The Most Comfortable Chair in the World

(Miki and Vivi are sitting in the cafeteria, picking at the school lunch, a tasty combination of goose liver pate, crusty French bread, vegetable primavera, and to drink: a fine Cabernet Sauvignon.)

Miki: This is awful.  I've never lost so badly at cards in my entire life.  Could my life be any worse than it is now?

Vivi:  To top it off, we have to endure this travesty of gastronomy. (gesturing at bottle) Sauvignon?  With goose and vegetables?  Someone is smoking crack in the kitchen.  (picks at the pate with her fork) This never would have happened if we had Makino.

Miki: Who's that?

Vivi: Our bar wench. She's the whole reason that we came to this school in the first place.  We were hoping to find her before her boss gets a hold of her and does nasty things to her, but then we all got sidetracked.

Miki: Her boss is here?

Vivi (darkly): Her boss is Akio.

Miki: Yes.  That could be a problem.  And when you were referring to 'nasty' things you didn't mean painful, did you?  You meant of the NC-17 kind of nasty, didn't you?

Vivi: More like the 70s bad porn kind of nasty.

Miki: Ew.  Well, I have an idea of where Akio might be.  If we keep on eye on him, we can save your bar wench if she turns up.

Vivi: Okay.

(They leave their excellent food with mismatching wine and seek out the Prince of Darkness.)

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(At the Kiryuu mansion.  As promised, the author has refrained from spamming Nanami.  Currently Chippendales dressed in leather thong bikinis and wearing long red wigs surround her.  They feed her bon bons one by one and fan her with palm fronds.)

Nanami: Way to reuse text, Author.

(Touga bolts past her and up the stairs towards his room.)

Nanami: That's strange.  It's not time for the reruns of  'V.I.P.' to come on. (She motions for one of her Chippendale man slaves to come closer.  She whispers something into his ear.  When Touga bolts back down the stairs, the man slave sticks his foot out and trips the Student Council President.)

Nanami: Where are you going?

Touga: To meet our mother.  Now get out of my way.

Nanami: But why are you dressed up in a sailor suit?  You don't normally do that unless it's Wednesday night and you're going to meet the Dean.

Touga: It's all part of finding my mother.  I'll be off on a long sea voyage.  I promise to write when I find our mother, Nanami, but I have to go before the ship leaves.

Nanami: You aren't leaving me, brother. (claps her hands) Catch him, my man slaves!

(The Chippendale man slaves attempt to get a hold of Touga - but alas!  The lickable strawberry oil that they had smeared on their bodies at the behest of Nanami makes it impossible for them to grip the Student Council President and Touga escapes.)

Nanami: What just happened? My man slaves weren't anywhere near the strawberry edible oil. This is impossible!

(Nanami lets out a strangled cry of pain and horror…but no one can hear her scream in - The Smut Garden!)

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(Scene - The Dueling Arena.  Due to the nature of the body he now possesses, Sanji was compelled to go the arena, have all his clothes ripped off by mysterious forces in an elevator, do mystical tai-chi, wear a dress with detached cuffs that never move, and worst of all, endure these outrages in front of Zoro.  It seems however that all this pain and torture has been redeemed upon his realization that he is inhabiting the body of a lesbian - who happens to be engaged to a really hot junior high school chick.)

(Anthy walks up to Utena and, in one smooth fell move, sweeps Utena into her arms.)

Anthy (puckering up): Give me some sugar, baby.

Utena (struggling, but not very hard, in Anthy's embrace): Anthy, are you ill?

Anthy: I was unwell, but only because you were not at my side.  Now that we are together again, I feel as if I could revolutionize the world.

Utena: Have you been smoking, Anthy?

Anthy: I've had the odd cigarette today -

Utena: I was referring to crack.

Anthy: If you wish me to stop, I will forthwith.

Utena: Not the 'Rose Bride' crap again.  Look, if you want to smoke, feel free to do so.

Voice: What the hell are you doing with my fiancée?

