Without A Doubt

Chapter 3- How?

by Umi

March 2001

Disclaimer: Ken, Yohji, and all Weiss Kruez characters belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss, not me! I'm not makin' any money out of this!

WARNING: This fic contains yaoi, which means male/male sexual relationships! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!

Notes: This fanfic will contain spoilers from episode #5 and spoilers about Yohji's past! 


Yohji absently traced the rim of his glass with his finger. He lifted it to his lips and slowly drank the warm liquid, savoring its bitter taste.

Damn it, Ken... Why did you have to leave me like that?

Damn these stupid feelings... It always ends up the same way anyways... It's not worth it... Feelings aren't worth it... Love isn't worth it...

Love isn't worth one fucking thing.

So, this is what I get for sharing my feelings with someone. This is what I get for opening myself up to someone, for trusting someone...

Betrayal.

Yohji poured himself another glass and chugged it down in one fast gulp.

Every time I love someone, they end up leaving me.

Asuka... She left me then. I know it was totally different with her. She had no choice. She was taken away from me. Even so, in the end, I was still alone. It hurt so much... 

So much that I vowed I'd never feel that way again.

Ever since then, I've tried so hard to protect myself from making the same mistake twice. I've tried to keep all of my romantic interests, hell, even my friends, at a distance. I've tried to make sure that I wouldn't get so attached to anyone again...

That I'd never love someone again.

And then, Ken came along...

Yohji poured himself another glass.

How did I fall in love with him?

I didn't think I'd be able to love again...

Hell, I didn't want to.

And now, Ken left me too...

This time, he broke my heart...

Directly.

Shit... How did I let this happen?!

Overcome by a wave of dizziness, Yohji closed his eyes. He felt faint, and then the whole world went black. Ken...
****

He looks so innocent in his sleep... He looks so sweet, and fragile...

Ken reached out and tenderly brushed back a lock of Yohji's hair. His eyes filled with concern as he felt Yohji's hot forehead. His fever isn't getting any better...

Ken stood up from where he was tending to Yohji. He left and got a small rag and soaked it with cool water.

He returned to Yohji's bed and leaned over his sick friend. Ken softly placed the rag on Yohji's forehead. I hope this helps... Ken bit his lip as he sat back down on his chair, watching for any sign of improvement from Yohji.

Damn it, Yohji... Why'd you have to do this?

You'd better get well soon, Yohji... or else I'll...

I'll...

Shit, I don't even know what I'd do...

His sapphire eyes glistening with tears, Ken took Yohji's hand in his own and held it tightly.
****

What happened? Yohji gingerly opened his eyes. He winced from his slight headache. What the hell? He noticed that he was lying in his bed, a damp rag resting on his forehead. How'd I get here? Shit, I don't remember...

His eyes widened as he noticed that Ken was holding his hand.

What?! How... He saw Ken sleeping peacefully on a chair next to his bed.

Yohji smiled in spite of his pain. He looks so cute when he's sleeping...

"Uhn..." Ken groggily opened his eyes. "Yohji..."

"Ken..."

Ken's eyes grew wide as he saw that Yohji was awake. For a moment his blue eyes sparkled with relief. Then he became angry as he glared at the other man. "Yohji! How could you do that to me?!"

Ken released his grip on Yohji's hand.

"What?!" Yohji's jade eyes narrowed.

"You... You... You drank so much! So damned much, Yohji! How could you?! Did you just think that you could drown your sorrows away?!"

"I..." Yohji looked down to avoid seeing the fiery rage in Ken's eyes.

"Did you think that you could just escape from everything like that?! How could you be so stupid, so... cowardly! You can't just escape from your life!!"

Yohji's eyes darkened. You were going to do the same exact thing with Yuriko, Ken... You were going to escape from being a part of Weiss, from your life, by leaving with her... "I can do whatever the hell I want, Ken. It has nothing to do with you..." 

"No, you're wrong, Yohji! It has everything to do with me! Because of you, I have been staying by your side for the whole night and this morning, taking care of you, feeling so helpless..."

"Ken..." Yohji spoke softly.

"You can't make me worry about you like that! You just can't!" Ken stood up, wrapping his arms around his chest, trying to stop himself from shaking. "Yohji... You were in so much pain... All I could do was watch you... I didn't know when you'd ever wake up..."

Yohji's eyes softened.

"Yohji... If anything happened to you... I'd... I'd..." Ken looked down at the floor, unable to meet Yohji's gaze.

