Chapter 2- Wavering Emotions
Disclaimer: Eagle, Lantis, and all Magic Knight Rayearth characters belong to CLAMP, not me! I'm not makin' any money outta this!
WARNING: This fic contains yaoi, which means male/male sexual relationships! Also, in upcoming chapters it will contain some yaoi lemon!! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!
Note: This fic will contain scenes and spoilers from the entire second season of Magic Knight Rayearth! This fic is based on the anime storyline, not the manga!!
"You flashed me an innocent smile
So I didn't ask for the reason behind your tears
You shook off my hand that held yours...
Softly over your back I started saying
'It's okay now,' I repeated over and over again.
I couldn't say anything but that
To your faintly trembling self but
Always, I will remain near only you
Until I've held you in my arms
Until you've noticed the signs...
Perhaps the number of tears have been
Greater than the number of smiles but
Stay close by
That is what I can do for you...
Always, only I...
Because I can't let go of you
Because I'll absolutely protect you...
Until you've noticed the signs."
-Gackt, "Kimi no Tame ni Dekiru Koto"
Eagle lay on his bed, resting his face on his pillow. He kept repeating what just happened between Geo and him over and over in his mind, trying to make some sense of it all.
Geo kissed him.
Geo, his second-in-command.
Geo, his friend.
And what did he do?
He pushed him away. He told Geo to leave him alone.
Why did I do that? Eagle shook his head.
I don't know... I guess I just couldn't stand to see the look in his eyes... I couldn't stand to see the rejection, the hurt, the pain, the sorrow... in Geo's eyes... Geo's beautiful jade eyes...
I.... I don't understand... Does Geo... care for me as more than a friend?
Could he... love me?
No... He can't.
No one should love me...
Eagle shivered slightly.
I don't deserve to be loved.
Can't he see what I'm doing? It was my idea to invade Cephiro and take its Pillar system to save Autozam. It was my idea to attack Cephiro right now, when it has no Pillar, when it's vulnerable, when it's helpless. It was my idea to use an innocent county...
And what's worse, I'm betraying Lantis...
I'm using everything Lantis told me against him...
How else would I know about the Pillar system? How else would I know that Cephiro is helpless without a Pillar?
I'm taking advantage of my friendship with Lantis... I'm taking advantage of his trust...
And now I'm invading Lantis' country, his home...
Even though a part of me wishes that his home was here...
Maybe I'm angry at Lantis for leaving Autozam, for leaving me... Maybe I just can't forgive him for hurting me like that, for breaking my heart...
For leaving me alone...
It hurt so much when he left. I felt so empty, like I was missing a part of myself, like I was missing a part of my own heart. I didn't feel... complete... without him.
I missed him so much.
I still do.
I miss everything about him... I miss his sweet smile, the one that he still makes in spite of his normally cool, calm personality. I miss his beautiful blue eyes, eyes that I would melt in when we gazed at each other, eyes that reflected the quiet sadness of his soul. I miss his handsome face, a face that I will remember forever. I miss his strong arms, arms that would hold me and keep me safe and warm. I miss his soft lips, lips that would meet mine in a sweet, passionate kiss. I miss his dark locks of hair which I used to tangle my fingers in. I miss his soft touch, a touch that was sometimes a comforting cupping of my chin, and other times a hot caressing of my whole body. I miss his deep voice, a voice that would call my name at times with loving gentleness and at other times a voice that would cry out my name in ecstasy...
Beautiful brown eyes glistened with tears.
I loved you.
I still do.
Eagle shut his eyes and cried himself to sleep.
Eagle smiled at Geo, his eyes closed in order to hide the sorrow that too frequently filled his normally bright eyes. The two men were talking in the conference room of the NSX, waiting for Zazu to bring the Magic Knight they had captured earlier.
Eagle quenched his desire to sigh. It had been a few days since Geo... kissed me... and I haven't talked to him about it. I wanted to, but I didn't know what to say...
What can I say to make things better?
I know I hurt him...
But... I can't let him love me...
I can't, because of my wish.
I know I'll only hurt him more in the end.
It's better for him if I keep my distance from him, at least, emotionally. It's better for him if he starts to hate me for not returning his feelings. It's better for him not to get too attached to me. It's better for him to not love me...
It's better for the both of us this way.
Because... I... I know I can never be with him...
Even though a part of me knows...
I'm falling in love with him.
"Eagle? Eagle? Are you listening to me?"
Eagle blinked as Geo's voice broke him out of his thoughts. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something." He laughed softly.
"Really..." Geo leaned close to the smaller man. Jade eyes met brown ones. "What..."
Eagle stiffened slightly when he felt the other man's warm breath on his face.
"... were you thinking about, Commander?" Geo whispered.
Brown eyes widened. "I... uh..."
Suddenly, both men heard the sound of footsteps. Geo quickly stepped away from his friend. The door opened to reveal Zazu and a young red haired girl.
After Geo and Zazu left, Eagle discussed his reason for invading Cephiro with Hikaru. He told her how his country, Autozam, uses the power of peoples' minds in order to sustain the country, but the country became too dependent on automation that it began to rob the peoples' mental energy. He told her how Autozam is dying, so he is planning to become Cephiro's Pillar so that he can find a way to save his country. He couldn't help but notice how young she is for a warrior, for a protector of Cephiro. Eagle smiled softly. Hikaru is a nice, brave girl. I would like to be her friend, but I know that under the circumstances, I cannot be.
Eagle was about to leave and let Hikaru change back into her school girl uniform when she interrupted him. "Eagle!"
