Unyielding Wish

Chapter 1- Heart of Glass

by Umi

March 2001

Disclaimer: Eagle, Geo, and all Magic Knight Rayearth characters belong to CLAMP, not me! I'm not makin' any money outta this!

WARNING: This fic contains yaoi, which means male/male sexual relationships! Also, in upcoming chapters it will contain some yaoi lemon!! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!

Note: This fic will contain spoilers about the entire second season of Magic Knight Rayearth! This fic is based on the anime storyline, not the manga!!


    "When you're lonely, when you're hurting
    don't go off to be alone.
    Know that I'll always
    be there with you, without fail...

    Tell me, why don't people 
    realize their true feelings?
    Even though the things they like, the people they love
    are all that matters.
    If we cover up our feelings, or pretend we don't see
    nothing will change,
    So let's live honestly,
    our eyes looking far to the future..."
                                            -Megumi Hayashibara, "I'll Be There"


Geo gazed out the window of the NSX. He stared at the sea of stars around them. They're so beautiful... I wish I could touch them... But a wish like that is impossible, isn't it?

He sighed. Well, it looks like we'll be reaching Cephiro soon. Geo's thoughts began to wander. I still can't believe that we're doing this. We're trying to invade a foreign world... Do we have the right to do that? When does anyone ever have the right to do something like that? I hope you know what you're doing, Eagle...

He smiled wearily. If Eagle wasn't the commander of this mission, I don't think I'd consent to come along... Of course, I'd follow him anywhere...

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door opening. He turned around and saw his commander and friend, Eagle.

"Geo..." Eagle slowly walked over to him. His knees grew weak and he collapsed.

"Eagle!" Geo rushed over and caught him. He slowly helped Eagle to his feet, keeping one arm wrapped tightly around Eagle's waist for support.

Eagle softly rested his head on Geo's chest. Eagle shut his eyes. Geo felt himself blush. He could feel Eagle's warm breath on his skin. He could feel Eagle's soft hair pressed against him.

Geo gently placed a hand on the small of Eagle's back. He patted Eagle's silver hair. I hope he can't hear how fast my heart is beating right now...

Geo sighed wistfully. Eagle... I wish I could hold you like this forever...

Eagle lifted his head to look at his friend. "Thanks, Geo... Sorry about this. I came here to tell you that we're close to Cephiro... I guess I was more tired than I thought."

Geo held his breath. He couldn't help but stare into Eagle's deep liquid brown eyes...

Eagle smiled and separated himself from Geo. Geo felt strangely empty with the loss of the other man's warmth around him. "Eagle..."

"Hmm?"

"Eagle... Are you ok? What's wrong?"

Eagle closed his eyes and gave Geo his traditional smile. "Oh, it's nothing. I feel much better now."

"Eagle... I..."

Still smiling, Eagle interrupted him. "I'm a little tired now, Geo. Can we talk more later?"

Geo shut his eyes and sighed. "All right, commander."

"Good. Ja!" Eagle walked out of the room.

Geo shook his head sadly.

Eagle... How come every time I try to get close to you... you run away?

From me.

Why, Eagle?
****

Geo was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Eagle... What made you so sad all of a sudden? I tried to ask you that, but... you shut me out from your feelings. As usual... Why won't you tell me what's really bothering you? Instead, you hide your feelings from me with that cheerful, polite expression of yours, telling me that everything's all right when it really is far from that. 

I can see behind your mask, Eagle.

Why do you need one? Why do you need to hide what you're feeling...

From me?

After all, we spend everyday together, working together. I spend everyday by your side, following your commands, giving you advice, being the best damn second-in-command and friend that I can be.

And yet... You don't seem to know that I exist... You don't seem to care if I exist.

Eagle...

When will you ever notice me? 

When will you notice that I'm always supporting you, that I'd do anything for you?

That I love you...

It hurts, Eagle.

It hurts when you ignore me like that. 

Sometimes I just want to know what you're thinking, what you're really feeling...

But you'll never let me.

You'll never let me in your heart, as anything more than just a friend.

Why, Eagle?

What are you so afraid of?

