Tumblesault Into Oblivions Sacred Hands, Arms Akimbo
HERE:
This diary is not for the fainthearted.
The judgemental should not walk here. The easily offended had better not
tarry. There is language and graphic descriptions of things that happen
in real life, many of those things no one dare speak of. I dare. Come if
you will. Take my open, vunerable, sacred, heart,
In your hands.
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Beltane feasts surround me, I,
Haven't spent much time there,
in my dreaming space. Collapse the whirlwind.
I mean, really, LOOK at him! Look, in fact, AT THE WAY HE LOOKS AT ME!!!!!
My baby loves me. So does my former last-apprentice. Not the last in this lifetime (unless one of the bullets gets me.... now3-7 days I think... trying not to keep track of time, who the fuck cares..... I'm ready to give up this struggle..... The Beloved is so scared and so acting like SUCH A COMPLETE ASSHOLE well not complete oh god I love him so much, its so pathetic his attempts to push me away and/or alienate me, for I look in his eyes and they belie the attempts. OH GOD, he loves me! I know this NOW more than EVER!!!!!) soz anyways, oh man, drove Wolf up the mountain yesterday. Past the cave the first time! Got to the "pay da fee here" booth, fuck, turn around (though I love, now the cats out of the bag, using my royal title and/or speaking oli'ing in Hawaiian) SO GOOD we went up there cause there was the albino pueo Grandmother, soaring soaring soaring through the freespace near the tree in the updraft from the medow.... I had been worried when I had not seen her during my last visit, though there were love-offerings so I knew she was around. This time she left a baby bird. May have been a Nene.... didn't really get to examine it, though, Wolf wanted to burn it even though he knew I had advised him against fires lest he elicit the attention of rangers, etc.
He went up on to the quest, after all, really drunk.
Oh, Wolf. Well, I left him there. Fuck. Speaking of fuck, he wanted to do that to me on the way up. From the back seat where I had put him.... he molested me unmercilously. Then he started to cry, as we turned up crater road, continuing to touch my breasts from behind, play with my hair, PRAISE my hair, bury his nose in my hair, weep some more, then
He started to prophesy while weeping. At first, though, he shouted and cried out loud and screamed because he saw all that had happened to me especially recently at the hands of men.... he screamed at me.... WHY DID YOU NOT DEFEND YOURSELF! He was mad at me, he was FURIOUS at them, he looked, back back back, saw the man who raped me, at, 12 (?) he asked, close enough Wolf it was 3 weeks or so after my 13th birthday...... died under anestesia later that year...... shamen time I
Oh, man, seeing him go through all the changes that he did..... even outside of the cave..... the dragons breath showed us the opening with a stream of mist....
Ooooops, more laytuh, gotta get to Thor..... then back up Mountain to pick-up Wolf, now a "real man", then to VFW Kihei to STAND DOWN with the vets and then to play at MCC and then back to sleep overnight at VFW, perhaps do some spontanious meetings, whew.... actually, talk to ya again tomorrow.
LOVE,
3singingeagles ROSE!
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