and I mean that in the best
possible way)
***************
Back from me:
Wow. I am physically feeling your words in my body right this very second.
This is a great goodness.... ooooo... in my cheeks now,
while,
2nd pot brews
you
wow.
So, I just got done with another onthecomputer morning pages and thinking of uploading soon.... if I can just figure out WHY THESE JPGS AREN'T LOADING EASY LIKE AND COOPERATING WITH ME LIKE THEY SHOULD by maybe tryin for save them as GIFS and see if they're JUST TOO BIG soz prob no more than half an hour till they're up (this mornings ones, and rest of pics of new book pages that's having a hard time a'loadin)
Catch cha laytuh,
Liquid Love Goddess Wannabe
**********************************
21st
EarthDay Celebrations The
Day Before The Actual Day
-or-
More On Ricemilk
By the way, this is the most recent poem on my e-mail 'signature'.... wrote it a coupla days ago while sleepdepped working late at night..... giving birth to time while pop-up-stopper program uploaded for Arnie..... didn't re read it till yesterday, then I immediatly cut and pasted on to here, but didn't get to upload it. It is blowing me away. Where do these things COME from?
I have AN INCREDIBLE amount to do today..... not the least of which
is these flyers for non- violence training that I shoulduh done yesterday
but put off to watch EXCALIBER with Arnie.... and we had already spent
pretty much the entire day doing errands and such.... don't think he loved
the movie but then again I didn't love it as much seeing it again after
all this time.... too much violence graphic..... AND THERES NOT MUCH my
'toleration level' (if that's not a 'real' term yet it is now haha)
has changed. I am more sensative to everything. Many would say "Jeeezzzz....
as if you weren't SENSATIVE ENOUGH already yet their voices are right now
fading in the shadows even if its you well sorry and all you know that
my RAMPENT SENSATIVITY may be disturbing you yet if so THEN FUCK OFF or
at least get goin holo holo way' cause I AINT CHANGIN A THING THE CREATOR
DECIDES in the molding of whoever the fuck I'm supposed to be at this point
in time. And.
Anyways, I have rice milk again this morning. In fact, this adds to and generally contributes significantly to my feelings of joy, graditude, and serenity so that perhaps I could be A LITTLE MORE GRACIOUS TO THE JUDGEMENTAL being all milky kitten sweetness like this having
Woken up, once again, on the couch of a warm feeling home in Maui Medows..... I'm not sexually attracted to Arnie, in fact, though it may seem otherwise at times, I'm not sexually attracted to hardly any men. IN FACT- I am not sexually attracted to The Beloved! Ha! So there for surprises,hum?
Yet, I could live with Arnie. Our relationship is comfortable, mentally stimulating.... and I could make love with him.
With The Beloved its a whole nother story. I do not believe there is a word that describes what I would do with him if I could. YES I want him INSIDE OF MY BODY and touching me and kissing me and I him but its beyond love beyond lust and at least slightly beyong alchemy.... though closer to those shores than whatever else.... I
It would probubly shake up the entire of the known Universes veils should we 'merge' because by god it would be no less with us no wonder we're so scared I
Won't think of that now. Already missing a 7AM AA meeting I was supposed to be at. Flyers aren't done yet. Have to make leis for the mayor and other dignitaries at Peacepoem awards this afternoon.... make sure cameras working since I'm the videographer.... have to pick up Allens sorry ass at some point.... Lahina.... he is not coming if he gets in the car late. I will pull out of the driveway and leave him in my fucking dust. I WOULD hook up with a man that has Picean energies and Taurus qualities I
Am off into the wild blue yonder, now. Maybe more later. Still have Othello to watch..... and a massage to get. Guess I'll come back tonight. There's a cat here named Ed that likes to sleep with me. It feels good. Wonder if I'm drifting away from the dream that I will ever be TRULY LOVED by a man. I do realize that whatever 'truly loved' means that I haven't been yet, so,
Guess I gotta stick around on this planet for awile. I really want to know that one.
ALOHA,
ROSE!
Portaled in the recesses of Our Mind
Let loose locks pon cellered door
Heavy creaked rustied with age it
Clears and soars the heavens it
Is rushing into our veinular bloodstreamed most
intimate of self-parts.
Slept over at college last night, recieved an incredible massage by a man named "Jahm", after a full day of social conciousness and
Nectar. I feel lately as if I am food for the Gods left out on the tables
of Kings
And they're about to
Touch me with their extremly hungry hands.
Tonight:
In a few minutes, Design a flyer for "Ecstacy And The Goddess Of Love"...
I've been asked to perform 'unstopping the muse' again. This time I do
it after fasting and praying a little at least, it took a lot out of me
last time........
Oh, I oughta tell Michael bout' it!
He wanted to go last time!