Are you afraid that I'd hurt you?

Hurting you is that last thing I'd ever want to do. 

Are you afraid of someone loving you?

Of having someone utterly, completely devote himself to you? Of having someone willing to protect you for the rest of his life? Of having someone willing to risk everything for your dream? Of having someone willing to die for you?

Or are you afraid of loving that someone back?
****

Geo slowly walked to Eagle's room. He sighed deeply. I finally think I know what's bothering him...

He's thinking about Lantis.

He always is, isn't he...

Geo clenched his hand in a tight fist. Eagle's probably worried about Autozam taking over Cephiro, Lantis' country. He's probably wondering if he'll see Lantis when we get there. He's probably afraid that he won't be able to do the mission, because he doesn't want to hurt Lantis...

He loves him, doesn't he?

They were so close... I've never seen Eagle as happy as when he was with Lantis... 

Eagle was so hurt after Lantis left... He was so sad, even though he tried to hide it from me. I could tell, though. When Lantis left, Eagle's eyes lost some of their brightness, their shine.

He changed.

He became more shut off from his emotions. He began hiding what he felt...

Why can't he share his pain with me?

Eagle... It hurts me to see you so sad...

Geo stopped when he reached his destination. He took a deep breath. I have to talk to him about this.

"Eagle? May I come in?"

"Geo? Um... All right."

Tentatively, Geo entered the room. "Eagle, I... I want to talk to you about something." Geo nervously began to pace back and forth.

"Geo? What is is?" Eagle stood up from where he was lying on his bed.

"It's about before. Why are you so sad, Eagle? Are you worried about our mission?"

Eagle sighed. "Yes. I... I'm just not sure that I can accomplish it."

Geo spoke softly. "Because of Lantis, right?"

Eagle looked down at the floor to avoid meeting Geo's eyes. Eagle's expression was shrouded by the darkness of the room. 

"Eagle..." Geo frowned slightly.

Eagle turned his back to his friend. He slowly closed his eyes. "I... I guess I am a little... concerned about him."

Geo's heart pounded loudly. "Eagle... Do you love him?"

Eagle's soft brown eyes opened in shock. He stared blankly into space.

"Eagle..." Geo's jade eyes darkened. He walked over to the other man and wrapped his arms around him from behind, pressing him against his body.

"Geo!" Eagle squirmed in his grasp.

Geo softly whispered in Eagle's ear. "Eagle... What's your answer?"

Eagle managed to turn around to face Geo. Tears began to well up in his eyes. "I... I don't know... I..."

Geo wrapped one arm around Eagle's waist, pulling him closer. He tangled his other hand in Eagle's silver hair. He leaned forward and kissed Eagle's parted lips.

Eagle's eyes widened as he felt Geo's lips on his own. He moaned slightly as he felt Geo's tongue caress the inside of his mouth. Eagle shut his eyes, letting himself be overcome by the sensation. Eagle held onto Geo's shoulders for support while Geo's tongue mashed against his.

Reluctantly, Geo broke off the kiss, leaving Eagle gasping for breath. Neither spoke for what seemed like an eternity. 

Finally, Geo spoke up, his emerald eyes darkened with passion. "I..."

"Geo..." Eagle tore his eyes away from Geo's gaze. "Please leave. I... I want to be alone now."

Geo felt his heart break in that moment, like a mirror shattering into many shards of glass. "Eagle... I'm sorry." He silently walked out of the room. Before he left, he turned around for one last glance at his friend. "I just want you to know that... if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you, whatever is making you so sad... I'll be there." 

As soon as he got outside to the corridor, Geo leaned back against the wall separating him from Eagle's room. 

Why, Eagle? 

Geo closed his eyes, letting a single tear trickle down his face.
****

Eagle slumped down on his bed, staring at the bare ceiling above. He softly traced a finger along his slightly swollen lips.

"Geo..." He sighed.

I... I'm sorry...

But... It has to be like this. I can't let anything or anyone get in the way of my mission...

I have to make my wish come true...

No matter what.

I won't yield it to anyone.

Not even to the ones I love...

<To be continued...>