The commander shut his eyes, not turning around to face the young girl.
"The Pillar of Cephiro actually lives in pain. The Pillar would not be forgiven for doing something for oneself. The Pillar is actually very sad." Hikaru looked at Eagle solemnly.
"I know. I heard it from Lantis," Eagle replied calmly.
"Then why..." Crimson eyes began to fill with tears.
Suddenly, part of the roof collapsed. Eagle quickly placed a shield around him and Hikaru. After the dust cleared, a dark figure could be seen.
Eagle's brown eyes widened with shock. Lantis...
Hikaru's voice brought Eagle back to reality. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he faced his old love.
"Give back Hikaru," Lantis calmly spoke.
"I cannot." A light sword appeared from Eagle's arm device. He shot a blast of light energy at Lantis.
"Lantis!" Hikaru's eyes grew wide.
The dark haired man leaped off of his animal spirit, narrowly avoiding Eagle's attack. He called forth his own light sword and charged at his old friend. Eagle ran towards the other man, accepting his challenge. Their swords clashed in a fierce struggle.
"You are as strong as ever." Despite seeming calm, Eagle couldn't help but remember how he and Lantis first met in a different battle... Back in Autozam...
"Eagle, why did you come to Cephiro?"
"Autozam will collapse at this rate. There is no other way but to use the Pillar system of Cephiro."
"So you're saying you would sacrifice yourself?" Lantis' eyes darkened slightly.
Both men separated from each other. They held their swords in front of them, ready for another fight.
Someone began pounding on the door. "Eagle! What's going on?! What happened?!"
Geo... Eagle stood still, unsure of what to do.
All of a sudden Hikaru began to glow with a bright light. She disappeared in an instant. Eagle and Lantis watched in shock as she vanished.
"Eagle! Come on, answer me!!" Geo continued to knock loudly on the door.
Ignoring his friend, Eagle turned to Lantis. "What do you think happened to her?"
"I'm not sure. Someone must have transported her out of here."
Eagle nodded. "Whatever took her felt... evil..." He shivered slightly. "Can you sense where it came from, Lantis?"
"I will try..." Lantis turned to the other man. "But... Eagle... Why are you doing this to yourself? You know how the Pillar can only pray for the happiness of his people... What about your happiness?"
Eagle lowered his gaze, letting his silver bangs mask his expression. "That doesn't matter anymore."
Blue eyes filled with concern. "Eagle..."
"Did you find the location of whatever took Hikaru?"
Lantis turned away from Eagle. "It's near... it's right next to Cephiro."
"That girl has disappeared... Is that magic as well?"
Lantis faced Eagle, staring at the other man silently.
Eagle smiled. "Hikaru is a cute girl." He paused. "It is true that only those summoned from the other world can become Magic Knights, wasn't it?"
"I already told you, that this Cephiro, which came to have lost this Pillar, is by no means just, and that is why I return." Lantis gazed intently at Eagle.
Eagle stared back at Lantis, sweetly, innocently, even... trustingly. Time seemed to stop for him as he gazed into Lantis' sapphire eyes.
"I do not want to fight with you."
Surprised, Eagle's eyes filled with uncertainty for a moment. He shook his head, closing his eyes. I... I don't want to fight you either, Lantis... But... it can't be avoided... I must make my wish come true...
Eagle and Lantis turned around at the sound of the door being broken down. They saw Geo, Zazu, and several guards standing where the door once was.
Geo ran in the room. "You all right, Eagle?!" Zazu followed him, crying out, "Eagle!"
Both blinked twice as they noticed Eagle's companion. "Lantis?!"
Lantis took out his sword and raised it in the air, pointing it to the stars above. He called his animal spirit and jumped onto it swiftly.
The guards were about to shoot Lantis, but Eagle motioned for them to stop. "He is probably protected by magic. You will not hit him even if you fire." Eagle tried not to sigh. Besides... I don't want to hurt him...
I've hurt him too much already...
Lantis stared at Eagle for a moment before he flew away on his horse.
Eagle looked down at the ground. Goodbye, Lantis... He turned to Zazu. "Zazu, the girl you like has gone back already."
Exasperated, Zazu frowned. "And I already made new clothes for Hikaru..."
Geo walked over to his friend. "Eagle..."
Eagle looked up at Geo, pain and sorrow in his beautiful brown eyes. He rested his face on his friend's chest. "I had prepared for this..." Eagle closed his eyes, willing the tears not to fall. "It's no use when Lantis looks at me with those eyes... My determination was almost shaken. No matter what the reason, invading is not a very joyous thing." Eagle tried to calm himself by listening to the soft thud of Geo's heartbeat.
Geo put his arm on the smaller man's shoulder. "I'll give you all my sweets, so cheer up." He gazed down at Eagle lovingly.
Eagle took a step back and hesitated for a moment. Geo is always there for me, isn't he? He looked up at Geo and smiled sweetly. "Even the ones hidden in your room, okay?"
Geo smiled back at him. "Yes, whatever you want, Eagle..." He turned as he heard Zazu's footsteps as the young boy left the room. He turned back to Eagle.
"Thanks, Geo. You are always so kind to me. I... I don't know what I would do without you..."
"Eagle... Don't worry. Everything will be all right. It's okay if you cry, Eagle. I'll be here, for you."
His eyes glistening with tears, Eagle leaned forward and kissed Geo's lips softly. He pulled away and whispered, "Stay with me tonight, Geo..."
Jade eyes widened. "Eagle?"
"I... I don't want to be alone."
<To be continued...>