Get something hot to eat after printing flyer
6PM Tree sitting for fun and protest training
After pau (by 8 or 9 prob) to Alanyas with flyer and for girls sleepover. Oh, also deliver to her sweet almond-vanilla milk and Trinity water
Tomorrow,
7AM AA meeting
830 AM check e-mail maybe update you diary-wise
930 Love time with Thor
noon another meeting (need to catch up) and lunch (eat before fasting
this time hello there)
130-430 Classes
445 check e-mail and/or write in diary and/or hang out and make out
with Nate if I can convince him he'll LOVE it and the world could be annihilated
by any number of means esp meteor or atomic kine within minutes and he
wouldn't want to die without having kissed with me.... just..... ya know,
once. Or twice.
530 Jim picks me up to 'make me dissapear' for a night... yeah, I know,
don't start okay.... I'm lonely and have AN EMPTY HOLE THAT NEEDS TO BE
FILLED and anyway I have such a soft spot in my heart for him and love
him dearly, even though I do not take him seriously as a mate anymore....
its hard to not be touched and pierced and cryed on by someone at this
point in my life.... ya know, since I don't fuck people that I do not love,
and all li that. Sigh.
There's so much to do. Wow.
Must go and do. Till we meet again,
3SE
When you took
Advantage of me
I did not curse your name
I did not falter.
Now, back into my hoop you have jumpened with both
Feet I
OH SHIT
Love it.
I'm supposed to be designing flyers, but I'd really rather write to you, sigh.
Maybe I'll design them right here. Hum. In a while.
My love grows deeper for Nate. I can feel him with me sometimes. Whew.
Here's a response to a letter from this guy I met at Pauls poetry reading the other night.... he has read an incredible amount of my writings and I guess I wrote him a note that was TOO SHORT FOR HIS LIKING in the middle of EVERY FUCKING THING I'M DOING HERE and it was almost childish/like enough to not be mean but not quite (sigh) I am SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING HURT!
Dearest Mike,
Please reread what you sent me. Do you have any idea how deeply frivously
tossed words can hurt a sensative soul like me?
You have no idea what my life is like, because you hardly know me. I am going to college as well as working. It is the last 3 weeks.... finals.... papers, tests, etc. Monday-Wedsday and every other day at this point whenever I can cram studying in.
The fact that I wrote you anything or even checked my e-mail is miraculous. I even offered my computer to you, I'm not sure what trip you're on, but please feel free to contact me when you can treat me like a precious human being.
PS
I was at the ECO-CONFERANCE nearly full time the last 2 days, HELLO...
I invited you and you did not come. Who is stingy with time, hum?
PS
I'm one of the featured performers in "Ecstacy and The Goddess Of Love"
Saturday eve from 7:30- pau. Its an erotic ritual thing.... if you wish
to come, call Khrys or Daveet @ 879-9352 or Alanya @ 250-2979. The admission
price is 15 dollars. In my piece I get tied down and the audiance gets
to come up and rub me with oil (simplyfying, in a hurry right now) soz
anyways, I could use the money, and I get 1/3 of the proceeds, soz if you
could tell your friends or whatevers it would be SO COOL. Thank you.
In the Spirit Of Love,
Taking time for you as a gift even though I should be designing these
flyers right now hello,
3singingeagles (stage name, ROSE!)
Soz anyways, gotta make flyers, too complex here, will open word and try it there.
I want a secretary.
I want a lover that is probubly socially unacceotable for me to have.
And, when I find my misplaced druthers and HAVE BOTH I shall be
Wet with vigor.
Anon,
3singingeagles (ROSE!)
One thing that is happening in my life is that I have become in love with someone, and I'm afraid of it a little. This is not normal for me.
"I'm the one. Who's allways been. So calm, so cool. No lovers fool." -Mary Magdalene, from Jesus Christ Superstar
Hum. Well, I am off to many many errands. This day is more full than I can say.
Love to you'all, for now. New office to move into tonight (started yesterday) may even be living there with Arnie for a while....
here's some to/from letters till we meet next. Thor has well-baby appointment this morning, then Imua, then I hope I'll have time to come do some work.... eating isn't schedualed in there, yet, I don't feel like eating very much lately. I confused. Crying. Dreaming AT NIGHT of this man..... I care not that our ages are so different, I wish he didn't.
Well, I just wished that on paper.
Hum, do wishes come true occasionally? Man, I hope so.
I want to hold him inside of me SO MUCH. I think he knows it too. Music fills my head into old rose-covered volumes and chambered styled behind powder-scented rooms, rough and soft together, I WILL NOT hurt him. Never.
Never.
Anon,
ROSE!
***********************************
To him, this morning:(untitled yet, HEY IT WAS JUST BORN, cut me some
slack here, ey?)
On the gentle beach,
Okay so the beach was fierce last night.
On the fierce beach
The beach that pierced me
The beach that pelted me
The beach that wet me from all directions I
Wet, held Your Thought in my mind. Which of your many thoughts I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it was a bunch of them. Yet, I DO know ONE thing.
