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Eleven National Championships and the Fighting Irish still SUCK! Yes, Notre Dame does have a huge following of loyal fans, but their "Holier than Thou" attitude and the thought that they're "God's Gift to Earth" also pisses off alot of their non-fans. Furthermore, Notre Dame refuses to join a conference. They want to stay an independent so they can pick and choose who they want to play. They always pick a schedule that is one of the easiest in the nation year after year after year.




Congratulations to our contest winner, Barb, from Davenport, Iowa.

Here is the winning joke:

Q: Did you hear that two of the Notre Dame playbooks were stolen?
A: Ty Willingham is very upset. He didn't even finish coloring them.

Conratulations to Barb. Your gift certificate is in the mail. Thank you to everyone who entered our contest, and thank you to everyone who voted.

These Notre Dame jokes were submitted too late for our contest,
but I thought I'd share them with you anyway:

Q: Lorenzo Crawford, Donald Dykes, Abram Elam, and Justin Smith are all in the same car. Who's driving?
A: The Police.

A male Michigan grad in his business attire and a female Notre Dame grad in her casual attire get into the elevator at the same time one morning. As the doors close, the female Notre Dame grad looks at the male Michigan grad and says "T.G.I.F." He responds with "S.H.I.T." Again, she says "T.G.I.F." Again, he responds with "S.H.I.T." She looks at him puzzled for a moment, then says "Thank Goodness It's Friday!" He looks at her, and responds with "Sorry Honey It's Thursday!"

Two Notre Dame grads are on opposite sides of a river. The first one yells across to the second one "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The second one yells back "You ARE on the other side."

Great inventions to come out of Notre Dame:
1. The solar-powered flashlight.
2. Dehydrated water.
3. Fireproof matches.


Here are more Notre Dame jokes from our contest:

Q: Did you hear about the two Notre Dame fans who froze to death at the drive-in movie?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Q: Did you hear that two of the Notre Dame playbooks were stolen?
A: Ty Willingham is very upset. He didn't even finish coloring them.

Q: What did the ND football player get on his final exam?
A: Drool.

Q: What is the difference between a Notre Dame fan and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between the Notre Dame cheerleaders and the Titanic?
A: Only a couple thousand people went down on the titanic.

Q: What do the Fighting Irish and Marijuana have in common?
A: They both get smoked in a bowl.

Q: Where do you go to in Indiana when there is a chance of a tornado?
A: Notre Dame Stadium. I hear they never get a touchdown there!

Q: How do you get a Notre Dame cheerleader pregnant?
A: Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: Why has the Notre Dame recruiting fallen on hard times?
A: The new coach found out that the SAT score of 900 was individual, not cumulative!


More Notre Dame jokes added September 8, 2001:

Q: What's the difference between the Notre Dame football team and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Fighting Irish fan in the road?
A: The dead skunk has skid marks before it.

Q: You're stranded on an island with a cannibal, a murderer, and a Notre Dame fan. You have a gun, but there are only two bullets left. Who do you shoot?
A: The Notre Dame fan (twice.)

Q: What do you get when a groundhog sees a Notre Dame fan?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How many pallbearers do you need for a Notre Dame alumni funeral?
A: Two. A garbage can only has two handles.


Here are some more Notre Dame jokes that were e-mailed to me:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He heard the referee was blowing fouls (fowls.)

Q: Why did Bob Davie cross the road?
A: He was tied to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Notre Dame football team cross the road?
A: Because they are chicken (shits.)

Q: How many Horsemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are all dead.

Q: What was Knute Rockne's last play call?
A: Drop and punt.

Q: How is a Notre Dame Cheerleader like a bowling ball?
A: They get fingered, thrown in the gutter, and they come back for more.

Q: Why is the Notre Dame mascot a little leprechaun?
A: To resemble the appearance of the student body (Mongoloids.)


Here are some old Notre Dame Jokes:

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in South Bend?
A: They couldn't find Three Wise Men or a Virgin.

Q: What do a call a 250 lb. Notre Dame Cheerleader?
A: Anorexic.

Q: What do Notre Dame fans and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a Notre Dame Grad off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What is a Notre Dame Grad's favorite line?
A: Do you want fries with that?

Q: Why did O.J. hide in South Bend after killing his wife?
A: No one would ever think of looking for a football player there.



Here are some more reasons why I don't like Notre Dame:

1. I keep getting Kim Dunbar confused with Monica Lewinsky.

2. Notre Dame fans can not find South Bend on a road map.

3. Notre Dame Cheerleaders only like to have sex on days that end in "Y"


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