The Duel Known as 'Is Akio here yet?'

(The observatory.  Makino is standing in the vacated Paranoid Communication Center.)
Makino: Well it won't be any fun if he isn't around.

(She leaves to find her boss.)

=====================

(The Dueling Arena.  While Sanji and Anthy are switching bodies, Zoro is taking a nap.)

Zoro: …gnf…

(However, someone is making their way across the arena, but the sleeping Zoro is unaware.)

Zoro: …fng…

(Closer and closer, the person comes…)

Zoro: …ngf…

(What horrible fate does this unknown person have in store for Zoro?)

Zoro: …frg….

(The person raises their leg high into the air.)

Zoro: …grf…

(It descends, like a kestrel falling on its unsuspecting prey!  Watch out, Zoro!)

Zoro: …rgf…HOLY MOTHER!  What do you think you're doing?

(At the last moment, Zoro's bushido instincts have saved him from certain 'crushed face' doom.  He successfully rolled out of the way of Sanji's axe kick of death.)

Sanji (lighting a cigarette): No hard feelings. I was just taking my chance.  Horribly mangling your face means more fangirls for the rest of us.

Zoro (laughing): You think a few more scars are going to drive off my fans?

Utena: Hey!  Be quiet!  We have to do our spiel over here.

(Anthy, Shanks, and Utena are standing a little ways off.  Shanks and Utena are already wearing their roses.  Shanks has a foil he's borrowed from the Fencing Club.)

Zoro: What's he doing here?

Shanks: I'm dueling.  I'm going to cut all the clothes off this girl here.

Utena (growling): Try it, buster.

Sanji: If you do, you'll have my eternal gratitude.

Anthy: You cut off the rose, not her clothes.  Then you win. 

Utena: He's not gonna win. (smugly) I'm virtually undefeated.

Shanks (looking around like he's hunting for someone.): Whatever.  Is Akio here yet?

Sanji: Is Akio the purple haired pedophile?

Utena: That would be him.

Sanji: He may be detained.

Shanks: Why's that?

Sanji: Internal injuries.

Anthy: You gave my brother internal injuries?

Sanji: Yes.

Anthy (grinning): Cool.

Utena: I have a huge math exam to study for; we aren't delaying one minute longer.

Voice 1: Last minute studying won't help your test scores!

(The camera zooms up into the dueling voyeurism area.  Vivi and Miki remove their opera glasses.  Vivi waves to everyone.)

Utena: Shut up, Miki!

Sanji: Vivi-chan!  Where's Nami-swan?  What are you doing here?

Vivi: (turns red) And I'm not clear on what Nami's doing, nor do I think I want to know.  (clear her throat and puts on a serious face) I remembered our mission and am here trying to catch Akio before he does horrible nasty things to our barwench. 

Shanks: Ditto.  So is that Akio guy here yet?

Utena: You too?  Are there any NORMAL boys in this series?  Ones that are heterosexual - (Miki begins to raise his hand) - without being incestuous as well.  (Miki puts his hand down.)

Anthy: There was. One boy.  His name was…hmm, I can't remember what his name was.  Anyway, Wakaba threw him over for Saionji.

Utena: That's it!  I've had it.  Draw your sword, pirate.  Anthy! 

(Anthy and Utena do their deal.  A sword pops out of Anthy's chest - Utena says she's gonna revolutionize the world, yadda, yadda, yadda.)

Sanji (cigarette drops to the ground): Whoa!  I wonder what else she keeps in there!

Zoro (musing): That would be a handy trick to learn.  These scabbards chafe sometimes.

(Suddenly Utena gets a strange holy aura about her.)

Anthy: Utena-sama!  You haven't even crossed swords yet!

Utena: We're cutting to the chase here.  I'm not in the mood to fool around today.

Miki: Could it be?  The power of Dios?

Anthy (mumbling): He's seen it a billion times before.  Need he restate the obvious?

=================

(In the upside down floating castle.  A trap door opens.  The La-Z-Boy angles backwards and Luffy falls head first through the floor.  Everyone else is unconcerned.)

Carue: Quack.

Usopp: Seriously.  You think he'd listen to his cousin.

=================

Utena: Here it comes, you stupid pirate.  Your worst nightmare!

(Utena receives the power of Dios.  To her ever lasting regret.)

Anthy: Utena-sama?

(They wait for the dust to settle and find one figure standing in the mess.  Luffy dusts himself off.)

Luffy: That was fun.  I wanna do it again.

(Shanks crouches down and examines the Utena shaped hole in the arena floor.  Utena herself moans, but is muffled by the gravel around her.)

Shanks: I think I see her rose.  Let me try and get it.

(Anthy, sighing heavily, parts the crowd with her mystical tai chi powers.)

Anthy: I don't know what Dios is doing up there, but we're going to have to call this duel on account of 'falling rubber boy.'

Shanks: I have to do this again?

(Utena moans her opinion.)

Anthy: Rules are rules.  Sorry.  Let me go get some more roses.  Be right back.

Zoro (yelling to Miki): Do duels usually take this long?

Miki: I think the reason its taking so long is because of the duel song.

Vivi: Yeah, there's a CD player up here and its got Carmina Burana in it!

Zoro (sighing and then glaring at the sky): Author, you already name dropped Carl Orff, okay?  We know you're cultured.  Get on with it.

==================
Random Quote Analysis:
When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life's head screaming, "I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!"

Sanji, Zoro, and Kohza: HELL YES!
Sanji: No more lemons!
Zoro: Shonen manga has no room for lemons or any other citrus fruit rating!
Kohza: We are a smut free manga/anime!
(Sanji and Zoro blink.)
Sanji: Who are you?
Zoro: Wait!  This must be Kohza!  The guy that Vivi bribed the Author with! (offers to shanks hands) We've never formally been introduced.
Sanji: Yes, we took a miss on the greetings since you were full of holes and we were unconcscious on the cobblestones.  I'm Sanji and this is Zoro.
Kohza: You already know who I am; Kohza, leader of the revolution, childhood friend of Vivi and hostage of the Author.
Zoro: That's right. You're Author bait. (mumbling) Wish I'd thought of that.
(Sanji looks back and forth between the two and pulls his Mr. Prince glasses out of his breast pocket.  He plops them on Zoro's face.  Kohza and Zoro take a good look at each other and scream.)

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Terms Explained
The author is not name dropping.  She just really likes Carl Orff.
There are no normal boys in the SKU series.
Everyone knows that a few more scars would only attract MORE fangirls to Zoro, not less. Duh Sanji.