Yohji watched silently as tears trickled down Ken's face.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Yohji..."

Yohji got up from his bed and wrapped his arms around Ken in a tight, warm embrace. "Ken..." He struggled to keep his own tears from falling. "I'm sorry that I made you worry so much..."

Ken trembled slightly at Yohji's touch. "I was so scared... So scared..."

"Shh..." Yohji bent down and placed a soft kiss on Ken's forehead.

"Yohji... I'm so sorry for leaving you like that last night... I just didn't know what to think, when you said... that... I guess I just couldn't handle it..."

"Ken..."

"I'm so sorry... I know that's why you drank so much anyway..." Ken closed his eyes. "You were hurting so much... because of me..."

"Ken, don't worry about it. I'm all right now."

"I just don't understand... Yohji... How could someone like you... love... someone like me?" Ken turned his face away from Yohji.

"What? Ken, how can you even doubt my feelings for you?" 

Ken shook his head. "It's just that... you're you, Yohji. You're so experienced, so charming, so wild, so attractive, so... everything I'm not! So many girls totally fall for you all the time! You could have anyone you want! How could you want someone as boring, as uninteresting... as me..."

"Ken!" Yohji shook the younger man's shoulders. "How can you even say that?! Ken, listen to me... You are the most desirable person I've ever met..."

"But..."

"I don't want anyone else, Ken." Yohji took Ken's chin in his hands and tilted his face up, forcing Ken's blue eyes to meet his green ones. "I love how cute you are when you blush. I love the way your bangs fall across your eyes. I love how you are still so naive, so trusting, so innocent, even though you know how cruel the world can be. I love how you are so determined, so stubborn, in whatever you do. I love how you get mad so easily, even though sometimes I get really annoyed by that. I love how you are so good with children. I love how you are so playful, so fun loving, so carefree. I love how you are so sweet, so caring. I love how you are so emotional, so passionate, about everything."

"Yohji..." Ken's sapphire eyes filled with tears.

"I love you because you're you, Ken." Yohji smiled. "Nothing will ever change that."

"Yohji... I'm sorry about that fight we had about Yuriko..."

"Eh?"

Ken took a deep breath. "You were right... I know I couldn't have been happy with her, not when I'd have to abandon everything else... I'm a part of Weiss. I am who I am... Besides..."

Yohji gasped as Ken affectionately touched his cheek. 

"I don't need to start a new life to be happy. I just need to be with someone who understands me, someone who accepts me for who I am... someone who loves me as much as I love him..." 

Ken leaned closer to Yohji until their faces were just a few inches apart. 

"I just need to be with you, Yohji."

Ken claimed Yohji's lips as his own, slipping his tongue into the other's mouth. Yohji's eyes widened with surprise then closed shut as he ardently kissed Ken back. Ken moaned as he tangled his hand in Yohji's blond hair. Ken pressed Yohji onto the bed, his tongue brushing against Yohji's hungrily. Ken broke off the kiss, panting for breath. 

"My my, Ken. Someone's a little impatient, ne?" Yohji smirked.

"Huh?" Ken noticed that Yohji was lying on his back on the bed, and that he was hovering over the other man. "Baka!" Ken playfully punched Yohji's arm, trying to conceal his furious blushing. 

Yohji grinned. 

Ken rolled over so that he was lying beside Yohji. He rested his head on Yohji's chest. Yohji wrapped an arm around Ken's waist. Ken sighed contently.

"Ken?"

"Yeah, Yohji?" 

"You ask too many questions." 

"What?!" Ken frowned at Yohji. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Yohji smiled. "For the last few days, you've been asking me so many questions about us... Why is that?"

Ken looked puzzled. "Well, I guess... I just want to make sure of things, you know?"

Yohji gently brushed Ken's dark bangs from his face. "Yeah, but... you can't always be sure of everything, Ken. Wondering about things, being unsure about things... That's just a part of life."

"Yeah?"

Yohji nodded. "If we were sure about everything, we wouldn't make mistakes and we wouldn't try so hard to figure things out. Life would be pretty boring, ne?" He grinned.

"Yeah, you're right..." Ken smiled. "But, there is still one thing I'm totally sure of..."

Yohji smiled back. "Oh yeah? What?"

Ken whispered into Yohji's ear. "I know I want to be with you forever..."

Ken kissed Yohji, his tongue caressing the other man's passionately. He stopped for a moment to gaze into the jade sea of Yohji's eyes. 

"Without a doubt."

~Owari~