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Flyers Team Picture
WHAT
DOES YOUR DAD DO?
It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids
by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a
postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease
dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school
yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true
that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.
Jimmy blushes and says, "No teacher I'm sorry, but my dad plays hockey for
Team USA, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."
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"I'll moider da bum. " - Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento (when
asked what he thought of William Shakespeare)
Detroit Redwings Get Swept 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sometimes when I
reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass
and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If
I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and
let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people
who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of
drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we
get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no
sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go
to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that
God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question,
the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that
the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well
with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE
3000 B.C.!!!
~ "Unknown"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I"
before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack,
to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as
explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was
explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's
like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And
when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are
killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because
the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only
operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why
you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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