(Standing at the top of the stairs is none other than Anthy (in Sanji's body.) Utena screams and faints dead away into Anthy's arms.)

Sanji (growling): I am giving you three seconds to get away from her…

Anthy (eyeing Sanji): I am a stud.  I am getting hot just looking at me.

Zoro: So your high self-esteem hasn't diminished.

Sanji: Drop the girl.

Anthy (pouting): No.  I like this new arrangement.

Sanji: We are switching back to our proper bodies.

Anthy (looks at Utena and then himself): No way.

Sanji (glaring at the Rose Bride): I don't think you understand your predicament.  While you will find it quite enjoyable to be Utena's fiancée now, if you stay in that body you live at the vagaries of the duels.  You may be engaged to Utena this week, but next week, it could be someone else.  And there is only one other female duelist.

Anthy: You mean men might molest me? 

(Sanji nods.)

Anthy (drops the unconscious Utena on the ground): Let's do it.

Sanji: Come with me. (watches as Anthy pulls out another cigarette and lights up)  Before you give me lung cancer.

Anthy: Ha!  You deserve it for making me like this in the Promised Land!  A shoujo universe; beautiful women everywhere - and I'm NOT ME!

Sanji: Fine.  Whatever.  Let's go. (the two walk towards the elevator) Do you know the kind
of…urges…I've had to control while I've been in your body?

Anthy (glumly): I can only imagine.

Zoro (calls after the two): I'll just wait here then.

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(Above the dueling arena in the upside down floating castle.  While Chu Chu and Dios play Chopper and Carue for the title of 'Master of Original Nintendo Tecmo Bowl', Luffy, Usopp, and Shu Shu lounge in Dios' cool bachelor pad.)

Usopp (raiding the fridge, which is stocked with Mountain Dew and Jolt and cheez whiz): So what do you do all day, Dios?

(Dios frowns but does not turn from the computer screen.)

Luffy: Leave him alone.  He's in the middle of the game, Usopp.  And pass me a Jolt.

(Usopp pauses, considering the consequences of Luffy and Jolt.  He comes to a decision that is in the interest of humanity and the universe at large.)

Usopp: Oh, hell no.

Luffy: Pass me a Jolt.  Now.

Usopp: Not on your life.

(Luffy attempts to remedy the situation by reaching around Usopp (not do a 'reach-around,' ya perverts) and get the Jolt himself.  Usopp fends him off, ultimately resorting to slamming Luffy's arm repeatedly in the refrigerator door.)

Luffy: GYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Usopp: Serves you right.  You don't need caffeine, Luffy.

(Luffy pouts and looks around.  Suddenly, a hitherto unseen La-Z-Boy appears.  It shimmers and glows, beckoning for Luffy to sit down.  He does.)

Luffy (sighing happily): Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.  This is the most comfortable chair I've ever sat in.  I could stay here forever.

(Dios looks askance at Chu Chu.  The monkey mouse nods.)

Chu Chu (to Luffy): Chu.

Luffy: No way.  I got here first.  Dios can sit somewhere else when he's finished playing the game.  It's not like he doesn't have a dozen La-Z-Boys around here.

Chopper: That's rude, Luffy.  He's our host.

Usopp (to Chu Chu): He's always like that.  He's so protective of 'his' seat.

Chu Chu: Chu chu.

Shu Shu (in total agreement): Wan!

Usopp (look over at his captain, who is lounging ): Really?

Chu Chu: Chu.  Chu chu chu.

Usopp: No, let him find out on his own.

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(The author is in an extremely good mood. Consequently she feels no need to terrorize OP characters with a random quote analysis.)

Sanji: No, you're lazy.

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Terms Explained
The most comfortable chair in the world was stolen from the Ottoman Empire.
Has it been mentioned that Tecmo Bowl is addicting?  Ask the boys of 2E in the Academic House.  They know.
Jolt and Luffy would bring about Armageddon.  No question about it.