I was warmed and rocked into sleep by (them)
Only one tear that you were not there.
ROSE!
Hey-
Can you give me a list of the places you e-mailed so I may call and
confirm that they got them and/or would you like to do that? I will not
be available till this afternoon.....
205-0127
Calling his angel brings him
Nearer to heaven
Theoretical though that country be.....
:)
******************************************************
Hi Sweetie,
I enjoyed so much having coffee with you after the meeting this
a.m.
You are such a double cool little white wet rose. Yes, my opinion
is we should be friends.
I took a look at your online diary. Very interesting! I really
like your poetry. I think you are a
fucking genie-ass. Awesome! I think you should live in a castle
somewhere surrounded by sweetness and
light and three singing eagles.
So sista, we gotta stay in touch.....
Aloha,
Gary
My response:
WOAH, thank you!
Lets connect as much as we can
Life is short and so am I though
Not temper wise it
Rains and the ground
Is feet splashalicious I
Have my drivers side window rolled down.
Anon,ROSE!
VM 573-3914, Cell 205-0127
See you soon, sweet one. YES I loved having coffee with you too.
Whew. Life gives us amazing gifts sometimes, are we really riding the
outside horse on the merry go round cause we WANT to grasp the gold ring?
Know the times, I'm reminded. When it comes towards you, ready your hand,
up on the stirrups, GRAB it maybe there will not be another full turn!
Chance. The only enigma is why gifts prayed for are not grabbed, heartily,
readily, lustily, presently, so, I, unwilling to be a part of that PARTICULAR
enigma
Am ready to grab it.
Anon:)
I feel that a VERY INTENSE change has come upon me. So its time for a new page. Gonna archive this one, time to put my false sense of freedom to sleep. I am not free. And the time of the assasination attempt on me draws near, 5-10 days from now according to the recent prophecy hand-delivered from across the sea. If they are successful, WHAT WILL I LEAVE HERE? Shit. It's so rediculous.
I've been very obsessed on my sexuality during this diary-page, I know. Thanks for hanging in with me. Think that somewhere in the back of my mind I felt that.... if it doesn't work.... if I cannot dodge the 4 3 or 4 bullets sucessfully, and this is it.... I guess I felt that I would prefer if my soul did not die as a butally raped and stabbed at 13 virginity yanked from, tortured by husbands, emoty lonely damaged woman. Guess I wanted to, well, heal. Feel that I was desired, loved. Feel what it was like to have someone who really loved me gather me into his arms and enter me and hold me and
Well, the days grow short, as does my patience with this hurried quest.
I am so sad. I feel so lost.
And, there are two things I know I should do before I die lest I return to complete them.... yet..... POWERFUL FUCKING WARRIORESS doesn't have the courage. I thought about it this morning. Like there hasn't been a morning in many years that I haven't thought of it. But, as my possible time draws near, OH (!)
To think of leaving this planet without kissing the man I love almost more than my own breath.... its.... OH FUCK I'm crying now!
And Nate, who reminds me so much of The Beloved..... yet at least I think I can get Nate to at least kiss with me..... we are so close already.... God, I know according to THIS modern fucking society I'm obscenely old for him, but in 'the old days' us older, more experianced woman would often be sent to make love with the younger men before they got married soz they would know how to please their brides. Nate is the marrying kind, and I wouldn't marry him. I am both completly comfortable with him and simultaneously so sexually aroused it physically hurts (!).... I have no clue why this is happening, I haven't yet gotten this aroused by anyone but REALLY DANGEROUS men. Hum.
He DOES have a side, I've seen it, he's bottled up, oh, I could fuck him into oblivion. Sigh.
Just a kiss? I do know one thing. I've gotta get fucked at least one more time before I die. Maybe Mohammad will call again. He's a batu-freak too. Maybe that's it. I'll go insane..... smoke batu and get him to get his friends together to gang-rape me. Go out with a bang. I COULD do it.... we've talked about it..... I've never prostituted myself yet (in this lifetime at least) and he had said when I told him of my fantasy that he knows guys who would pay, and pay good, for that kinda experiance. Let em tie me up, drive me to a cane field, drag me out into the mud and dirt, and take turns all night long. Then I can leave some cash for mom. She'll have Kealohilani AND Thor to care for then..... at least I can leave her with SOMEthing.
Well, anyways, time to end this thing.... I need a smoke.... and a lei or two, got my fishing line with me. It IS May day..... lei day in Hawaii. Whatever happens in 5-10 days, one thing I DO know. I am beautiful. I mean, in side AND out. I want to go out with flowers.
I haven't spoken to anyone about this till now, even though I knew weeks ago. I'm sorry it took so long to tell you guys.
I'll start the new diary, since it may be my last, maybe I should call it "Last Words".
Yeah, sounds good.
Bye, loves :(
3singingeagles Ma'hinahinahina Rose, Mistress Of The Branches, Babasareejuna,
Maprem Anado, ROSE!