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Want To Order Pizza?
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have thefront doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. *Click*
Kittens From Heaven
This is a true story about a Pastor that had a little kitten stuck up in the tree The kitty would not come down.
The tree was not sturdy enough to climb so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did this, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved just a bit further, the rope broke. The tree snapped upright and the kitten instantly sailed through the air and out of sight.
He felt just terrible and walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they had seen a little kitten. Nobody had and finally he prayed, "Lord, I commit this kitten to Your keeping," and then went about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her why she was buying cat food when she hated cats so much.
She replied, "You won't believe this but I have been refusing to buy my little girl a cat even though she has been begging for one. Finally I told her that if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it.
"I watched my child go out into the yard, get on her knees and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky with its paws spread out and landed right in front of her. Of course I had to let her keep the kitten since it came from God...."
Great Bumper Stickers!
1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
2) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
3) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5) BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
6) So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
7) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
10) Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.
11) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
14) God must loved stupid people 'cause he made so many of them.
15) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
16) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
17) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
18) It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
19) I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
20) A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
21) Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
22) Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
23) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
24) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
25) Finish Your Beer ~ There Are Sober People In China!
26) Jesus Loves You ~ Everyone Else Thinks You're a Jerk
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